During my late teenage's years, I had this faith making it before I clock 22 years or so.

Before then, I try the means, it didn't work.

What was my believe?

My believe was to make it through with the internet. It was either by having a big/popular blog or web forum like nairaland. I had made up how much I could/should be earning to stay comfortable.

But now, all seems like a pipe dream.


During those periods, I had few knowledge on python programming language, HTML, CSS, and a little bit PHP language.

I once had a forum like nairaland but it didn't break through the market or was it that I was not patience enough to let it grow? It only lasted for two months, no single progress, I shut it down.

I am hoping to try it again.

There is something I hate talking about or people talking about, it is myself(not really my personality, it is how I appear to people).

HOW DO I APPEAR TO PEOPLE?

Normally, if you see me, I have this soft look, humble, quiet and too Gentle(that is how my cousin address me).

The worst part of it is that I hate it. I hate every part of it.. Sometimes, I try to act tough but it does not go well with me. I try to change, it seems it is beyond me. I wonder why I was born this way.

Some people criticize me because of my appearance, sometimes I cry about it, sometimes I try my best not to let my self esteem gets affected, sometimes it does not work.

All I do, to keep moving is I will act like I don't care, I just do my thing the way I can.

Most time, people underrate me, I couldn't get some job because the employer has viewed me without me doing anything.

Most people thought I am not smart or intelligent, I was surprised, when a female friend of mine, saw my G.P after our first semester exam. She was shocked that I got 3.3/4.0.

She was like "how did you do it?" I didn't actually blame her because, I am a very reserved person, maybe she thought I was dull( because In class I hardly answer questions or ask questions in class, all I did was I Google my questions or answers, whenever I am having difficulties).

Most guys, always want to take advantage of me, but sometimes, the only way I tell them I am no walk over is get into a fight or argument with them.

And my voice?

Fucking low, you can't hear if you are standing straight, you have to bend a little bit to get what I am saying.. If I increase the volume, it would sounds as if I am shouting.. Sometimes, the voice gets normal, you can hear me normal if I am not under pressure or no thing is bothering my ass.

Physically, I am still having a bit boyish look, what always make people believe I am quite older than I appear is my beard, that is my saving grace. But still look younger than my age because of my fucking height.

Tired of this shit meeh

The only the thing I like about my physical appearance is that I am very handsome(not fair type, i am dark in complexion). That is the only thing I hold confidently.

How about my love life

I am not really a relationship kind of person, I prefer we just be friend, I don't like rules and someone trying to tie me to one way or the other.

The last time I got into a relationship, it didn't last up to two days, I felt tied down and caged, I wasn't having it to be honest, I opt out.

There were many girls who were admiring then, I never gave any of them a chance till I left school. At home, I got one or two also, I usually Dodge from them. They call, we talk, to the point of finding out if there is someone in my life, I always give them honest answer.

That time till now, all in mind is money.. Don't even have time for girls, they seems to me as distraction, I withdraw from them.. Though I have few ones.

During my Diploma, there is girl in my hostel, I like her. But I think she had someone then.
I really love this girl, I told her about it, she told me she would think about it..

Later I find out, she had someone, so I let everything go. But we still together tho. That time, she comes over to my place, she sleeps over, most time not happened.

There was a day something happened, it was around 8 or 9 pm, we were playing, rolling up and down on the bed, initially when we started, it was normal. But it got to a point, everything got intense, the grips, the rollings, and the staring.

I noticed my jnr was already responding to stimulus, I have to do something to calm the dude down. I knew she noticed it, she tried couple of time to put her legs in there, but I was stronger, I quickly make sure her legs do not get there.

In less than 30 seconds bros& sis, the playful fights turned to a very hot romance. She pulled her cloth, I was already giving her a pre-intimacy, this pre-intimacy lasted for about 15-20 minutes, she was just jiggling on the bed( first I was scared, the way she was moving, I realized she was already in her heaven), then I decided pull down her pant, she held my hand. I was like "what the Bleep is that?" she said "no" .

I was like is like this girl is mad. Then we started struggling, romance turned to war. I gave up before she call for rape. She stood up, said was going to her room. She left.

I will update what happened next, tomorrow, feeling sleepy.

Today was a bit less stressful, less sternly looks from my prospective customers..

Rejection was low today sha.. But absence was much..(most apprentice would say "my OGA no dey, come later" . I can't come back later unless I am passing that route back home..

I am dead broke at the moment, got less than a thousand maira, how I am going to manage it until my customers start calling me?

May God save me.

Came back around 4pm, grabbed some food, few moments later, I started feeling pain in my left abdomen..

I laid down, about three minutes later, ran to the toilet. I came out relieved.

Today, I decided to learn a flipclap animation, I am a fan of animation, I always want to make anime, funny ones. I had a beginner tutorials a few hour ago..

I was sharing some real shit yesterday, I promise to tell you guys what happened next.. I will do that later tonight, just got something on me now.

Next morning, she came knocking on my window, I was surprised. Why the window na?

I asked her, why not come inside? ( at the same time, trying to look into her eyes, she couldn't maintain it, she threw her face away).

She said she doesn't want to come in. She wants to know when I am going to lecture. I told her, she said when I am ready, I should flash her..

When I was about leaving, I flashed her, she said she is going to lecture too, that we should go together..

I said okay, what happened last night was still fresh on her, I could tell by her look and quietness, she walked away backward from me. She was always behind me.. I was like what is it with this bitch??

On the way, I have to branch to my friend place, I have already told my friend that we will go together that day(we were coursemates, this my friend had advice me that I should make sure I Bleep the girl, but he was too serious with it).

I called him instead to come out because I can't wait for him, beside we were already late and I am with someone.

He came out few moments later..

He saw the girl, both greet each other. We walked.

As we were walking, she was still behind, I turn to take a look at her..

Meeeh I was seeing a face with fury and guilt..

It was so obvious, it was as if my friend felt the energy between both us, he asked quietly: "wetin dey happen? Why she dey like that?"

I said " I go yarn you later, make we reach class".

He said "hmmmm becos e no clear so".

We arrived at school, she went her way, probably to her department. I said to her " see ya later". She said okay.

She was like few meters away, my friend couldn't hold it, he was eager to know what was going on.

I told him, how it went.

He said "no worry, na so e dey b sometimes sha, na im dey make two of una dey misbehave? Una two no get work, I even dey think another thing."

Days gone, we returned to our normal selves.

Weeks later, we had the same kind of play. It ended in Romance again. This time, we were close to having sex, we heard a knock on the door..

Bleep? Who be this devil na?


"Gift! Gift! open door.. Wetin una dey do.. Chinedu open door oooo" it was her friend in the same hostel..

We didn't open it, I was sweating.. I was vexed.. This her stupid friend just ruined everything. Her name is ese.

Till today, Gift and I never had sex.. Though I do see her time to time.( after graduation, a lot things happened between us, I will share that part another time.)

Last year December, I visited her, she is still staying with her parents tho.

Her friend ESE, now is a baby mama.

She conceived during covid19 period, she was still in the hostel, only her because everyone had gone home becos of the lockdown.

I think she remained in the hostel, so that she came hid it from some people I guess. She didn't go home.

It was when I came back to round up my final second semester, I met the shocker.

It was in evening, in the hostel, at first I didn't even noticed it, I was just walking innocently.

I noticed someone coming towards me, I didn't up enough, I was about getting past the person..

She called my name "chinedu" I looked up..

Lo and behold, I saw ESE with small letter "b" shape. I was shocked, she could see it all over me.. I just muttered "Good evening" in perplexity. She said "welcome" and walked into her room..

I continued my journey surprised and I said "aaaah, so some people dey Bleep for this hostel?" I was just smiling.

updating diary, na war for me now..

Was reading some shit on nairaland, when I realized that I have not updated for like two or three days.

We are still on it guys.. My business, it has not kickoff really well.. It has been a week now, none have contacted me for business.

Today, went around some places, meet a lot of persons, only few like three persons, took my contact.. Others were like "we don't do that", "it is hard now", "you guys are almost every where here in Benin", "police will come and pick you up, small boy like you, how old are you?" (I was like, I am 22 bro, I am not a kid)..

I met one, he asked me if I am a Christian? He said "I know you are finding a means to make money, to eat or do other things, but as a Christian you are not supposed to be doing this"

He got a point though.

But I got no CHOICE.
If i have better work with good salary, I don't even need huge salary(even if it is 80k, I am receiving) will I be trekking under the scorching sun all round Benin looking for what will land me in police custody?

Me got family in the village, looking up to me.
I have a lot to fix.

The only reason I am not having self guilt is because I am using money to get it from you, I am not stealing it. Anyway you get it, it is none of my business.

Hope it's not the business I'm thinking??

Philip4564:
Hope it's not the business I'm thinking??

what business do you think it is?

Resting through out today.. I want to recover from yesterday pain.. Tomorrow I start again.

This morning, I thought came to me..

The though "chinedu since nobody don call you so, why not check the areas in Benin you have covered?".

Me I was thinking yesterday that after this one I will wait till I get a business with any of them I have shared contact with, so as to get enough cash for transport because at this moment I am very broke, I only got 1k with me..

I took my phone, I opened my google map, I discovered I haven't gone half of Benin!..

Don't really know what to do next, I made a decision..

The decision: I will borrow some money from my cousin

And then I decided to a nap, as I was already tired for doing nothing..
Truth to be told I am sad because of the way things are going and I am already getting depressed.

I laid down, few minutes late, NEPA brought their light. I turned on the fan, immediately the heat in the room started cooling, I slept off.

I woke up immediately, my phone rang!

It was unsaved number, immediately I was praying let it be a customer.

Damn! It was.

The conversation
Phone: Good afternoon
Me: Good evening

Phone: am I speaking with the ******* person?

Me: yes bros.

Phone: what is your rate?

Me : a kilo is 110 for the main one

Phone : what about the iron one

Me: 60

(He gave the phone to another person)

Phone: oboy, na me, how much you go buy the iron one?

Me: one kilo na 60 bros.

Phone: you no buy 70? 70 abeg

Me: bros everywhere na 60, bros.

Phone: 65 nkor

Me: bros na 60

Phone: okay na
( gave the phone to the owner)

Phone: you say 60 abi, tomorrow na, I go call you, when I bring am.

Me: okay.

End of call.

I was not convinced, he will call me, so I called my older cousin, who is my OGA also.

I told him what's up.. He said if it is one kilo,I should buy 65.

I called the man back, told him(a mistake I realised). He said okay, gave me location in case of tomorrow.

From the phone call, some of you must have deciphered the kind of business it is.. Only those that is involved can relate.

Just decided to step outside to get a fresh air, since NEPA has done what they are best known for.. I am in third floor, I took a bucket of paint, made it as stool, took it to the balcony and sat down.

Right now taking a view of my area, I could see everyone passing the street.

Could see alot of Banis moving up and down..
One just came out of a hostel, wearing a big polo with thigh abi bumshort, she was trying to show any one who seems to care or look that she got a butt( it was just close to average butt, what is making it looks big is the tightness of the thigh). She was just throwing the polo up to showcase the booty, but the polo was not interested in what ever she was doing, it refused to cooperate, she will take it up, a few seconds, polo will cover her ass.

I was like "can't she just walk with the polo down? Is there any thing wrong without tying it tightly to your waist or lifting it up so that your tiny booty can show?"

It was just irritating, I can see that from a fellow walking behind her, she was not comfortable with the way the lady was lifting her polo.

Meehhh

One question: do you have any family with a boat parked in their compound. Check. Some old timers or old soldiers have boats that they've abandoned for years. I need one. That's a way you can make some quick bucks

Astrogadgetist:
One question: do you have any family with a boat parked in their compound. Check. Some old timers or old soldiers have boats that they've abandoned for years. I need one. That's a way you can make some quick bucks

No

PSG no really try oooo, na messi I just dey pity, the stupid coach no sabi any tactics.. A good Coach can win every trophy with PSG kind of team.

Meeeh

4teenblaq:


No

I would have said nothing. But this attitude of yours rings a bell...

Many complain about their frustrations with the world and with God. Some even say they want to personally talk to God about it. But when they get any semblance of an opportunity, they either scram or respond terribly. It become evident that they were more into rubbing wounds that solving problems.

That's the equivalent of what you just did. Had you followed that "No" with even just a "thank you" "thanks for trying to help" anything like that, you'd at least show that you are not self absorbed. Take care

Astrogadgetist:


I would have said nothing. But this attitude of yours rings a bell...

Many complain about their frustrations with the world and with God. Some even say they want to personally talk to God about it. But when they get any semblance of an opportunity, they either scram or respond terribly. It become evident that they were more into rubbing wounds that solving problems.

That's the equivalent of what you just did. Had you followed that "No" with even just a "thank you" "thanks for trying to help" anything like that, you'd at least show that you are not self absorbed. Take care

I don't really know how my "no" sound rude to you.

Bro, if you really have to help someone, don't find a petty excuse why you shouldn't.

Thanks for making me feel guilty of not having manners because I replied just "no" with your toxic positives.


Have a nice day

(Shey you get it)

4teenblaq:


I don't really know how my "no" sound rude to you.

Bro, if you really have to help someone, don't find a petty excuse why you shouldn't.

Thanks for making me feel guilty of not having manners because I replied just "no" with your toxic positives.


Have a nice day

(Shey you get it)

Ok, victim. Enjoy your day

Three days ago, I met the customer that called me, I go there, he was like oboy, I no fit sell am 65, I get person where wan buy am 70, na 70 I wan sell am.

I was like you dey whinee me ni? Wetin we talk for phone, you wan con change am?

Him: " bros abeg if you no wan buy 70, leave am I get person wet go buy am"

Me had no choice.

Okay na, I will buy it 70. That was what I decided to do at end.

I bought, called my cousin and asked him if it is good at the rate. He was like it is a lit bit okay.

Good morning house.

Today seems like a fresh day for me.

What i am doing today?

Probably I will be going out again today, to meet new persons..

I haven't gotten a call again since the last one.. I am getting irritated again, I just want to be receiving calls.. I have met over 40 persons, only one have called. Wow!!

Today was not rosy at all.

Didn't go anywhere since yesterday.

I was just all day at home, sleep, social media, eat and sleep again. I repeated the circle today..

It is kind of boring and sadden when no cash is coming in.

I was just sitting when an idea struck me...

It is was like "shey you want to make money? Like 3 million , 4 or 5? Why don't you make an eBook that would make sale of 5,000 immediately with a price of 2 dollars?"

I sighed.

What kind of eBook will sell like that?

I am still wondering.

Just came back from the viewing centre.

I got home, no light but other houses have light.. Which kind of thing is this na?

Make my phone no off oooo

I dey vex na plus the big "L" as arsenal collect this night.

Today I decided to show my love for Arsenal which ended sorrowfully as arsenal end up losing 2nil to Liverpool.

4teenblaq:
Just came back from the viewing centre.

I got home, no light but other houses have light.. Which kind of thing is this na?

Make my phone no off oooo

I dey vex na plus the big "L" as arsenal collect this night.

Today I decided to show my love for Arsenal which ended sorrowfully as arsenal end up losing 2nil to Liverpool.

If your business is Canadian I have sure plug for high quality Canadian in Benin.

Aw va bro

Make we talk now..

Nozino:



If your business is Canadian I have sure plug for high quality Canadian in Benin.

what is Canadian?
I think I should check that one out.. Can I have your contact?



Contact bro.. Give me your contact

Philip4564:
Aw va bro

I dey bro

4teenblaq:


what is Canadian?
I think I should check that one out.. Can I have your contact?



Contact bro.. Give me your contact

Sent you an email.

Philip4564:
Make we talk now..

For like make we talk normally.. But I dey vex like mad now..

One of my customer loose guard me ooo, carry market give another person..

About profit of 20k gone like that.. E pain me.

Na first time customa ooo...

You fit follow me reason, my WhatsApp number dey my signature