Everybody is hung up on domestic abuse by men against women. Nobody spares a moment to find solutions to the equally devastating verbal abuse men suffer in the hands of their wives. It is worse because men can't discuss what their wives do to them for fear of scorn and derision. They suffer in silence. Timebomb.

Unfortunately, the Nigerian society has little or no support systems for this kind of situation. Little or no counselling services. It's been mostly left to the church to deal with. What happens when the man doesn't go to church? What happens when the woman doesn't believe in spiritual intervention? These women are raising daughters. Their daughters are hearing and seeing how they speak to and treat their husband. What kind of wives will they grow up to become? Those that treat their husbands as kings or those that believe husbands are nothing but verbal punching bags?

We've all agreed and rightfully so that a man has no business hitting his wife. So how then do you stop a wife raining verbal missiles at you? Leave the house? Okay. But you'll return and it will continue. What next? Leave again? For how long?

Recently, I visited a senior friend, an important man in the society and while we were downstairs gisting, the voice of his wife could be heard upstairs. She was spewing unimaginable bile against the man. She called him all sorts of unprintable names. Impotent, wretched fool, miserable man that was nothing when she married him, etc. This is a well respected man. A father of 4 children. She tore at his very core and mocked everything society respected him for. She said he'd soon crash and she'll be there to laugh at him.

I was so uncomfortable as I beheld the man. He was shrunken before me. He was deflated. He tried to gamefully continue the gist to distract me but it was not working. The woman's vitriol was a ceaseless torrent. Uncomfortable silence ensued. I excused myself and left his house.

I was really sad.

You want to know the truth? This is what most men go through in their houses. They labour and toil and build respect but when they return home, the one who ought to speak to the king in them tears them to shreds and tries to deflate their self-esteem. When they are outside, they try to act cheerful and happy but back home, they are shrivelled because the person they live with makes it a point of duty to verbally assault them.

A sad story comes to mind. There was recently a Nigerian Ambassador who was recalled because his wife released a story to the press that he beat her. She also released pictures showing fresh injuries on her body ostensibly inflicted by the man.

In a dramatic twist, their children came out to debunk the stories and said their mother faked the injuries to embarrass their dad. Grown up children.

A particular sentence by the 1st son saddened me. He said it was as if their mum woke up every morning with one mission in life: how to make their dad miserable. They said they were witnesses to how their mum constantly harassed and abused their dad and wanted the whole world to know that their dad was not who their mum was painting him to be.

Yes, opinion shifted on the scandal but the damage had been done. The Ambassador was recalled and nobody heard from him again.

A family is currently at odds with the widow of their son and brother. The wife was constantly verbally assaulting him. Nobody wanted to visit them because each time they were around, it was always quarrel and the wife would call him unprintable names. Even in their presence. When they try to interfere, she will give them their own. The man died recently of heart-attack caused by high blood pressure. He was in his late 40s. The family insists his wife sent him to his early grave with her verbal torments.

Our bars are filled with men who are afraid to go home to their wives for fear of what verbal torment they will go through. Men are finding every excuse to travel because they'll rather be anywhere than in their own homes.

Everybody is focusing on men as culprits in domestic abuse. Who is talking to the women?

Inasmuch as I kick strongly against domestic violence on women. But if we want to be objective and look critically into most of domestic violence carried out by men on women, we'll see that about 68% of it are caused by women.

The way and Manner wives talk at their husbands is always sad, and it's enough to make a sane man go insane immediately and unleashed his anger on the wife through beating.

Men should learn how to control their anger, because when you lay your hands on a woman, the society don't want to know the level of insults the woman gave you, all the blame will be on you and almost everybody including your fellow men would see you as a very irresponsible person.

MadamVanessa:




Inasmuch as I kick strongly against domestic violence against women. But if we want to be objective and look critically into most of domestic violence carried by men on women, we'll see that about 68% of it are caused by women.

The way and Manner wives talk at their husbands is always sad, and it's enough to make a sane man go insane immediately and unleashed his anger on the wife through beating.

Men should learn how to control their anger, because when you lay your hands on a woman, the society don't want to know the level of insult the gave you, all the blame will be on you.

Thanks for been honest ma.

Married men keep saying that marriage is sweet so they should enjoy it and quit disturbing the cyberspace with tears.

Nonexisting:
Married men keep saying that marriage is sweet so they should enjoy it and quit disturbing the cyberspace with tears.

God bless you brother.

I honestly believe verbal and emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. If you notice in society we accept it when a woman complains about being verbally and emotionally abused by her man and we rally around her. When men say they are being verbally abused we tell them that that's just what women do, women are emotional and they say things they don't mean, etc etc.

We women need to control our tongue because our mouth is the equivalence of our muscles. We attack verbally which is still an attack and a form of abuse.

I am guilty of running my mouth and I speak to myself first

Nice write up chief...
Verbal abuse is as potent as physical abuse, if not more, yet no one talks about this all because the effects of verbal abuse is not immediate or as visible to everyone in the short run ...

The same way women are told to run away from men who abuse them physically, should be the same way men should be encouraged to run away from a woman who is verbally abusive!

I've said it before and I'll say it again...
The day my wife abuses me verbally is the day that marriage ends .... I'm never going to sacrifice my mental health on account of this thing called "marriage" ...

And also...
Just as we're advicing men to control their temper, also advice women to control their mouth!

Cause a woman's power is in her mouth and a man's is in his fist (contextually speaking), why then should a man be told to hold back and "control" himself, while the woman unleashes on him?

Actions have consequences, if you're gonna abuse a human being, then you should be ready to face the aftermath of that action...

Fact is...
One of the reason a woman can continue being verbally abusive is because she knows that there wouldn't be any consequence to her abuse...

Point it clearly to her that abuse won't be tolerated and watch her fall in line...

Everybody should rest...

I am very impressed to see a very healthy and resourceful thread on this forum without throwing tantrums or making it gender war. It shows we still have intelligent people here.

Over to the bone of contention. Verbal abuse have the same degree of effect with physical abuse. The African society believes that men are suppose to be strong, so most men hide their pains and misery.

Women should be properly cautioned to refrain from verbally abusing their partner as men are being discouraged from physically abusing women.

Personally, I can't tolerate women that doesn't have control over their mouth. If my wife think the best way to register her displeasure is by abusing me verbally, I will have no option than to halt the marriage.

Anything that cost you your peace of mind is too expensive. I will rather choose my peace of mind over everything. Mental health is very important to me.

dacblogger:
I will not lie, I dey insult Sha and if not for the kind of man my hubby is, him for don.commit suicide because of the things I tell him.
But the truth is that, I'm a very emotional person and I'm easily angered. Infact my hubby is the most annoying human being on planet Earth...
He has a way of getting at you and he does that on a daily basis .
So when he does that, I try to hold in the anger for days but when I can't hold it anymore, I explode... When I'm done telling him all those things, I feel better.
So you see , Venting is my coping mechanism.
We women we DNT do that intentionally, that is just our own way of expressing the anger that we have held for so long.
May God help each and everyone one of us Sha.

If you replaced venting with punching now would what you said make sense? Men who beat their wives make the exact same excuses as you just made lol.

We need to change with the times, if we won't accept our men hurting us physically then we gotta stop hurting them emotionally.Just because your hubby isn't complaining doesn't mean he isn't hurt by your words. It's all abuse...

@ the bolded is what men say to excuse their behaviour after they beat their woman black and blue

Nobody will talk about this because it doesn't affect women,that's the world we live in.

Double0h7:


If you replaced venting with punching now would what you said make sense? Men who beat their wives make the exact same excuses as you just made lol.

We need to change with the times, if we won't accept our men hurting us physically then we gotta stop hurting them emotionally.Just because your hubby isn't complaining doesn't mean he isn't hurt by your words. It's all
abuse...

@ the bolded is what men say to excuse their behaviour after they beat their woman black and blue

Did I tell you this is an excuse... This is an act I am trying to stop. I am not making excuses for myself.
Read to understand please and not to comment.

Family nuances.

Every marriage with its peculiarities. All kinds of abuses physical, emotional, verbal and the rest of them boils down to our inability to properly communicate in the house. Communication isn't just opening and closing your mouth.

There'll always be misgivings committed by either of the partners. Now if your spouse does something bad, address that issue, ONLY that issue, proffer solution if you can. It ends there. Don't bring the history of how his uncle was like that, or reminding her about how all her sisters are divorced ....how he did the same thing last century and blablabla... Women are more guilty here. That is what annoys the man and if he lacks self control, your guess is as good as mine.

Many men in my opinion are immature. You need to nurture them the way you would your 5-year old. If women understand this, there'll be peace.

That's not an excuse to misbehave notwithstanding. If you are not up to it as a man, don't marry. A man should be able to make informed choices that is best for his family. These failings or shortcomings are the things that infuriate a woman. And if she has an unbridled tongue, reeling begins. Plus men have this ego problem. It's not a taboo to see a wife more sensible than the husband. Men, know this and know wisdom. As a man, you could borrow sense if yours is inadequate. It doesn't make you less of a man. You're to complement each other. Marriage is not a competing ground.

God save our marriages.

We are gradually getting there...that era where marriage would be unattractive to all and sundry. Na "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" till the death parts the couple.

But this my gender sef...if women are economically empowered more than men in our current society, you'd be shocked at how they'd thrash the idea of marriage. But since it's the other way round, they won't want to lose grip on the "cows" they are milking emotionally, psychologically, sexually and most importantly, financially. How men don't still get this memo up till now shocks me. Maybe some of them do, but their sexual thirst clouds their reasoning till it becomes their undoing.

The world is MAD. Everyone is playing safe in other not to get hurt. I don't see why the institution of marriage, as we know it to be today, should not be extinct by the next 50 years. I expect other forms of male-female relationship that won't require such high level of commitment to displace it.

Plus, there are women who beat their husbands. And in stead of cautioning the abuser, society mocks the victim for not "being man" enough. We are in a society founded on the pillars of hypocrisy, and the very foundations are almost shattering because there's an expiry date for all ventures standing on lies.

Verbal abuse is as bad as physical abuse.
Yes, women say a lot of things they don't mean, but the recipient is forever broken.

At the beginning, I noticed my husband took everything I said to heart, no be person tell me before watching my mouth and choosing my words carefully.

VictorUSA:
Women are all useless regardless of their origin.

I understand you have been beaten and broken, but if you maintain a positive outlook about women, you could live again.

ChoCho54:
I understand you have been beaten and broken, but if you maintain a positive outlook about women, you could live again.

I swear no girl ever tore my heart to shreds.I only did that to them.The last time I did that was dumping a married woman and never responded to her calls, texts and pleas.

Some women even beat their husbands mercilessly but all society do is to mock the man as weak. This is a sad situation.

Seun Lalasticlala Mynd44 Oam4j please make una put mouth for this one wey dey ground so.

VictorUSA:
I swear no girl ever tore my heart to shreds.I only did that to them.The last time I did that was dumping a married woman and never responded to her calls, texts and pleas.

There's surely a catch somewhere why you are so bitter with women.
I'm saying whatever it is, it's high time you let go and take a walk on the bright side before your aversion turns paranoia and consequently fatal.

ChoCho54:
There's surely a catch somewhere why you are so bitter with women.
I'm saying whatever it is, it's high time you let go and take a walk on the bright side before your aversion turns paranoia and consequently fatal.

The reason why I hate women is the rate at which I see married women flirting with me.Could you believe that imam wife was just casting seductive looks at me? She does things I don't understand, saying somethings that tells me clearly that she's interested in me.Imam's wife.Women are all useless regardless of their origin.

ChoCho54:
I understand you have been beaten and broken, but if you maintain a positive outlook about women, you could live again.

Read all the comments tales of sadness and sorrow.

Go marry go marry so na wetin you want me to experience, o my lord.
"When you get old you'll understand " I see but getting married is almost guarantee not to make you see old age.

I rest my case my lord.

Marriage without agreement (Prenuptial) is the biggest scam ever...love is not enough

MAK I NO TALK WAITING DEY MY MIND. U WONT SEE THOSE OLD FEMALE CARGOS COMMENTING IN THIS THREAD BCS ITS ALL ABOUT MEN.
I KEEP SAYING IT THATWOMEN ARE D MAJOR CAUSES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE BUT THEY SIMPS WOBT AGREE WITH ME

VictorUSA:
The reason why I hate women is the rate at which I see married women flirting with me.Could you believe that imam wife was just casting seductive looks at me? She does things I don't understand, saying somethings that tells me clearly that she's interested in me.Imam's wife.Women are all useless regardless of their origin.

Why you? Why you all the time? I'm not supporting those married women always trying to seduce you, but why you and married women all the time?

I believe you are being economical with the truth.

In your first post, you bragged how you dumped a married woman like a piece of garbage even with all her begging to take her back.

It's on record that some men are only attracted to married women, that's their fetish. What's it you are doing that makes these people's wives flock around you and fall headlong for you?

haggai247:

Read all the comments tales of sadness and sorrow.

Go marry go marry so na wetin you want me to experience, o my lord.
"When you get old you'll understand " I see but getting married is almost guarantee not to make you see old age.

I rest my case my lord.

Marriage without agreement (Prenuptial) is the biggest scam ever...love is not enough

Marriage is not a do or die affair. It's society that made it seem so.

I believe one can be in a good relationship without the fear of deeper commitments.

Marriage is not for immature people because marriage is madness and madness is not for children.

I forgot to add that if you don't like women, then you will like men.
Provided you are loving from the heart, love is a beautiful thing.
It's better than carrying the baggage of hate and disappointment and giving off negative vibes everywhere you go.
@VictorUSA

ChoCho54, I don't give a damn as to whether or not you believe what I post.The reality remains itself.

I'm not the only one married women flirts with so it's not a new thing for 3 or 4 married women to flirt with the same guy.

I also don't know why.I hate it.I put myself in the shoes of those men and I felt the pain they will feel if they discover thei wive's behaviours towards me.

Single girls don't troop around me as married women and I hate that!

VictorUSA:
ChoCho54, I don't give a damn as to whether or not you believe what I post.The reality remains itself.

I'm not the only one married women flirts with so it's not a new thing for 3 or 4 married women to flirt with the same guy.

I also don't know why.I hate it.I put myself in the shoes of those men and I felt the pain they will feel if they discover thei wive's behaviours towards me.

Single girls don't troop around me as married women and I hate that!

But how can you claim to hate it when you indulge in it and break hearts in the process?

With how bitter it's made you, one would think you'd flee at the first appearance of evil, but no?

ChoCho54:
But how can you claim to hate it when you indulge in it and break hearts in the process?

With how bitter it's made you, one would think you'd flee at the first appearance of evil, but no?

No, at first i wouldn't show i dont like it but until it reaches a stage i can't escape.I'm still a virgin.

VictorUSA:
No, at first i wouldn't show i dont like it but until it reaches a stage i can't escape.I'm still a virgin.

Now you have lost me completely



Virgin boy?