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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back (16004 Views)
Is It Ideal To Ask One's Kid To Fight Back / Bullying: I Taught My Son To Fight Back / Wife Beats, Hits Her Husband But The Husband Refuses To Fight Back (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by TONYE001(m): 7:50am On Apr 14, 2022 |
emmanuelbrown26: Good morning, bro. I refer you to the first two paragraphs of the article. You'd see that I made no conclusions there. This article is not about the man. In fact, it is not about the lady too. It is about DM. Her death made this stirred this discussion online and offline. A number of fora are talking about DM. Over here, my colleagues and friends are also talking about DM. For now, testimonies about the DV the lady suffered are all over the internet, from her friends and family. The man is yet to deny any of these. While I think this is likely to be true, I'd continue to wait for a definitive report. 2 Likes |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by emmanuelbrown26: 7:54am On Apr 14, 2022 |
TONYE001:Alright, can we all wait for d autopsy result before hanging d man? I just narrated a story of where I worked before sometime ago, could u read and let's discuss on that, that's one of d causes of domestic violence. I won't say that I know d causes of DV, but I hv seen d causes |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by Nobody: 7:56am On Apr 14, 2022 |
emmanuelbrown26: I don't think this statement is true, Infact it was more rampant in the 70s to 90s. The difference is that we now have social media to broadcast it. A decent young man in his 20s or early 30s are far more exposed. Osinachi's husband is probably his 50s. Those are the older generations, that is how they roll. If you do a proper research on Facebook or in churches, you will find that a lot of older generations from 45 and above seem okay with domestic violence. 9 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by TONYE001(m): 8:00am On Apr 14, 2022 |
emmanuelbrown26: But again, let's make something clear. No one has any right to hit another. If the pharmacist had hit the attendant, or using your analogy, if the husband hits his wife, the wife can pursue the case in the court of law and he'd find himself behind bars. This is what happens when we are unable to control our emotions. After years of struggle, after years of education, hustling, and all, we make a little mistake that'd send us to prison for the rest of our lives! And guess what? the wife (and the children) would move on with their lives. In functional societies, people think twice before they do stuffs like this...and if they assault their spouses eventually, they'd go in for it. In more extreme societies, if they kill their spouse, they may be sent to death. Even here, an angry mob may kill the husband (or wife, whoever did the act) before the police gets hold of him/her. So, the question is, is it really worth it? If we could interview those that are behind bars now or dead because they assaulted their spouses, what would you think their responses would be? Surely, many would act differently if given a second chance. Again, if the spouse you loved so much that you decided to spend the rest of your life with him/her offends you continuously and you feel you can't take it any more, call it quits! Walk away and go find joy elsewhere. This remains the best thing to do. If you allow your emotions to act ahead of your reasoning, you may end up doing stuffs you'd regret forever. This is the main message of this article. 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by TONYE001(m): 8:02am On Apr 14, 2022 |
emmanuelbrown26: The bolded is exactly what I said in the first two paragraphs. It is only an autopsy that'd objectively tell us what must have killed her. Of course, we can't make conclusions from social media. Let's just hope they honestly handle this issue. |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by emmanuelbrown26: 8:08am On Apr 14, 2022 |
TONYE001:If I were to go back to school, I would loved to be tutored by u. Back to d issue on ground, but sir, u never said anything on d said sales attendant that silently insulted d pharmacist? Sir, u never bordered to asked if it was her first time or if it was her attitude? 1 Like |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by TONYE001(m): 8:09am On Apr 14, 2022 |
truthsayer009: Well, from the research I did (cited in the article), it's actually getting worse now and this is understandable. Before now, women easily acted their roles according to the African society/culture. Now, things are different. Women have to do more now. Because of the economy, women have to work. We now have education and women have to pursue their aspirations, just like men. So, they are overwhelmed. Imagine a bank manager returning home at 6/7pm and being expected by the husband to hurry to the kitchen and prepare dinner. Since women are unable to meet all these impossible expectations (without the help of their husbands), they are branded disloyal and in some instances, arguments from this scenario may amount to violence. My point is, men should understand that we are no longer in the old days. This idea of the-wife-must-cook-and-do-the-chores must be thrown away. Men should be willing and eager to fold their sleeves and help out. Their wives are as tired as they are in the evenings when they return from their various places of work. This shouldn't be hard to understand. 7 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by emmanuelbrown26: 8:15am On Apr 14, 2022 |
TONYE001:Thank Jah that u did d research by yourself and that was why I didn't stress myself by replying to that chairman. I grew with elderly people both elderly women and men. Back then, if u don't see me in d house just go to one grandma or grandpa house in d kindred and u would see me. I learnt a lot, women of d oldies knew d heart of their husband's. And husband's knew what their women cherished. Violence will continue to multiply in our society on daily bases, when u think that u hv seen it all, that's when another version of DM would spring up. I personally, volunteered with an NGO on Domestic violence and child abuse (without pay, Infact I was using my personal data and system to do some office work). With all due respect sir, some women deserves beating, let's not attach emotion to it |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by TONYE001(m): 8:16am On Apr 14, 2022 |
emmanuelbrown26: Oh... What the lady did was wrong and I'm sure a trained pharmacist would prefer reporting the incident to the supervisor/boss and an appropriate discipline action would be taken. If the lady has been disrespectful repeatedly and it's so bad that it interferes with business, I'm sure her employer would consider disengaging her. 2 Likes |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by emmanuelbrown26: 8:23am On Apr 14, 2022 |
TONYE001:It's not all about reporting her to d boss, this is what u get in our modern society. These are d types of ladies u see in our modern society. D pharmacist being a gentle and cool guy was annoyed within him but somebody like me would hv treated it in my own way. With all due respect sir, women of this generation feels that once they acted stupidly and nobody cautioned them, it would automatically become part of them. Women hv to be put in their position that's one of d way domestic violence could be curtailed 1 Like |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by JONNYSPUTE(m): 8:54am On Apr 14, 2022 |
.... Hehehe. As Una no wan call a spade what it is. Let's be dealing with it. Op what do you have to say about this? Haven't you also noticed how trying to correct even your own child thesedays is seen as child abuse? Even sending kids for little errands theses days is called child slavery. What do you ve to say about women battering their house maids? While their foolish husband's keep mute? Let's all revive the family values where everybody knows his or her roles. Like you keep saying that if both couples comes back late from work that the husband is not supposed to request for food from the wife because she is also tired.Who made such rule? Do you think every family has the same dynamics? Can we also say that because she works,she is not supposed to ask the husband for financial assistance? Na Una dey put rules without balancing it. I know that some men are evil and can get provoked without any offence been committed by their wives. The question is what percentage? Op try settling a marriage dispute and find out things by urself and you will see that most times it's a very little thing that causes all this domestic violence. So many women that you see talking back at husband's calls their pastors daddy and and even see nothing wrong in submitting to his rules and regulations but turns to tiger in their matrimonial homes. When we are ready to say the truth then we all will know that we are ready but for now let's keep blaming the economy and society. @TONYE001 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by TONYE001(m): 9:10am On Apr 14, 2022 |
JONNYSPUTE: 1. The article above has no point against correcting a child and sending children on appropriate-for-age errands; it is entirely against every form of DV, including a wife assaulting her maid. 2. I agree, family values must be revived and this was captured in the article. 3. YES, a husband should not request for food from his wife when they both return from work (both exhausted). The husband and the wife must help each other in preparing their meals. If the husband gets home before the wife, there's nothing wrong if he prepares the meal before his wife returns and vice versa. You see, when there is true love, understanding, and maturity, this, really, would not be seen as a big deal. It's just like a brother living with his sister who decides to fix dinner before his sister arrives .. 4. Do you also know that husbands request money from their wives? Why do you think it's only wives that request money from their husbands? Anyone can request money from anyone! A husband cannot be in cash all the time. Sometimes, unexpected expenses happen requiring extra funds or something. Couples don't necessarily have to wait until a request is made; couples should give freely, whether or not there is a need. 5. These are not necessarily rules. These are etiquettes of peaceful living. Anyone can work the above points out by applying clear reasoning and first principles. 6. "So many women that you see talking back at husband's calls their pastors daddy and and even see nothing wrong in submitting to his rules and regulations but turns to tiger in their matrimonial homes" - sadly, this is true. 7. The article is not just my opinion, sir. As you can see, it's a product of research. The article did not isolate the horrible economy and the society as the reasons of DV (they are very MAJOR reasons though). The article identified many other reasons. Thank you. 2 Likes |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by JONNYSPUTE(m): 9:18am On Apr 14, 2022 |
TONYE001:.... Good atleast you agreed on some points raised. To be honest which you might not want to believe. That woman that came back very late and couldn't cook for her husband will gladly prepare a nice dish for her pastor if he demand of it. If such happens. How do you think the husband will feel. What will be the resultant effect in such home? Can two walk together without first agreeing ? No. Think about it. We all know what causes atleast 80% of this domestic violence but keep shying away from the truth because we don't want to seen as hurting others. 2 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by TONYE001(m): 9:26am On Apr 14, 2022 |
JONNYSPUTE: The bolded is a costly generalization. When people generalize, they tend to do so in narratives that support their arguments. I can also say that "that husband that refused to help his wife in the kitchen would gladly cook for the young girl he cheats with because of sex..."..see?? Generalizations have no facts so I like to stay away from them. There are women that would place their pastors over their husbands just as there are men that would place their girlfriends over their wives. But there are good women too, and good men. I do not know what causes 80% of domestic violence. If I see a published research article with this report, I'd appreciate the information and keep it. However, I know that men and women are both responsible for DV and until we talk to BOTH men and women, DV would go nowhere. 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by emmanuelbrown26: 10:42am On Apr 14, 2022 |
JONNYSPUTE:I'm happy that somebody is in alignment with me. A woman would batter her maid and everybody will look away. A woman would worship her pastor and causes her husband, nobody would say anything A woman would bring division btw brothers and nobody would call for her head. We aren't ready for change, until then let's all deal with it. My time with an NGO on domestic violence really opened my eyes wide about women 1 Like |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by emmanuelbrown26: 10:50am On Apr 14, 2022 |
TONYE001:Sir TONY that's just, d same tired woman would go to night virgil but can't go to d kitchen. D same tired woman would be set for night prayer but can't go to d kitchen |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by TONYE001(m): 10:59am On Apr 14, 2022 |
emmanuelbrown26: People don't really look away. https://www.nairaland.com/7053595/video-husband-telling-residents-call The above is a link to a story the other day. A woman locked her house help out in the night. There was an uproar in the community and on social media. https://www.nairaland.com/3881674/most-women-respect-spiritual-leaders This other link is a story about women that respect their pastors more than their husbands. If you go there, you'd see the heated debate it caused. https://www.nairaland.com/2992667/p-square-split-why-blame-wives The story of P Square comes to mind. The above link is a discussion on the roles of their wives in their conflict (though no proof, just hearsays and all). Point is, people did not keep quiet. So, whenever any form of evil is committed, people speak out, online and offline. It really does not matter whether the victim is a male or a female. The reason we are talking more about DV against women is because a female is the most recent victim. 1 Like |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by TONYE001(m): 11:02am On Apr 14, 2022 |
emmanuelbrown26: In truth, there are wives like this and this is bad, very bad, in fact. Simply, they lack wisdom and should be urged to study their Bibles closely. But please, can I ask a question? Are there men that would refuse to help their wives in the kitchen but would hastily cook for their girlfriends (what they call "side chicks" ) ? Are there men that would not wash their wives' clothes but would wash their girlfriends' clothes just because of sex? Of course, there are! You see? It goes both ways. Honestly, we have to learn to look at this issue without gender bias. Both genders have their faults and we must learn to address these faults together. 3 Likes |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by ImaIma1(f): 11:20am On Apr 14, 2022 |
emmanuelbrown26: Noooo there are no stupid or idiotic men. They are all right and guiltless. The women are the problem. When it comes to DV, the woman is to blame completely as per she was created to be the cause while the man is so innocent, above reproach that he has no other choice than to beat her...as per the beating that she deserves. The stories you have heard are not basis for conclusion. Have you heard other stories from other people? But you choose to be right on your own. Please don't get married with this kind of one way thinking. It will end in divorce. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by ImaIma1(f): 11:50am On Apr 14, 2022 |
TONYE001: People like that are set in their thinking. They cannot see beyond their own narrow-minded thinking. But you cannot blame him. It was how he was brought up to view women and the relationship between men and women. He has to make a conscious effort to get enlightenment. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by emmanuelbrown26: 11:51am On Apr 14, 2022 |
ImaIma1:I still maintain my stand that some women deserves better beating. I never chose to be right on my own, d fact still remains that women are d major cause of DV. Normal man can not just wake up in d morning and start beating his wife, many women pushed their husband's to d wall. It's only an abnormal man that just lay his hands on how wife. Women we hv this days are something else 1 Like |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by emmanuelbrown26: 11:59am On Apr 14, 2022 |
ImaIma1:It was how women made d society to be. Back then, every young man dreams of having his own family, every woman dreams of coming to another family. Back then, women united so many families that a brother would like to marry from d family of sister inlaw. DM was less then, Love was more then, understanding was more then but this day, women want to eat their cake and still hv it. |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by emmanuelbrown26: 12:00pm On Apr 14, 2022 |
TONYE001:But how many people are really talking about it? Rather society would laugh at d man, simply bcs he is a man |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by Kobojunkie: 12:01pm On Apr 14, 2022 |
JONNYSPUTE:Family values in a discussion about DV? 4 Likes |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by TONYE001(m): 12:03pm On Apr 14, 2022 |
emmanuelbrown26: Well, we can't all have the same opinion. We are different and that's exactly how God created us. I appreciate your view but please, I beg you, if you find yourself in a situation where someone (your wife, colleague, etc) offends badly, instead of hitting the person, walk away and report to the authorities. Hopefully, your superiors would apply an appropriate disciplinary action. If you still feel you haven't secured the justice you deserve, you can get the police involved. No anger is enough to send one behind bars for life. No anger is enough to put one's life at risk. There's so much in this life and quitting too early is not the best for us all. There are so many opportunities to explore, so many things to do! 4 Likes |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by Mindlog: 12:03pm On Apr 14, 2022 |
emmanuelbrown26: And you think we don't have such men in abundance? You think we don't have men and women whose personality disorders thrive on inflicting either physical and emotional pain or both on others? As you have said you have volunteered, working with a NGO, do also make effort to volunteer in a psychiatric facility. 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by TONYE001(m): 12:10pm On Apr 14, 2022 |
Mindlog: I once wrote that a lot of folks are going about with undiagnosed neuropsychiatric conditions. Some may be subclinical but others may be so glaring that it takes a specialist only a few seconds to identify it. We have been so stressed by our failing society and government that a good number of us now have some psychiatric manifestations without knowing it. We have so much anger and frustration flowing in our blood that at the slightest provocation, we explode. Honestly, the government has a lot to do but sadly, it continues to perform far below expectations. 5 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by ImaIma1(f): 12:10pm On Apr 14, 2022 |
emmanuelbrown26: And men don't want to eat their cake and have it right? As I said guys are innocent. You people don't have any blame. The women are the cause of the world's problems. 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by emmanuelbrown26: 12:12pm On Apr 14, 2022 |
Mindlog:Actually d nature of what I do enables me to mingle with people from all sexs. Let me tell u a bit of how it DM starts. Women likes to manipulate weaklings, and when such manipulations stops working for her, that's when issues start springing up, and some men does not hv tolerance to handle it. Mostly somebody like me. |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by ImaIma1(f): 12:14pm On Apr 14, 2022 |
emmanuelbrown26: But normal woman will just wake up and start pushing her husband to the wall right? Men we have these days are perfect. They don't commit offences. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by emmanuelbrown26: 12:14pm On Apr 14, 2022 |
ImaIma1:Domestic Violence yes, women are d major cause |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by ImaIma1(f): 12:17pm On Apr 14, 2022 |
2 Likes 1 Share |
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