I've been out of NYSC for almost 6 years now and to be honest, I am still struggling to make ends meet. I work where the pay is nothing to write home about and I have a small apartment I'm managing. It hasn't been easy at all. One of the problems being my mother who I see as a selfish and greedy person. She's this person that I can't discuss financial constraints with let's say an uncle or even my father in her presence. She'll tell them not to assist me that they're spoiling me, that those who are surviving on 20k monthly with wives and children don't have 2 heads.

As in I no get, I brought a business plan to my father. He's on the verge of assisting me and she convinced him not to help me and the man listened (he's a kind of person that even takes decisions from the woman. Sometimes I believe she must have jazzed him or something because honestly, that man doesn't know what he's doing again.

Funniest thing is that if she's the one the man wants to assist with even a million naira, she will be smiling happy. She no go talk say dem dey spoil her o.

I remember when my uncle sent money from abroad through her, she only gave me a tiny percentage . The man sent #500k to her to give me . She only gave me 30k and lied to the man she has given me the whole #500k. It was when I called the man to thank him I got to know. I just played along like I've received the whole sum inorder not to cause another problem between him and her.

Secondly, she always wants to rip where she didn't sow. I can use a pin to count how many favor she has done for me and my younger ones in this life but yet, she wants to make it an obligation to be taking care of her with the little I'm earning despite the fact that she's working and even earning x8 of what I earn.

Fine I'll give you when I have but no she no dey hear that one. Even wen I was doing NYSC in 2016. She called my grandma on phone and was crying that I refused to send her money.. I was dumbfounded. Me wey dey struggle in the streets of Kano with 19k alawee while she is working in Lagos earning more than 100k yet she still wants me to be sending money to her . It's not even that she contributes her salary to the house. It's my father that does everything. Even ordinary filling of gas cylinder na the man dey drop money.. It was so bad she started reporting me to all my uncles. Most of them who understood what I'm going through tried to talk to her but she wasn't having any of it

Thirdly, as I said in the first point above about my father being her puppet. My mother has a car she bought around 2014 and I can tell you she has never spent a dime on that car. Ordinary to use her money buy fuel na war. It's the man that fuels the car for her. If the car is faulty , she can abandon it for months until the man fixes it with is own money. When it spoils again, she abandons it again and the cycle continues. Meanwhile like I said, she works and earn above 100k monthly o. Sometimes I just keep wandering what she uses her money for because there's really nothing tangible she does to the house. (I have 3 siblings behind).

Lastly, this woman has been disturbing me to marry even as far back as when I was serving in 2016. Even till date, I keep telling her I'll settle when I am financially comfortable but she's always never ready to have any of that. Always using people like teachers and fuel attendants who earn less that 20k monthly and have wife and kids. Fine them get wife and born children but their wives are the type you see fighting with their neighbors and tearing their wrappers everyday. Their kids are the type you see on the streets driving tire naked , blowing banger up and down the streets and moving with bad boys.

No perfect family. If I open mouth talk my own now you will thank God for having a mother like yours. However to get her thoughts out of my mind I had to travel and stay very far away from her. No calls or sms, we're both good, this is the fourth year of no communication

that woman wants grandchildren.

simple!

OP go and part one red sea and give her children of israel. You'll be surprised when she starts showering your bouncing babies with all sorts.

apart from that increase your hustle don't see her as a stumbling block but rather motivation once you overcome your financial issues these things become trivial instantly!

Man. I feel your pain. I totally understand. You might not believe me but I do.

But what sorta mother will be expecting her son who's a serving corper to be sending money to her? And she is a mother who is working and earning 6 figures.? Haba.. that's too cruel.

Parents these days see their children taking care of them as an obligation. "That I must reap where I have sown" mentality. Your children will take care of you no doubt but don't see it as an obligation or a right because you took care of them too. You chose to have kids , nobody forced you. If you buy a puppy , it's your duty to feed it and nuture it.

And if your mother is always blocking people from helping you financially then just try to maintain your distance with her.

Are u sure she's ur biological mother.
Coz every mum want wat's best 4 their children.

MrHenryFord:
I've been out of nysc for almost 6 years now and to be honest, I am still struggling to make ends meet .I work where the pay is nothing to write home about and I have a small apartment I'm managing. It hasn't been easy at all one of the problems being my mother who i see as a selfish and greedy person. She's this person that I can't discuss financial constraints with let's say an uncle or even my father in her presence. She'll tell them not to assist me that they're spoiling me, that those who are surviving on 20k monthly with wives and children don't have 2 heads. As in I no get, I brought a business plan to my father. He's on the verge of assisting me and she convinced him not to help me and the man listened (he's a kind of person that even takes decisions from the woman. Sometimes I believe she must have jazzed him or something because honestly, that man doesn't know what he's doing again. Funniest thing is that if she's the one the man wants to assist with even a million naira, she will be smiling happy. She no go talk say dem dey spoil her o.
I remember when my uncle sent money from abroad through her, she only gave me a tiny percentage . The man sent #500k to her to give me . She only gave me 30k and lied to the man she has given me the whole #500k. It was when I called the man to thank him I got to know. I just played along like I've received the whole sum inorder not to cause another problem between him and her.

Secondly, she always wants to rip where she didn't sow. I can use a pin to count how many favor she has done for me and my younger ones in this life but yet, she wants to make it an obligation to be taking care of her with the little I'm earning despite the fact that she's working and even earning x8 of what I earn. Fine I'll give you when I have but no she no dey hear that one. Even wen I was doing NYSC in 2016. She called my grandma on phone and was crying that I refused to send her money.. I was dumbfounded. Me wey dey struggle in the streets of Kano with 19k alawee while she is working in Lagos earning more than 100k yet she still wants me to be sending money to her . It's not even that she contributes her salary to the house. It's my father that does everything. Even ordinary filling of gas cylinder na the man dey drop money.. It was so bad she started reporting me to all my uncle's . Most of them who understood what I'm going through tried to talk to her but she wasn't having any of it

Thirdly, as I said in the first point above about my father being her puppet. My mother has a car she bought around 2014 and I can tell you she has never spent a dime on that car. Ordinary to use her money buy fuel na war. It's the man that fuels the car for her. If the car is faulty , she can abandon it for months until the man fixes it with is own money. When it spoils again, she abandons it again and the cycle continues. Meanwhile like I said, she works and earn above 100k monthly o. Sometimes I just keep wandering what she uses her money for because there's really nothing tangible she does to the house. (I have 3 siblings behind).

Lastly this woman has been disturbing me to marry even as far back as when I was serving in 2016. Even till date, I keep telling her I'll settle when I am financially comfortable but she's always never ready to have any of that. Always using people like teachers and fuel attendants who earn less that 20k monthly and have wife and kids. Fine them get wife and born children but their wives are the type you see fighting with their neighbors and tearing their wrappers everyday. Their kids are the type you see on the streets driving tire naked , blowing banger up and down the streets and moving with bad boys.

Bro we sopot u & she must put respet onnyor name...slap her face mennn!!(no oofenese)

MrHenryFord:
I've been out of nysc for almost 6 years now and to be honest, I am still struggling to make ends meet .I work where the pay is nothing to write home about and I have a small apartment I'm managing. It hasn't been easy at all one of the problems being my mother who i see as a selfish and greedy person. She's this person that I can't discuss financial constraints with let's say an uncle or even my father in her presence. She'll tell them not to assist me that they're spoiling me, that those who are surviving on 20k monthly with wives and children don't have 2 heads. As in I no get, I brought a business plan to my father. He's on the verge of assisting me and she convinced him not to help me and the man listened (he's a kind of person that even takes decisions from the woman. Sometimes I believe she must have jazzed him or something because honestly, that man doesn't know what he's doing again. Funniest thing is that if she's the one the man wants to assist with even a million naira, she will be smiling happy. She no go talk say dem dey spoil her o.
I remember when my uncle sent money from abroad through her, she only gave me a tiny percentage . The man sent #500k to her to give me . She only gave me 30k and lied to the man she has given me the whole #500k. It was when I called the man to thank him I got to know. I just played along like I've received the whole sum inorder not to cause another problem between him and her.

Secondly, she always wants to rip where she didn't sow. I can use a pin to count how many favor she has done for me and my younger ones in this life but yet, she wants to make it an obligation to be taking care of her with the little I'm earning despite the fact that she's working and even earning x8 of what I earn. Fine I'll give you when I have but no she no dey hear that one. Even wen I was doing NYSC in 2016. She called my grandma on phone and was crying that I refused to send her money.. I was dumbfounded. Me wey dey struggle in the streets of Kano with 19k alawee while she is working in Lagos earning more than 100k yet she still wants me to be sending money to her . It's not even that she contributes her salary to the house. It's my father that does everything. Even ordinary filling of gas cylinder na the man dey drop money.. It was so bad she started reporting me to all my uncle's . Most of them who understood what I'm going through tried to talk to her but she wasn't having any of it

Thirdly, as I said in the first point above about my father being her puppet. My mother has a car she bought around 2014 and I can tell you she has never spent a dime on that car. Ordinary to use her money buy fuel na war. It's the man that fuels the car for her. If the car is faulty , she can abandon it for months until the man fixes it with is own money. When it spoils again, she abandons it again and the cycle continues. Meanwhile like I said, she works and earn above 100k monthly o. Sometimes I just keep wandering what she uses her money for because there's really nothing tangible she does to the house. (I have 3 siblings behind).

Lastly this woman has been disturbing me to marry even as far back as when I was serving in 2016. Even till date, I keep telling her I'll settle when I am financially comfortable but she's always never ready to have any of that. Always using people like teachers and fuel attendants who earn less that 20k monthly and have wife and kids. Fine them get wife and born children but their wives are the type you see fighting with their neighbors and tearing their wrappers everyday. Their kids are the type you see on the streets driving tire naked , blowing banger up and down the streets and moving with bad boys.

Sorry bro we don't choose our parents you just have to leave with her. Maybe you have to gather some bills and talk to her

Is she the one doing you

OP, you sure say na ur real mother b dat woman...I mean ur biological mother?
You need to make your findings and get your fact right
Something is telling me they are your foster/adopted parents.

I understand your pains bruhda, but just so you know not all mothers are MOTHER

Nothing pesin no go read for NL.

Op I feel sorry for you bro. You have to move very far from your mother, hustle hard, cut communication for the time being with her for ur mental health. I wish u all d best.

Some women have no business being mothers. Sorry OP.

People should understand that not all parents are good,some can be your worst enemy. Same mother's that are projected to love their children can kill and cause them harm . You should go very far away from her and do your best for her from a distance.

It's very easy cut her off from your life..if what you posted there is really true then I see no meaning keeping her..

As much as we don’t know her side of the story, but as per your own explanation.

You need to fix your life ASAP; and stop expecting anything from her, father or anyone else, if they assist it’s fine, if they don’t, you move on.

Don’t you think by now, your mum or your parents should be eating the fruit of their labor and not some unnecessary billing from you, it might be part of the silent issues too

Have you tried having a mother-son deep conversation with your mum too?

Like my pastor once said, “something must happen for something to happen” your mother can’t just turn that bad to you overnight, try to find out what went wrong

Op, I believe you.

Some people here may not understand what you are going through.

If I told you how much that my dad was supposed to give me while he was alive but my mother stood in the way.

The matter is sure.... Help will not be coming from your dad.

Maybe you should consider learning some side hustle.

There are a lot of them here on nairaland. Pick one, stick with it. Watch YouTube videos. May God crown your effort with success.

Understand that not all women should be mothers.

Cheers.

Isaacpromise1:
As much as we don’t know her side of the story, but as per your own explanation.

You need to fix your life ASAP; and stop expecting anything from her, father or anyone else, if they assist it’s fine, if they don’t, you move on.

Don’t you think by now, your mum or your parents should be eating the fruit of their labor and not some unnecessary billing from you, it might be part of the silent issues too

Have you tried having a mother-son deep conversation with your mum too?

Like my pastor once said, “something must happen for something to happen” your mother can’t just turn that bad to you overnight, try to find out what went wrong

Oga people are naturally wicked, what are you even saying? You must nurture your plant before it grows and bear fruits for you

No perfect family anywhere cha......But the truth is that your momsy too dey overdo her own........How can a mother be advising her son who is earning 20k to go and marry? . Op,e be like say your momsy dey forget say na Buhari still be presidential of NIGERIA .

A mother who's supposed to be more pampering,and more compassionate is now the one being the bone in her own son's throat

Las las,op, don't allow her pressure to plunge you into depression and relegation . Just like the FTC on this thread rightly said,e go better say make you change your location for the now........"At least if she no use her two eyes see you for some time,na only her go sit down call herself to order .

MrHenryFord:
I've been out of nysc for almost 6 years now and to be honest, I am still struggling to make ends meet .I work where the pay is nothing to write home about and I have a small apartment I'm managing. It hasn't been easy at all one of the problems being my mother who i see as a selfish and greedy person. She's this person that I can't discuss financial constraints with let's say an uncle or even my father in her presence. She'll tell them not to assist me that they're spoiling me, that those who are surviving on 20k monthly with wives and children don't have 2 heads. As in I no get, I brought a business plan to my father. He's on the verge of assisting me and she convinced him not to help me and the man listened (he's a kind of person that even takes decisions from the woman. Sometimes I believe she must have jazzed him or something because honestly, that man doesn't know what he's doing again. Funniest thing is that if she's the one the man wants to assist with even a million naira, she will be smiling happy. She no go talk say dem dey spoil her o.
I remember when my uncle sent money from abroad through her, she only gave me a tiny percentage . The man sent #500k to her to give me . She only gave me 30k and lied to the man she has given me the whole #500k. It was when I called the man to thank him I got to know. I just played along like I've received the whole sum inorder not to cause another problem between him and her.

Secondly, she always wants to rip where she didn't sow. I can use a pin to count how many favor she has done for me and my younger ones in this life but yet, she wants to make it an obligation to be taking care of her with the little I'm earning despite the fact that she's working and even earning x8 of what I earn. Fine I'll give you when I have but no she no dey hear that one. Even wen I was doing NYSC in 2016. She called my grandma on phone and was crying that I refused to send her money.. I was dumbfounded. Me wey dey struggle in the streets of Kano with 19k alawee while she is working in Lagos earning more than 100k yet she still wants me to be sending money to her . It's not even that she contributes her salary to the house. It's my father that does everything. Even ordinary filling of gas cylinder na the man dey drop money.. It was so bad she started reporting me to all my uncle's . Most of them who understood what I'm going through tried to talk to her but she wasn't having any of it

Thirdly, as I said in the first point above about my father being her puppet. My mother has a car she bought around 2014 and I can tell you she has never spent a dime on that car. Ordinary to use her money buy fuel na war. It's the man that fuels the car for her. If the car is faulty , she can abandon it for months until the man fixes it with is own money. When it spoils again, she abandons it again and the cycle continues. Meanwhile like I said, she works and earn above 100k monthly o. Sometimes I just keep wandering what she uses her money for because there's really nothing tangible she does to the house. (I have 3 siblings behind).

Lastly this woman has been disturbing me to marry even as far back as when I was serving in 2016. Even till date, I keep telling her I'll settle when I am financially comfortable but she's always never ready to have any of that. Always using people like teachers and fuel attendants who earn less that 20k monthly and have wife and kids. Fine them get wife and born children but their wives are the type you see fighting with their neighbors and tearing their wrappers everyday. Their kids are the type you see on the streets driving tire naked , blowing banger up and down the streets and moving with bad boys.

At a time in my life, my mother wanted to keep me hostage out of love but though I was a desperate but legit hustler, she failed to understand....I developed a strong resentment towards her but it is unnecessary...See, I didn't even read your write up but please as an adult, try to understand your mum/dad, you really will miss them when they are no more...Just enjoy the moments when they are with you. When you start giving birth, you'd realise that they have made a lot of great sacrifices for you to be where you are today....Forgive and forget. Love your parents.

Op,your post is shocking,if this write up had been about your father,it wouldn't be too surprising.
Yet hate is a strong word,as bad as your mother's attitude seems,it still doesn't warrant hatred. In fact I don't think you hate her, you're hurt deeply,and you are having resentment towards your mom,but you don't hate her.
I pray you get a better job or side hustle,move out to your own apartment,and settle down,she will respect you more.

I understand the stage of life you in at the moment, trust me i really do. Try to be patient and sort your life out(it is only you that can do this for yourself, no uncle, father, or mother can help you at this stage).

My approach was that when i was at this your stage; for 2years i cut of my mum and some family members i considered to be trouble and wud disturb my mental health. It worked for me at the time. But you can use other approach that wud work for u.

How can a mother block the progress of her child

You're being a gentleman to your detriment, and that is your problem. You should have told your uncle that it's only 30k out of the 500k you received, and that he should send money to you directly next time. You don't cover shame for someone that is shameless.

Secondly, stop giving her money you don't have. Let her call Jesus and complain, don't give. Remove what's on your eye first, before someone's else, even your mum. If you realise how people quickly forget the dead, you will stop living to please people. Kobe Bryant died a few years ago, his news spread globally, now how many people talk about him? Oga give yourself a brain.

Be careful about what you tolerate, because you're teaching others how to treat you. How others treat you is a mirror to your standards, and no one will treat you better than you will accept. Your mothers behaviour will not bother you if you develop the inner strength to handle troublesome individuals. If she knows you to be tough, you'll be her exemption to her dirty behaviour, while she focuses on dealing with your father full time.

I understand the cultural expectations of respecting your parents, but to respect someone and to tolerate their excess is foolishness, and your respect has no value. When people know you as a man of honour, your respect will be valued, as well as your wrath. Know when to be a gentleman, and when to be a mentally deranged tout, because that's the language weak people understand. You can't be one, without strengthening the other. Just like the taller a tree, the deeper it's roots.

For now, seek on financial independence and don't sacrifice yourself stupidly. Your intuition is always telling you what to do but many times, people look outward, instead of inward. If something doesn't feel right, don't do it, and damn the consequences. What's worse? She would stop talking to you? Well for me, that will be great.

Love is thicker than water, not blood. If her existence in your life is more of pain than happiness, then you either choose yourself or her, and if its your mum, will she choose you instead of her happiness ? Learning to live is a skill, please develop it, and most things won't even bother you.

Qatar2022:

Oga people are naturally wicked, what are you even saying? You must nurture your plant before it grows and bear fruits for you

Do you keep a plant that does not bear fruit even after nurturing it to a fruitful stage?

Yes, there are good and bad people in this world! But do you think the mother hasn’t done any good thing worthy of commendation since she has given birth to him and raised him to the stage he was before things went sour ?

Haba, use your Brain now

End time mother.

Isaacpromise1:


Do you keep a plant that does not bear fruit even after nurturing it to a fruitful stage?

Yes, there are good and bad people in this world! But do you think the mother hasn’t done any good thing worthy of commendation since she has given birth to him and raised him to the stage he was before things went sour ?

Haba, use your Brain now

Wicked people are not called wicked because they have never done good, it is because their evil far outstrips their good that they are called wicked.

apostle96:
OP, you sure say na ur real mother b dat woman...I mean ur biological mother?
You need to make your findings and get your fact right
Something is telling me they are your foster/adopted parents.

It seems you had it good with your parents,hence your scepticism ... but just so you know, many people can relate with op's plight.

.

Na wa oooo!

But you have to pack outta that house and find peace of mind.

Try to understand where she is coming from, could be tough love.

She may even want you or trying too hard to make you more responsible.

It boils down to how you see it and the difference it makes to your existence without expecting any support.