mk3jax:


The incentives given in the west is only transient as the men will still get bleeped in the family court when the marriage ends. So the men will always loose anyway.
The major problem I see with modern family is that the men are expected to retain the 1900 status as provider and protector while the women have abandoned their 1900 roles. What are the incentives for a man to commit in todays world?

Don’t commit. Women don’t add anything to your life. It’s trap. You will loose. Women don’t work. They don’t bring any money to the family. They won’t even feed you. You will be the provider and “protector” and she will just sit on the couch all day and do nothing. Not even bringing up your children that’s if they even agree to have kids for you.

There’s nothing in it for you. Stay away

tensazangetsu20:

It's mostly Africans foolish broke men that believe having kids is a blessing. All over the world men are avoiding marriage as it leads to severely lower living standards. It's so bad in so many countries now that government is even offering incentives to people to have a family. It's only in Nigeria and other shithole African countries that people see having a family as a good thing whereas na suffering dey wait o

Interesting claim. So kids don't happen to men outside marriage at all, abi?

Na only marriage dey afflict men with the responsibility called kids, and hence family?

It’s the casual misogyny for me.

And all this because men “provide”. Imagine if they had to provide in addition to all the other things that women do. We would need to stop existing in order to show appreciation

solja147:
Life doesn't get easier when you get a woman. It gets harder. Honest people know this.

Yet one of the most unpopular truths that provokes ridiculous reactions even in men is to say that women drag you down more than they help you.



In the hierarchy of neediness, men are least needy and children are most - with women in the middle.

Just realise every time you get with a woman or have an extra kid, you're increasing the difficulty level of your life.
Women are always the ones pushing for more. They want a baby. They want another baby. They want to get married. Why are the women always pushing for these things, rather than the men?

Because it's the men who bear the brunt of the increase in difficulty - not the women.
Don't get me wrong, a woman who's just had a child has certainly made her life harder. Before nobody relied on her. Now a child relies on her. But for the man, before it was just a woman relying on him, now it's a woman + a child relying on him. He has more people relying on him.


Jumping into the deep end is how you wreck yourself.
Bearing all this in mind, you would think the needier sex would be the more grateful one, right?

Wrong.

It is more common for a man to be deeply thankful just to have any woman, than it is for a woman to be profoundly grateful for the man who cares for her


Women are far less modest, yet men are more pathetic. For women are more desperate than men when single, yet less grateful than men when taken.


[b]But given that man's burden is indeed the greatest, for he has not only the children, but the eternal adolescent, the woman to care for - he deserves the deepest gratitude and greatest thanks. Men build great empires and move whole oceans for little more than profound gratitude.
In this sense women make men better, not because they are an asset, but because they are a challenge, and, when they are the right kind of challenge - they moralise rather than demoralise. They give him a sense of purpose, even if they slow him down by making his life harder.
So you can think of a good woman as a gracious cheerleader. Her beauty both inside and out inspires the man, irrespective of the imposition of her needs. The beauty of her loins and the modesty of her soul transcends the ugliness of her neediness to invigorate him.
That is a best case scenario.

When such beauty is absent, the partnership loses its wholesome spiritual component and becomes parasitic. The man is demoralised, drained, like an unappreciated slave. He grows resentful, so he begins to crave freedom. He is slowly checking out.
A truly wise woman then is not only modest enough to accept the burden she represents - but mindful enough to actively counterbalance it by showering her man in beauty. She realises she keeps a man by showering him in the beauty of gratitude from the depths of her soul.
Women who fail to do this & allow themselves to become resentful (whether rightfully or wrongfully) will fail to keep their man in the long run.

There has to be some advantage, some reward, some positive for the man. You can't just endlessly mount him with burden with no thanks.
This is why narcissism although a terrible ugliness in general, is particularly ugly in woman.

Because at least narcissistic men provide.

What does an immodest woman have to offer a man at all in any meaningful spiritual sense?

She will cause him nothing but pain and problems.
All a woman has is her gratitude. She lives + dies by it, because it defines her immaterial beauty.

And so modesty for that reason alone is the chief + primary attribute women should cultivate and men should covet.

For without it, there can be no permanence, only temporariness.
This is why it's important for a man to cultivate a culture of appreciation within his relationship, and to set the pace at which he adopts additional burden.

Don't let women pressure you into taking on burdens you're unsuited to, and yet at the same time, do not lead her on.
Women feel anxiety about their fleeting fertility, but Rome wasn't built in a day. As such, your timescales are at odds and one party is forced to compromise.

The only real solution is to ensure a wider age difference.

Older, more established men with younger, unanxious women.

#Copied from @tellyoursonthis.

Mariangeles:
Where are all these bitterness coming from?
The other time, you referred to those having children in Africa as demons or whatever, now this? Are you sure you’re ok?
I know say una new plan na to push agenda wey go depopulate Africa but e no go work!
You all can keep wailing!

I no wan hold brief for that one wey you reply but depopulation holds the major key to development in anywhere Africa. Without it, you all are playing ojoro with your lives and existence.

tensazangetsu20:

Lol you are a lady. It's okay to have countless children Afterall you won't be the one caring for them. Like the article says no difference between women and children.

That na rubbish talk abeg... not all women want kids. Instead, society, ruled by men, have women convinced there existence is worth nothing without the birthing of children particularly a male child. For this reason, your typical African woman believes she needs to have kids, even a male one, if her life is to count.

Ofcourse the mind fuckery does not end with women as their male counterparts operate on the delusion there their DNA is somehow unique and of value to this world and so they must procreate and ensure their line does not end with them.

babyfaceafrica:
It's an African thing though. Na Africans see marriage as success. Europeans and Americans don't think like that. People earning 100k having three children, imagine... No be juju be that

3 ke? We are talking 5 or even 7 sef and the reasons given for racking up more child points than is necessary always ridiculous.

Imagine a Nigerian women here in California who be nurse, already with 6 kids. She went ahead to have a 7th one, why? Because she wanted a son so she could keep her husband from abandoning her. By the time the son arrived, the man don waka go meet another woman. Yet they were already struggling to feed, cloth and care for the 6 kids they had.

No be only for Nigeria that foolishness dey.... dem dey carry am with dem anywhere dem enter.

Karleb:
People living from hand to mouth have 3 kids and more.

The painful part are those that inherit the burden of their parent as first born, imagine haven to take care of your siblings compulsorily because one funny culture demands that?

These things hurt when I think deeply about it, about how poverty would have greatly reduced if people birthed according to their earnings.

Anyways, poverty and illiteracy has a way of keeping people in poverty.

Every firstborn come be man? That pain is spread across genders abeg. And when I hear people complain about such things I tell them straight up to blame their parents for being foolish to begin with.

Kobojunkie:
That na rubbish talk abeg... not all women want kids. Instead, society, ruled by men, have women convinced there existence is worth nothing without the birthing of children particularly a male child. For this reason, your typical African woman believes she needs to have kids, even a male one, if her life is to count.

Ofcourse the mind fuckery does not end with women as their male counterparts operate on the delusion there their DNA is somehow unique and of value to this world and so they must procreate and ensure their line does not end with them.

The fact that they don’t see this as the root of that problem he mentioned is what befuddles me.
Like where’s his defense for women who are past a certain age without husband and children and are called derogatory names for it?
Or how the married ones with no children are unfortunate and barren. Mind you the man can never be barren.

“Women want children at all costs”.

Gee I wonder why such a mysterious phenomenon occurs.

ReacherSaidNoth:
Marriage is thankless service to women. Even if they suddenly showed true gratitude what's that compared to a lifetime of self-sacrifice?

Abeg stop blaming your issues on marriage for no rational reason.

Marriage has nothing to do with the foolish choices individuals make in them. Marriage does not rid those who sign up for it of stewpid. It's garbage-in-garbage-out.... GIGO. So stop blaming Marriage make we hear word!

cococandy:


Don’t commit. Women don’t add anything to your life. It’s trap. You will loose. Women don’t work. They don’t bring any money to the family. They won’t even feed you. You will be the provider and “protector” and she will just sit on the couch all day and do nothing. Not even bringing up your children that’s if they even agree to have kids for you.

There’s nothing in it for you. Stay away

Been married for 10 years. Have 2 maid in the house that do almost everything yet wife still complains like we all came into this world to perpetually enjoy. By the way 100% of my friends and colleagues have this same problem with their wife. What women say in the public is not what they do. Even when they work, their money belong to them 100% and they will still disrespect the man that is providing for the family.
A man is valued strictly on his ability to provide. They are never loved unconditionally.

mk3jax:

Been married for 10 years. Have 2 maid in the house that do almost everything yet wife still complains like we all came into this world to perpetually enjoy. By the way 100% of my friends and colleagues have this same problem with their wife. What women say in the public is not what they do. Even when they work, their money belong to them 100% and they will still disrespect the man that is providing for the family.
A man is valued strictly on his ability to provide. They are never loved unconditionally.

Bullsheet...

Kobojunkie:
Every firstborn come be man? That pain is spread across genders abeg. And when I hear people complain about such things I tell them straight up to blame their parents for being foolish to begin with.

I wasn't blaming any gender there.
The blame is on the parents/society.

Karleb:
I wasn't blaming any gender there.
The blame is on the parents/society.

Ok o!

Kobojunkie:
That na rubbish talk abeg... not all women want kids. Instead, society, ruled by men, have women convinced there existence is worth nothing without the birthing of children particularly a male child. For this reason, your typical African woman believes she needs to have kids, even a male one, if her life is to count.

Ofcourse the mind fuckery does not end with women as their male counterparts operate on the delusion there their DNA is somehow unique and of value to this world and so they must procreate and ensure their line does not end with them.

Women are the one's shaming one another over having kids and being married not men. Men are never as desperate for kids like women because we know the financial consequence on us. Women see small beautiful things in babies but men see them as expense for the next 25 years.

mk3jax:
Women are the one's shaming one another over having kids and being married not men. Men are never as desperate for kids like women because we know the financial consequence on us. Women see small beautiful things in babies but men see them as expense for the next 25 years.

Abeg stop spewing this bullsheet!

Men are never desperate for kids yet women who are not fertile or have a history of abortions are cast aside by men as if trash....

Abeg stop yapping if you are not at least willing to to honest with yourself.

Kobojunkie:
Abeg stop spewing this bullsheet!

Men are never desperate for kids yet women who are not fertile or have a history of abortions are cast aside by men as if trash....

Abeg stop yapping if you are not at least willing to to honest with yourself.

Emotional and not logical response.

Kobojunkie:
Every firstborn come be man? That pain is spread across genders abeg. And when I hear people complain about such things I tell them straight up to blame their parents for being foolish to begin with.

I agree with you on this: so many parents, so so many fall under that foolish category.

mk3jax:
Emotional and not logical response.

There was nothing logical about your comment to begin with.

mk3jax:

Been married for 10 years. Have 2 maid in the house that do almost everything yet wife still complains like we all came into this world to perpetually enjoy. By the way 100% of my friends and colleagues have this same problem with their wife. [b]What women say in the public is not what they do. [/b]Even when they work, their money belong to them 100% and they will still disrespect the man that is providing for the family.
A man is valued strictly on his ability to provide. They are never loved unconditionally.

Very True. A coursemate once told me in school she can't date a short black man.. Fast forward last year.. She married one!! Never take ladies words literally

mk3jax:

Been married for 10 years. Have 2 maid in the house that do almost everything yet wife still complains like we all came into this world to perpetually enjoy. By the way 100% of my friends and colleagues have this same problem with their wife. What women say in the public is not what they do. Even when they work, their money belong to them 100% and they will still disrespect the man that is providing for the family.
A man is valued strictly on his ability to provide. They are never loved unconditionally.

Indeed...

It's why I find it ridiculous that some of you still try to make argument with them.

babyfaceafrica:
Very True. A coursemate once told me in school she can't date a short black man.. Fast forward last year.. She married one!! Never take ladies words literally

He get small money abi...

crackhaus:

Indeed...

It's why I find it ridiculous that some of you still try to make argument with them.

Likeeeeeeee...

mk3jax:

Been married for 10 years. Have 2 maid in the house that do almost everything yet wife still complains like we all came into this world to perpetually enjoy. By the way 100% of my friends and colleagues have this same problem with their wife. What women say in the public is not what they do. Even when they work, their money belong to them 100% and they will still disrespect the man that is providing for the family.
A man is valued strictly on his ability to provide. They are never loved unconditionally.

Reason some men are evaluating the purpose of marriage. Everything men benefitted, many women have contested and revolted against. There's hardly anything left for the man as men who even provide these days barely get the respect.

1. Men used to love the head-ship title but today, they say we are equal partners.

2. Chastity is no longer a trend among today's generation. This used to be one of the benefits men get from their new brides.

3. A unique family name: today's women now wants to retain their father's name.

4. Today's women want you to clean, wash, cook, and babysit. They say it is romantic for a man to do that, but how dare you expect her to serve you food on her knees. The last time a modern woman did this was during the traditional marriage rites. It was cool for the glam but slavery and too archaic to keep the home.

One fact has become clear to all though, more men will now continue to revolt against the idea of marriage. The few men that would be getting married in the next few decades would be doing so because of religious beliefs (This already is a norm in the developed world). Take religion out and see more men runaway from that institution.

More women in the developing world will troop to churches, which by then would have been deserted, in a bid to get potential suitors.

There is already an established link between anti-religious movements, feminism, and some of these new age revolutions. When they successfully terminate religion, the marriage we love so much will also die a natural death. The average feminist believe that religion is the bedrock of patriarchy so they're (feminist, etc.) codedly rooting out patriarchy (and religion in disguise) so men can buy into their idea of marriage - an idea that reeks of divorce and separation between two rational game players instead of two selfless love birds.

cococandy:
Says the people whose lives fall apart the moment there’s not a woman in the family to hold everything together. Now there’s no difference between women and children. I’ve heard it all.

Your children raise themselves?
They feed themselves and feed you?
They keep the home running?
They go to work and contribute financially to the home? What amazing competent and capable children y’all must have then.

Every single minute on this forum there’s no lack of misogynistic tripe aimed at minimizing the worth of women even though most of can’t survive without them. But interesting thread . Yay. Perfect.

Biko why exactly are you pained?
The entire summary of OP's thread hinges on appreciating men more for the effort they're putting, simple!!

So there's no point tryna start a gender war with your write up... This write up is not a man vs woman thread, so don't try to make it so... And what's with the bolded, mehnnnn that reasoning is just disgustingly shallow, yuccckk

And by the way, there's nothing misogynistic about this thread, and if you see it as such, then I can conclude that it's either you didn't understand the OP's POV or you're too emotionally irrational to keep an open mind...

mk3jax:

Been married for 10 years. Have 2 maid in the house that do almost everything yet wife still complains like we all came into this world to perpetually enjoy. By the way 100% of my friends and colleagues have this same problem with their wife. What women say in the public is not what they do. Even when they work, their money belong to them 100% and they will still disrespect the man that is providing for the family.
A man is valued strictly on his ability to provide. They are never loved unconditionally.

This does not represent reality.

Favfables1:


Biko why exactly are you pained?
The entire summary of OP's thread hinges on appreciating men more for the effort they're putting, simple!!

So there's no point tryna start a gender war with your write up... This write up is not a man vs woman thread, so don't try to make it so... And what's with the bolded, mehnnnn that reasoning is just disgustingly shallow, yuccckk

And by the way, there's nothing misogynistic about this thread, and if you see it as such, then I can conclude that it's either you didn't understand the OP's POV or you're too emotionally irrational to keep an open mind...

I love how y’all start with posts that insult women and then ask a women why she’s pained. Op could have asked women to be more appreciative of their husbands (as if they aren’t already) without being insulting to women.

“It’s not a gender war “ the perfect response whenever someone points house how insulting you’re being to the female gender. Oh and the most cliche one. A woman’s response is always emotional.

Acidosis:



One fact has become clear to all though, more men will now continue to revolt against the idea of marriage. The few men that would be getting married in the next few decades would be doing so because of religious beliefs (This already is a norm in the developed world). Take religion out and see more men runaway from that institution.

More women in the developing world will troop to churches, which by then would have been deserted, in a bid to get potential suitors..

You’d think so. But they aren’t though.

It seems men can’t truly stand the idea of unmarried women. I’m hoping to see more men especially those who think marriage doesn’t benefit them stay single. Honestly many family problems can be avoided if men who think marriage isn’t for them chose not to go that route. But they will not and I wonder why. Maybe there’s a lie in there somewhere

Favfables1:


...

Oh but it’s not a gender war

one of the most unpopular truths that provokes ridiculous reactions even in men is to say that women drag you down more than they help you.

Favfables1:

So there's no point tryna start a gender war with your write up... This write up is not a man vs woman thread, so don't try to make it so... And what's with the bolded, mehnnnn that reasoning is just disgustingly shallow, yuccckk

And by the way, there's nothing misogynistic about this thread ...

I know casual misogyny is the bane of y’all’s existence. So you won’t see what’s wrong with likening a grown woman to be an eternal adolescent. Oh how unfortunate you are to be burdened with this female burden that’s eternally reliant on you.

It’s only a problem when someone points out what’s wrong with the conversation.
All you want is free rein to jump online and talk trash about the women who birthed yous .

Until you men are ready to respect women, don’t expect fruitful conversation

But given that man's burden is indeed the greatest, for he has not only the children, but the eternal adolescent, the woman to care for

cococandy:


1. I love how y’all start with posts that insult women and then ask a women why she’s pained.

2. Op could have asked women to be more appreciative of their husbands (as if they aren’t already) without being insulting to women.

3. “It’s not a gender war “ the perfect response whenever someone points house how insulting you’re being to the female gender.

4. Oh and the most cliche one. A woman’s response is always emotional.

1. "Y'all"?? That generalization is off don't you think

2. Yes, he should...
But neither of us have the right to decide what he "should" do...

3. Chief...
I really like the way you present your argument...
However...
I don't see you taking the same stance in other post when it's the other way round...

4. Quite frankly, I didn't look at the "f" beside your name when I first came on your mention, honestly, I didn't pay any attention to the your user name sef

But now that I have...
I can conclude that you're taking this stance maybe because you feel attacked.... Maybe the OP's post struck a chord ...

Well...
What do I know ...

cococandy:


I know casual misogyny is the bane of y’all’s existence. So you won’t see what’s wrong with likening a grown woman to be an eternal adolescent. Oh how unfortunate you are to be burdened with this female burden that’s eternally reliant on you.

It’s only a problem when someone points out what’s wrong with the conversation.
All you want is free rein to jump online and talk trash about the women who birthed yous .

Until you men are ready to respect women, don’t expect fruitful conversation

So the only thing you could pick out of the OP's very long write up is that?
You see why I say you feel attacked ...

As for men respecting women...
Well...
I can't speak for all men...
But I only respect people (male or female) who are worth respecting...

Mmm I see. Now that we’ve pointed out what’s problematic with the thread, you want to avoid the fact that it’s problematic and try to shift the focus onto me. Nothing new here.

“Maybe the OP post struck a chord?” Of course it did. Why do you think I’m commenting?

Seeing women hold their own EVERY SINGLE DAY in marriages only to come online and read thrash about how we are a burden and eternal adolescents and make life harder bla bla bla and then see y’all classify is interesting and logical conversation did indeed strike a chord. Was that supposed to make me defensive?

And look who’s worried about generalizations. You have no problem when the OP was generalizing. Hypocritical much?

Favfables1:


1. "Y'all"?? That generalization is off don't you think

2. Yes, he should...
But neither of us have the right to decide what he "should" do...

3. Chief...
I really like the way you present your argument...
However...
I don't see you taking the same stance in other post when it's the other way round...

4. Quite frankly, I didn't look at the "f" beside your name when I first came on your mention, honestly, I didn't pay any attention to the your user name sef

But now that I have...
I can conclude that you're taking this stance maybe because you feel attacked.... Maybe the OP's post struck a chord ...

Well...
What do I know ...