As shared by Nike Adexa @naikiadex

I was young and free. Just before clocking 30 and dating this guy I thought the world of. I earned like 5-10 times as much as he did. He wanted us to be married. It felt great and right only that some older people said No. Reason? I earned way higher.

It made no sense at the time. What did earning capacity have to do with love. Dad said you are even more ambitious and driven with more at your disposal. Don't do it!. I thought it was just cheap talk.

I stuck to my guns. It was going to be him or nothing else. Love was enough. It didn't take 6 months before all they said came to life before my eyes. He wanted me to give money for his projects. He wanted loans. I wasn't willing to do so and it became war.

Verbal and emotional abuse ensued. He cursed me to no end. I was acting too big or thought I was. I wasn't a supportive lover etc. It went on until I couldn't take it anymore. Then it got worse. How dare I walk away from the relationship and his love?
The emotional blackmail and insults. It took a while to get over such a person and all because I wanted him to double his own career goals and steps rather than live off me.
Over the years after, I learnt a lesson. Money is the no 1 reason for divorces and who brings in more changes the dynamics of relationships. If a woman does, this has to be discussed headlong and not assume the relationship will be like any or every other.
It won't be like every other relationship and it's even different if the woman starts to earn more in a marriage than before marriage. The male ego is very fragile and the freedom money gives a woman may come off as a threat even if unintended.

A gentleman must understand this and be prepared to navigate the relationship away from a basic traditional one where the man brings in the bacon. It is often dangerous when a woman marries down because the man's once-hidden insecurities come up and fight.

That is when you see unabridged verbal, emotional and sometimes physical abuse. Then the guilt tripping, blackmail, manipulation etc. Only mature and secure men thrive well when a woman brings more into a relationship from the outset. This cuts across races.

A man expected to lead a family in a traditional sense must understand that his leadership isn't only from money but support, care, direction and guidance he brings as long as he's not lazy.He only earns less which isn't a crime.

Barack Obama earned like 25% of what Michelle earned when he entered the presidential race but their marriage was fine although Mrs O stated in her book "Becoming" how she made it clear he had to step up when he worked as a grassroots community leader.
Good enough, he became a senator, earned better and was more physically and emotionally available at home. That helped their marriage but not without the therapy they sought at that stage. Most women want their men to step up in all areas esp once married.

It helps the woman respect him and view him as a leader for real. If your woman earns more, no problem but don't be docile or abusive to her. That marks doomsday to your relationship. Step up. Take another course. Seek more openings. Help more domestically.
But don't be stagnant neither ignore the power dynamics and shifts that come with a non- traditional, non-binary romantic relationship. Things will be different for you.

https://twitter.com/naikiadex/status/1460605285865828357

Most women want their men to step up in all areas esp once married.

It helps the woman respect him and view him as a leader for real. If your woman earns more, no problem but don't be docile or abusive to her. That marks doomsday to your relationship. Step up. Take another course. Seek more openings. Help more domestically.
But don't be stagnant neither ignore the power dynamics and shifts that come with a non- traditional, non-binary romantic relationship. Things will be different for you.

Loud am abeg

Barack Obama earned like 25% of what Michelle earned when he entered the presidential race but their marriage was fine although Mrs O stated in her book "Becoming" how she made it clear he had to step up when he worked as a grassroots community leader.

There is nothing bad marrying a man with lower income, but make sure the man is a very ambitious man and not a man not ready to step up his game and income.

The main problem was that she didn't give him money. Why would you marry a guy if you dont trust him with money?

What she called emotional and verbal abuse sounds like they were fighting but she wanted to make herself the sole victim. The husband should have handled it better. He is not entitled to her money. But I think the lady contributed more to the failure of her marriage than she realizes.

She speaks of trying to get him to aspire higher which means she was not satisfied with his professional and financial status. So why marry him if his level was not high enough for you? She could have just given him money from time to time like most men who are richer than their wives tend to do.

Seun:
The main problem was that she didn't give him money. Why would you marry a guy if you didn't trust him with money?

What she called emotional and verbal abuse sounds like they were fighting but she wanted to make herself the sole victim. The husband should have handled it better. He is not entitled to her money. But I think the lady contributed more to the failure of her marriage than she realizes.

Give him money to do what?
She can’t just be giving him money for no just reason. She can spend her money on the home, not giving it to her husband.

A man requesting for money from a woman is only trying to trade his pride as the head of the home.

The only time a man should be given money by a woman is when it is needed for a personal and mental development which will bring a fortune to the man and home

Stay off a woman's money dear fellow men to avoid see finish

A woman can earn more than a man in the Western world and there will still be peace in the marriage.

In Nigeria here, a woman doesn't even need to earn more than the man before their ego begins to play out. Nigeria women believe that once they can be financially independent ,they don't need a man so they start acting rebellious and arrogant.

I tell myself,even if she earns more than me,I won't ask her a dime of her money,I will play my role without looking at her purse. By so doing, I will know if she is a supportive wife,or parasitic one

Amotolongbo:
Give him money to do what?

For whatever he needs. Men who are rich give money to their wives all the time. If a man is rich and never helps his wife financially I don't think the marriage would work, but it's usually not an issue because men are expected to provide for their wives. I think she was the defacto breadwinner but as a woman society had not equipped her for the role so she failed at it. The same goes for the man. I bet he didn't know how to use seduction to extract cash.

There is a way you as a man carries yourself and show aspirations that will make your wife give you money without asking..
What needs does he need to meet that warrants him asking for money from his wife?
If it is for business, there is nothing wrong in that.
What manner is he asking the money?
As a loan or as a dash?
There is nothing wrong in your wife making more money than you but it becomes a problem when you begin dey shook eye for her money..
Some lazy mofos will even make it an habit.

Ok

If a woman should agree to marry a man she earns more than, she should marry a man she’s willing to support to become bigger than he was. A woman is there to support a man, and it can come in different forms, like helping him with ideas, running the home, providing financial assistance to build a better future for both of them.

The man’s dreams and ambition must be bigger than hers or at least measure up, else it’s not advisable to marry him. She comes in to help him achieve those dreams and ambition for both of them, and then pass the baton on to their children, ideally.

By marrying a man who cannot measure up in the long run, she crushes him to become her subject rather than the leader he was made for. It often doesn’t work out with his ego and insecurities becoming the biggest problem in the relationship, unless the man agrees to be subdued or relegated.

Seun:
The main problem was that she didn't give him money. Why would you marry a guy if you dont trust him with money?

What she called emotional and verbal abuse sounds like they were fighting but she wanted to make herself the sole victim. The husband should have handled it better. He is not entitled to her money. But I think the lady contributed more to the failure of her marriage than she realizes.

She speaks of trying to get him to aspire higher which means she was not satisfied with his professional and financial status. So why marry him if his level was not high enough for you? She could have just given him money from time to time like most men who are richer than their wives tend to do.

rain go fall today

Seun:
For whatever he needs. Men who are rich give money to their wives all the time. If a man is rich and never helps his wife financially I don't think the marriage would work, but it's usually not an issue because men are expected to provide for their wives. I think she was the defacto breadwinner but as a woman society had not equipped her for the role so she failed at it. The same goes for the man. I bet he didn't know how to use seduction to extract cash.

hmmm

Crossroad1:
rain go fall today

why?

Seun:
For whatever he needs. Men who are rich give money to their wives all the time. If a man is rich and never helps his wife financially I don't think the marriage would work, but it's usually not an issue because men are expected to provide for their wives. I think she was the defacto breadwinner but as a woman society had not equipped her for the role so she failed at it. The same goes for the man. I bet he didn't know how to use seduction to extract cash.

A rich wife can spend on her husband at will. It happens often.
Tonto Dikeh did it before (“she said so, I wasn’t there o).

One’s partner should not be turned to maga most especially when there is a pride at stake in the part of the husband anyway

My friend broke up with someone because of this reason. When a lady earns more, she should think with her head and not her heart. In her case, even though she earned more, she was still more hardworking, had more drive and was more ambitious. On the other hand, sometimes she senses the guy trying to unhealthily compete with her by giving snide remarks, trying to put her down and not being appreciative of the things she does even when she doesn't throw it in his face. He didn't have a healthy self esteem and suffered from insecurities.

A strong man should hold his own fort and do his own best even if it is not as financially rewarding as hers. It becomes a toxic relationship when little disagreement which can be settled easily gets turned into something huge cos he feels threatened and feels he now has something to use over her. And trying to mend things with him makes it look like she's desperate.

Most guys have fragile ego and I can't massage your ego if you can't deal with it yourself.
A doctor wife and a teacher husband can both be hardworking but the doctor will earn more. They have to reach a consensus. No woman will want her husband to suffer when she has more but it's a different case when the man feels entitled to her money. Really, people like Angela Merkel's husband should be appreciated for standing with and by his wife. Most guys can't do it.
In Nigeria, it can even get worse if the husband family are on the same page with the man. They can say ludicrous things like the woman is using the man's glory. Imagine!!!.

Seun:
The main problem was that she didn't give him money. Why would you marry a guy if you dont trust him with money?

What she called emotional and verbal abuse sounds like they were fighting but she wanted to make herself the sole victim. The husband should have handled it better. He is not entitled to her money. But I think the lady contributed more to the failure of her marriage than she realizes.

She speaks of trying to get him to aspire higher which means she was not satisfied with his professional and financial status. So why marry him if his level was not high enough for you? She could have just given him money from time to time like most men who are richer than their wives tend to do.

I can't ever understand women rationale about a whole lot of things...

You earn more but can't make your home Progressive, peaceful and romantic but instead, hording your money and making him pay all bills with his lower income. By the way, she want him to double his hustle yet lending him money is a big issue ? Who still believes men and women are the same hence equalized both gender ?

He embraced his supposed lower income status and solicited you support his project, but you refused then claimed his ego is fragile........what a confused victim.

She want him to lead but first he must double cross her in earning.

In the same vein she claimed love is enough and far important than money.

The summary of this article is; I earn more, if you want to be the head, you must beat me in this earning competition.......,.I won't give you my money and if you ask me, the whole world will know.....and ontop of that I won't still part with my money.

The truth is, the husband was disappointed in her as a wife.......and as expected, disappointment often times begets resentment

The most interesting thing about the story is, the bride father knew this hence didn't support it but women cluelessness of reality make her embarked on this fruitless competition (marriage).


In addition. I believe the husband earning is not so low........he can even afford the marriage rites on her (his wife)...........it only comparison that make his earning low (she didn't state how much he earns anyways).........if the guy is comfortable while single, and can afford most basic thing of life........why pressure him to go break the bank to earn more or be at per with her........as a qualification to lead ?

Pierocash:
A woman can earn more than man in the Western world and there will still be peace in the marriage.

In Nigeria here, a woman doesn't even need to earn more than the man before their ego begins to play out. Nigeria women believe that once they can be financially independent ,they don't need a man so they start acting rebellious and arrogant.

I tell myself,even if she earns more than me,I won't ask her a dime of her money,I will play my role without looking at her purse. By so doing, I will know if she is a supportive wife,or parasitic one

Just extra two minutes reading would let you know the OP said the issue cuts across races.

It is not a black woman or Nigerian woman thing.

Concepts such as 'marrying up', 'hypergamy' etc. are not Nigerian concepts.

This one Lala opened a thread & Seun commented on first page.

Christmas came early.

Love should conquer all

The woman head no correct

Guys these days are becoming useless, they are even waiting and praying to meet Richer ladies to pay their bills.
Just few years ago God sent me a beautiful damsel, she wasn't bouyant nor coming from a rich home and then I was just struggling to stand on my feet. The say lady now my wife was depending on me to start a life, I evaluated her then and she was business intuitive and needed a start up for business, then I was a beginner in computer science, programming and informatics. My friends kick against the relationship bitterly in a sense that I am coming from a broke home and not doing well in life I shouldn't date a broke lady from a poor home. They advised me to look for a reach lady who can support me instead of taking from me reminding me our struggles in our university days. I almost harken to their voices, I was given my wife then girlfriend then hash attitude but she didn't stay away from me and me then I was already having some 'well to do babes' both acquaintance and friends. Some day a man told me about marriages stuff how men suffered even marrying richer women and lack of peace in their marital home, he told be there's a big difference between girlfriend and wife. To cut the story short I started given attention to my wife 'then girl friend' we sat down talk about life and future and what we can do to better our lives, I discovered right there she had already agreed marry be without even outer a word about marriage we already started discussing it just two of us. Babe came up with business ideas we agreed on one cos it wasn't called for big money. Then I was planning on out to move my company forward. Three months after I struggled for the money she started then business just two months in business babe was already bringing gifts to my house, there was a big difference as money was started coming from her side. Seven months after babe move into my house and we started leaving as husband and wife in a self-contained apartment, then I was a bit down financially and my babe carter for everything in the house including rent. I was somehow ashamed but she covered everything. Just few months after babe broke the pregnancy story as in d thing rang in my ear like thunder. I was furious like this babe has finished me she calmed me down telling me she has a savings somewhere that I shouldn't bother much, I became more crazy cos I was with nothing on my side, unprepared. Getting married or have a child in a single self-contained wasn't what I wished for myself. Jobs wasn't coming on my side. We survived on her business, my mother was calling for financial support, jeeeez I don enter again sixth months of her pregnancy we went for a scan it was twins, two baby girls, she came home happy and I was crying inside. Her support wasn't ok for me cos as a man I always want to take my true place as a man and piller of the house, was thinking how am I gonna attend to people when she put to bed? Which house am I gonna welcome visitors? As an introvert that I am. I noticed her business was thriving she even assist me with money to send to my mother at home, I couldn't just tell my mom that the money came from me, I opened up everything to her so at least she won't bother calling for financial help again in closing time on hearing this my mom wasn't happy she suggested I should have well stand on my feet before embarking on such journey. Eighth month just one month to put to birth I got a contract job with a company and two NGOs through a female friend in the university who directed me to her brothers cos she saw my numerous WhatsApp status adverts. Omo money start coming immediately and hurry that first money go rent 2 bedroom arraigned ham well though the babe was upset I supposed investigate the money for something me 4 my mind I was like dis babe no me u want disgrace when ur people go come see me for single bed with two girls and u together and una know as Igbo people de do now dem no too value in-laws wey no get money. I arraigned myself sharp sharp within one month plus na dey I know say money move at the speed of light boom the two girls in the womb had arrived, things got balance and jobs upon jobs keep coming. I employeed experts to work with in areas I wasn't too good in. Just last month we finished everything marriage rites traditionally and court as our dear church wanted to do anyhow for the wedding for the sake that we have children we move forward to Court. I thank God for bringing her into my life

Reality sets in

As u see me so no b by power ooo

Indeed this is a man's world. Once the traditional rules changed by a woman it becomes a topic to talk about.

Amotolongbo:
Give him money to do what?
She can’t just be giving him money for no just reason. She can spend her money on the home, not giving it to her husband.

A man requesting for money from a woman is only trying to trade his pride as the head of the home.

The only time a man should be given money by a woman is when it is needed for a personal and mental development which will bring a fortune to the man and home

But richer men give their wives random cash gifts: change your car, change your wardrobe, buy this diamond set etc. etc.

Why can't the OP gift her husband a new car or whatever toy that catches his fancy?

@OP:

A very complex issue.

This is where feminism, red pill and other ideologies fall flat under intense scrutiny.

Men & women don't think the same way and want same things.

Before someone comes to say that's how the men are brought up:

I am not disputing nurture however there must be something innate, natural that makes a significant number of romantic relationships where the women earns way higher an extreme sport. And this is across all races.

If the wife is not disrespectful, the husband's insecurities lets him see war everywhere while the in-laws are 100% certain that the man is emasculated.

The things the wife would get away with while poor becomes the most disrespectful thing ever and she has to bend backwards & stretch herself thin to keep peace.

This is where religion comes in: to subdue/kill that natural tendency to behave as the above.

ok

E go Be