I recently discovered my husband has an addiction and I can't stay married to him.
As soon as money enters his hand, he starts funding some online app and start gambling.
We got married last year Nov.
We have needs and plans we agreed to achieve before the end of March. Which a better accommodation is one of our first goal. Our present accommodation is not ok at all.
On my own part, I'm saving to meet up with our Target, but I discovered, he has nothing. He collected contributions last month, over 200k. All that money wasted. He can't account for it.
January salary has entered, he has started wasting it again.

I'm expecting him to provide 300k at the end of this month. So, that when I sum it with mine, we can have over 600k. Get a decent accommodation and invest the rest.
We need to plan, save for our baby, but his attitude with money is not encouraging me.
The truth is, my husband is stressing me for lack of accountability.

Pls, how do I go about a peaceful divorce? I'm confused, because I'm pregnant.

All the things I'm seeing him do, suffocate me.
What do I do?
Pls, advise me.

How you didn't notice this while you were dating is a big question. Divorcing him may not be an easy decision, as you have a baby coming. Since he doesn't physically abuse you, I'll suggest you both go for counseling

Let the elders come through...

conFUSED pipu with their conFUSED Nollywood story.

Sister , i personally understand how frustrating it feels to have a partner that doesn't work towards the collective goal of achieving a set plan . Especially being the Man, the frustration is second to nothing.

However, i don't believe divorce should be an easy option in marriage . CONVERSATION SHOULD BE ESTABLISHED AND MEASURES TO ASSIST HIM UNDERSTAND THE DANGERS OF HIS ACTIONS AND THE CONSEQUENCES of this actions ON THE UNION SHOULD BE EXPLAINED to him . In addition , it is your responsibilty to stand by him in assisting him overcome this devilish ADDICTION! that's why you are his partner .

Love your husband , stand by him ! this would increase his love for you and both of you will have a happy home . Good luck .

Sorry to say this, it seems you're not really matured for marriage.

Seeing this deficiency in your partner Just one year into your marriage and you're already fed up with the marriage. Haba!
If he was your blood brother would you have given up on him so quickly?

He might be doing this with the intention of hitting it big for the family even though you perceived it differently.
Sit down with him & advice him tactically or make an alternative investment suggestion to him that will take his attention off the online gambling.

There are two things involved
1. Didn’t you notice the gambling before you got married? If you did, I hardly have empathy for you as you should have known better to not marry him.

2. Considering all of the target set by the both of you, (this is if he wasn’t gambling before you got married) he probably started gambling in hopes that he can make you happy with enough money, in hopes that the winnings will be used to meet up your expectations (your writeup portrays that kind of picture that the expectations are yours although positively, you did mention you were contributing as much as 50% especially towards getting a better apartment).

What to do if no. 2 is your case; call your husband and have a heart talk with him. Your first concern now should be getting him off gambling and not the new apartment or a divorce. Assure him that his sanity is important to you. If he feels pressured to make so much money within a short period, you are sorry. The new apartment can wait. He should work normal as a responsible adult and God will bless the labour of his hands. Assure him that as much as you need money, you’ll never enjoy money he gets from gambling but rather you’d appreciate money he gets from a proper work.

You also mentioned investing the remainder of your funds after getting a new apartment. I don’t know your present living condition but since your 300k is close to being complete, I implore you to invest it and guard the proceeds carefully until you’ve been able to steer your husband clear of gambling. Your sanity is also important and I understand your frustration but you mustn’t give up before you try.

May you find wisdom to help your husband and your family.

Shalom!

Don't divorce him. Work on him please. Any small thing divorce, now you are pregnant, you have a baby and you are here shouting divorce so that when you raise your children alone the society will add their own to help you make them to be useless.

Never underestimate the presence of a father in the house, Never!
Keep your mouth shut and talk to your God.

For every spouse we are married to there is a cross to carry and the only one who can make it lighter for you is God.

aikyg:
How you didn't notice this while you were dating is a big question. Divorcing him may not be an easy decision, since you have a baby coming. Since he doesn't physical abuse you, I'll suggest you both go for counseling

There is no way she would have noticed it, especially if he's an online gambler. Shey y'all like your privacy and say your partner shouldn't check your phone?

That's why she wouldn't have known.

How would she have been able to track his finances when y'all get defensive when a woman ask y'all money questions?

I'd suggest counselling for both of them, if he's willing to do the work, the marriage can be salvaged.

Holly Gram real matters on top real MATTERZ


LITE UP my WEED in peace


WTF MAN!

harqinhola:
Sister , i personally understand how frustrating it feels to have a partner that doesn't work towards the collective goal of achieving a set plan . Especially being the Man, the frustration is second to nothing.

However, i don't believe divorce should be an easy option in marriage . CONVERSATION SHOULD BE ESTABLISHED AND MEASURES TO ASSIST HIM UNDERSTAND THE DANGERS OF HIS ACTIONS AND THE CONSEQUENCES of this actions ON THE UNION SHOULD BE EXPLAINED to him . In addition , it is your responsibilty to stand by him in assisting him overcome this devilish ADDICTION! that's why you are his partner .

Love your husband , stand by him ! this would increase his love for you and both of you will have a happy home . Good luck .

Op Work try this and see.

It's obvious you've not seen the movie 'Acrimony' by Tyler Perry. Everyone has his demon(addition). Some demons are soft, some are destructive. Now you don't chicken out on a partner, especially one with a challenge. You help him fight his demon. Talk to him about it. Make him agree to let you keep 80% of his earning every month.

By the way, were you thinking you'd find someone better? Well it doesn't always work that way. Rather than divorce him to find someone better, only to find someone either addicted to something or someone worse, you can work on him to make him the better man you crave.

Admonition from an elder.

To early to start thinking of divorce now just after 3 months, it shows he is better than you, your first mission should be helping him to change and changing his orientation about money and saving, nobody is complete in marriage we just need to ajust and readjust to suit each other. Divorce should not and never be on the table when matters like this pop up,start learning to accommodate, encourage and work on your man to be what you want him to be.... Ask you Mama even your papa never still complete till today.

loosingfaith519:
I recently discovered my husband has an addiction and I can't stay married to him.
As soon as money enters his hand, he starts funding some online app and start gambling.
We got married last year Nov.
We have needs and plans we agreed to achieve before the end of March. Which a better accommodation is one of our first goal. Our present accommodation is not ok at all.
On my own part, I'm saving to meet up with our Target, but I discovered, he has nothing. He collected contributions last month, over 200k. All that money wasted. He can't account for it.
January salary has entered, he has started wasting it again.

I'm expecting him to provide 300k at the end of this month. So, that when I sum it with mine, we can have over 600k. Get a decent accommodation and invest the rest.
We need to plan, save for our baby, but his attitude with money is not encouraging me.
The truth is, my husband is stressing me for lack of accountability.

Pls, how do I go about a peaceful divorce? I'm confused, because I'm pregnant.

All the things I'm seeing him do, suffocate me.
What do I do?
Pls, advise me.

Is GAMBLING his only problem?

IF it's so then, there are medications you can put in his drink or pap to enable him desist from such without his notice. I don't know if they are available in Nigeria.
We also have the ones for Alcohol addiction.

He can’t change. If you continue, just prepare to assume most responsibilities with him more than likely robbing you of the little you have. They will keep telling you to endure, he will use ego and probably violence to shut you up, while you wallow in poverty. I have seen this case like 3 times.

The way people behave around money is so crucial in marriage. Some people are addicted to money. They get a high from getting money they did not work for, spending it lavishly and repeat. It’s best you let him as an adult decide if he wants to continue messing up his life or choosing his family. You need a lot of luck if you stay.

Divorcing cos of a trivia issue like this?

Your husband probably loves you and hopes to hit it big to make you happy......but you're too blind to see it. Unfortunately, he's addicted to the wrong thing.

Why don't you work on him and steer him right?

MALIGNANTGuest:
Is GAMBLING his only problem?

IF it's so then, there are medications you can put in his drink or pap to enable him desist from such without his notice. I don't know if they are available in Nigeria.
We also have the ones for Alcohol addiction.

Worst advice ever! I hope you're not a date rapist?

loosingfaith519:
I recently discovered my husband has an addiction and I can't stay married to him.
As soon as money enters his hand, he starts funding some online app and start gambling.
We got married last year Nov.
We have needs and plans we agreed to achieve before the end of March. Which a better accommodation is one of our first goal. Our present accommodation is not ok at all.
On my own part, I'm saving to meet up with our Target, but I discovered, he has nothing. He collected contributions last month, over 200k. All that money wasted. He can't account for it.
January salary has entered, he has started wasting it again.
expecting him to provide 300k at the end of thmonth. So, that when I sum it with mine, we can have over 600k. Get a decent accommodation and invest the rest.
We need to plan, save for our baby, but his attitude with money is not encouraging me.
The truth is, my husband is stressing me for lack of accountability.

Pls, how do I go about a peaceful divorce? I'm confused, because I'm pregnant.

All the things I'm seeing him do, suffocate me.
What do I do?
Pls, advise me.

just November, I laugh marriage is not meant for all women, imagine the trash madam please move, you have a child's reasoning, at your age you can't handle a common problems.

matrix199:


Worst advice ever! I hope you're not a date rapist?

He can use indosid instead

That is why they are always looking for a working class lady who can bring to the table so they can continue gambling and spending their own money recklessly. You better dump his ass.

You don't need to go through all that stress of divorcing him because that will drain you mentally and physically except you plan to remarry which is not advisable as most of them are the same. So, just secretly get a place for yourself and unborn child and leave him without warning, before you lose your sanity.

When he's ready to leave the singlehood lifestyle and become a responsible husband, he can come for his family. Otherwise, forget about him. Life is too sweet to let one person keep you in sorrow all the days of your life.

Marriage is overhypped, especially in this generation of overgrown babies in men's skin.

Modified.

I'm ashamed of all the men attacking me for saying the truth. Anyways I'm not surprised. The truth is always bitter and a hard pill to swallow.

You want her to stay with a grown up man who lacks common sense to do the right thing just so she can answer married. What the heck do you men think you are?

I blame the women that hold some of you in high esteem; making you feel like something when in fact all that is left of the male folk is nothing but a bunch of lazy leeches.

My joy is that, there are still a few, and i mean, very few men who have sense.

matrix199:


Worst advice ever! I hope you're not a date rapist?

You just exposed your Ignorance.
But it's expected.
U can't know more than what u know now except you expose urself to more knowledge.

You have to ThankGod for Nairaland, else what will someone like me have in common with you.
Our paths wouldn't have ever crossed.
I will advice someone like you to stayput on Nairaland and benefit from the enormous knowledge we deposit here.
When people like you were asked to go to school and study what others had researched, you resorted to prayer houses.
Now it's showing!
Wake Up.

All I needed was your submission to learn newer things you have never been exposed to.

Sometimes it ponders my heart how a grown up woman will sit-down and be working for the devil and not for a man she see and feel. You have this thought while in a marriage and you ran here to seek for advise on divorce. Well if you have choose this part and be rest assured that the baby you carry is not someone else own, please pack your load and leave that young man to chase for his future. I have seen whites that win big with little money. Their are people that gamble all way to casino lifestyles. If divorce is a western lifestyle then gambling its. God forsaken Woman...

MALIGNANTGuest:

You just expose your Ignorance.
But it's expected.
U can't know more than what u know now except you expose urself to more knowledge.

You have to ThankGod for Nairaland, else what will someone like me have in common with you.
Our paths wouldn't have ever crossed.
I will advice someone like you to stayput on Nairaland and benefit from the enormous knowledge we deposit here.
When people like you were asked to go to school and study what others have researched, you resorted to prayer houses.
Now it's showing!
Wake Up.

All I needed was your submission to learn newer things you have never been exposed to.

You are after all.

loosingfaith519:
I recently discovered my husband has an addiction and I can't stay married to him.
As soon as money enters his hand, he starts funding some online app and start gambling.
We got married last year Nov.
We have needs and plans we agreed to achieve before the end of March. Which a better accommodation is one of our first goal. Our present accommodation is not ok at all.
On my own part, I'm saving to meet up with our Target, but I discovered, he has nothing. He collected contributions last month, over 200k. All that money wasted. He can't account for it.
January salary has entered, he has started wasting it again.

I'm expecting him to provide 300k at the end of this month. So, that when I sum it with mine, we can have over 600k. Get a decent accommodation and invest the rest.
We need to plan, save for our baby, but his attitude with money is not encouraging me.
The truth is, my husband is stressing me for lack of accountability.

Pls, how do I go about a peaceful divorce? I'm confused, because I'm pregnant.

All the things I'm seeing him do, suffocate me.
What do I do?
Pls, advise me.

Please do make one last effort. Reach out to his parents or guardian. Implore them to talk to him. If he refuses, kindly pack your slippers and bag move on. I have realized that gamblers are the most terrible people you can find. I know someone that left an 8yr old marriage with 3 kids due to this same gambling. The man almost gambled his wife away. He put her into serious debt running into millions. Many people will advise you to pray, to be patient and all that buh open your head and think about yourself first. Cheers

MALIGNANTGuest:
Is GAMBLING his only problem?

IF it's so then, there are medications you can put in his drink or pap to enable him desist from such without his notice. I don't know if they are available in Nigeria.
We also have the ones for Alcohol addiction.

My Oga abeg sir

MALIGNANTGuest:
Is GAMBLING his only problem?

IF it's so then, there are medications you can put in his drink or pap to enable him desist from such without his notice. I don't know if they are available in Nigeria.
We also have the ones for Alcohol addiction.

If your em you know, laced the drink or pap of your em you know, without his notice, and he found out, you think you would have been born?!

Now boy, you don't lace someone's food or drink or 'pap' without his notice. That's poisoning.

You just won the id**t of the year award.

Mercychen:
That is why they are always looking for a working class lady who can bring to the table so they can continue gambling and spending their own money recklessly. You better dump his ass.

You don't need to go through all that stress of divorcing him because that will drain you mentally and physically except you plan to remarry which is not advisable as most of them are the same. So, just secretly get a place for yourself and unborn child and leave him without warning, before you lose your sanity.

When he's ready to leave the singlehood lifestyle and become a responsible husband, he can come for his family. Otherwise, forget about him. Life is too sweet to let one person keep you in sorrow all the days of your life.

Marriage is overhypped, especially in this generation of overgrown babies in men's skin.

My thought too. Thanks

Mercychen:
That is why they are always looking for a working class lady who can bring to the table so they can continue gambling and spending their own money recklessly. You better dump his ass.

You don't need to go through all that stress of divorcing him because that will drain you mentally and physically except you plan to remarry which is not advisable as most of them are the same. So, just secretly get a place for yourself and unborn child and leave him without warning, before you lose your sanity.

When he's ready to leave the singlehood lifestyle and become a responsible husband, he can come for his family. Otherwise, forget about him. Life is too sweet to let one person keep you in sorrow all the days of your life.

Marriage is overhypped, especially in this generation of overgrown babies in men's skin.

The man when do you this thing,e no go better for am. See bitterness all over your post. Wetin man do you?

matrix199:


If your em you know, laced the drink or pap of your em you know, without his notice, and he found out, you think you would have been born?!

Now boy, you don't lace someone's food or drink or 'pap' without his notice. That's poisoning.

You just won the id**t of the year award.

What's the definition of poison?
So If someone prepares an Intercontinental dish without your knowledge of its ingredients and you eat such to your satisfaction, that's a Poison.
Definitions are standardized and acceptable across the world. Pls. check the dictionary meaning.
U have right to insult me.
When people meet ONLINE insults are entertained but dat may not be the case in reality.
You should be grateful to Nairaland for creating such a platform where professionals, scholars, knowledge seekers, the Ignorant & Fools can meet and exchange views, ideas & knowledge.

MALIGNANTGuest:

What's the definition of poison?
So If someone prepares an Intercontinental dish without your knowledge of its ingredients and you eat such to your satisfaction, that's a Poison.
Definitions are standardized and acceptable across the world. Pls. check the dictionary meaning.

My Oga abeg

HarunaWest:
The man when do you this thing,e no go better for am. See bitterness all over your post. Wetin man do you?

HER BITTERNESS NA PRO MAX