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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / #DowenCollege: Bad Parenting Vs Bad School Training. Which Is To Blame? (18732 Views)
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Re: #DowenCollege: Bad Parenting Vs Bad School Training. Which Is To Blame? by Masterito(m): 2:26pm On Dec 05, 2021 |
No matter the kind of training you receive, who go join cult go join cult. ModelLook: |
Re: #DowenCollege: Bad Parenting Vs Bad School Training. Which Is To Blame? by brain54(m): 2:27pm On Dec 05, 2021 |
Magnoliaa:Well I like the objectivity in your comments. I also admire that you tried to put your self in the situation and answer my questions as sincerely as you could. But fact remains you would never truelly know what your actions will be unless faced with the exact situation. Alot said... I might not respond to all. But not that I am not against those kids facing the consequences of their actions-according to what the law states. But no one- the school... students involved or parents should be vitimised especially before thorough investigation is concluded. It's never enough to just come here and pick anybody to blame. Let's look at the facts... separate fiction and decide the next step to be taken. This is the only way Justice can truly be served to the kid. |
Re: #DowenCollege: Bad Parenting Vs Bad School Training. Which Is To Blame? by generalwo(m): 2:30pm On Dec 05, 2021 |
olatuns2017:.... Wrong sir....you should first study the reasons why parents take their kids to boarding schools before u blame them.... Alot of parents don't have the luxury of time to properly take care of their kids and that's why they trust them into the full time care of the school..... Because they believe that while they try and work to put food on the table, the school ought to be responsible for the well-being of their kids..... If the parents of Sylvester were not responsible or didn't bring up their kids well, how come he refused to join the cult group even with all the beatings? The other kids may have joined because they were not able to refuse for long........ Or u want to tell me that before the kids joined the school at jss1, they were already cultists from home?? Common.... The substance they gave Sylvester to drink, how did they get it into the school?? If the school had lived up to its responsibilities, we won't be having this conversation....... If the school cannot stop vices such as cultism at the secondary level, why then are parents paying so much when their kids can't he protected?? |
Re: #DowenCollege: Bad Parenting Vs Bad School Training. Which Is To Blame? by Sterope(f): 2:35pm On Dec 05, 2021 |
In the category of bad parenting, I am also blaming the parent of that boy. How do you keep sending your child to a school with mad people? They can't say they haven't heard of other rumours from their other two kids in senior classes. This is not abroad where school is determined by location. |
Re: #DowenCollege: Bad Parenting Vs Bad School Training. Which Is To Blame? by pocohantas(f): 2:38pm On Dec 05, 2021 |
Sterope: My dear, I am very shocked at this news. You see that Dowen college? I used to use that school as a landmark to direct people to my place. “Once you get to Dowen College, call me”. If you see that school, the pupils and teachers, you would find it very hard to believe this can happen inside there. When they are going to the day section, the kind of security ehn, I used to wonder if the kids are witnesses for one FBI case. I wonder why they didn’t extend the security to inside the school. |
Re: #DowenCollege: Bad Parenting Vs Bad School Training. Which Is To Blame? by yemi1504: 2:44pm On Dec 05, 2021 |
Spherical77: I also heard the same that the school had been sweeping issues like this under the carpet SMH thanks to a witness who was there. I think the Police should widen the investigation to the remaining students to see who can come out and say they experienced the same too. If they do come out, that will be the nail in the coffin of the school, owners and their associates and a veritable lesson for other schools like this where humongous fees are paid to nip issues like this in the bud by expelling the students involved regardless of the financial status and past charitable deeds of the parents. I am told issues like this happen in these schools and they handle it with kid gloves due to the parents' status. Well, Dowen did and they potentially could be closed forever. And yes to all your suggestions to making boarding schools a safe environment for the students. However, for me, I am done entertaining the thought of enrolling my future children in boarding school. It is day for me and I will be very close to my children to notice things like this! First warning on coming to the school, no changes, second incident, withdrawing my child to another school where they are safe and demanding for a refund of the remaining fees I paid. |
Re: #DowenCollege: Bad Parenting Vs Bad School Training. Which Is To Blame? by Abeyjide: 2:44pm On Dec 05, 2021 |
ModelLook: How so much I love argumentative essay. Gone are the days |
Re: #DowenCollege: Bad Parenting Vs Bad School Training. Which Is To Blame? by brain54(m): 2:45pm On Dec 05, 2021 |
generalwo:From your argument it is safe to deduce that every cultist comes from a bad home...or lacks proper parental training. Do you have any idea about the level of cultism in Nigeria? Cultism in the streets... our higher institutions. Politics...every where? Do you know how rampant. It's called a secret cult and not a social group were things are done in the open. Meaning you have to pay very close attention to notice their activities. Especially if you aren't used to their methods or have no clue as to their methods of operation. Lastly not every parent dumps their wayward children or try to shift responsibility to boarding school. Boarding schools over the years are renowned for alot of positives |
Re: #DowenCollege: Bad Parenting Vs Bad School Training. Which Is To Blame? by Prenonjebose: 2:48pm On Dec 05, 2021 |
Both have equal responsibilities to the child. Giving your child all the niceties in life doesn't equate to good upbringing. The parents owe it a duty to themselves and the society to ensure no social vices are noticeable in their wards, through quality bonding time with their children. The schools also play the role of parents to children the moment they are within their confines. Private schools usually bask in the euphoria of quality education and monitoring. This seems not to be the case any longer for many of them. It's more of patronage and profit |
Re: #DowenCollege: Bad Parenting Vs Bad School Training. Which Is To Blame? by irunoko(m): 2:54pm On Dec 05, 2021 |
Iyaebe:when I saw buruji kashamus son among the attackers I was not surprised. The Apple doesn't fall far from the tree.we all know where his deliquent behaviour came from |
Re: #DowenCollege: Bad Parenting Vs Bad School Training. Which Is To Blame? by Nobody: 2:58pm On Dec 05, 2021 |
irunoko:Exactly, just simply stepping into his father's shoes 1 Like |
Re: #DowenCollege: Bad Parenting Vs Bad School Training. Which Is To Blame? by Magnoliaa(f): 2:59pm On Dec 05, 2021 |
JaskanFactor:What a slippery slope. LOL. irunoko: I saw a Kashamu. And my mind immediately went to that man. But do you know for a fact that that is his son? Does he not have one daughter or what? How do you know they are the same Kashamus? I can't even find any striking resemblance or link. |
Re: #DowenCollege: Bad Parenting Vs Bad School Training. Which Is To Blame? by olu77(m): 3:04pm On Dec 05, 2021 |
Mrviktor: Bullying, raping and all manners of evil have been happening in schools for as long as schools have existed. If this boy did not die and if it wasn't a popular private school, nobody will be talking about it. We did not go to schools to learn only positive things, it's 50/50 we learn negative things from peers who themselves have been abused and conditioned to act in certain way. Everything negative I struggled with I learnt in school All through my primary schooling in the 80s through my secondary schooling in the early 90s I can't remember a time when I was not bullied. I was never able to focus on my education andI only began to develop some resistance in SS3. I remember verbally bullying a bully that everybody was scared of until he started crying in SS3. Since that time I realised that the weak will find it difficult to survive in certain school environment. Mind you, my school was a private school starting from Jss3 but the students even slap the principals bald head from time to time and abused the proprietress. We are all products of what our society permits and its continuous, those who have been abused will pass on the abuse to others unless there is a system put in place to help unlearn and relearn the right values. The parents are not doing enough, the schools are not doing enough, the churches are not doing enough (many prostitutes and homosexuals are products of abuse in religious environments) the government is not doing enough. It's almost a hopeless situation. Many parents did not even know that their little ones were raped in school and threatened not to talk about it, these kids will grow up struggling with life. |
Re: #DowenCollege: Bad Parenting Vs Bad School Training. Which Is To Blame? by chichimezie(f): 3:14pm On Dec 05, 2021 |
Charity begins at home….but doesn’t end there 1 Like |
Re: #DowenCollege: Bad Parenting Vs Bad School Training. Which Is To Blame? by femi4: 3:19pm On Dec 05, 2021 |
ModelLook:You ve not heard of peer pressure or influence Training them isn't enough, you need to monitor them so that they don't fall into temptations 1 Like |
Re: #DowenCollege: Bad Parenting Vs Bad School Training. Which Is To Blame? by NoToPile: 3:22pm On Dec 05, 2021 |
NairaMaster1: Simple. I know a 24 year old male who says he always hears his mother's voice at the back of his head anytime he intends misbehaving. As old as some married men are they won't drink alcohol at their parents home they respect them that much 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: #DowenCollege: Bad Parenting Vs Bad School Training. Which Is To Blame? by Sterope(f): 3:27pm On Dec 05, 2021 |
They want them bullied by other rich kids not kidnapped. They took the definition of profit making to a whole new low. pocohantas: |
Re: #DowenCollege: Bad Parenting Vs Bad School Training. Which Is To Blame? by pocohantas(f): 3:28pm On Dec 05, 2021 |
Sterope: Lmao. You sef!!! |
Re: #DowenCollege: Bad Parenting Vs Bad School Training. Which Is To Blame? by Sterope(f): 3:39pm On Dec 05, 2021 |
There is another developing story about Olashore. There is no way there haven't been rumours. People will still take their kids there next year pocohantas: 1 Like |
Re: #DowenCollege: Bad Parenting Vs Bad School Training. Which Is To Blame? by kingbybirth: 3:52pm On Dec 05, 2021 |
MMotimo:Yes parents of the boy's killers share a portion of the blame but majority of it should go to the school for outright negligence and failure to protect wards kept in their care. Trust me most of these kids left their home as innocent children. Schools, especially boarding school can mess with a child and turn them into monsters. Even the most moraled child can be corrupted by peer pressure. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: #DowenCollege: Bad Parenting Vs Bad School Training. Which Is To Blame? by Nobody: 3:53pm On Dec 05, 2021 |
treatise: Nigerian parents don't know there is an option for home-schooling. |
Re: #DowenCollege: Bad Parenting Vs Bad School Training. Which Is To Blame? by Tzar(m): 3:55pm On Dec 05, 2021 |
The truth is that there was a complex mix of faults. Each fault worked together to contribute to the tragedy. Parents MUST learn from this and listen to their kids when they complain. They must make an effort to address their kids complaints. The blame goes to: 1. The bullies for being vessels of evil. Those kids need to face the full extent of the law. They will likely grow up to be worse than this as adults. 2. The parents of the bullies for raising menaces to society. I even heard they are taking action to protect their evil kids from the consequences of their action. 3. The school for negligence in their duty on training their students in learning and character. There was poor management in the care of the kids in their custody. 4. The parents of the poor child who died for ignoring the early signs and dismissing the child's subtle but desperate call for help. He emaciated and withdew to himself significantly. He also begged the mother not to allow him to return to the school. What else did they need to take action for their child?! |
Re: #DowenCollege: Bad Parenting Vs Bad School Training. Which Is To Blame? by Electroweb(m): 4:11pm On Dec 05, 2021 |
The school is to blame for not having effective structures in place to check the excesses of bad children. 1 Like |
Re: #DowenCollege: Bad Parenting Vs Bad School Training. Which Is To Blame? by InvertedHammer: 4:15pm On Dec 05, 2021 |
/ The blame is on the parents. They ship their kids off to boarding school at the formative(11-16) part of their years. If the boy is in a day school, the problem would have been noticed before it got worse. At home, parents have some level of control over their children including access control to the house. If a parent cannot train a child, they shouldn't expect more from a few teachers to train their mistakes. In a normal society, kids stay with the parents until adulthood when they go off to universities. But in Nigeria, a kid is shipped off to boarding schools at tender age, then on graduation, they move back home with their parents and become liabilities. / 1 Like |
Re: #DowenCollege: Bad Parenting Vs Bad School Training. Which Is To Blame? by MartinsD12(m): 4:35pm On Dec 05, 2021 |
ModelLook:Bad parenting is to be blamed , even Sylvester parents are bad parent's am saying it here ,how do they put a child in a boarding school without checking up on him regularly infact when the boy was beaten to point of death the parents contacted the boys cousin to go pick him up from the school meaning the parents are not living in Lagos , this is bad parenting you left your child in Lagos for who to care for and you are chasing money , to me personally I see parents that send their children to boarding school as bad parent's such parents are irresponsible and are shying away from taking care of their children shifting the responsibility of parenting to schools is wrong , schools can't train a child , care for a child , know when a child is been bullied that's what parent's don't know, they think money is everything, had it been that Sylvester is a Day student nothing like this would happen, listen I Will never allow my children both male or female to attend boarding school, I know what am saying, these boarding school are evil themselves , whatever they know to learn let them get it from me and my wife , I will personally teach my kids to the extent of at least school certificate level ,then when they come of university level I must have instir in them the basics of life, bad parenting is the reason the boy Sylvester couldn't fully open up to his parents about those bullying him , on one school vacation time he was said to have told his mom he wants to change school but the nonchalant mum could not closely monitor and talk to this child heart to heart , drag him closer to know why he made such a statement,. Kids needs care and love before they can open up on their challenges in school. Sylvester couldn't get enough of attention from his parents. 2 Likes |
Re: #DowenCollege: Bad Parenting Vs Bad School Training. Which Is To Blame? by JBRichard(m): 4:49pm On Dec 05, 2021 |
Peebaby93:As simple as that. I strongly believe the fault came from the parents. They saw the symptoms of their child's behavior (I have completed analysed the woman's speech and testimonials and she has admitted her fault) and did nothing. One thing about Nigerians is that they don't take correction until it happens to them. As I said before boarding house is not advisable looking at the situation of the country and the world. The parents should do better next time. Nonetheless, those devilish culprits won't surface themselves, therefore, the only way is to settle this issue amicably between parents as due fit. And appropriate discipline should be met on the gang. |
Re: #DowenCollege: Bad Parenting Vs Bad School Training. Which Is To Blame? by Miner13: 4:52pm On Dec 05, 2021 |
Hathor5:if out of 4 or 5 children only one is coming out with a strange bad character, simply ask the mother where the fraud is coming from |
Re: #DowenCollege: Bad Parenting Vs Bad School Training. Which Is To Blame? by Rree: 5:08pm On Dec 05, 2021 |
Bad parenting |
Re: #DowenCollege: Bad Parenting Vs Bad School Training. Which Is To Blame? by generalwo(m): 5:09pm On Dec 05, 2021 |
brain54:..... Sir the focus here is on the school and parents not the society.... We know that in every society, there are bad people..... Now look at this from this angle, do you know if these kids have weapons in their hostels A school that have a fee of 1m per student, why is there no cctv to monitor the activities of the children on ground The substance they gave Sylvester to drink, how did it make its way past the school security? How do these cultists meet or hold their meetings within the school premises without the school's knowledge This is boarding school we are talking about, not regular day school..... A boarding school should have all the activities of kids monitored and that's why it's more expensive than the regular day school...... Carrying out a hit on students in a bid to initiate them is a big failure on behalf of the school..... For the school to claim that the victim died a result of the injury sustained while playing football means that they failed in their duties..... That kids under their watch became cultists who have murdered one of the students they are supposed to be protecting....... If my child can't be safe in an environment where I pay 3m yearly, then what is the use of boarding schools Boarding schools these days have become a breeding ground for all sorts of vices... I remember counseling a female student some years back who told me in confidence that she's a lesbian and that she was lured into the act by 2 of her seniors...... Now tell me, how is that the fault of the parents who are at home thinking that their daughter is getting educated not knowing she is being lured into the vicious world of lesbianism 1 Like |
Re: #DowenCollege: Bad Parenting Vs Bad School Training. Which Is To Blame? by FWESHVEIN(m): 5:16pm On Dec 05, 2021 |
I personally believe it's both. As the saying goes charity begins at home, a child isn't supposed to be ignored to care for his feelings or welfare, they ought to be monitored 24-7. I watched a clip of Sylvester's dad narrative, imagine him saying he doesn't know how a 50k provision is spent by Sylvester, this shows how the child is being neglected to care for its need. Boarding or no boarding, he shouldn't be separated to that extent, we're talking 11. Unfortunately, he fell into the wrong hands in which the school authorities are unaware due to their self absorbed nature and their belly! Hence both are guilty. |
Re: #DowenCollege: Bad Parenting Vs Bad School Training. Which Is To Blame? by ello29(m): 5:16pm On Dec 05, 2021 |
All those parents kids should be brought to book you are not trained to kill someone else. Even if you are trained to fight back by your parents be sure that the effect of your actions will be your responsibility. |
Re: #DowenCollege: Bad Parenting Vs Bad School Training. Which Is To Blame? by abimic(m): 5:17pm On Dec 05, 2021 |
For me, it's bad parenting, some parents use to give these teachers stern warning on what not to do to their wards, in turn making the kids become wayward. School has a share of the blame but not as much as the culprits' parents. School has many kids under their care, some are spoilt brat, that even the teachers are helpless in handling them because of who their parents are. The Sylvester was raised well by his parents, so I'm not going to blame his parents at all, but for the school not to take immediate thorough measure in extremely following up with the boy's health while in their care, shows they place priority on some kids than the others. My friend use to tell me, I've trained my kids well, she's not going to allow any child of bad parenting dare come near. |
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