Rachel98:
Good morning everyone. Hope we're having a wonderful week.

My Elder brother is doing well, no doubt he's the breadwinner in our family But his wife is so rude, too authoritative, she's full of pride and she looks down on people. She see everyone as her employee, she does not care if her actions or words hurts you, she's quick to slap at any slightest provocation. She's an event planner, please are event planners this rude??

She's the main reason why we barely visit our brother, despite we all live in the same city, we feel like a total stranger in our brother's house. Probably she's using "jazz" on him, I don't know But everything she does seems cool to him.

I managed to spend the weekend with them, since on friday she act like my presence irritates her. The maid prepared semo and vegetable soup, i don't eat swallow that like, so she saw me cooking noodles, she rudely said why're you not eating semo? Why are you people so selective? Then she left the kitchen. I just maintained my cool.

Yesterday she slapped her maid just because the plantain she told her to fry wasn't brown enough (maybe she wanted burnt sacrifice plantain). My elder brother calmly said honey you shouldn't have slapped her just becus of plaintain. The next she told my brother was "Defender!! go and marry her nw"

This morning, I jejely packed my belongings on my way to work, I entered my brother's car so he can drop me at the bus-stop, I just told him I won't be coming to his place anymore, once I'm done with work today I'm going home straight. And the annoying part, he would be asking me why? As if he's blind, he can't see how rude and ill-mannered his wife is.

His wife has really separated my brother from us, his own family. We don't even know what to do.

You guys should stay away from then now,

Rachel98:
According to my brother, she has PhD in Sociology & Anthropology

Smh PhD in sociology and she is acting anti-social..

Well in the same naija a PhD holder in mechanical engineering still the wait for road side mechanic to fix minor issues for his car.

Nezzjnr:

Since they're not married legally.. The elders of the family should come around and tell the lady to leave in a polite way.. As for the kid, The Man should be able to take care of the Little kid.

But in this situation, It seems the Guy is still in love.

Lol. This is not African Magic Epic o. You don’t just walk into the house of a grown man and tell his babymama to leave. Remember the girl isn’t really doing anything to him, she is only disrespectful to his family.

aboyaji:




Some people are not well raised.

I had sometime last year sat my brother down. He's older than I am o. No be taata.

I told him it's still early to end this thing with that girl since he's yet to pay her bride price. Girl that makes him feel uneasy. Because she has your child. She calls to check where you are every minute.

There was a time she asked him to go home that it was late, while my brother was hanging out with friends. She wasn't in the same state with him o. Haha

She gets her phone subscribed every 2 days because she spends all her time online doing tiktok and video calls. This is not a hearsay or accusations. It is what's happening.

The same week she put to bed in her hometown, she asked for data money from my brother to post a new video she made while on wrappers in her house. She was even dancing. I said to myself, na wa o! A nursing mother?

I don't even view her post because it contains videos from tiktok. Na wife be this abi?

Hehehehehe Aboy focus on that your nice babe abeg... leave your brother to his choice...As long as there is no domestic vawulense, you muuuveeee

I don't like putting eye into siblings relationships as long as no one is choking them, I am cool...
And they are not choking anyone, I move.

I only remind them to remember where they come from and whereever they are chanced to go. Needs first before wants.

Kobojunkie:
Dude, how come you almost always say things that don't align with reality almost every time you speak of women? Who told you this bloody lie that you cling to? Even the woman's psychiatrist can, after only a few visits, tell you her personality type and her character traits. Jeezzz!

Stop choosing ignorance abeg!

You spew rubbish unabatedly

vickydevoka:

You spew rubbish unabatedly

Look whose talking!

aboyaji:
Wait let me tell you what you don't know. I may have made a mistake quoting you. You don't sound learned in this discourse.

He is my brother. I am closest to him. I am not the type of adult that sits around doing nothing when things are going out of hand. I am very much responsible in his life because he is my brother. Get it?

You quote kobo junkie forget it, this matter no go rest..

That person enjoys long talk like one weak but inquisitive university lecturer in management faculty..

Mariangeles:


If to say op na guy na, your comment for reach two pages.

I ji la nwaayo na agba gender coded war.


Eshi ndi ogwu red anyi juru here chetara gi eeh, I no dey o

aboyaji:


She is not yet a wife, Oga. She is a baby mama for crying out loud. Her type is not entertained in our family, hence my advice to him.

Did you hear me say I was advising our 3rd brother? No. Because he has a nicer WIFE. I call her children my children. That's how we live in our family. When they had issues, the lady ran to us and we CHANGE AM FOR MY BROTHER, STRAIGHT UP!!!

Who will the second brother's woman run to in hard times? Me? Our only daughter? Or mom whom the lady warned my brother not to spend more than 4hrs with while visiting her for the first time in the East? Imagine traveling from the north central to meet your mother in-law to be for the first time and could not pass the night but rather spent more days in the neighboring town doing nothing?

Na that mother in-law go send you?

By which law? Baby mamas can easily be put away. Make hay while the sun shines. That's it.

The bolded reminds me of how my friend arranged with his other siblings to deal with one for raising hands on his wife.

The day he narrated the story I laugh fall for ground that day..They invited him to his house, lock door pack there parents go one corner to create space to deal with one of their brothers because he beat his woman. Some adult general beating stuffs.

aboyaji:
This is no disrespect. And I'm in no way asserting my own standard.

Just so I'm clear, so, you'd rather turn a blind eye if you were in my position?

If our only daughter and last born was close by at the time, she'd have fingered him big time. She'd have talked more sense into him. We raise no dumbskull.

Well, I've left them since last year because it was then that it all happened.

This January visit was the last I think I will give them.

E reach to stay on your own, this last visit na 3cups of insult she give you...And worst is you carry your babe go there...she come witness the whole thing...Anyway she is your witness any time the case reach family court..

It's high time you tell your bro to make it make sense by maintaining a stand...He is cohabiting and having baby with a lady who isn't his wife by act of paid dowry or whatsoever...I hope you know if anything happens to that lady, hmmmmmm you people should do the needful before una go hear wetin Onitsha tell Obosi o..

pocohantas:


Lol. This is not African Magic Epic o. You don’t just walk into the house of a grown man and tell his babymama to leave. Remember the girl isn’t really doing anything to him, she is only disrespectful to his family.

That's why the situation is dicey.

If the Guy isn't complaining... The Siblings should just respect themselves and stay out of his affair.

aboyaji:
Thanks. You're wise. That's exactly what I'm doing now.

I only wish him well.


Guess what happened 2 days ago. Mom called and said "let your brother not repeat what he did some years ago".

What happened years ago? He had impregnated a certain young lady in 2014. Same person. Same occurrence. Who settled the matter? Family. And he's 3-4 years older than I am. Guess what? I wasn't close to him when it happened in 2014 and the girl in question came from an irresponsible money driven and alcoholic drunk family.

This new girl smokes weeeeeeeeeeeeeed. Story for another day.

And that punk assess of a kobo.junkie is talking thrash.

Nawa o...weed kwa

I am sure na SK...Ladies like SK well well


This your brother go be area scatter o.

iamL:


Why bring in her phd? Don't u think you are the one with the problem here?

That alone is a very big one for her to see a shrink.
People like that can kill cos of jealousy and envy.

Munzy14:

E reach to stay on your own, this last visit na 3cups of insult she give you...And worst is you carry your babe go there...she come witness the whole thing...Anyway she is your witness any time the case reach family court..

It's high time you tell your bro to make it make sense by maintaining a stand...He is cohabiting and having baby with a lady who isn't his wife by act of paid dowry or whatsoever...I hope you know if anything happens to that lady, hmmmmmm you people should do the needful before una go hear wetin Onitsha tell Obosi o..

Haha! Ihe Onitsha gwara obosi. Core Igbo person.

Munzy14:

I ji la nwaayo na agba gender coded war.


Eshi ndi ogwu red anyi juru here chetara gi eeh, I no dey o

Mba o.
I don't do gender wars.
Eshiokwu ka'm gwara onye ahu.


Romance section wu territory ha.
Ha juru nga ahu.

Astoria:
Just imagine your entitlement mentality "I don't eat swallow that like (like that). Why didn't you carry your own gas cylinder and the things you will eat while visiting since you know her kind of person. Y'all should stop getting on people's nerves. Stop allocating unwarranted and derogatory titles to them as well. Again, in your brother's wife's voice, "why are you people so selective?" The semo they made for you who will now eat it? Bring fort better issues and we will intervene accordingly. NATIONAL ISSUES PLEASE.

Don't mind her. See her mouth like 'I don't eat semo'. Nonsense

Kobojunkie:
Again, I use the word "abandon" here to imply "leave". When you get married.... your former family becomes of secondary concern and your new family becomes of primary concern.

I misunderstood the comment then, cos reading the word 'abandon' in your comment got me triggered like kilode getting married shouldn't be an isolation sentence na. Of course, but then you don't isolate your in-laws because you're married. Your parents and siblings are still your blood, so they shouldn't be treated poorly and insulted by your spouse. OP even said that the so called lady also mistreats even the maid they employed, so the problem is not about the siblings encroaching upon her space, rather the lady has poor character. You don't have to be related to people before you treat them right, it seems like the lady lacks hospitality.

Kobojunkie:
I didn't say any such, so I am not sure where you get that from.

But you stated in your comment that he shouldn't advise or make any attempt to open his brother's eyes to the truth, but that he should leave him alone to his fate and let him learn the hard way.

Dybala11:
1.Of course, but then you don't isolate your in-laws because you're married. Your parents and siblings are still your blood, so they shouldn't be treated poorly and insulted by your spouse.

2. OP even said that the so called lady also mistreats even the maid they employed,

3. so the problem is not about the siblings encroaching upon her space, rather the lady has poor character. You don't have to be related to people before you treat them right, it seems like the lady lacks hospitality.

1. You can isolate from your family when you get married.... it is wholly your choice and decision to make. They may be your blood but there is no law that you stay burdened by them when you start your own family. These things are on a case by case basis.

2. OP'S case is a fairly simple case actually. Her brother chose this woman and accepts her as she is, so OP and other relatives simply have to respect his choices and rules in his own house.

As for the maid that was slapped, look I can only hope she is grown up from the sounds of it and if she chooses to endure those slaps, there isn't much else anyone can do about that.

3. There are no laws against having what you refer to as poor character, so, as long as the woman's husband accepts her as is, she is free to be a bitch all she wants is her space and there is little to nothing family can do about that.

Kobojunkie:
1. You can isolate from your family when you get married.... it is wholly your choice and decision to make. They may be your blood but there is no law that you stay burdened by them when you start your own family. These things are on a case by case basis.

2. OP'S case is a fairly simple case actually. Her brother chose this woman and accepts her as she is, so OP and other relatives simply have to respect his choices and rules in his own house.

As for the maid that was slapped, look I can only hope she is grown up from the sounds of it and if she chooses to endure those slaps, there isn't much else anyone can do about that.

3. There are no laws against having what you refer to as poor character, so, as long as the woman's husband accepts her as is, she is free to be a bitch all she wants is her space and there is little to nothing family can do about that.

Toor, all the best then. I pray that my future wife won't make the mistake of disrespecting my parents o, if not ehnnn na her papa house she go land. My parents na 'touch not' o.

Dybala11:

Toor, all the best then. I pray that my future wife won't make the mistake of disrespecting my parents o, if not ehnnn na her papa house she go land. My parents na 'touch not' o.

No be everybody wey dey out there dey carry parents for head like you. Some people actually take the "marriage is an agreement between a man and a woman- no third parties " thing seriously, and for good reason..

Kobojunkie:
No be everybody wey dey out there dey carry parents for head like you. Some people actually take the "marriage is an agreement between a man and a woman- no third parties " thing seriously, and for good reason..

Nah, you still don't understand my point of view.

I won't be surprised if that same lady that was forming 'I want my space' gives a lot of room for her family to do whatever they like at her husband's house. Something happened at Osogbo during the last festive period, if you hear ehnnn you go laugh tire. A man accompanied his wife to the market and was buying lots and lots of stuffs ranging from food products to clothing materials and so on. The man already told the wife that he's buying everything for MOMMY, but the wife was always complaining and shouting that's enough na. After they packed all the stuffs they bought into the car and started their journey, the wife saw the direction the man was taking and knew that her husband intends to visit her mother instead and give her everything they bought. The woman said, why will you give this meagre or nonsense gifts to my mom, the man immediately slapped her and they had an intense argument/fight right in the car. The wife thought that the man wanted to give his mother all the things he came to buy not knowing that he had the intention of giving it all to her mother.
Some women treat their in-laws poorly but expect the husband to treat her family better and with respect and lack of manners. Hypocrisy.

Dybala11:

Nah, you still don't understand my point of view.

I won't be surprised if that same lady that was forming 'I want my space' gives a lot of room for her family to do whatever they like at her husband's house. Something happened at Osogbo during the last festive period, if you hear ehnnn you go laugh tire. A man accompanied his wife to the market and was buying lots and lots of stuffs ranging from food products to clothing materials and so on. The man already told the wife that he's buying everything for MOMMY, but the wife was always complaining and shouting that's enough na. After they packed all the stuffs they bought into the car and started their journey, the wife saw the direction the man was taking and knew that her husband intends to visit her mother instead and give her everything they bought. The woman said, why will you give this meagre or nonsense gifts to my mom, the man immediately slapped her and they had an intense argument/fight right in the car. The wife thought that the man wanted to give his mother all the things he came to buy not knowing that he had the intention of giving it all to her mother.
Some women treat their in-laws poorly but expect the husband to treat her family better and with respect and lack of manners. Hypocrisy.

People get what they marry, it is really that simple.

That I wish people would understand that marriage is a contract between a man and woman and not some institution meant to set a man up as god over a woman nor is it meant as poverty alleviation plan for a woman. Both need to be involved all the steps of the way in order for it to turn out best for both parties involved.

Kobojunkie:
People get what they marry, it is really that simple.

That I wish people would understand that marriage is a contract between a man and woman and not some institution meant to set a man up as god over a woman nor is it meant as poverty alleviation plan for a woman. Both need to be involved all the steps of the way in order for it to turn out best for both parties involved.

Very true jor, so many men just want to lord it over their wives and so many wives want to rely solely on the wealth of their husbands.

aboyaji:
















You people don't just read and start typing. Most of you commenters have no such experience, nor very close family. I'll buttress this.

I have 4 brothers and a sister including myself which is 5 guys and a girl (totalling 6 people) in my family.

Our 3rd bro is married to a very lovely girl. She accommodates everyone. She was very young when she came into our family (20). She even calls me her husband and I call her my wife. I'm always confident and comfortable calling her by such name because she's worth it and more. We talk on video calls all the time unending.

She always asks us when next we'd visit. She should be 25 or 26 now. Her husband is financially stable. We all could visit at once and she'd accommodate us all. Mind you, we're all grownups. No issues whatsoever. Our eldest brother is too proud of her. He should be 40 soon.

Our 2nd brother is the one in the mess now. He has a baby mama. Now, the girl wants to be converted to a wife by all means. But before that, here's the story....

I shared an apartment with this our 2nd brother. We did things together. We shared rents together. Cook and eat together until he got a girl pregnant. Because of this, I moved out and started living with a friend to give them space since he had to take care of the girl. One day, due to some irregularities in my friend's house, I couldn't bath their at the time. I took a bike to my brother's place (our shared apartment) to have a quick bath only and get to work early. I met this girl alone in the house. I told her my intentions and situations on ground for coming and I didn't visit frequently since I moved. Guess what she said; "you'll replace the water after taking your bath". I was shocked.

I took my bath and left. One other time, I had a particular cloth I wanted to wear to work. I remembered I had left it in that our shared apartment. I went their to get it. On reaching the apartment, I told her why I came. I went in, opened the wardrobe. Behold, this girl left what she was doing, came and stood behind me to see what I was taking. Me?

Then I opened the fridge to pick a satchet of water, she moved toward the fridge to still know what I was picking. I was mad internally. I didn't speak of it. I called my brother and told him all of those she did. My brother said it's not a serious something.

Now, I live in my own home alone. The girl had put to bed and I hadn't seen their child. This new year, the came back from the East with the new child. My brother called that they're back. I said I'd come see them officially. That is my duty.

Same day, same night, I took my woman to greet them from a distance I live. On reaching, I didn't meet my brother but the lady and child. She barely opened the door. I even asked her to open the door that I'd stay till my brother came back. She barely opened her mouth to greet us. After that, she didn't say anything again. No "welcome take seat". No "will you guys drink water"?

We stood until I motioned my woman to sit after pulling out a seat behind the door. I sat on the floor.

The lady didn't say anything. She was just watching some TV programs. A small girl of 22-23 ooo!!! Shortly, she saw the footwear I came in with and said "you came in with shoe into our house". I was like

I waited patiently. Shortly, she stood up, grabbed a broom and started sweeping the already neat floor at that time of the night. That was when I stood up and went outside. My woman followed suit.

We were outside in the night by 10pm till my brother came back. We went in. My brother had to go to the kitchen to make eba for everyone to eat. Her baby mama wife-to-be sat doing nothing. The baby was even sleeping. We ate, gisted and went home.

I know my brother won't see anything bad in whatsoever she does. He grants all her requests. He even calls us and ask us to please call her wife from time to time. Who does that? You don't force love.

None of my family members welcome her presence in the family at this moment.

Her problem is always telling my brother that she'd take flight to her family house. She'd take flight to some other location. My brother, who's a hustling guy for that matter. The last rent he paid was 130k and he didn't pay once.

Your brother has probably been locked inside Bottle.

I may not feel your pains but I understand what you're saying.

People who don't have close Family Bonds will never understand this.

I've cut off two of my siblings due to something like this.

In about 8 to 9 years, we've not spoken more than 7 times.

Neither will I ever visit them or will they know where I'm staying.

Some women are worse than DEMONS!

They will enter a family and instead of helping the family bond stronger and increasing the number of people in the family, the reverse is the case.

For my own sanity, I gave my own siblings space.

I don't need you, your money, or need your children or any of your in-laws for me and my own children to surge ahead in life since you've allowed your wife to destroy our bond, I match.

Double0h7:


No disrespect but you need to step out of people's lives. This is your brother's journey and when he learns what he has to learn then he will do what he wants to do.

I don't get on with my sisters inlaw (no relationship, no love or hate, just neutral and respectful) but I respect them enough to stay the heck out of their lives. I would never disrespect the mothers of my nephews and nieces because those children will only see me as the enemy. I will wait for time to do it's magic and accept whatever the outcome may be.

What if thier supposed spouse cause the untimely death of someone you love who got married to such kind of a person...will you be happy?

Will the deceased learn his or her lesson after death?

Sometimes good advise can save someone's life

let your bros wife be if you guys cant deal with her leave them alone to handle their problems. if your brother cant fight for himself or his family then let him deal with his problem all by himself

otikpoko:
Some women are worse than DEMONS!
They will enter a family and instead of helping the family bond stronger and increasing the number of people in the family, the reverse is the case.
For my own sanity, I gave my own siblings space.

I don't need you, your money, or need your children or any of your in-laws for me and my own children to surge ahead in life since you've allowed your wife to destroy our bond, I match.

Where is it written that the job of a woman is to so any of what you claim in bold though?

You expect women to do the above,yet you conveniently block your own brothers for not agreeing with you or seeing eye to eye with you? Isn't that a tad hypocritical on your own part?

System202:
as an Elder Brother, I can't tolerate kind of things. I love my Brothers, I love my sister's, I am like father to them, u just can't come one day and separate me from my family, if u love me u have to love my family. If they can't enjoy my house where in this world would they go and enjoy.

I tire o...Some ladies enoy creating problem where it doesn't exist..

Most importantly it depends on the man..A man set the dynamic in his house and the woman follow his lead..Any deviation from that, is going to be a problem.

Mariangeles:


Mba o.
I don't do gender wars.
Eshiokwu ka'm gwara onye ahu.


Romance section wu territory ha.
Ha juru nga ahu.

Ngwanu o..

aboyaji:


Haha! Ihe Onitsha gwara obosi. Core Igbo person.

Tallesty1:
The aggressive side of a hen is revealed only after she hatches her chicks.

And the aggression is disguised as protection..

Anyone who soo much meddle into his/her married siblings affairs as long there is no domestic violence, will definitely do same when they get married..

It is very obvious.