Nilx:
She said spiritual, lol.

Team virgin or nothing should take note.

Tell her, you ain’t her spirit husband and she should stop expecting you to be spiritual.

Why don’t you consider Spanish goldfly stuff on her or make her desire for it bu other means.

But if na me be you, I go give an excuse whenever she’s in the mood too

Being passive aggressive doesn't solve any issue. It just magnifies the problem

You may think that you're punishing her, but you're just punishing yourself

I'll check out the video but my statement is based on my life's experiences.

Kobojunkie:
This is especially for you and others who believe in such ideas [url=https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/underneath-the-sheets/202106/the-myth-sexual-incompatibility%3famp]The Myth of Sexual Compatibility [/url]

Common Sexual Compatibility myths, Debunked

slimjohn2k5:


You are wrong bro. You cannot just go and meet Ur wife to open leg because your penis stand.

You need to make her happy and put her in the mood. I was thinking like you till I found my way out and I am happy with it

The first sensible comment here! All these men complaining are too selfish to think about things from their woman's perspective

SuperStriker:
Good day everyone.
I don't want to cheat on my wife but she cannot cope with my demands for sex. She even told me to control myself and be more spiritual and I am wondering. If I am not controlling myself, I would have cheated on her long ago. I am a fine looking man with many opportunities to cheat. We only have sex when she's ready and wants it, anything outside that is excuse upon excuse. How can a woman I married be telling me to control myself?

Drop the entitlement mentality and try to see things from her perspective

For women, sex is an emotional thing. How do you make her feel emotionally? As another comment said, try to make her feel good. Try to make her feel happy

In relationships, women hold the key to sex and men hold the key to commitment. I don't know what you're doing wrong and i don't know your libido... So, imma just mind my flipping business

cooooooks:
I'll check out the video but my statement is based on my life's experiences.

I am afraid sexual compatibility isn't as black and white as many like to assume. My personal experience is proof of this, for me at least.

bepositive11:
Being passive aggressive doesn't solve any issue. It just magnifies the problem

You may think that you're punishing her, but you're just punishing yourself

Add to that, destroying his own relationship by his foolishness.

SuperStriker:
Good day everyone.
I don't want to cheat on my wife but she cannot cope with my demands for sex. She even told me to control myself and be more spiritual and I am wondering. If I am not controlling myself, I would have cheated on her long ago. I am a fine looking man with many opportunities to cheat. We only have sex when she's ready and wants it, anything outside that is excuse upon excuse. How can a woman I married be telling me to control myself?

she is not enjoying most of the sexual encounters , in short there is no orgasm for her i suspect.

You have to prioritise her enjoyment during the sex at the moment, you dont have to be rough during sex. Go slow and gently. Let her show you her pleasure points or help her discover them if she is a lady with little experience. Aim at giving her orgasm, it tampers with her psychology and need for sex. You will be surprised with her sex cravings and frequent request to have one.

Eagle360:
You will adapt with time.
It seems you just get married
Responsibility self never hit you, wey you go lose appetite for sex
My own if we had sex on Monday and on Thursday I made approach, she will remind me that we just had sex on Monday, that how many time are we going to be having sex in a week
Even during lockdown that I suppose to be enter without restrictions, complain too much.
She is lazy in sex and I accept her like that, cheating is not an option for me. I love my wife

I like your style; you are a very SIMPle man.

bepositive11:


Drop the entitlement mentality and try to see things from her perspective

For women, sex is an emotional thing. How do you make her feel emotionally? As another comment said, try to make her feel good. Try to make her feel happy

Sex is one area where there is no need to activate anything. Do not deceive yourself, in marriage doing the basic things grants you that right and not the husband nor the wife has the right to take it away. You're threading a very dangerous path by using emotions as a condition for sex, this prima facie makes the woman almighty in a relationship.

Also can you define happiness? Feel good? Can you differentiate it from being needy? Being greedy? One woman's feel good could be another woman's starting point. Feel good for mama Nkechi in a one bedroom flat could be different to feel good for a diva living in a mansion on seaside. Ultimately no woman or man can be in the mood 100% of the time, if the difference in mood or sexual appetite is too vast then they might need to reconsider their nuptial agreement.

AngelicBeing:
Hian, concubine to the house, wetin person no go read for nairaland.com

I dey tell you

freshalien:


I like your style; you are a very SIMP - le man.

LOL

Kobo, if you're going to send a link, at least read it.

The Men's Journal link is completely irrelevant.

The bottom line is this: you have to be in a sexually compatible relationship for it to work. Compatibility is not one sided. Both members of the Union have to be at an understanding.

Edit: I see there's another link. I'll check it out.

Kobojunkie:
This is especially for you and others who believe in such ideas [url=https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/underneath-the-sheets/202106/the-myth-sexual-incompatibility%3famp]The Myth of Sexual Compatibility [/url]

Common Sexual Compatibility myths, Debunked

abbey621:

Sex is one area where there is no need to activate anything. Do not deceive yourself, in marriage doing the basic things grants you that right and not the husband nor the wife has the right to take it away. You're threading a very dangerous path by using emotions as a condition for sex, this prima facie makes the woman almighty in a relationship.

How exactly does marriage do what you state in bold? Where is that right granted you... by law or in your mind?

cooooooks:
Kobo, if you're going to send a link, at least read it.

The Men's Journal link is completely irrelevant.

The bottom line is this: you have to be in a sexually compatible relationship for it to work. Compatibility is not one sided. Both members of the Union have to be at an understanding.

Edit: I see there's another link. I'll check it out.

I don't understand what you are getting at.

Desire is a major factor in a couple’s sex life, but to assume libidos have to line up is misunderstanding how libido works. “Libido can go up and down in your life, depending on stress level or workload or whether you have children,” says Stubbs. She points out that many pregnant women are so inundated with people touching them all day that they really don’t want to be handled anymore, even by a loving partner. Generally, mismatched libidos are temporary and can be improved through discussion and working on other parts of life that might be affecting desire, such as work stress.

The above is from one of the articles

People. An and sometimes should end relationships.

The number 1 cause of divorce is money, closely followed by sex. (Culture and education attainment are not far behind).

However, people need to understand that a lot of people (too many contrasting figures to quote a percentage) regret their divorces; some even get remarried to their exes. If you're at an impasse which you believe is insurmountable, understand that your life could become worse, you could not find anyone else, the grass may be greyer on the other side; or (I suspect the most painful one) your partner could find someone pretty much perfect for them.

Kobojunkie:
Add to that, destroying his own relationship by his foolishness.

chinchum:
she is not enjoying most of the sexual encounters , in short there is no orgasm for her i suspect.

You have to prioritise her enjoyment during the sex at the moment, you dont have to be rough during sex. Go slow and gently. Let her show you her pleasure points or help her discover them if she is a lady with little experience. Aim at giving her orgasm, it tampers with her psychology and need for sex. You will be surprised with her sex cravings and frequent request to have one.

You go tey for river with that approach in a marriage. Steady orgasm, cloud 9, cloud 100, all na bobo. As time goes on all that sh*t flies out the window, mix in kids, financial instability etc and you'll be lucky to get one good sex every 2 weeks or a month. White people don scatter our heads with so much fairytale that we start sounding robotic at times, your approach assumes libido/sexual appetite is the same for everyone, some people need medication just to have this urge, some are just wired that way bilogically, if you like do 100 shades of grey, he or she go still fall your hand

cooooooks:
People. An and sometimes should end relationships.

The number 1 cause of divorce is money, closely followed by sex. (Culture and education attainment are not far behind).

However, people need to understand that a lot of people (too many contrasting figures to quote a percentage) regret their divorces; some even get remarried to their exes. If you're at an impasse which you believe is insurmountable, understand that your life could become worse, you could not find anyone else, the grass may be greyer on the other side; or (I suspect the most painful one) your partner could find someone pretty much perfect for them.

The topic has nothing to do with ending ending relationship though so why are you even bringing this up here?

The Op is frustrated because he claims he is not getting enough sex from his wife... he expressed he has no intentions of ending it with his wife though.

Kobojunkie:
How exactly does marriage do what you state in bold? Where is that right granted you... by law or in your mind?

Are you married? Did you marry in a church or by an Islamic cleric? You should listen carefully to their sermon during the ceremony, be you man or woman, you have no right to deny your partner of sex, it is a sin and a danger to marriage itselfexcept when permitted like period, sickness or mantal instability. What I'm saying is that a man or woman that is loyal, dependable, does the basic things required of him or her has already earned that right to physical intimacy, whether you choose to honor that right is left between you and your creator! Also in some countries like the USA, it is a permissable ground for divorce and it is called emotional abuse.

slimjohn2k5:
Bro, u are not alone. I beg my wife all the time for sex.

Sometimes she said I always ask at the wrong always, she is tired, etc

I have accepted my faith but what I do to get her now is doing somethings she is supposed to do like washing the toilet, I take professional exams, show her result I passed, when she is happy I asked for sex as the reward.

I buy very cheap things that make her happy and ask for sex as reward. I said cheap things like bolé and groundnut, corn, watermelon etc

Just find a spicing point, I feel they need a little tickle

Some of us are unmarried n do not understand what happens there. This is the reason marriages are crashing. Some see women as sexual tool, so when they see these resistance they say the woman is bad.

At least op was having sex before it stopped, y not ask him what changed. When he was enjoying it we did not know till the place lock

You're such a wise man...May wisdom never fail you buddy.

He is contemplating cheating which in my books marks an end. They may not get divorced or separated ("just" because he cheated but trust would be gone forever.

Kobojunkie:
The topic has nothing to do with ending ending relationship though so why are you even bringing this up here?

The Op is frustrated because he claims he is not getting enough sex from his wife... he expressed he has no intentions of ending it with his wife though.

Quote my original statement.

"Sexual compatibility". Not "go and marry someone that has the exact same libido as you".

Kobojunkie:
I don't understand what you are getting at.
The above is from one of the articles

abbey621:
Are you married? Did you marry in a church or by an Islamic cleric? You should listen carefully to their sermon during the ceremony, be you man or woman, you have no right to deny your partner of sex, it is a sin and a danger to marriage itselfexcept when permitted like period, sickness or mantal instability.

What I'm saying is that a man or woman that is loyal, dependable, does the basic things required of him or her has already earned that right to physical intimacy, whether you choose to honor that right is left between you and your creator! Also in some countries like the USA, it is a permissable ground for divorce and it is called emotional abuse.

I am afraid you have let ordinary men like yourself decieve you with there lies. God never said it is a sin to withhold sex in marriage. If you had checked your Bible well, you would noted that regarding marriage, Jesus Christ declared clearly that you marriages are of this world and not of the Kingdom of God - Luke 20 vs 34 - 36 - meaning there are no special laws for man and woman in marriage, separate from the laws that exist between everyone else.

A man and woman that is loyal and dependable? Look, until you understand that at its very core marriage exists as a contract agreement between a man and woman, no other being involved, you will continue to let other men delude you with lies that don't even fit well with your relationship.

A man and woman are supposed to sit down as one and resolve issues between themselves in order to keep their marriage(business) going strong, not going around looking for rules that make no sense to their own situation to shackle themselves with.

Anything is permissible grounds for divorce in most countries. If you decide you don't like your wife's face and want to divorce, the law has no right to stop you so stop pretending you honor some invisible clause by staying married and so you are to be seen as a god of some sort by your partner. No, you got into marriage for you and it is either you work on it and gain wisdom or you continue back out there looking for the nonexistent relationship shangri-la

cooooooks:
He is contemplating cheating which in my books marks an end. They may not get divorced or separated ("just" because he cheated but trust would be gone forever.

No, the Op says he is not considering cheating at all. He says he loves his wife.

cooooooks:
Quote my original statement.

"Sexual compatibility". Not "go and marry someone that has the exact same libido as you".

You said people ought to marry someone who they are sexually compatible with and I responded that sexual compatibility isn't black and white.

I posted two links that address various angles of what is sexual compatibility which includes libido.

Desire is a major factor in a couple’s sex life, but to assume libidos have to line up is misunderstanding how libido works. “Libido can go up and down in your life, depending on stress level or workload or whether you have children,” says Stubbs. She points out that many pregnant women are so inundated with people touching them all day that they really don’t want to be handled anymore, even by a loving partner. Generally, mismatched libidos are temporary and can be improved through discussion and working on other parts of life that might be affecting desire, such as work stress.

Kobojunkie:
I am afraid you have let ordinary men like yourself decieve you with there lies. God never said it is a sin to withhold sex in marriage. If you had checked your Bible well, you would noted that regarding marriage, Jesus Christ declared clearly that you marriages are of this world and not of the Kingdom of God - Luke 20 vs 34 - 36 - meaning there are no special laws for man and woman in marriage, separate from the laws that exist between everyone else.

A man and woman that is loyal and dependable? Look, until you understand that at its very core marriage exists as a contract agreement between a man and woman, no other being involved, you will continue to let other men delude you with lies that don't even fit well with your relationship.

A man and woman are supposed to sit down as one and resolve issues between themselves in order to keep their marriage(business) going strong, not going around looking for rules that make no sense to their own situation to shackle themselves with.

Anything is permissible grounds for divorce in most countries. If you decide you don't like your wife's face and want to divorce, the law has no right to stop you so stop pretending you honor some invisible clause by staying married and so you are to be seen as a god of some sort by your partner. No, you got into marriage for you and it is either you work on it and gain wisdom or you continue back out there looking for the nonexistent relationship shangri-la

I'm not the religious type but you just embarrassed yourself by using scripture, christianity is not something you can pick or choose which parts favors you.
1 Corinthians 7:2-5
But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

You are right that it is a contract and husband and wife should communicate and iron these issues out, I will never be against that, where you are wrong is that the contract does not grant each person rights/access to the other's body......Physically and spiritually, marriage gives you the right to lapoopoolala

bepositive11:


Drop the entitlement mentality and try to see things from her perspective

For women, sex is an emotional thing. How do you make her feel emotionally? As another comment said, try to make her feel good. Try to make her feel happy

From my experience, the major cause of issue like this in most marriages is this situation is because, these women don't enjoy sexual acts with their husband.
Most men are selfish when it comes to sex. Most men just wanna to Bleep their wives without considering foul play, they don't care of this woman cum or not. Once they ejaculate, that's the end. Some will just doze off immediately.
Most women will just make the excuse of I have headache, I am tired, etc next time their husband ask for sex.

Trust me, whenever u make your woman cum, drive her crazy with your THING, she will be the one to ask for sex or might give you signal for sex next time.


Apart from making her cum, do you assist her with house chores at all? If no, try to be assisting her with house chores no matter how small, you will see changes

abbey621:


You go tey for river with that approach in a marriage. Steady orgasm, cloud 9, cloud 100, all na bobo. As time goes on all that sh*t flies out the window, mix in kids, financial instability etc and you'll be lucky to get one good sex every 2 weeks or a month. White people don scatter our heads with so much fairytale that we start sounding robotic at times, your approach assumes libido/sexual appetite is the same for everyone, some people need medication just to have this urge, some are just wired that way bilogically, if you like do 100 shades of grey, he or she go still fall your hand

It is almost impossible to achieve steady orgasm, at least once in 3 times is an asset for a lady. Offcourse financial instability and kids will reduce the tempo, that can be rekindled with a bit of romance. No woman is the same, but the man must figure out what tickles her. The couple should work on their finances if there is financial insecurity in the home.

chinchum:
It is almost impossible to achieve steady orgasm, at least once in 3 times is an asset for a lady. Offcourse financial instability and kids will reduce the tempo, that can be rekindled with a bit of romance. No woman is the same, but the man must figure out what tickles her. The couple should work on their finances if there is financial insecurity in the home.

Now this makes sense, this is more realistic than finding some golden center of gravity and spending all your energy playing 100 shades of grey

abbey621:
I'm not the religious type but you just embarrassed yourself by using scripture, christianity is not something you can pick or choose which parts favors you.
1 Corinthians 7:2-5
But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

You are right that it is a contract and husband and wife should communicate and iron these issues out, I will never be against that, where you are wrong is that the contract does not grant each person rights/access to the other's body......Physically and spiritually, marriage gives you the right to lapoopoolala

I am afraid you are still not getting it at all. In Christianity, the opinion of a man, even Paul, can't be said to overule the declaration of the One who is Lord, Master and King over all those who belong in the Kingdom of God, Jesus Christ, the Christ in the word 'Christianity'. Paul's every opinions, as expressed in his many letters mean absolutely nothing where Jesus Christ, the one who is Law is concerned.

If you had at least taken to reading the book for yourself instead of gobbling up the foolish lies told you by your Pastors and gods of men, you would have saved your self the money and time you invested to obtain nothing but hogwash from them as far as understanding of the belief is concerned.

Sexual immorality is a thing in the Old Covenant - Jewish law which was given by God to those who are of the blood of Jacob aka Jews, but not in the New Covenant, this since Jesus Christ gave to His followers, those you call Christians, a new Law complete with standards higher than those of the Old Covenant.

If you are indeed a Christian, I suggest again, you pick up that book for yourself so you can be sure where you Re headed if at all.

As for marriage granting you rights, it does absolutely no such thing... not according to God's terms. Even man's Law on marriage leaves it open to couples to decide what their roles in their marriage will be - apart from property laws and taxes, your rights in yout marriage is up to you and your wife.

Kobojunkie:
I am afraid you are still not getting it at all. In Christianity, the opinion of a man, even Paul, can't be said to overule the declaration of the One who is Lord, Master and King over all those who belong in the Kingdom of God, Jesus Christ, the Christ in the word 'Christianity'. Paul's every opinions, as expressed in his many letters mean absolutely nothing where Jesus Christ, the one who is Law is concerned.

If you had at least taken to reading the book for yourself instead of gobbling up the foolish lies told you by your Pastors and gods of men, you would have saved your self the money and time you invested to obtain nothing but hogwash from them as far as understanding of the belief is concerned.

Sexual immorality is a thing in the Old Covenant - Jewish law which was given by God to those who are of the blood of Jacob aka Jews, but not in the New Covenant, this since Jesus Christ gave to His followers, those you call Christians, a new Law complete with standards higher than those of the Old Covenant.

If you are indeed a Christian, I suggest again, you pick up that book for yourself so you can be sure where you Re headed if at all.

As for marriage granting you rights, it does absolutely no such thing... not according to God's terms. Even man's Law on marriage leaves it open to couples to decide what their roles in their marriage will be - apart from property laws and taxes, your rights in yout marriage is up to you and your wife.

I have probably studied that book and other religious books than you have studied any book in your lifetime. History and theology are my favorite subject areas. You want to prove that Jesus Christ came to diminish the value of marriage, where in fact what he said was not really about marriage but our existence as a whole!

Marriage is for people of this world, in heaven they don't deal with such things, it is non consequential. In short, Jesus is saying: All of your laws and ideas about marriage, family, children, inheritance of property, family lineage, and so on, simply don’t exist in the afterlife! “You are badly mistaken!” (Mark 12:27).

This is what Jesus also said:
At the beginning of creation God “made them male and female.” “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. (Mark 10:6–9)

Interpreting Jesus’ words to the Sadducees to mean that there is no marriage in heaven would cause Jesus to contradict both himself and the Bible as a whole. God created male and female to be joined together as one. And just as God is not the God of the dead but of the living, so everything God does is not temporary, but eternal.

So it is either you are calling Jesus confused or you are saying God is not truthful, which one is it?

Like I said earlier, arguing using scritptures already puts you at a disadvantage, it's a battle you can't win! Your other argument about rights is just comical because Mark 10:6-9 already proved you wrong and so does canon law and most Islamic laws. In fact I'm not completely sure but I believe Hindu laws and Chinese laws also proves you wrong, so I'm guessing all you have to rely on is Western laws? I bet all through your analysis you never bothered to consider the world beyond Western influence.....Gotcha!

Laeroy:


You're such a wise man...May wisdom never fail you buddy.

Ma'am, he literally just told the whole world that he washes the toilet and gets his wife "little inexpensive things" in order to cajole her into having sex with him. His wife oo. His legally married wife whom he paid bride price on. How is that wisdom? That is absolutely pathetic and pitiful and I'm sure you wouldn't wish this on your brother (I'm assuming you mean well for your brother)

Gosh, the things that pass as "wisdom" in women's book. Wtf