Kobojunkie:
Stop with the emotional bullsheet .. how is he going to die because he has a woman who is rude to others as his mate? Many of you need to learn how to separate concerns when approaching issued.

He chose to love these women, not once but at least twice. What wil you for yiur brother? Switch out his brain?

REST !

Mariangeles:



I once read a story about a guy who seemingly cut off from his friends and distanced himself from his family.
Until one time when one of his old friends ran into him and decided to follow him home, even though the guy tried to make excuses to avoid his friend going to his house with him.

Turns out, he was badly being emotionally abused by his wife.
Even with the friend visiting, the wife slapped him for not filling the gas cylinder.
Then, it all made sense to the friend why the guy cut off from them and his family.

They shaa had to save the guy from the toxic wife.
As at the point of sharing that story, the guy was still receiving treatment.

I thought this could've been any of my brothers, then I asked one of them "If you were in this kind of situation where you were being emotionally abused and couldn't do anything, would you want me to help you out?" He said "yes".

I heard that story too.

Women have a way of abusing men emotionally and then physically but the man can do nothing about it because society will always support the woman

Wow... Some people are telling the OP to mind her business??

To be honest.. You people are really mad.

Her own blood brother for that matter oo

Nezzjnr:
Wow... Some people are telling the OP to mind her business??

To be honest.. You people are really mad.

Her own blood brother for that matter oo

You that is not mad, tell the OP what to do to her brother’s wife.

aminusodiq:
he lost his job... He got neglected. He offered to manage one of the business he established for her when they were filthy rich. The wife declined....I regular feeding routine caused his ailment. And this woman dosent care. She started calling families to come take care of their brother/cousin. But no one cared at that time cos while it was good for them, she chased everyone away. Well my dad did his best though, he's the head of the family and can't neglect his brother.... If you have the plan of being so mean in marriage... I want to let you know that it dosent end well. Shelve it

The statement in bold is a bit unfair, don't you think. When the going was good, the one's who chased you away wasn't just the wife but also your uncle - how could his wife had chased people away without the man being fully aware of it?

Also, family decision to ignore him because when the going was good, they had no share in the booty, means the man himself came from a dysfunctional "when the going is good we have to be there or else..." kind of family.

Maybe there is more to this story and you can open another thread so we analyze it further but I think the blame shouldn't be on just the wife but the husband and family as well.

kkins25:

there are some that would masquerade all the trauma under the declaration of " it is well".

Until somebody turns up dead.. i remember the idols of my street back in naija. you could hear their morning and night devotions from another street. they appeared perfect to the core. Not until the wife started falling sick, hmmmm the woman's death really touched me.

it was not until her death that stories started coming up. the woman had been enduring physical and verbal abuse. Everybody knew of my moms marriage drama-unfortunately. this woman was part of the once advicing my mom. who would have thought that she was enduring the same thing.

this woman was bedridden for many months, only to come back well, and restart the marriage brouhaha. she probably had a brain tumour. i'm not sure. they'd had engaged in "mortal kombat" even though her health was deteriorating... E pain me,,, E pain me.... she was gentle, nice and very friendly. hmmm... mehn, mehn..

i couldn't believe my ears.. it was either i was dreaming or i had lost my senses.

For how long would women suffer under the delusion of "for the sake of my children" ? for how long? it may be naive of me to ask such though.

And the bolded is why we should be careful who we meet for counsel.

HilcomTech:


Evil advice from a devilish heart.

Why should a wife chase away her husband's family.

u are the demonized one sef! U want quarrel among dem

Vickyvice:
bro pray you don't experience it real life oh. Na b/p , psychological exhaustion dey kill men wey them wife first isolate them from their families, thereafter, in d event things go south with him, she will then face him. At this point, he can't go anywhere to hide again, how people don stop to visit or even connect with him in anyway at all

Stop making things up. The only are equally culpable as they are capable adults who know where to go when ailment hits. It is eagerly convenient to want to offload a man's poor choices on his spouse when there is a problem. An autopsy will likely that most of those dead refused to take seriously their own health eventually dying as a result of their own negligence.

I know illness well.... and i know well that the world will throw troubles at me just as it does to those who are healthy but it remains solely my responsibility to manage my situation - seek medical help as well as help from others - if I intend to beat the situation or even live..

MPESA:
Enough of all this your BS jare....

If this advice here , is what you will give to your kids or your younger ones at home then you certainly failed them already.

Abeg waka pass if you have nothing intelligent to add!

Kobojunkie:
The statement in bold is a bit unfair, don't you think. When the going was good, the one's who chased you away wasn't just the wife but also your uncle - how could his wife had chased people away without the man being fully aware of it?

Also, family decision to ignore him because when the going was good, they had no share in the booty, means the man himself came from a dysfunctional "when the going is good we have to be there or else..." kind of family.

Maybe there is more to this story and you can open another thread so we analyze it further but I think the blame shouldn't be on just the wife but the husband and family as well.

.

OP SAME THING AM FACING,WHEN I READ SOME COMMENTS HERE IT BAFFLES ME PEOPLE AINT READY TO LEARN,SEE SOME WOMEN SHOW WAYWARD ATTITUDE TO THIER INLAWS AND THAT IS REALLY BAD...

NOT KNOWING WHAT WILL HAPPEN TOMORROW DO YOU GUYS KNOW THAT THE OP CAN BE HER ONLY SAVIOUR TOMORROW SEE IN THIS LIFE EHN THINGS DEY CHANGE.

SHE DEY DO AM E DEY SWEET HER FOR BODY LOL A TIME WILL COME WHEN SHE WILL REGRETS ALL THESE.... OMO THIS LIFE EHN JUST DEY COOL DOWN.

BEFORE THEY MARRY DEM THEY CAN EVEN KISS THEIR INLAWS FEET STUPID PRETENDERS OYA NA MARRY THEM ND SEE WICKEDNESS

WOMEN NOTHING SWEET PASS MAKE YOUR INLAW LIKE YOU WELLA EHN U DON GET SMALL EDGE BUT SENSE NO GO ALLOW UNA THINK THAT WAY

I ALWAYS TELL TELL PEOPLE CHECK THE KIND OF FAMILY YOUR GIRL COME FROM E GET WHY BECAUSE IF YOU MARRY A GIRL WHO THE FAMILY IS ALWAYS UNITED,SHOW EACH OTHER LOVE OMO NA ANOTHER PLUS B DAT

Kobojunkie:
The statement in bold is a bit unfair, don't you think. When the going was good, the one's who chased you away wasn't just the wife but also your uncle - how could his wife had chased people away without the man being fully aware of it?

Also, family decision to ignore him because when the going was good, they had no share in the booty, means the man himself came from a dysfunctional "when the going is good we have to be there or else..." kind of family.

Maybe there is more to this story and you can open another thread so we analyze it further but I think the blame shouldn't be on just the wife but the husband and family as well.

.

Kobojunkie:
Abeg waka pass if you have nothing intelligent to add!

Kobo, e feel like say you be woman today.
I never still fit decipher you.

tunjilana:
If you really care about someone you won't wait for time to teach them bad lessons that you can help them fix....thatvis something you do to strangers not your own blood brother, who has a stake in your life and you have in his. He has to do his best to make him see what he is getting himself into, not everyone has the gift of foresight or estimation of the effect of their decisions in future...However if the brother insists, after he has tried his best, then he has to let him be...but not without trying

If you care about someone, the first thing you do is respect that person, this regardless of age, relationship, rank etc. This ought to be commonsense but unfortunately most Nigerians don't realize even this little nugget of wisdom has been in existence long before they came into being.

Next, you ensure you don't invade the person's space without permission from that permission. Forcing your opinion, ideas and ways on other is indicator that you care less about that more and more about your opinion to the point of ridiculing the others existence to impose your will on them.

Anyways, the guy already admits to advising his brother who he admits is a serial babamama-boy, yet the brother continues in the same path. So what does he gain from continuing to blame the women for his brother's lifestyle?

MT:
I have a question. You said he "is no longer his responsibility". Take a scenario where this man is poisoned or he commits a suicide due to frustration, whose responsibility does he become ?. The woman will take a walk, but the family will always stick around no matter how bad.

There has to be a fine balance. The woman's strategy is to make every other family members stay away while she has him to herself to do as she pleases.

You people ehn.... the way you approach issued makes me wonder what in the world is going on upstairs.

In the case of a crime being committed, it is the authorities who are responsible for being about justice.

If, however, the man commits suicide, this instead of making other choices in his life, then there is nothing anyone can do for him since suicide is a personal choice individuals make of their own.

KingOfTheDamned:
Exactly , he sounds so entitled that his opinion must count

That guy needs to see a shrink

I was going to suggest that but the brother there seemed to care more about getting his way instead.

vickydevoka:
You lie. U can't no a womans real character until she is married

Dude, how come you almost always say things that don't align with reality almost every time you speak of women? Who told you this bloody lie that you cling to? Even the woman's psychiatrist can, after only a few visits, tell you her personality type and her character traits. Jeezzz!

Stop choosing ignorance abeg!

Kobojunkie:
You people ehn.... the way you approach issued makes me wonder what in the world is going on upstairs.

In the case of a crime being committed, it is the authorities who are responsible for being about justice.

If, however, the man commits suicide, this instead of making other choices in his life, then there is nothing anyone can do for him since suicide is a personal choice individuals make of their own.

You are the silliest being I have ever responded to here. To start with, you are not cultured enough to respond to issues without throwing Shades. Mr. Intelligent, if a man commits suicide, the man is gone but his kids will need to be taken care of. Most responsible families will still need to handle financial commitment to the upbringing of those children. They become the family responsibility. And what also happens when he suffers any life long ailments or depressed, you expect responsible family to abandon him. People that come from responsible families will easily relate to what I am saying. This will be my last rebuttal to you.

Druss:

I disagree. He has every right to pass his opinion to his brother. There is no disrespect there. If family can't tell family what's up. Who else will?

No one here is saying don't pass an opinion. I am instead saying do not disrespect his choice.

Dybala11:
What if the so calling act of "learning life's lesson" ends up in him losing his life??
As much as it's good to give space to couples, you as a wife must not alienate your in-laws with your behaviours. I'm an only child, even though I expect my parents to give my family a little space when I'm married, any woman that tries to alienate my parents from me will either change or we go out separate ways.

The question in bold is an excellent one, and from what I have learnt through my investigations through the years, it isn't always that the lesson and the end are somehow connected. It just happens that the events coincide.

Again, I have nowhere here said anything about alienating the couple in question. Relatives, who care about each other, always need to be their love ones even if in the background.

Dybala11:
So listening to and taking advise is wrong bah??

Your argument is fallacious jor, there's two sides to a coin.

I didn't say any such, so I am not sure where you get that from.

Dybala11:

Wait let me ask you sef, will you ABANDON your family members will you get married??

If you're married, have you ABANDONED/ ISOLATED yourself from the rest of your family because you're married??
Some people sef, I even thought that there's a little iota of sense in your comment, until I saw the word ABANDON. Omo, your parents are siblings don enter one chance be that.

Again, I use the word "abandon" here to imply "leave". When you get married.... your former family becomes of secondary concern and your new family becomes of primary concern.

Dybala11:

We all have our opinions sha, marriage is an agreement between the husband and wife quite alright. But does this automatically translate to "disagreement with or abandoning" your siblings and parents. I don't just know how to agree with this your comment sir. Abandon kwa.

It does! A marriage contract excludes the existence of third-parties .i.e. your parents, siblings etc. So yes, when you enter a marriage....it no longer should matter what your parents or siblings think. What should matter is what you think and what your spouse does..
That is what a marriage is.

It's either most people do not recognize or deliberately chose not to respect boundaries.

Marriage is one of such.

Do the little you can if you truly care, but from a distance.

The distance means everything- To them, Privacy. To you, Honour.

Solofresh2:
You are actually right but if anything happens to his brother,he will be informed and might be his responsibility right?
Let's call a spade a spade
What is wrong is wrong

Depends on what what is that happens to the brother.

Given that the brother isn't married, in the case of an accident, his parents will will contacted of course and from there his siblings rally around to do whatever it is they can on his behalf. :-

But so long as this woman is his brother's choice, all he can do is voice his opinion and stand in the background to support his brother assuming he in fact cares about the guy and not his own ego in this.
I was in fact going to suggest they ask the brother to maybe see a mental Health therapist since this isn't his first time impregnation a woman for love. But from what the one here says, it seems the family is instead bent on blaming the women for their brother's habit.

Rachel98:
He's my elder brother, not my uncle.

So? He should send his wife away because you are family?

See, mind your business. The most important person in your brother's life is his wife, just like the most important person to her is your brother. If whatever thing she does doesn't prick your brother in any way, why should you be bothered? They owned each other. Family members become secondary the moment they both said "I do." The most you can do is tell your brother to call her to order. He may refuse to, or she may refuse to change, they're adults. You can't compel them. Just stay off and never be bothered with whatever happens to them both. Daada lo ma ma sele but if the opposite happens, they shouldn't call me, I am not at home!

Oga, dey your house.

Rachel98:
Good morning everyone. Hope we're having a wonderful week.

My Elder brother is doing well, no doubt he's the breadwinner in our family But his wife is so rude, too authoritative, she's full of pride and she looks down on people. She see everyone as her employee, she does not care if her actions or words hurts you, she's quick to slap at any slightest provocation. She's an event planner, please are event planners this rude??

She's the main reason why we barely visit our brother, despite we all live in the same city, we feel like a total stranger in our brother's house. Probably she's using "jazz" on him, I don't know But everything she does seems cool to him.

I managed to spend the weekend with them, since on friday she act like my presence irritates her. The maid prepared semo and vegetable soup, i don't eat swallow that like, so she saw me cooking noodles, she rudely said why're you not eating semo? Why are you people so selective? Then she left the kitchen. I just maintained my cool.

Yesterday she slapped her maid just because the plantain she told her to fry wasn't brown enough (maybe she wanted burnt sacrifice plantain). My elder brother calmly said honey you shouldn't have slapped her just becus of plaintain. The next she told my brother was "Defender!! go and marry her nw"

This morning, I jejely packed my belongings on my way to work, I entered my brother's car so he can drop me at the bus-stop, I just told him I won't be coming to his place anymore, once I'm done with work today I'm going home straight. And the annoying part, he would be asking me why? As if he's blind, he can't see how rude and ill-mannered his wife is.

His wife has really separated my brother from us, his own family. We don't even know what to do.

This is 2022. Everybody should mind their business. OP, go your house and leave your elder brother’s alone. Person go do good thing only to see their matter on Nairaland one day.

pocohantas:


You that is not mad, tell the OP what to do to her brother’s wife.

Since they're not married legally.. The elders of the family should come around and tell the lady to leave in a polite way.. As for the kid, The Man should be able to take care of the Little kid.

But in this situation, It seems the Guy is still in love.

aboyaji:


She is not yet a wife, Oga. She is a baby mama for crying out loud. Her type is not entertained in our family, hence my advice to him.

Did you hear me say I was advising our 3rd brother? No. Because he has a nicer WIFE. I call her children my children. That's how we live in our family. When they had issues, the lady ran to us and we CHANGE AM FOR MY BROTHER, STRAIGHT UP!!!

Who will the second brother's woman run to in hard times? Me? Our only daughter? Or mom whom the lady warned my brother not to spend more than 4hrs with while visiting her for the first time in the East? Imagine traveling from the north central to meet your mother in-law to be for the first time and could not pass the night but rather spent more days in the neighboring town doing nothing?

Na that mother in-law go send you?

By which law? Baby mamas can easily be put away. Make hay while the sun shines. That's it.

Oga, that's your opinion. I'm afraid in this case, your opinion really doesn't matter. You're not to decide who gets put away, your brother does and he's ok with his baby mama.

Go and sit down. That's my honest and simple advice for you. When you get married, you'd be free to run your house as you wish.

You should be worried if as a baby mama she wields so much power, what if she becomes a certified wife?
Wait till it's your turn, easier said than done.

I'm never in support of her supposed rudeness or hostility but I know a lost battle when I see one.

She didn't separate you from your brothers, you guys separated yourselves from your brother. So if truely someone is using charms on your brother, this is how you will abandon him? Where is the moral support between siblings? And mind you, its not nice to be in someone's house and be selecting food. You guys go there with all your bad manners and entitlement mentality and expect to get away with anything! When she is not feeding you the swallow and soup morning, afternoon and night, can't you just eat what everyone else is eating and get that ' my brothers house' mentality out of your heads? Mind you, that house doesn't belong to your brother but your brother and his wife! You are an outsider and don't know the dynamics of their financial relationship! As you have vowed not to go there again now, are you helping your brother or harming him?

aminusodiq:
he was frail.. His nature is not the kind that shouts or cause trouble. He was calm and gentle to the core

So people who are calm and gentle don't know how to assert themselves in their own homes? You know for an excuse, that is ludicrous !