I noticed that you are timid.
i tell you on behalf of women: there is not one of them who does not prefer a little rough handling to too much consideration. Men lose through blundering more hearts than virture saves. The more timidity a lover shows with women, the more it concerns their pride to goad him on; the more respect he has for their resistance.
a reasonable man in love may act like a madman but he should not and must not act like idiot.

Ebubechuwku:
I understand how you feel, she is making you feel less of an African man.

Just be patient with her, put everything in prayer, don't be carried away, love ur child.

And be ready for plan B incase she dump You... Don't be carried away at all, anyhow it happens, always learn to move on...

Cos if you don't work on the marriage, things may go south and since you are abroad not naija, it may hurt you the more and make you sad on and on.

Pray to God and have plan B incase she said she is ready for divorce, cos it's already showing...

All the time pray pray pray pray, so my question is those that doesn't believe in God and none Christians and lives happily did they achieve that by what means?

Pastor Chris no Sabi pray abi? Where is his wife today?

50pseamer:


Thanks so much for your mature advice, she does not really believe in the leadership of a man,at least from what I see. There was a time I asked her not to take my child to school and she told me she will take him to school , and she did ignoring my request, I have asked her if she wants to go, so that we can separate amicably, she should not worry about her documents, I will still help since she has a child for me. I am not sure if I ask her to stop going to her church that she will comply, but I will tell her my decision, being that we live in a white man's country, I have tried to be a bit soft. She is not telling me she wants to go, I am thinking she wants me to pull the divorce trigger, that's why she is not saying anything, if I ask her if she loves me, the answer comes with alot of delay too. It's unfortunate, I guess I made a big mistake

Be sensible, man.

She's probably trying to goad you into abusing her. I've read that people do this a lot. And by the time you've done that, she can petition for the permanent green card without you.

It appears like she is trying to provoke you.

Read the links below and arm yourself with knowledge.

https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/conditional-resident-with-abusive-spouse-consider-filing-form-i-751-early.html

https://www.immi-usa.com/immigration/vawa-domestic-violence/

Oga you dey vex me.

If you are tired, make arrangements make una visit Nigeria. Collect her passport and leave her there abeg.

50pseamer:
I would like to share my current situation on this platform , and I will very much appreciate your mature advice on the issue.

I have been having issues with my wife after our first born, we married about 3 years ago, our first born is now about 2 years old, we have been having series of issues In the marriage, my wife argues with me a lot on flimsy issues at times, we do not have constant sex, although I started helping more in the house,I cook and and I do the laundry , and asked her to give me my share of the work, when she complained about work load,I am the only one really working now, and paying 98 percent of the bills.

I told my wife that I will like us to be eating together on the same plate to improve closeness, she refused, she sees arguement as normal discussion, sometimes we have sex once or twice in a month, I have told her I will like us all to attend the same church and pray together, but she still attends her Nigerian church online , where they are always seeing vision , and I do not like her attending that church.she also attends online services of my church with me, but I would like us to be attending one church even if it is not my church.
I asked her recently that we need to be praying together for our marriage even if it is 10 minutes every day, after weeks of no response from her,I approached her yesterday and scolded her about it, she cried and I comforted her, I later asked her at night to come for the prayer,and she said she is not coming.
We live abroad and my mum wants to pay us a visit,
She told me the kitchen is her's and my mum should not enter the kitchen, and I told her that it will be difficult, we can pre cook all our food, But she might need to make tea and I will like her to be able to do that by her self , but my wife refused.
In her church she is attending they already branded. My mother a witch. Even if my mother is a witch, we only need to pray against it, should we humiliate her when she visits us? I cannot make my wife my mother, she does not show me much love and does not show that she cares, neither does she respect me. My mum shows me love that I can feel.

Now we are living like neighbours in the same house.
Do you think she is interested in the marriage or has another plan?

Did you just said even if your mother is a witch?

This man na your wife fit you, that lady will frustrate till you get sense.

Thunder go fire any mumu girl that will call my mother a witch all in the name of wife. I'm not going to love my mother than my wife but she must respect my mother.

My solid advice is this , I am so proud of you, I am happy to see a man that is ready to make things work, a man ready to build family alter, a man helping out with domestic work, your wife will regreat her actoon soon.

My advice , bring your mother over, but ensure you do not make your mother your wife, take care of your mother and take care of your wife, let there be equal treatment of love,
Concerning prayers ,please keep praying, even if she refused to join your keep praying heaven is a personal race do not let her character spoil your faith.

Concerning sex discuss this with her, let there be sex talk, tell her to explain what the problem is, if she is not enjoying it, both of you need to learn,and improve your sex life.





quote author=50pseamer post=108287053]I would like to share my current situation on this platform , and I will very much appreciate your mature advice on the issue.

I have been having issues with my wife after our first born, we married about 3 years ago, our first born is now about 2 years old, we have been having series of issues In the marriage, my wife argues with me a lot on flimsy issues at times, we do not have constant sex, although I started helping more in the house,I cook and and I do the laundry , and asked her to give me my share of the work, when she complained about work load,I am the only one really working now, and paying 98 percent of the bills.

I told my wife that I will like us to be eating together on the same plate to improve closeness, she refused, she sees arguement as normal discussion, sometimes we have sex once or twice in a month, I have told her I will like us all to attend the same church and pray together, but she still attends her Nigerian church online , where they are always seeing vision , and I do not like her attending that church.she also attends online services of my church with me, but I would like us to be attending one church even if it is not my church.
I asked her recently that we need to be praying together for our marriage even if it is 10 minutes every day, after weeks of no response from her,I approached her yesterday and scolded her about it, she cried and I comforted her, I later asked her at night to come for the prayer,and she said she is not coming.
We live abroad and my mum wants to pay us a visit,
She told me the kitchen is her's and my mum should not enter the kitchen, and I told her that it will be difficult, we can pre cook all our food, But she might need to make tea and I will like her to be able to do that by her self , but my wife refused.
In her church she is attending they already branded. My mother a witch. Even if my mother is a witch, we only need to pray against it, should we humiliate her when she visits us? I cannot make my wife my mother, she does not show me much love and does not show that she cares, neither does she respect me. My mum shows me love that I can feel.

Now we are living like neighbours in the same house.
Do you think she is interested in the marriage or has another plan?
[/quote]

brightalo1010:


All the time pray pray pray pray, so my question is those that doesn't believe in God and none Christians and lives happily did they achieve that by what means?

Pastor Chris no Sabi pray abi? Where is his wife today?

Praying doesn't means you are a Christian, praying means saying positive things, wishing yourselves good fate. And its 50/50, it may work out and it may not..

Anybody can pray, irrespective of their faith

Oga activate your plan B immediately.. That lady is getting set for a divorce. She has already started hers in motion already..Get smart pls. And for your info, your mum is no witch at all.. She is simply playing with your mind ( manipulation) and make sure she doesnt cut you off your family nor make you do such wickedness towards the hands that nirtured and fed you while you grew. Pls dont beat her no matter how she gets you provoked to do so.. That's where she is headed.. I ll also advise you dont bring your mum yet so she wont have any Avenue to provoke you..

Well from the story, it shows you have failed in your ability to take charge of your home.A man, shouldn't wash clothes, plates, sweep etc. because his wife denies him sex or she asked him to do so. A husband should help the wife when she has s lot of work to do. The moment you made sweeping or washing dishes a routine, she'll take it as your responsibility. I boldly repeat, love your wife, but do not do silly things because you need sex. In fact, act like you dont really care about sex. Give good attention to your child... Lastly, get a backup

Dating alot of ladies is never the solution because it will mess your mind, and most men dating different girls can never have a good marriage research has proven this most ended up divorce withing 5years

If you like date 1 million women , the experience can never be de same with the one you finally settle with. No two women are the same .














author=larryking540 post=108290291] na here your problem take start ,you stayed without it for 9years most women can't stay without it for 6 months ,,,you na rev father ,even father day hide knack ,baba if u dateed alot you would have understand nature of female I swear ,[/quote]

OvertheTop:


Bros, Unfortunately....They Are ABROAD. she CANT be sent Packing
if he leaves....he can be Sued for Abandonment....That place is Hell for a MAN.

he should trick her to come home for Xmas, when they arrived he should collect all her papers, phones and any valuable from her and go back leaving her here.

sandra50:
Oga before any of you becomes a murderer..she is one of those bad eyes and there is nothing you can do about it..leave her before you kill someone and mess up your life..how can she say your mother is a winch and you are taking it lightly?better leave that woman now.. child support is not a big issue because you spend more now that she is leaving with you.you are already a vegetable in that house and the only way to get your life back is by divorcing her..she might even change when she finds out you are tired of her nonsense but if it doesn't make her change then just know that she never loved you..I don't know why people are so mean and heartless.

The abuse is probably what she's after. It's obvious she is not a citizen yet, she married OP for the green card and is looking to compete the process without him. One way to do that is to claim abuse.
Check the link.

https://cis.org/North/Victims-MarriageRelated-Immigration-Fraud-Tell-Their-Stories

Some pipu are just born to be stupid. Op you be mumu raised to 2. Wetin happen to the word divorce. Bros eh, you need to be flogged 600 strokes of holy cane make you recieve sense.

Imagine, the muturu dey even consider him mums as witch. Chai, odiegwu.

Pabloesman:
Just stay loyal and never change towards her,she’ll realize her mistake someday and come back to her own self. Try not to complicate things more bruv

Forget that bullshit. Stay loyal how. My man life is too short for someone to be enduring shit. If this Op na my brother, I swear I go fight am. If he no wan kick that bitch out, I go do am myself. As I dey see am, the Op will end up in the streets if he no use him number 6.

50pseamer:
I would like to share my current situation on this platform , and I will very much appreciate your mature advice on the issue.

I have been having issues with my wife after our first born, we married about 3 years ago, our first born is now about 2 years old, we have been having series of issues In the marriage, my wife argues with me a lot on flimsy issues at times, we do not have constant sex, although I started helping more in the house,I cook and and I do the laundry , and asked her to give me my share of the work, when she complained about work load,I am the only one really working now, and paying 98 percent of the bills.

I told my wife that I will like us to be eating together on the same plate to improve closeness, she refused, she sees arguement as normal discussion, sometimes we have sex once or twice in a month, I have told her I will like us all to attend the same church and pray together, but she still attends her Nigerian church online , where they are always seeing vision , and I do not like her attending that church.she also attends online services of my church with me, but I would like us to be attending one church even if it is not my church.
I asked her recently that we need to be praying together for our marriage even if it is 10 minutes every day, after weeks of no response from her,I approached her yesterday and scolded her about it, she cried and I comforted her, I later asked her at night to come for the prayer,and she said she is not coming.
We live abroad and my mum wants to pay us a visit,
She told me the kitchen is her's and my mum should not enter the kitchen, and I told her that it will be difficult, we can pre cook all our food, But she might need to make tea and I will like her to be able to do that by her self , but my wife refused.
In her church she is attending they already branded. My mother a witch. Even if my mother is a witch, we only need to pray against it, should we humiliate her when she visits us? I cannot make my wife my mother, she does not show me much love and does not show that she cares, neither does she respect me. My mum shows me love that I can feel.

Now we are living like neighbours in the same house.
Do you think she is interested in the marriage or has another plan?

My opinion, it depends. You are saying your own side of the story and she may have her own side too and you may the one at fault. A one sided story!! Also there are soo many things happening inside homes that can solved inside homes. Evrything is abt respect. She may also have issues against you tht you are � guilty of. About not interested in the marriage..If she is not interested will she marry you? .. Men nowadays like "hole". She might have been convinced in soo many ways but decided it's YOU. Tell her family what's happening.. Speak out! I have seen marriage of a week dissolve. You can prostrate for her if possible inside home and nobody will know. Nobody is in the light of things happening inside your home..you guys are. Gain your respect without violence and talk to her family if the issue persist. My opinion again though..

I don't know what advice you are getting here, my own is, you should start fixing cameras in your house before she calls the police on you saying you kicked or injure her. By divorcing you, she would have the house and the child which you are going to be paying for the house you don't live in anymore(after divorce), and also child support(this shouldn't be a problem because he/she is your child).

Don't put all your investment abroad, start moving some money to your bank account in Nigeria to secure yourself and your child.

If your wife is behaving that way, definitely she's up to something, be very careful.

Nicepoker:
I don't interfere into marital issues. I only comment on pre wedding pictures tell them ahead how it will end. Guess what they never listen. At the end topics like this will hit FP.

Hahahahah, I couldn't help but laugh so hard reading your post, bet you that on their wedding, they were all smiles and all those awnnn rubbish. The reality has set in now... nonsense, I don't know why people can't reason beyond the emotions of stupid love. Love is never enough...he who has ears should hear it...

Alusiizizi:


Continue being a simpleton. Continue playing houseboy for something you refer to as wife. Thats right, wash plates, sweep, cook, clean toilets, wash her pants. Really? Is this a serious story. I have no pity for simps but today I'll restrain contempt and give candid advise: I would have advised you to throw the useless bitch out of your house were it not for the fact that you mentioned residence "abroad", which I take to mean US,UK or any of those places where simps are receiving respect, so my advice to you is GET A DIVORCE!!! You've been married 3 years, which means you're young and can still live past the mistake that you brought into your house. Normally they'll try to guilt-trip you with narratives like "think about your son". Don't fall for that bullshit. If you should be thinking about what's best for your son then so should the bitch. Most important is for you to put yourself first. If you keep playing simp for some worthless bitch, you may end up not noticing the passing of 15~20 years or so, then you'll know the true meaning of "mid-life crisis" whence you gaze upon yourself from the front of a mirror and see nothing but an animate corpse.

Sadly,
She will Take his House,

and He will BE paying child, Home Mortgage and Wife Upkeep

lalax:
She will sign d document immediately.... she is bin waiting for d divorce just dat she want it to come from her husband...hence all d silly game she's bin playing with d man's heart.....

then you can see her Reason and start making arrangement to secure yourself and property by first collecting the fake divorce paper and start reposition yourself but trust me she will not sign it intact she will invite her pastors or someone close to appeal for peace.

This guy your demands and your need to control everything this woman does is extremely ridiculous. She never called your mother a witch. You assume she did because her church may have mentioned such doctrines. For her to cry shows you are frustrating this woman.

Look most women don’t like anyone controlling their kitchen. She did not refuse your mum coming she just said she does not want a takeover of her own kitchen.

As to the sex part, are you jobless as a married person that you want constant sex? She’s also now a mother and might be fighting libido issues. Did you care to ask her if she’s going through anything and profer a medical solution?

Igolonwaanyi:



You call doing domestic chores 'simping'. I wonder the kind of home you came from. Because of people like you I'm teaching my sons and daughters to ditch the idea of gender roles.

Your SON will be Washing Pant when he his Married and will Tell You (Mother) to her him Spread it on the Line Outside....

Then You will Understand what we are talking About.

OvertheTop:


Sadly,
She will Take his House,

and He will BE paying child, Home Mortgage and Wife Upkeep

He might be lucky. Maybe he's renting an apartment, which is common in the west. He's going to loose something, no doubt but the idea is to get out while he's still fresh and able to live past. If their govt start pressing for wife upkeep and such, all he has to do is return home, this is what I find so pitiful. I remember watching a movie once(name I forget) that describe how to trap a monkey. One of the characters replied to take a shiny object and put in a gourd. The monkey, upon reaching into the gourd with hand and grasping the shiny object finds that its can no longer free its hand, greed blinds it from the way to freedom, and so it is with many of these simps that settle abroad. Even when their household is on fire, their greed for the western society blinds them from the way to freedom.

baby124:
This guy your demands and your need to control everything this woman does is extremely ridiculous. She never called your mother a witch. You assume she did because her church may have mentioned such doctrines. For her to cry shows you are frustrating this woman.

Look most women don’t like anyone controlling their kitchen. She did not refuse your mum coming she just said she does not want a takeover of her own kitchen.

As to the sex part, are you jobless as a married person that you want constant sex? She’s also now a mother and might be fighting libido issues. Did you care to ask her if she’s going through anything and profer a medical solution?

if she's have a libido issue can't she communicate with his husband That aside whats the big deal in the kitchen stuff is his mum not her own mother too why the phrase"kitchen control is she coming to stay forever", she called her witch and even the mumu dude accepted that his own mother is a witch, you need to change your thought of life because if you have this mindset e go hard you to settle down with man who is groomed or is attach with his mother or Root

i don't want to comment or advice you because i will be biased. reason; that she called your mother a witch. me wont take that.

[quote author=EndRape2 post=108319650]Dating alot of ladies is never the solution because it will mess your mind, and most men dating different girls can never have a good marriage research has proven this most ended up divorce withing 5years

If you like date 1 million women , the experience can never be de same with the one you finally settle with. No two women are the same .

MANIPULATION

You get Better in Anything you set your Mind on.... only from Experience.

You CANT be Excellent in a Task You have Little OR No Experience in.

FACT

BLoomfrancs:



Forget that bullshit. Stay loyal how. My man life is too short for someone to be enduring shit. If this Op na my brother, I swear I go fight am. If he no wan kick that bitch out, I go do am myself. As I dey see am, the Op will end up in the streets if he no use him number 6.

Even if he makes the Divorce Move, He will Still Lose the House to Her and Pay for their Upkeep including Mortgage.

He is a Sitting Duck

All These Fake Churches with Fake Pastors All Destroying Marriages.
It appears fake pastors influence a lot of women more then men.
Sadly someone is negatively advising your wife and in all honestly like many marriages especially in UK wants you out of the house while YOU keep paying the bills and she runs around with other men / pastor. However it always comes crashing down and the women always beg the husbands to take them back. A few fools do and regret later.
ADVICE : start hiding / saving your money well well, Be smart, ""Pay loans back to people you owe "". Have them send you e-mails / certified letters they want their money back. i suspect your union is almost over, Red Flag ( she is against your mother coming. Wetin you mom do am ? ).
Tell her if she is no longer intereted she is free to go also.

.... Life has mose pain and sadness than pleasure & happiness for everyone.....

Bonesbreaker:
if she's have a libido issue can't she communicate with his husband That aside whats the big deal in the kitchen stuff is his mum not her own mother too why the phrase"kitchen control is she coming to stay forever", she called her witch and even the mumu dude accepted that his own mother is a witch, you need to change your thought of life because if you have this mindset e go hard you to settle down with man who is groomed or is attach with his mother or Root

Show me where in his post she called his mother a witch. Quote it for me. Or do you have comprehension problems? A lot of women don’t like anyone else cooking in their kitchen.

Personally I don’t mind as long as you don’t try to diminish my own cooking skills to make yours seem important. This OP is the problem from his post. He wants everything his way as of na animal or pet he marry.

As for the libido, OP is more bothered about his own libido and other control freak matters than settling down to ask important questions.

baby124:

Show me where in his post she called his mother a witch. Quote it for me. Or do you have comprehension problems? A lot of women don’t like anyone else cooking in their kitchen.

Personally I don’t mind as long as you don’t try to diminish my own cooking skills to make yours seem important. This OP is the problem from his post. He wants everything his way as of na animal or pet he marry.

As for the libido, OP is more bothered about his own libido and other control freak matters than settling down to ask important questions.

go back and Read his post please stop been ignorant okey

Alot of women marry in Nigeria due to societal pressure. After a whole they start doing this

Word for the wise

PapaGfad:
I couldn't resist commenting on this because I don't like to see couples suffer unnecessarily.

First, I need you to understand that most ladies of this dispensation maybe good but certainly not prepared for marriage. Their dream of marriage is far from the actual reality of the institution.

You have done well to speak out.

Now, please relax and restrategize. From the way you sound,you seem to be more passionate about the marriage than your wife.

Don't beat yourself too hard. Relax and keep your head together. If there is one thing you must do now, it is for you to let your wife know that she is not doing you a favour. You are both in a contract; you are both in a business. If she can no longer cope, you should be ready to show her the way out. Your kids will not suffer! For the kids, a sound minded divorced parents is better than a warped, depressed and uncoordinated parent

Please and please, don't go about this with ego o. You need to be manipulative and strategic about it. Never attack a woman defensively, you will not win o

Lastly, I have only provided you a surface answer. Only you know what and what is hidden between the two of you. I cannot begin to ask that now but I hope others will give you a more simpler solution or perspectives.

depends if he files for divorce property will be sld but will lose 70 percent to he lady and his son . but he can rebuild his life back if he's not lazy

OvertheTop:


Sadly,
She will Take his House,

and He will BE paying child, Home Mortgage and Wife Upkeep