JONNYSPUTE:
.... Hahahahahaha. I made so many sacrifices to the extent I had to use catapiller to grade their road and make it motorable.

I no wan begin talk about others. Love is all about sacrifices

Why you no go grade am? No be you get machinery?? If I be your wife, you must supply my village electricity.

bukatyne:


A failure.

So if his sisters say 'I don't like the soup your sister cooked three years ago', he will come back home frowning

So many advises here sound like African Magic.

Maybe they fantasize about working, fully engaged adults having time to visit families from one state to another or calling up & down.

Even housewives don't have the luxury of time to jump from one place to another.

'She should go and visit, spend two weeks and be cooking soup; she should attend all their events' bla bla bla.

Odiegwu!

Hahaha. Na real odiegwu.
Some of them haven’t called or seen their blood siblings this year o, but a gf is supposed to be traveling all over the 36 states to visit her prospective in-laws.

You have to love Nairaland.

Should I tell you the blunt wise ancient truth.

If you want to win the man.
Be pals with His loved ones.

You will enjoy your life.

advanceDNA:


Beyond her??
You are wrong... the man has not asked for what’s beyond her...She’s not autistic neither is she antisocial otherwise she won’t have a boyfriend in the first place....

hehehehehe,News flash!!you are wasting your time,this lady can't bend more than this,because her energy and that of her in-laws don't match,they expecting her to be comelyvwill even make her withdraw into her shell,it's just like asking an extrovert to be quiet for few minutes ,ooo possible now, her supposed suitor is asking for the impossible,she already feels stressed and you don't stress introverts,na quiet Dem quiet Dem no murder your fowl

You both should be able to make excuses for each other. That's the beauty of relationships. Excuses don't mean that you shouldn't improve but then, I've read your posts and can't seem to understand the reason for the complaints. Some people don't make friends easily, others do. Some friends don't have to talk all the time to keep their friendship, while others believe that your failure to call means that you do not care. We all can't be the same. Extended families survived before GSM.

I'm the worst version of you sef, I hardly initiate calls but everyone close to me have come to understand that my inability to keep up with frequent calls don't mean that I don't care.

I won't advise you to keep being you since you're most likely going to marry into that family. So just be the best version of you by enhancing your relationship skills. Some days, you could drop a comment on their WhatsApp status, Facebook, Etc. On their birthday, you could also upload on your status BUT make sure you're ready to keep up with this trend before you dabble into it.

Asides from my schedule, which could even cause me to forget important dates, I can't keep up with those birthday uploads. The time it takes uploading those photos, monitoring who wished me a happy birthday on their status, and the time it takes returning the good gestures to everyone may frustrate me to h*ll. So I avoid it COMPLETELY. The only exemption is wifey. These are some of the practices everyone has come to understand.

Lol. Op it should interest you to know that since my elder sis got married, her husband and I don't relate well, and I couldn't give a rats ass about it altogether. He basically doesn't have any relationship with me or whatsoever. Did this somehow bother her? I don't think so. Life goes on.

What I wouldn't want for both of you is to put an end to something beautiful that is even yet to begin just because of this issue. You could try adjusting a little though. Things like this shouldn't be forced.

Personally, I'm just as introverted as you are. Not sure I related well with siblings of whoever I've been dating.
Wishing you both endless love together.

If her husband don't have an understanding of her temperament and can't look way beyond this then they have no business being together,he should go look for his type,it's obvious they ain't compatible,he won't stop stretching her and when she reaches her limit,she will explode

Chrisx1x:
You can only try and improve on your personality but you can't change who you really are. I know this because I am also an introvert. Its not easily flowing with people you aren't that familiar with.

He should try and understand you, try and talk to him, let him see you for who you are. If he can't defend you now before his family members, I don't know when he is going to do that. And right now, it seems he decided to chose family over you.

Davash222:

You expected him to choose a GIRLFRIEND over his family?
[s] Girlfriend he might be sharing with Dem Boys [/s]

The truth is that he didn't have to choose, he should respect his wife for who she is. I can only see problem if the siblings come around and she doesn't want to see them near her home or husband. Are they going to be living with the siblings after marriage? No be to dey visit one another once in a while?
If the kidman is not interested in the relationship anymore, he should man up enough to say it.

BTW: most of the people on this forum are introverts, like 98% of us. That's why we are here most of the time because this is where we do our own talking.
Copy: Havilaah1

SolomonGrundy:
Damn! That's not a cool utterance from his sister at all. You don't have to be close to his family. My younger sister is getting married next month and I've only spoken to the man just once through the phone. We've never met in person. Moreover, everyone is very busy these days.

Please don't change who you're for anyone or anything.

Like super 'busy". Lol. But the truth is that everyone is struggling with their lives and no time to be looking for attention from some families or in laws.

Havilaah1:


Starting all over again will not be an easy task, we'll both be losing friendship and relationship at the same time.
I'm so weak right now.

The fear of starting all over has kept many people in bondaged relationship's,I am not asking you to quit but try explaining yourself to your boo since he lacks understanding,let him know that you are trying your best,don't stress yourself too much cause I can see that you are already stressed enough about this,keep being you,in a short while you will know if he's on your side or Nah

Lollittaa:

people are different and yes, people change. If op were to get a front desk job, as an introvert, won't she be doing lots of communication?

Being introverted doesn't mean you don't talk. Many introverts run businesses and careers successfully.

The issue is as an introvert you don't jump into people's personal spaces just like that. Discussion with people you are not close with is usually superficial and mostly nothing personal.

For an introvert to build close personal relationship with a person, that person must have been around mostly physically (within the same geographical space) like classmates, co-workers, housemates, roommates etc. Someone they see almost everyday and spend considerable amount of time with.

In this kind of situation, the introvert naturally warms up to closer and deeper relationships beyond the 'hello, hi'.

When people come together newly as in when you have new classmates, the extroverts and the introverts among them are easily spotted, but overtime within the same class, most of them will start relating with one another freely

All of you saying She should be traveling back and forth 2 Her In-laws so as to show She is an extrovert I think your head dey Pain You with the High Cost of Transport and Fuel now and the Insecurity (Kidnapping Banditry etc)Someone Living in a far Place to them o and will it be Her Fiance Funding those Trips?
My Younger Brothers Wife that lived Just 4 towns to my Parents Town How many times did She Come visit us b4 She gt married? to my Bro talk more of Caling Or Sending gifts and Cash on my Birthday? then my Mum will even Call and Chat Her Self the Op still Sends Gifts and Cash on dia Birthdays Yet them no Happy which kind Spoilt and entitlement mentality be that self?
My Mum that has been married for 33 Years now how many times has She gone to grace Her In-laws Ceremonies? The Op that isn't even a Wife Yet has gone for their Ceremonies 2wice Spending money and time Yet they are not Satisfied. It is Not as if She is Saucy or Rude what is dia Problem? How is it even Possible to be Cozy wit Pps She wont be Living with everyday of Her Life my Siblings Wife they Call me?
Na wetin See finish they Cause be that when u dye a Guy for many Years it will be as if all ur Hopes are on Him and you don't have other Options So if He lives you you will die The Uncle is already getting tired and He get other Options if not He wouldn't want you bending ur back over for His In-laws b4 marrying Him Him Suppose defend you self.

Havilaah1:

Thanks, I'll keep trying
Now that i know they already said something like this, me making serious move to flow with them will look like I'm pretending because they said it.

Lol you have "suffad"just negodu reg flags ear and dear

authority2006:



The truth is that he didn't have to choose, he should respect his wife for who she is. I can only see problem if the siblings come around and she doesn't want to see them near her home or husband. Are they going to be living with the siblings after marriage? No be to dey visit one another once in a while?
If the kidman is not interested in the relationship anymore, he should man up enough to say it.

BTW: most of the people on this forum are introverts, like 98% of us. That's why we are here most of the time because this is where we do our own talking.
Copy: Havilaah1

Exactly.
Guyman wan run.
See excuses.


Unless your guy have your back 100%, once you want to marry and start seeing things like this, run and never look back.
You will never have peace in that marriage.


Look at Peter okoye and his wife lola.
Had Peter not had her back, that marriage would have ended since.

Favfables1:

Lastly...
Never expect that guy to choose you over his family ...you're just his girlfriend or fiancee and thus you're easily replaceable, but his family are not so... Like them elders go talk, "blood thick pass water"

Is this issue so serious that the bf need to choose between his fiancee and his family? Are they fighting or quarrelling? If she doesn't relate with them like they wanted, why couldn't they themselves relate to her like they wanted? If she doesn't relate with them like they wanted, then does that mean that her bf need to choose?

Wick3:


People always use this introversion as an excuse to be rude and have an attitude. I am also an introvert (core one at that) but I always try to compromise.

First of all after going through her post and other comments, I think she's a narcissist and from what's she's making us believe, I'll say the husband is quite immature. So I don't see this working out between them.

But you guys should stop blaming your shitty attitude on introversion.

For example, i hate small talks and I don't like talking on phone, but whenever someone calls me, I already set it in such a way that if I busy your call you will get a "please text me" SMS. But some won't even pick your calls, won't even return them or text you and be claiming introvert. Yet same person will be quick to call you on phone if he or she needs an assistance.

I hardly relate with people, even family, but somehow they know i got their back. You might even be a very quiet person but your body language will make them like you even when you don't speak to them.

People should learn to stop being selfish.

Omo poster come carry your fight,they concluded you are a narcissist,I no talk again

Havilaah1
You need to be yourself. Tell him you love his family very much and have nothing against them, that it's just your nature}and I l.r.. Kkl. That you're just introverted by nature and can't change that.

Inform him you are not ready to change because that'll be living a lie. Let him know if he's not happy with it, you're ready to go. That what just hurts is that he should have been long ago.

You too have to make some sacrifices. Life is no longer about you any more. Marriage changes lots of things. Since you desire to marry into his family, you may need to engage more.

Tell your man these things. It is left for him to say yes or no. He should also communicate these with his family. Your honesty may work and they may prefer frankness over deceit. As long as they realize you're not being a snob, offish or downright hostile, they may will become more open to you.

I'm not in close relationship with my wife family and she isn't close to mine expect my mom and am also close to her mom apart from that the rest can Bleep off

Davash222:

You expected him to choose a GIRLFRIEND over his family?
Girlfriend he might be sharing with Dem Boys

na small boy without sense,watin u expect!

emmanuelbrown26:

MIND U, U ARE NOT TALKING TO A GIRL OF 20YEARS HERE. This is a lady in her late 30s

Well done oga Emmanuel, so because i choose not to have multiple guys at the same time makes me old abi.
Mind you I'm not even close to what you mentioned

ultraviolet27:
All of you saying She should be traveling back and forth 2 Her In-laws so as to show She is an extrovert I think your head dey Pain You with the High Cost of Transport and Fuel now and the Insecurity (Kidnapping Banditry etc)Someone Living in a far Place to them o and will it be Her Fiance Funding those Trips?

Hahahahaha! Serious pain! A girlfriend o! How many Nigerian gfs do all this? Anyway, give people an inch and you know the rest.

pocohantas:


Why you no go grade am? No be you get machinery?? If I be your wife, you must supply my village electricity.

.... Lol. Poco leave me abeg I dey find money to pay school fees for 4 children.

If them like make dem marry if dem no like,make dem scatter am.

Wick3:


This is completely false. In these days of internet and social media people tend to relate better online than in person, this is why everyone is claiming "introvert". Plus we are in an era where someone will prefer to text you that she's at your gate instead of just calling. It's like saying due to the pandemic then and the whole lock down that most people are now introverts.

Most people here are just extroverts with smart phones, people with social anxiety disorder... You know, people who can't talk to you in reality but are bold to express themselves here just cos they can hide behind a keyboard. Bro, that's not introversion .

Chatting on the Internet and social media doesn't make you extrovert, it doesn't take away your introversion. You're still who you are in real life, an introvert.
Social media is just like an escape route. Being extrovert means ability to communicate with people around you. Infact, Internet and social media have made things worse for introverts

@Op, your man should man up! To the best of my knowledge you have a good relationship with his siblings with the little you wrote up there. I wonder why people keep trying to force introverts into becoming what they are not and even when they try their best to bridge up the gap, people still complain. Introverts don't go around calling extroverts talkatives or whatnots. Being an introvert and probably antisocial is no crime. It's really annoying. He should man up and do the needful, in as much as you ain't hostile to his people and you even have an open communication line with them already. You've tried abeg, he should get over his worries.

OP I understand your point u re even lucky the siblings re I love with ya,truth that your issue is a minor one try as much as possible to always keep in touch to keep a healthy relationship with them,u re even lucky they re not showing you attitude.

But also drop that Mentality of 'That is how I am' try and adjust don't blame your man he his tryna create a balance here.

Lollittaa:

exactly. There's room for improvement. All these "take me as I am" cannot work in marriage. Worse still, if you marry someone who can't build a rapport with your loved ones, you may find yourself at an impasse upon marrying them, they can easily separate you from your loved ones.

you re right here,that is what most women don't understand,when you married abeg try adjust it helps.The man is trying to create a balance here but she no understand, infact it will make d bond stronger between her nd d guy siblings

ultraviolet27:
All of you saying She should be traveling back and forth 2 Her In-laws so as to show She is an extrovert I think your head dey Pain You with the High Cost of Transport and Fuel now and the Insecurity (Kidnapping Banditry etc)Someone Living in a far Place to them o and will it be Her Fiance Funding those Trips?

Not only that, I don't travel frequently and I don't travel to far places on Nigeria roads because of one thing: accident.
Nigeria roads are prone to accidents ranging from bad roads, overspeeding, drunk drivers, reckless drivers. Nigeria roads are the number one killer of Nigerians

Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.

I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.

Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.

The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).

This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.

I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.


God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.

I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
Moderator please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.

the woman is playing man. disgusting.

mosdii:
Nigerian Girls Are Useless...All Of Them

Why can't you just read and move on than displaying your stupidity,!

Wick3:


Neither does it make you an introvert.

You are just contradicting yourself.

Your description of an extrovert... Smh, I have nothing else to say

You are just who you are, an introvert. Social media can make it worse because it will cut you off from the person sitting next to you. You are the one contracting yourself. If someone referred to himself as an introvert, what's your business saying otherwise?