Kate999:
I have been in a serious relationship with a guy for 7 years, last year I formally introduced him to my parents. We want to start the marriage arrangements this year but my mum has bluntly refused my fiancée, her excuse is that the guy is not presentable due to his slender physique and she feels that I will be maltreated by the guy once we get married.

I know this guy too well and he cares for me a lot and has never raised his hands on me. My mum has insisted that if I go on with the my wedding plans she will disown me and place a curse on me.

What baffles me is that she has never seen this guy in person, they have only talked on the phone, she just made her judgement via phone calls and photographs.

I really want to fight for what I love but both my parents have refused to respect my decision.

Mum that is supposed to be telling you to marry him is rather doing the opposite. If you let this guy go,and you don't find another man in the next few years,mum will ask you when will you marry. She will put so much pressure on you to the extent you will get tired o.. I have a friend who is her 40s. No husband no children. When she was in her 20s a man came for her,and the father refused her to marry him. Today the father is dead,and she is suffering. Last time she even told me that if it was possible she would have awaken her father to come and see the pain he caused her. So use ur brain. Don't let ur mum destroy ur future. A word is enough for the wise oo.
Kindly let me knw if you read this post Op

Kate999:
I have been in a serious relationship with a guy for 7 years, last year I formally introduced him to my parents. We want to start the marriage arrangements this year but my mum has bluntly refused my fiancée, her excuse is that the guy is not presentable due to his slender physique and she feels that I will be maltreated by the guy once we get married.

I know this guy too well and he cares for me a lot and has never raised his hands on me. My mum has insisted that if I go on with the my wedding plans she will disown me and place a curse on me.

What baffles me is that she has never seen this guy in person, they have only talked on the phone, she just made her judgement via phone calls and photographs.

I really want to fight for what I love but both my parents have refused to respect my decision.

There is a gap you need to close first. Arrange for the two to meet. Tell your mum that such thing is not a decision you will take at once, then on the day of the guys visit, make it look like the guy has seen your body language and came to check on you to know what is happening. But in all this, let the guy know your plan. Facial interaction is very important than this picture and call stuff.

Haakeem:
Tell her to lay her cure that you don't care.

Girl! Fight for the man you lo*v as far he isnt into fetish things or you would regret sooner or later. Imagine! Some parents enh...

Hmm, never disregard the opinion of parents. It is said what they see seating down, a child will stand on a building and not see.
Certain things advice I rejected back in the day, I see the results today I wish I hadn't. Not all but some.
Having grown kids now makes me see, you just have to consider what your parents say.
In this case, the lady should look well if there is merit and not be blinded with love. Afterall, when the yawa gases, is it not her parents she will run back to?
Who will have the sleepless nights? Her mother! Who will bear her expenses, her father.
Abi why do you think Bible even registry will ask if the parents have given their blessings?

Kate999:


Indeed! We both live in different states that is why it has been difficult to come over/visit. Now I want to formally introduce him to the family by inviting him over as we want to take things to the next level but they have bluntly refused to see him, giving me flimsy excuses.

Probably they have someone for you,cux that excuse is not enough reason for her refuse the guy,when she is yet to see him in person.. They reserve one guy for you... Ask them well...

This life no just balance...

He should come and exchange body with me naa...

Call your parents to a meeting and make them understand you feel disrespected by their actions and the fact that they feel they raised a failure in you of they can't respect your decision. Things like this should be easy because you need just make them realize indirectly that you are not the only failure here but they are even worse to have spent so much resources in raising a failure as that is what it means not to trust your decision.

Don't fight your mum...ask her what her real reasons are....slender na smokescreen

Kate999:
I have been in a serious relationship with a guy for 7 years, last year I formally introduced him to my parents. We want to start the marriage arrangements this year but my mum has bluntly refused my fiancée, her excuse is that the guy is not presentable due to his slender physique and she feels that I will be maltreated by the guy once we get married.

I know this guy too well and he cares for me a lot and has never raised his hands on me. My mum has insisted that if I go on with the my wedding plans she will disown me and place a curse on me.

What baffles me is that she has never seen this guy in person, they have only talked on the phone, she just made her judgement via phone calls and photographs.

I really want to fight for what I love but both my parents have refused to respect my decision.

What is going on??

Explain please..

Your mum probably knew the size of your dick and she might be thinking you might not be able to certisfy dem slim ladies. Not 100% Correct!

LIKE SERIOUSLY?U MOVED WITH A GUY FOR 7YRS AND UR PARENTS NEVER SAW HIM PHYSICALLY FOR A DAY?THANK UR STARS UV NOT BN KIDNAPPED!

H2ho:
@Kate999 your solution is here:

Milo + 4eggs daily (mix and stir)

let him have it for 2weeks.

please don't thank me

Does this work please I am slim too and would like to add some pounds of flesh...but 4 raw egg mhen!!!!! I hope I won't vomit

Loewe:


Maybe your mom has consulted a spiritualist on your behalf without your knowledge, hence her adamancy on not allowing you to marry him.
By the way, most of those spiritualists are demonic manipulators.

Another thing is: has your boyfriend been sending money or gifts to your mom? You said you've been dating him for 7 years, if he has never given your mom a dime, she might think he is either useless or poor. That's another way to see it.

The boyfriend owes the mom no dime. Don't encourage people to start an habit they may not be able to sustain in the long run as that makes them deceits.

Babe pray and go get on with the marriage, nothing will happen....the worst she will do is voodoo...

Some parents act like they go it all right with this marriage thing,besides its not like marriage comes with some ideal rules...it's a chance u might never see again


Check out my signature for ur freelancing issues...even as a newbie,I can help you

Kate999:
I have been in a serious relationship with a guy for 7 years, last year I formally introduced him to my parents. We want to start the marriage arrangements this year but my mum has bluntly refused my fiancée, her excuse is that the guy is not presentable due to his slender physique and she feels that I will be maltreated by the guy once we get married.

I know this guy too well and he cares for me a lot and has never raised his hands on me. My mum has insisted that if I go on with the my wedding plans she will disown me and place a curse on me.

What baffles me is that she has never seen this guy in person, they have only talked on the phone, she just made her judgement via phone calls and photographs.

I really want to fight for what I love but both my parents have refused to respect my decision.

You formally introduced him to your parents & same you said your mom has not seen him before? I don't understand this part?

Sonnobax15:

If only your mom can just spare a day out of her busy schedule and pay a visit to most churches (miracle centres) during their mid-week programs..Make she go use her own eyes take see wetin women dey pray and fast for . Make she go witness how young girls dey pray fervently to encounter a man who'll take them to the altar.....Na then she go realize say all those her excuses no join one bit...

Op's mom wanna play a role in plunging the op into by-force meno-stop

Those ones have been used by yahoo boys.

The op is different.

Loewe:


Maybe your mom has consulted a spiritualist on your behalf without your knowledge, hence her adamancy on not allowing you to marry him.
By the way, most of those spiritualists are demonic manipulators.

Another thing is: has your boyfriend been sending money or gifts to your mom? You said you've been dating him for 7 years, if he has never given your mom a dime, she might think he is either useless or poor. That's another way to see it.

Op, this poster have summarized your problem.


Your mom has visited one of those spiritual fathers they visit with your boyfriend's pictures (most probably a Celestial Prophet or a Babalawo) and the man told her that your boyfriend won't make a good husband, and she couldn't find another excuse to convince you so she decided to lay hand on his slender looks which isn't the main reason why she is objecting.



Another point this poster made is money.

Most Nigerian parents are too fixated on money, especially the mothers, they want to see their daughter getting married to Obi Cubana and their daughter's wedding being the talk of the town and they forgot that glamorous wedding doesn't guarantee a successful marriage.


Did anybody hear about Obi Cubana or Emoney or other known wealthy people's marriage ceremonies? No, but today, they are the envy of others.



I myself when I married, I had the money to do a wedding that could shake the town and also trend on social media but I never liked noise or big wedding parties and luckily for me, my amazing wife understood with me and we opted for a very private wedding that was strictly by invite to just selected family members and kinsmen to witness our union.


I am sure your mom judged your bf by his not rich looking photograph which many ladies also do; judging a successful man based on how glamorous his picture gackground looks and if it's a foreign obodo Oyimbo background which if that happens to be the case, our Nigerian mothers and ladies will automatically accept the guy's hand in marriage with the assumption that he is rich since some white people are in his picture background lolz


Tell your man to go snap some pictures in a white people dominated background and close to a luxury car and watch your mom ignore the counsel of her spiritual father


It's really disheartening how some parents use their own greed and over spirituality to destroy their children's life, it is well oh

No wahala na. The consequence of the mama actions is waiting for them all...

Sonnobax15:

If only your mom can just spare a day out of her busy schedule and pay a visit to most churches (miracle centres) during their mid-week programs..Make she go use her own eyes take see wetin women dey pray and fast for . Make she go witness how young girls dey pray fervently to encounter a man who'll take them to the altar.....Na then she go realize say all those her excuses no join one bit...

Op's mom wanna play a role in plunging the op into by-force meno-stop

GboyegaD:


The boyfriend owes the mom no dime. Don't encourage people to start an habit they may not be able to sustain in the long run as that makes them deceits.

You are not wise. Keep believing you don't owe your future in-laws anything, na sorry be your name.

ToughGuy111:
Kate999 I think it'll be a good idea to inform your pastor and some elderly men who could convince them.

Kate999, please don't tow this route. You don't need extension parties in your relationship. It is monogamous and don't give people the power they shouldn't wield over you.

@Kate999

I'll say you're not a serious fellow and you're toying with your life.
How can you be in a "serious" relationship with a guy for 7yrs and your parents have not set their eyes on him even for once??
Do you even have regards for your parents at all?
If he's living in another state, how do you now see him so often and your parents are yet to see him for once??
What are you both hiding? Maybe he was even talking like a rogue when he spoke with your parents on phone.
She may not be telling you everything cos you're not even wise enough to approach the issue maturely with her.

See, marriage is not bf/gf things o.
You need to arrange how he'll see your parents first, let them assess him and if they don't want him, look for another person to marry.
Our mums most times can smell some things from afar and use sixth sense when it comes to certain decisions.
Be wise!

There is more to this. She has not told you her real reason. Press her to come out to you. Those excuses are too flimsy if the guy is actually new to her.

She had dated the guys fada thats why

What I see in this issue is you are the courses of what happened . you are dating a guy for seven good years , he never met your parents or know your house , firstly calm down, secondly pray,, thirdly you need to give that guy your mom codes

Loewe:


You are not wise. Keep believing you don't owe your future in-laws anything, na sorry be your name.

Speaks volume of the wisdom you think you possess.

There must be some kind of insane power for a parent to give you that excuse and she threatened you on top. Your relationship with your mother needs fixing, she should be able to tell you the bitter truth.

What's this rubbish na?! If you don't have anything tangible to contribute, shut up!

Chloraseptic:
The reason is simple.

Your mum used to fûck the guy behind your back..

Though pple are different...

Never Invest in a relationship untill marriage...

Imagine visiting my fiance's parents and the mom spits this kinda shii...
I'll just take my leave...
Must I beg for your daughter's hand in marriage....
Or must I be given terms and conditions just to marry her?

Its all shii some Ignorant men are going through...

Some men even after marriage they shift their attention from their own parents to the wives parents... Giving the Inlaw gifts and goods, all what not...

Me, ehh after marriage(if I'll see a virgin)probably...
After payment of bride price and everything(cos only virgins deserve it)..
Dont expect me to be sending you my money.. Your daughter can do that; Its only my parents that deserve my money, cos they trained me.. If not as y'all ladies they say have standards wont go for a broke niggar, so I wont go for a dependent Inlaw....

As for Op; if you truly love your man(not sure whether love exist.. Cos it all transactional shii)or if you truly lust over your man.. Then marry him.. But if you ain't certain.. Just negodu...

My peace I give.....

Wether you like it or not you need your parents and their blessings. Don't go and listen to what young Nairalanders are saying! You need your parents; 7years relationship and the guy had never visited your parents for ones; what a Bleep; and you're the only one doing the introduction to your parents. 7yrs and the guy had not gifted your parents anything; I meant be wrong... Sister, resolve with your parents before that curse proceeds from their heart. You can know more about curse by visiting your Bible and looking into the story of Moab. Good luck..

Actually you have eto respect and listen to your parents.....



Another perspective.....

Don't sell yourself short, dating for seven years and never physically met your parents?. Such never end well. Your family has to be known and respected by your husband so that you can benefit from that respect.


Try and Listen to your parents

Her excuse is too flimsy considering the fact that she has ever even seen him but judging him based on looks.who looks epp.whats wrong in being slim.na wa o.its not just a big deal at all

GboyegaD:


Kate999, please don't tie this route. You don't need extension parties in your relationship. It is monogamous and don't give people the power they shouldn't wield over you.

Kate999 this is not the matter of extension parties or weilding power.It's the matter of your peace of mind and joy.Do the right thing that will give you joy and turn deaf ears to cynics who will advise you to do exactly opposit to your wish.