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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back (15998 Views)
Is It Ideal To Ask One's Kid To Fight Back / Bullying: I Taught My Son To Fight Back / Wife Beats, Hits Her Husband But The Husband Refuses To Fight Back (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by ImaIma1(f): 7:45pm On Apr 14, 2022 |
Sureplug123: Is not only verbal abuse that warrants beating? Women with mouth as a weapon and man with fist. Ok. If there's a fight and the woman is beaten badly as a result of her mouth, which one is punishable ny law? If she dies, do you think the excuse of "she insulted me" will hold water? . It's not just about women. I have also pushed for punishment for women that were abusing their partners. My point is that no spouse has a right to raise his/her hands on a partner. When it comes to self defense, it can be argued. But if the other party is dead, what happens to that argument? I have never condoned DV. My mindset has always been that no man born of a woman, created by the same God can step to me like that. It's not pride o, it's awareness. I learnt at an early age to speak up and challenge nonsense. And it has worked for me. I just wish that more women will respect themselves enough not to accept such rubbish from their fellow humans. 3 Likes |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by Sureplug123(m): 8:00pm On Apr 14, 2022 |
ImaIma1:in other words, verbal abuse will pass but physical abuse will not. See, they are interwoven, both parties should keep their weapons aside for peace to reign, else......... Being jailed is beter than being killed. If you know you won't respect your partner, don't go into marriage. You can't form woke in my house. Same women worship the ground their pastors walk upon. 1 Like |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by emmanuelbrown26: 8:03pm On Apr 14, 2022 |
Prettygirl200:Na who let this one out, pikin better go back to sleep |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by Prettygirl200(f): 8:04pm On Apr 14, 2022 |
emmanuelbrown26:Shut up!! E pain u 2 Likes |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by emmanuelbrown26: 8:06pm On Apr 14, 2022 |
Prettygirl200:EiTHER MENOPAUSE DEY WORRY U OR PRICK DUN DEY HUNGRY U |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by emmanuelbrown26: 8:12pm On Apr 14, 2022 |
Sureplug123:Gbamsolutely, women believe that their mouth can get them to somewhere, the only thing is that the specie of women we hv right now are nothing to write home about |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by emmanuelbrown26: 8:15pm On Apr 14, 2022 |
Sureplug123:U NOW SEE THE TRUE COLOUR OF WOMEN, ENDURE D EMOTIONAL ABUSE BCS U ARE A MAN WHILE SHE CANT ENDURE HER OWN ABUSE. ABUSE IS ABUSE BE IT VERBAL OR PHYSICAL, NOBODY HAS MONOPOLY TO VIOLENT ANOTHER 1 Like |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by ImaIma1(f): 8:25pm On Apr 14, 2022 |
Sureplug123: That is the law. Anyone that wants to waste his life in jail is free to beat. Afterall jail is nothing since it's better than death. That is where coexisting peacefully comes in. The same way if a man can't control his temper he should remain unmarried and not go and be forming macho in the home. What have worshiping pastors have to do here? They should marry the pastor. 3 Likes |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by Sureplug123(m): 8:33pm On Apr 14, 2022 |
ImaIma1:forming macho in my home? Very funny, no lady born of woman will form woke in my house, if she doesn't leave in peace, she'll leave in pieces. Mind you, the dead can't testify. Can a woman provide shelter, food etc for a man and still respect him? Women can't take half of what they dish out. Women worship their pastors but can't worship their husbands. 1 Like |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by iykejohnson(m): 8:47pm On Apr 14, 2022 |
Mindlog:I hope so too |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by ImaIma1(f): 9:02pm On Apr 14, 2022 |
Sureplug123: Fortunately, it's happening. You not believing it doesn't change it. Funny thing is the men's egos cannot take it. So he finds faults, and any little thing is a form of disrespect and an injury to his ego. We can go back and forth, and our points will be valid. We just have to do better and try to live with consideration for people around us. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by emmanuelbrown26: 9:06pm On Apr 14, 2022 |
Sureplug123:They definitely dodge that bolded, watch and see |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by Sureplug123(m): 9:39pm On Apr 14, 2022 |
ImaIma1:personal experience? |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by ImaIma1(f): 10:09pm On Apr 14, 2022 |
Sureplug123: Even if it were a personal experience, Nairaland is not a place to bare your truths. There are too many narrow-minded, immature and prejudiced people that cannot receive such information. 4 Likes |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by apatheticme(f): 11:48pm On Apr 14, 2022 |
1 Like |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by apatheticme(f): 11:54pm On Apr 14, 2022 |
Sureplug123: Yeah, just like your gender is also wailing Most misogynists are jobless and broke!! No one in their right senses go about hating on the next gender and supporting evil against the next gender! Vent your frustrations on the government who refused to create an enabling environment rather than hating on women. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by TheNatureNurse(f): 12:14am On Apr 15, 2022 |
TONYE001: 1 Like |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by TheNatureNurse(f): 12:26am On Apr 15, 2022 |
Thank You For Sharing This Sir.... I shake my head in pity when I see certain comments..... No reasonable Woman becomes a Nag just like that . No Wise and Reasonable Woman Wakes Up and Tells herself "I want to Nag today " I want to Talk too much today " There is no EFFECT Without a CAUSE.. Some of You Men Will Treat Your Wives like TRASH and Still Expect Her to Treat You like a KING. Isn't that Witchcraft? NOTHING, I repeat, NOTHING justifies Domestic Violence... Some of You talking about Why it is rampant now , Fact is Domestic Violence has always been rampant, just that our mothers cover up a whole lot of Rubbish , many die in silence just so they can stay in marriage.. Go ahead to interview some Elderly Women who will be sincere enough to tell you the TRUTH.. Some will tell you they NEVER enjoyed their marriage, some will tell you they don't know what it feels to be loved. But we such ones being married for 30, 40 years not knowing it is 30 years of sorrow .. One Question I ask Some men is this: When You Provoke Your Wife , what does she do? Is it that Men do not Provoke their Wives ? Is it that we do not have men who Nag? Is it that we do not have Men Who are Unfaithful? Infact Chronic Cheats ? Is it that we do not have men who are troublesome? When they exhibit all this RUBBISH attitude, their Wives Soak it in, Overlook, Forgives ,Cry if they have to, Endure and keep praying the man changes. But when it reach Una turn, you turn the woman to a punching bag... Forgiveness is not in your dictionary, Patience Is not in your dictionary. Because you all feel like LORDS and GOD over Your Wives ... The Headship intoxicates you to the point that instead of Earning RESPECT, You DEMAND it.... Even God the Creator of the Universe is Patient With Humans, He doesn't Punish us Immediately, he gives time for People to REPENT. When it rains , it rains on both the Wicked and the Righteous... Na Men wan come do pass God wey even give them the Headship.... The Woman is the one Expected to Endure, Keep silent , Don't complain, Don't Talk, Don't involve any third party. Because marriage has become Slavery, Because Marriage has Become Prison to you all.... Any man who constantly beats the Wife, is the one who has a Problem not the Wife.. And many of these Wife Beaters actually have Down to Earth, Virtuous Women as Wives... Forget the rubbish some may say, they just lie against their wives to Fan their Ego... Check it, if their wives are not good women so to speak, you think such a man will be able to beat such a woman constantly? Just once he will try it, the results he will get he won't try it again... But when they have a virtuous Woman who won't fight back, who will stay still for her to be beaten, who will endure and even cover up for her husband, who will use prayer as her weapon, that Is the one they keep maltreating and beating ... Wetin God Go Judge, Go Plenty.... I end my Comment by saying This : A Violent Man is A Violent Man , Has Always been Violent and if not careful will Continue to be VIOLENT... There are men Living With TERRIBLE Wives but have Never Raised their Hands for once to hit such a Woman... When the woman starts her wahala they simply walk away from the scene.... I have seen men beat women up for NO REASON.. It sounds Unbelievable but TRUE. A man beat up his wife just because she didn't stand to wait for him to finish eating his food after she served him... His Rule is, the Wife will stand untill he finish eating his food, even if she is sick or wants to die sef, e no concern am. If it is Eba or Fufu he is to eat, the Woman MUST hold the bowl of water for him to wash his hands ... But if such woman comes to cry to the public tomorrow, many of you will open your mouth to say " Check Yourself madam, Una know say Woman mouth no dey rest, You must have done something to provoke such from your husband, are you sure you are not disrespectful, troublesome" and all sorts of NONSENSE you will hear .... Some Women are Actually living with Tyrants as Men.... Men Change Your BAD ways and stop using your innocent wives as Excuse for your Foolish Actions.... Some of you will marry a Good Woman and end up turning her into another thing because of your Bad ways.... 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by TONYE001(m): 12:49am On Apr 15, 2022 |
Sureplug123: I don't know if you're married now. If not, hopefully, when/if you eventually get married, you'd learn to replace "my" with "our." There are many women that provide for their families and nobody knows about it. Many! You may not know but there are women that support their families when their husbands are out of jobs. My understanding about marriage is a bit different. I know the husband-provide-for-your-wife teaching but I'm of the opinion that spouses should provide for each other. Husbands and wives must learn to do away with the "self mentality" and be selfless. See, these things are not difficult. Honestly. We don't need to read big books or to listen to complex messages in places of worship to come up with these things. God gave us all common sense and an inert ability to love absolutely. We are the ones that have refused to put all these to use. I am tempted to tell some stories about my home but maybe this is not the right place. This is our eight year in marriage and so far, with God's grace and application of common sense, my home has been excellent. For DV to be eradicated, we all must unlearn certain things. Honestly. I see you saying your wife would leave in pieces if she doesn't go in peace. I'm sure if God blesses us with long days, a time would come you'd think differently. If your sibling continuously offends you, would you ask him/her to leave the family in peace or in pieces? How about your parents? Maybe it's because you are yet to see a wife as an INTERNAL component of her husband. If your heart fails to pump blood effectively, would you tear it out? God's concept of marriage is that the wife and the husband are one! Let's make some redefinitions, please. Before now, we are told that wives must respect their husbands. Emphasis wasn't made on husbands respecting their wives. For a successful home, the husband and the wife must respect each other. We were also told that wives must be submissive to their husbands. We weren't told that husbands should submit to their wives. Guess what would happen if a husband and a wife submit to each other! They'd listen to each other's counsels. They'd honour each other. They'd be happy. Before now, we were told that husbands must provide for their homes. This puts undue pressure on men. Imagine what the home would be like if the husband and the wife provide for each other! Imagine a husband thinking how he'd find money to fill the gas cylinder and his wife calls him that she just refilled the cylinder. Imagine a wide ringing her husband to tell him that their son is sick and she has already bought the meds. Imagine a husband buying his wife's needs. Just imagine. Let's stop thinking of marriage like a big issue. Recall how you lived with your brothers and sisters at home. Recall how you lived with your best friend at school. Recall how you easily forgive your younger sister when she offends you. Recall how your parents always overlook your terrible mistakes. Recall all these and replicate them in your home. You'd find that peace would be natural. I'm not just talking about stuffs I know nothing about. I told you I've been married for 8 years. My wife was my classmate and we knew ourselves right from year 2 at school. These are stuffs we do and I know that by God's grace, we'd see many more years. Brother, tame your anger and learn to overlook things. If after all these it's still impossible to run the home, your next option would be to separate. Separation too can be peaceful. I've seen some divorced couples that still talk and visit each other. I know of one, as a matter of fact. Please reconsider your stance. 2 Likes |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by peace0813(f): 4:38am On Apr 15, 2022 |
emmanuelbrown26:how are DV being caused by women 1 Like |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by Sureplug123(m): 7:03am On Apr 15, 2022 |
TONYE001:you've made valid points but they only apply in an Ideal situation and the situation is never Ideal. You made mention of my sister and parents, we are related by blood and blood is thicker than water. The wife is the only stranger in the family. These same women respect their fathers and brothers but will never respect their husbands. No woman truly loves her husband, when push comes to shove, she'll pick her child over you. One question everyone is avoiding is why these woke women worship their pastors and not their husbands. Until we go back to the drawing board, DV will never stop. 1 Like
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Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by HumanoidX: 7:05am On Apr 15, 2022 |
TONYE001: God bless you at the bolded! You and your wife or you and your husband are one and the same. Has anyone ever wondered why God used "bride" and "bridegroom" in giving a template of His relationship with us as His church? As you rightly stated, there are several things to unlearn. Nobody should have to go through DV, man or woman. Why would you treat another human like dirt? Worst still, a spouse. Being a terrible human isn't gender specific. 1 Like |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by TONYE001(m): 7:35am On Apr 15, 2022 |
Sureplug123: 1. We are the ones that make situations ideal, or not. God's plan for us was an ideal society until we began to deviate and make imperfect ways for ourselves. 2. "Blood is thicker than water" is a mere saying that is not biologically true. The reason you may go extra lengths for your siblings is not because you share the same blood. As a matter of fact, you don't (not even twins). From the molecular level to any other imaginable extent, we are entirely different from our siblings. The thing is, we have lived with them for years and we have been taught by our parents and the society to "see them as our brothers and sisters" and to love them unconditionally and to do stuffs for them. If siblings grow from different homes (without knowing they are related), they would not show this special love to each other. 3. So you see that the reason we love our family the way we do is because of of choice, and a bit of indoctrination. 4. How about choosing to love our spouses this same way? How about allowing ourselves to be indoctrinated to loving our spouses this same way? See? It's all a matter of choice. Choice, choice, choice! 5. There are women that stick to their husbands even when things turn terribly ugly. I want to believe you know this and you may have witnessed it. If not, please go through your neighbourhood and you'd find some. Some of these women have options too. There are women that have sacrificed rare opportunities because of their husbands. These are women that trully love their husbands. I want to believe you know this too. Let's shy away from generalizations and begin to objectively look at things. No gender is perfect; we all have our flaws. 6. I want to believe you know women that have demonstrated true and consistent love for their husbands within your immediate family, your neighbourhood, and elsewhere. 7. Of course there are women (and men) that respect their pastors more than their spouses. But this is just A GROUP of an entire gender, NOT the entire gender. See the difference? I hope you begin to see reasons with me that we need to reorient ourselves and do away with some of our beliefs. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by TONYE001(m): 7:39am On Apr 15, 2022 |
HumanoidX: We have been so misinformed about marriage that it seems we have totally lost the true knowledge of it. Each time I read stuffs online, I come across all sorts of statements and thoughts. This has been calcified in our minds such that it is almost impossible to have people reconsider their stance on marriage. Good thing is, there are people that understand and appreciate marriage. If these people don't continue speaking, the wrong idea would be passed to the next generation. DV is bad. DV has no justification. One way to give a significant blow to DV is by understanding marriage. Maybe I'd write about this someday. 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by semmyk(m): 7:44am On Apr 15, 2022 |
Without sounding off as someone ignorant or insensitive to the matter under discussion, may I be allowed to speak to the writer academically. [center]May the Lord comfort the family. May Osinachi RIP.[/center] @TONYE001, the father of two, and Husband to the best woman out there who he loves and adore dearly, thanks for the wonderful discourse. Merci beaucoup. After a cursory reading of your writing, impressive I must say, I perceive the trapping of a masterpiece. All the essentials are in there. PS : I must still take time to digest the write-up. I have no doubt, it'll make an interesting reading. Beyond the interpretivist (qualitative) philosophical approach, seeing that the discourse points towards 'how' and 'why', so it seems, would you mind a critical realism philosophical underpinning. Thus, engaging the ontological reality, and the explanatory and emancipatory ethos of critical realism1 in unearthing the (beneath the 'scene') mechanisms. Giving the nature of the discourse, a triune legal, religious and medical theoretical framing are used to retroduce (refit if one might loosely say) the mechanism to the identified event: DV and death. More so, tapping into its methodological pluralism. 1 critical realism (at philosophy level) distinct from critical theory Bhaskar, R. (2013). A realist theory of science. Routledge. Bhaskar, R., & Hartwig, M. (2016). Enlightened common sense: The philosophy of critical realism. Routledge. https://doi.org/10.4324/9781315542942 Archer, M., Bhaskar, R., Collier, A., Lawson, T., & Norrie, A. (2013). Critical realism: Essential readings. Routledge. https://doi.org/10.4324/9781315008592 Nairn, S. (2012). A critical realist approach to knowledge: implications for evidence‐based practice in and beyond nursing. Nursing Inquiry, 19(1), 6-17. [url]https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1440-1800.2011.00566.x [/url] Cooke, A., Smith, D., & Booth, A. (2012). Beyond PICO: the SPIDER tool for qualitative evidence synthesis. Qualitative health research, 22(10), 1435-1443. [url]https://doi.org/10.1177%2F1049732312452938[/url] Tricco, A. C., Lillie, E., Zarin, W., O'Brien, K. K., Colquhoun, H., Levac, D., ... & Straus, S. E. (2018). PRISMA extension for scoping reviews (PRISMA-ScR): checklist and explanation. Annals of internal medicine, 169(7), 467-473. [url]https://doi.org/10.7326/M18-0850 [/url] TONYE001: |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by emmanuelbrown26: 7:59am On Apr 15, 2022 |
apatheticme:Yeah, let's wait and see |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by emmanuelbrown26: 8:04am On Apr 15, 2022 |
apatheticme:Nobody is hating anybody my dear sister. All we are saying is that women should stop playing d victim card all d time. U guys should stop supporting evil, it doesn't pay rather it fuels and escalate issues. A woman can't be shouting at a man like me and u expect me to fold my hands or u expect me to clap for her, is not done and won't be possible on my side. If a woman want care I will gv it to her in abundance, if a woman want love I will shower it to her in abundance but if a woman want wahala I will give her war upon war |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by emmanuelbrown26: 8:11am On Apr 15, 2022 |
Sureplug123:Sir Tony would hv asked why is it that when husband's people comes around wife will never be happy until d husband people leaves why when wife's people come around, she feel happy and happier. Women are dangerous and it requires dangerous man to handle and put them where they belongs to 1 Like |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by Sureplug123(m): 8:11am On Apr 15, 2022 |
TONYE001:Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. You see they are interwoven. This is the standard. 1 Like |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by emmanuelbrown26: 8:27am On Apr 15, 2022 |
Sureplug123:I know sir TONY is trying to protect d women at d same time telling d dangers of domestic violence but trust naija ladies, since sir Tony has already told them what they wanted to hear, that was when they started coming out to say rubbish without understanding d message. I left where I was a volunteer bcs of d woman's ways of handling some domestic violence, call a spade a spade, but she was too biased or too emotional in handling domestic violence. A woman would come and lay a complain of how d husband wanted to slaughter last night and bla bla. When d husband was summoned to hear his own side of story, u would find out that it was d woman's stubbornness that led to d assault and husband never wanted to slaughter her, u see in dealing with women matter, my brother, one has to be very very careful. This day if I see where man d beat woman, baba I no dey put hand, na sit down dey look I go dey 1 Like |
Re: Domestic Violence: A Time To Fight Back by HumanoidX: 10:05am On Apr 15, 2022 |
TONYE001:Very true. And you're right about continually speaking up. Please write about this soon. We cannot be silent. I appreciate your lengthy piece on this. Don't let anyone silence you. God bless you 1 Like 1 Share |
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