loosingfaith519:
I recently discovered my husband has an addiction and I can't stay married to him.
As soon as money enters his hand, he starts funding some online app and start gambling.
We got married last year Nov.
We have needs and plans we agreed to achieve before the end of March. Which a better accommodation is one of our first goal. Our present accommodation is not ok at all.
On my own part, I'm saving to meet up with our Target, but I discovered, he has nothing. He collected contributions last month, over 200k. All that money wasted. He can't account for it.
January salary has entered, he has started wasting it again.

I'm expecting him to provide 300k at the end of this month. So, that when I sum it with mine, we can have over 600k. Get a decent accommodation and invest the rest.
We need to plan, save for our baby, but his attitude with money is not encouraging me.
The truth is, my husband is stressing me for lack of accountability.

Pls, how do I go about a peaceful divorce? I'm confused, because I'm pregnant.

All the things I'm seeing him do, suffocate me.
What do I do?
Pls, advise me.

This is the result of not knowing each other real well before marriage.. am guessing its just meet today marry tomorrow thing. My dear your reason for divorce is not nothing.. its some thing you can make him stop.
Threaten him that you will tell his family and your own family about his addiction and also make him see you as one who doesn't have shishi...his confident that your own money will keep you guys going if he loses his to betting. Mind you I think this might really not be an addiction on his side but rather his looking for fast way to get money for your plan but you.have to stop him Asap before it becomes an addiction. Dont tell him u have money again and watch him take responsibility with whatever little cash that comes his way

Mercychen:


You're welcome.



How is my comment sounding bitter? O... Now because it's a man, you're trying to hold brief for him, right? Stop being insensitive.

What about the OPs experience with the so called husband? Is it not more bitter?
Can't you see what he's doing to her? A pregnant woman for that matter?. You people should learn to say the truth no matter how bitter.

A man who is not considerate enough to help his pregnant wife doesn't deserve any better. When he doesn't see anyone to cover his shameful acts anymore, sense will fall on him but as long as she's still there carrying his burden and financial responsibilities, he'll never get his acts together.

It's this kind of mentality you have that, any woman who speaks up against a man's incompetence is "bitter" that is making some men refuse to change and lead a more responsible life.
That "if she can't clean my mess, then shes not a wife material" kinda mentality should be erased.
You men should learn to clean up your mess yourself. Ain't no body gat time to be babysitting a grown ass man.

Buzz off!

To cut long story short,you saying she should divorce him cos he has a challenge.
E be like you sey marriage na Boyfriend and girlfriend relationship.
When you get married to someone you don't only marry the person but everything else that comes with that person.
She should stay and help him because that's what he needs not someone who'd bale on him.
He's the father if her unborn child,gee not beyond redemption.

loosingfaith519:
I recently discovered my husband has an addiction and I can't stay married to him.
As soon as money enters his hand, he starts funding some online app and start gambling.
We got married last year Nov.
We have needs and plans we agreed to achieve before the end of March. Which a better accommodation is one of our first goal. Our present accommodation is not ok at all.
On my own part, I'm saving to meet up with our Target, but I discovered, he has nothing. He collected contributions last month, over 200k. All that money wasted. He can't account for it.
January salary has entered, he has started wasting it again.

I'm expecting him to provide 300k at the end of this month. So, that when I sum it with mine, we can have over 600k. Get a decent accommodation and invest the rest.
We need to plan, save for our baby, but his attitude with money is not encouraging me.
The truth is, my husband is stressing me for lack of accountability.

Pls, how do I go about a peaceful divorce? I'm confused, because I'm pregnant.

All the things I'm seeing him do, suffocate me.
What do I do?
Pls, advise me.

Seek marriage counsellors. Talk to him, make he see reason not to gamble, na problem of marriage, love is blind but marriage go open. Am. Please pray sit him down to see reason. No dey easy to change a habit overnight. No divorce him please, loneliness fit drive am to depression.

GoodHardDick:


, she wants us to beg her not to leave

At the bolded make she go marry FFK

Go ahead and divorce him please. Life is too short to be complicated. Life goes on

Many of the things men endure in marriage women can't endure half of it. If oop is a man now some ladies here will start advising him to endure and teach his wife how to be accountable

You better move now

Here's the deal, you're already pregnant for an irresponsible clown. No man in his right sense does that, especially now being married. Ignore all these demented circus monkeys saying gambling isn't bad, usually can tell they are delusional gamblers too, so who do you think they'll support, because they know the same fate will befall them. You'd better off reporting him to his family and give him an ultimatum, it's either he picks you and your unborn child or picks gambling. That's what their lazy asses do, thinking someday they'll hit it big, doesn't get more delusional that. Some idiots even advised you he's probably gambling to take care of you. Do you see now how many foolis.h people are on NL? These jerkoffs can't even keep gfs, you're even married in your own case. You're not on their level. Any sensible man will pick his family over all the money in the world, but this one does not even have money, living in a dreamland of someday he'll hit it big; and if he picks gambling, he's just told you what your future with him will be like, a failure.

aikyg:
How you didn't notice this while you were dating is a big question. Divorcing him may not be an easy decision, since you have a baby coming. Since he doesn't physical abuse you, I'll suggest you both go for counseling

People dey hide there bad habits during courtship.
I like your point make dem see counsellors.

Odide009:


Please, is there any for pills addiction.

Nope because it's a thing if the mind.

twilliamx:
That is not enough reason to leave your husband, talk to your husband. And let me tell you a secret. 79 percent of men today play sports bet. Some are just extreme than others. Get his parent involved

I don't want to involve his mother. That woman is too fragile. I don't want things that break her the more and increase her BP

loosingfaith519:
I recently discovered my husband has an addiction and I can't stay married to him.
As soon as money enters his hand, he starts funding some online app and start gambling.
We got married last year Nov.
We have needs and plans we agreed to achieve before the end of March. Which a better accommodation is one of our first goal. Our present accommodation is not ok at all.
On my own part, I'm saving to meet up with our Target, but I discovered, he has nothing. He collected contributions last month, over 200k. All that money wasted. He can't account for it.
January salary has entered, he has started wasting it again.

I'm expecting him to provide 300k at the end of this month. So, that when I sum it with mine, we can have over 600k. Get a decent accommodation and invest the rest.
We need to plan, save for our baby, but his attitude with money is not encouraging me.
The truth is, my husband is stressing me for lack of accountability.

Pls, how do I go about a peaceful divorce? I'm confused, because I'm pregnant.

All the things I'm seeing him do, suffocate me.
What do I do?
Pls, advise me.

Good morning, please involve ppl that he listens to and see if there would be a change.

In of the threads i saw last week, a question was asked: betting/gambling, masturbation and womanizing which among the 3 is the worst. Of a truth, gambling/betting is the worst, it kills dream, aspiration and positive plan and it also leads to suicide (a young man took his life in Kaduna after losing 1.5m in betting).

A friend of mine who is deep into betting told me that i should stay away from betting, a gambler can't save and can't plan, God will help you, don't divorce you husband, let ppl interven ok.

Pregnancy complicates things.

If you were still without a foetus, I would have advised you to leave him and not look back.

Gamblers are almost irredeemable.

loosingfaith519:
I recently discovered my husband has an addiction and I can't stay married to him.
As soon as money enters his hand, he starts funding some online app and start gambling.
We got married last year Nov.
We have needs and plans we agreed to achieve before the end of March. Which a better accommodation is one of our first goal. Our present accommodation is not ok at all.
On my own part, I'm saving to meet up with our Target, but I discovered, he has nothing. He collected contributions last month, over 200k. All that money wasted. He can't account for it.
January salary has entered, he has started wasting it again.

I'm expecting him to provide 300k at the end of this month. So, that when I sum it with mine, we can have over 600k. Get a decent accommodation and invest the rest.
We need to plan, save for our baby, but his attitude with money is not encouraging me.
The truth is, my husband is stressing me for lack of accountability.

Pls, how do I go about a peaceful divorce? I'm confused, because I'm pregnant.

All the things I'm seeing him do, suffocate me.
What do I do?
Pls, advise me.

You're a stupid woman...i strongly believe you are cheating on your husband. Hence your plan to elope with the other monkey.


Stupid LovePeddler

Madam, my suggestion is for you people to have a dedicated account where money meant for a project can be channeled to , with this it will be difficult for him to spend recklessly.
Thank God you're able to identify his problems early enough! Solution is ur hands

Karlzy01:

Nope because it's a thing if the mind.

Why respond NO when you have no idea of such.
Why is it difficult for Nigerians to stick to their area of specialty or jurisdiction?
We are here to learn.
There are medications to combat Addictions and even Kleptomania.
RELIGION has finished our Brains.

GoodHardDick:


Try get sense. If it was an abusive guy but he's madly rich, will you divorce him?

Your fellow genders on this forum just dey deceive you

Not reasonable enough

Richy4:
Anyone that says they should sit down and talk have never met an addict before...it's like pouring water in a basket.....

I was just wondering, talk with a gambler.

Gambling is a very strong addiction that I even think it's a spirit.

She's in for a very long ride, those addicted to gambling will tell her the truth.

It's just a pity she didn't discover before she married him.

No no no, I disagree with you on the divorce thing. You just discovered something in him of which you might have not even try to scold him, talk to him and even try to see that what ever both wants to achieve which requires finance let the finance stay with you...

So many men have that addiction of gambling try and talk to him not shouting ooo, bring reasons to him , convince him and watch to see if he will change before deciding but you didn't talk nothing you want to divorce ahh e easy ni....

What if you were the one to change his life for good.... Abi u no no say person dey change person......

Aufbauh:
Sorry to say this, it seems you're not really matured for marriage.

Seeing this deficiency in your partner Just one year into your marriage and you're already fed up with the marriage. Haba!
If he was your blood brother would you have given up on him so quickly?

[s]He might be doing this with the intention of hitting it big for the family even though you perceived it differently.[/s]
Sit down with him & advice him tactically or make an alternative investment suggestion to him that will take his attention off the online gambling.

You are are dum.b? Gambling is a guaranteed investment right? Oh I get it you're another brain dead delusional gambler. If she were your sister you'll ask her to do what?

loosingfaith519:
I recently discovered my husband has an addiction and I can't stay married to him.
As soon as money enters his hand, he starts funding some online app and start gambling.
We got married last year Nov.
We have needs and plans we agreed to achieve before the end of March. Which a better accommodation is one of our first goal. Our present accommodation is not ok at all.
On my own part, I'm saving to meet up with our Target, but I discovered, he has nothing. He collected contributions last month, over 200k. All that money wasted. He can't account for it.
January salary has entered, he has started wasting it again.

I'm expecting him to provide 300k at the end of this month. So, that when I sum it with mine, we can have over 600k. Get a decent accommodation and invest the rest.
We need to plan, save for our baby, but his attitude with money is not encouraging me.
The truth is, my husband is stressing me for lack of accountability.

Pls, how do I go about a peaceful divorce? I'm confused, because I'm pregnant.

All the things I'm seeing him do, suffocate me.
What do I do?
Pls, advise me.

The big problem here is that you both don't share the same value when it come to money and value creation, he believes in luck you believe in saving.

The bigger problem is that you both don't have a family system in place for your home. One of the constituents of a family system is a financial system, how are you going to finance your family is an unanswered question in your family. It's usually easier to develop a financial system before marriage but it's better late than never.

You both need to sit dow like the adults you are with a laptop and spreadsheet, table your total income, segment the income to encompass daily survival like rent, food, savings, investments, children, project, utilities, personal allowance etc. If he decides to gamble away his personal allowance that's his business but it shouldn't affect the running of the family. A financial goal (like getting a better apartment) is not a financial system, a financial goal is a project in a family financial system.

Make sure that the sheet is shared between both parties, as financial status changes so does the financial system, I recommend a review every year or during emergencies. One person controls the accounts the other person gets the mail's n alerts for the account. Accountability is key to the success of a family system.

I don't think that a divorce is the solution to every marital problems, I can guarantee you that a new partner will come with their own baggage. A proper family system will save one from many of these headaches. I will suggest you talk to a professional counselor, checkout Praise Fowowe organisation, they offer professional help. God bless you

Onarabu:
Madam, my suggestion is for you people to have a dedicated account where money meant for a project can be channeled to , with this it will be difficult for him to spend recklessly.
Thank God you're able to identify his problems early enough! Solution is ur hands

You want her to force him to do what is against his very addiction?

It's like you don't know gamblers.

Solution is not in her hands.
Solution is in his hands. Nobody else can help him.

If it was a good man, the threat of losing his wife would make him fight that addiction.

loosingfaith519:
I recently discovered my husband has an addiction and I can't stay married to him.
As soon as money enters his hand, he starts funding some online app and start gambling.
We got married last year Nov.
We have needs and plans we agreed to achieve before the end of March. Which a better accommodation is one of our first goal. Our present accommodation is not ok at all.
On my own part, I'm saving to meet up with our Target, but I discovered, he has nothing. He collected contributions last month, over 200k. All that money wasted. He can't account for it.
January salary has entered, he has started wasting it again.

I'm expecting him to provide 300k at the end of this month. So, that when I sum it with mine, we can have over 600k. Get a decent accommodation and invest the rest.
We need to plan, save for our baby, but his attitude with money is not encouraging me.
The truth is, my husband is stressing me for lack of accountability.

Pls, how do I go about a peaceful divorce? I'm confused, because I'm pregnant.

All the things I'm seeing him do, suffocate me.
What do I do?
Pls, advise me.

Not justifiable reason for this. Learn to cope with this. What if he loses his job or income?

naija4life247:


I think she actually wants a Yahoo boy who will eventually use her for rituals.

Your sis abi?
Some of you read post with your brain up side down. Too bad

mpire:
Here's the deal, you're already pregnant for an irresponsible clown. No man in his right sense does that, especially now being married. Ignore all these demented circus monkeys saying gambling isn't bad, usually can tell they are delusional gamblers too, so who do you think they'll support, because they know the same fate will befall them. You'd better off reporting him to his family and give him an ultimatum, it's either he picks you and your unborn child or picks gambling. That's what their lazy asses do, thinking someday they'll hit it big, doesn't get more delusional that. Some idiots even advised you he's probably gambling to take care of you. Do you see now how many foolis.h people are on NL? These jerkoffs can't even keep gfs, you're even married in your own case. You're not on their level. Any sensible man will pick his family over all the money in the world, but this one does not even have money, living in a dreamland of someday he'll hit it big; and if he picks gambling, he's just told you what your future with him will be like, a failure.

Nobody said gambling was a good thing.

Hey,it's not as easy as you make it seem asking her to give him an ultimatum to choose.
An addiction is not something to give an ultimatum.
Someone who's addicted to something has to first realize he has a problem and also be willing to change.
And like you said he's not in his right senses but the truth is you can't force a man to quit to and addiction,YOu can't.

Acidosis:
I was going to ask the usual question here "why didn't you do your due diligence". But then I have discovered that the easiest thing to hide before marriage is addiction/habit. Anyone blaming you is just being unrealistic You may never know whether your spouse is into drugs, a chronic gambler, a porn addict, or a bisexual. It takes only an app to become a chronic gambler these days. Addictions are mostly things people do in the secret, when they're alone, so how on earth are you going to find out whether your man gambles with money?

The compatibility metric is even useless when it comes to certain issues. For example, no chronic gambler wants to marry another chronic gambler, so chronic gamblers seeking marriage would most likely hide/fake financial discipline or "investments" just to lure a spouse who's probably carried away with money, level of education, good family, or good looks. It's a complex issue.

To the OP, I would only be lying if I tell you that I have a solution. I don't have any. On one hand, I can't advise my sister to remain with a chronic gambler. On the other hand, I think it is too early to have this divorce talks. I mean, your marriage is barely 4 month old. But I hope you find a way around your issues Maybe it's time to activate your conflict resolution plan. A resolution plan may include "a very good family", "an entity he respects so well, e.g. spiritual fathers", etc. If he has none, then your divorce may be faster than you envisaged.

Solid points, it's just a shame shes in this mess honestly.

I understand your plight. However divorce is not the issue. Have you tried sitting him down to talk with him or used proxies to do same?
While dating him did you notice this attitude or it just sprang up overnight?

SEBI you swore say na "for better for worse" Abeg, manage your wahala, no one is perfect. You can talk it out or have you found another man already?

harqinhola:
Sister , i personally understand how frustrating it feels to have a partner that doesn't work towards the collective goal of achieving a set plan . Especially being the Man, the frustration is second to nothing.

However, i don't believe divorce should be an easy option in marriage . CONVERSATION SHOULD BE ESTABLISHED AND MEASURES TO ASSIST HIM UNDERSTAND THE DANGERS OF HIS ACTIONS AND THE CONSEQUENCES of this actions ON THE UNION SHOULD BE EXPLAINED to him . In addition , it is your responsibilty to stand by him in assisting him overcome this devilish ADDICTION! that's why you are his partner .

Love your husband , stand by him ! this would increase his love for you and both of you will have a happy home . Good luck .

well said ..although from an hindsight she needs to do more..hence she will pull the plugs at the wrong time and self destruct will be inevitable..

Kdon2:


You ll never be a wife material with this kind of mentality. Haba!

See this one.

loosingfaith519:
I recently discovered my husband has an addiction and I can't stay married to him.
As soon as money enters his hand, he starts funding some online app and start gambling.
We got married last year Nov.
We have needs and plans we agreed to achieve before the end of March. Which a better accommodation is one of our first goal. Our present accommodation is not ok at all.
On my own part, I'm saving to meet up with our Target, but I discovered, he has nothing. He collected contributions last month, over 200k. All that money wasted. He can't account for it.
January salary has entered, he has started wasting it again.

I'm expecting him to provide 300k at the end of this month. So, that when I sum it with mine, we can have over 600k. Get a decent accommodation and invest the rest.
We need to plan, save for our baby, but his attitude with money is not encouraging me.
The truth is, my husband is stressing me for lack of accountability.

Pls, how do I go about a peaceful divorce? I'm confused, because I'm pregnant.

All the things I'm seeing him do, suffocate me.
What do I do?
Pls, advise me.

If this is the only reason you have, then divorce is not your best option.

It really is now.

BrickDevo:

Yes i do but not all, esp when i have financial obligations to her

So it's conditional.

Doesn't mean all men like it and encourage it.