skoskosko:

While trying to sound woke, you failed to address how to deal with the emotional abuse from the woman.
You mean to say a man should walk away for the rest of his life as long as he is being emotionally abused by his wife. So if his wife does not grow to maturity to handle and curtail her issues, he has to keep walking. You failed to realize also that emotional abuse is as, if not more despicable than physical abuse, as it kills you gradually from the inside. !

The problem with a lot of you is your operate under this delusion that solutions have to be specially tailored for your ilk.

Again.... 1. If you are in a toxic relationship , irrespective of your gender, the recommendation is that you separate yourself from that relationship so you can instead recover from the damage that is the relationship - Do not return to such an abusive environment. .

2. Again, if you find yourself in a toxic relationship, run away from the toxic environment. Seek separation or divorce immediately and do not return to the toxic environment.

---

P.S :

A toxic relationship is one that makes you feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, or attacked. On a basic level, any relationship that makes you feel worse rather than better can become toxic over time. Toxic relationships can exist in just about any context, from the playground to the boardroom to the bedroom

This is the commonsense advice that is given to any man or woman in a toxic marriage or relationship. I have repeated it several times over.

skoskosko:

While trying to sound woke, you failed to address how to deal with the emotional abuse from the woman. You mean to say a man should walk away for the rest of his life as long as he is being emotionally abused by his wife. So if his wife does not grow to maturity to handle and curtail her issues, he has to keep walking. You failed to realize also that emotional abuse is as, if not more despicable than physical abuse, as it kills you gradually from the inside. You also clearly did not read the article before jumping into run woke. If you did, you would have comprehended that the Op was not talking about being provoked easily like you asserted. Rather he was referring to how long a man will keep walking from an unabatable emotional abuse before it reaches breaking point. It is a universal law, everything has a breaking point, even the earth we live in. E.g climate change due to man made abuse. To those who feel he did not give a solution to the issue, read again. He clearly stipulated that one should seek divorce if abuse continues unabated. Same way you will advise a woman to run away from physical abuse, is thesame way a man should quit an emotionally abusive relationship because it is equally toxic. If you do not believe in divorce, then a separation is in order until she seeks emotional help to address her toxicity. How you conveniently wants the man who is being abused to seeks maturity but the abusive partner does not seek therapy is amazing. Woke indeed!

his reasoning shock you too abi?

Kobojunkie:
The problem with a lot of you is your operate under this delusion that solutions have to be specially tailored for your ilk.

Again.... 1. If you are in a toxic relationship , irrespective of your gender, the recommendation is that you separate yourself from that relationship so you can instead recover from the damage that is the relationship - Do not return to such an abusive environment. .

2. Again, if you find yourself in a toxic relationship, run away from the toxic environment. Seek separation or divorce immediately and do not return to the toxic environment.

---

P.S :
This is the commonsense advice that is given to any man or woman in a toxic marriage or relationship. I have repeated it several times over.

Now, this is you changing the tone from what you wrote earlier.

Below is a screenshot from your write up in page 2. That is what prompted my response. You were trying to make a man suffering emotional abuse a victim of insecurities and work stress. Call a spade a spade. Abuse is abuse. A separation or divorce as case maybe is in order. No one should try to grow a thick skin to abuse from any partner in the name of maturity. It doesn’t work that way, if the abusive partner is not ready to seek therapy, then you should leave, it does not portray immaturity or insecurity as you portrayed.

This was the clear position of the Op.

skoskosko:

Now, this is you changing the tone from what you wrote earlier.

Below is a screenshot from your write up in page 2. That is what prompted my response. You were trying to make a man suffering emotional abuse a victim of insecurities and work stress. Call a spade a spade. Abuse is abuse. A separation or divorce as case maybe is in order. No one should try to grow a thick skin to abuse from any partner in the name of maturity. It doesn’t work that way, if the abusive partner is not ready to seek therapy, then you should leave, it does not portray immaturity or insecurity as you portrayed.

This was the clear position of the Op.

And on the very same page 2, you will find the following..

T3ndrils:
Someone even asked this OP "so on essence what should be done" and the OP became immediately became defensive.

So much for giving advice when you couldn't even take criticism—the question wasn't even criticism but you dey pile up essay make we come learn.

Abeg gettat.

That person asked what the essence of the post was not what should be done.

Open your eyes while reading.
Now repeat after me "I will always open my eyes when reading no matter what."

Matter wey don settle na im nuisance wan use feel important.

Scum.bag

2braithe:


That person asked what the essence of the post was not what should be done.

Open your eyes while reading.
Now repeat after me "I will always open my eyes when reading no matter what."

ebenezary:
Op, l don't think you are a married man,
One of my boss then had an argument with his hot tempered wife,

In the heat of everything, he left home even the wife want to drag cloth with him but after few hours he came back.

By that time the wife was saying sorry

Now to me, the day my wife provoke me l know if l stay more enough in the house, am likely to do what l have never done in past five years of marriage

I left home and l thank God say she understand the body language

Above all walkout of heat and hot argument make your temper calm down and save you from "had l know, l would have walkout" story

Is it every wife that will feel remorse and apologize when you walk away?

Some will still bring trouble that same day.You will always walk out of your own house everytime.I don't think any man would like that.

2braithe:
is it every wife that will feel remorse and apologize when you walk away?

Some will still bring trouble that same day.You will always walk out of your own house everytime.I don't think any man would like that.

Bring what trouble? What is this trouble you claim she brings?

Is it asking you for money that you construe as trouble/offense? Is she attempting to bring your attention to responsibilities which you avoid for reasons unknown to her? Define "trouble" so we are clear if you are speaking here of couple's argument or a case of abuse?,

This OP isn't even married and his giving matrimonial counseling—this is what silly people do

Let's say it's the man that's been physically abusive to the wife, shey make the wife continue to dey stay dey endure am in the name of wetin? maturity? Or continue to complain without doing what is necessary? Or until she eventually dies? As in see advice.

Abuse is Abuse—physical, emotional or verbal.

Even bible dey talk say e dey better to stay for one corner for roof than live with a brawling woman as wife.

The kind rubbish wey full this OP brain sef.

Kobojunkie:
Bring what trouble? What is this trouble you claim she brings?

Is it asking you for money that you construe as trouble/offense? Is she attempting to bring your attention to responsibilities which you avoid for reasons unknown to her? Define "trouble" so we are clear if you are speaking here of couple's argument or a case of abuse?,

The trouble I mean is the provocation that made the man leave the house in the first instance.

2braithe:
The trouble I mean is the provocation that made the man leave the house in the first instance.

Ok, so long as the man left because he was provoked .I.e. he got angry, then the man in this case needs to learn to become emotionally mature so he is not so easily provoked and then wouldn't need to walk out of his house when an argument ensues.

Kobojunkie:
Ok, so long as the man left because he was provoked .I.e. he got angry, then the man in this case needs to learn to become emotionally mature so he is not so easily provoked and then wouldn't need to walk out of his house when an argument ensues.

Why are you talking only about the man?
Why are you not saying the woman should be mature and not provoke the man always?

I don't want to believe you're taking sides.

2braithe:
1. Why are you talking only about the man?
2. Why are you not saying the woman should be mature and not provoke the man always?

3. I don't want to believe you're taking sides.

Your post indicated that it was the man who was provoked to anger.

2. You didn't say anything about the woman to warrant my saying anything about her is why.

If a woman and a man are having an argument about feeding money for instance, and the man storms out in anger. Who do you think has anger issues that needs to be worked on?

3. No sides taken here since no reason for it.

Kobojunkie:
Your post indicated that it was the man who was provoked to anger.

2. You didn't say anything about the woman to warrant my saying anything about her is why.

If a woman and a man are having an argument about feeding money for instance, and the man storms out in anger. Who do you think has anger issues that needs to be worked on?

3. No sides taken here since no reason for it.

There are two parties to an argument.The man can't provoke himself and leave the house.It has to involve the woman too.
To be objective enough,you need to come from both sides.

For the emboldened,there is limited information to decide.What if the man gave the money but the wife complained that the money was too little.In the process,the wife insulted him and compared him to other men.The man got angry and stormed out?
So I can't decide.

2braithe:
1.There are two parties to an argument.The man can't provoke himself and leave the house.It has to involve the woman too. To be objective enough,you need to come from both sides.

For the emboldened,there is limited information to decide.What if the man gave the money but the wife complained that the money was too little.In the process,the wife insulted him and compared him to other men.The man got angry and stormed out?
So I can't decide.

Here again with more information. Please respond.

SCENARIO #1 A woman and a man are having an argument about feeding money for instance. The man storms out in anger because his wife insists he needs to bring more money to feed his family with, this instead of her cutting back on food since the hike in cost of food is reason for the need.

Who amongst the two parties do you think has anger issues that needs to be worked on?

---

SCENARIO #2, A woman and a man are having an argument about how much of each should contribute from their paychecks for the upcoming rent. The woman demands the man should bring 90% of his pay because the last time he spent the money drinking , and gambling, leaving her to spend all of her money instead.. The man storms out in anger because he felt insulted by his wife.

Whicn of the two do you think has anger issues that needs to be worked on?

Kobojunkie:

Here again with more information. Please respond.

SCENARIO #1 A woman and a man are having an argument about feeding money for instance. The man storms out in anger because his wife insists he needs to bring more money to feed his family with, this instead of her cutting back on food since the hike in cost of food is reason for the need.

Who amongst the two parties do you think has anger issues that needs to be worked on?

---

SCENARIO #2, A woman and a man are having an argument about how much of each should contribute from their paychecks for the upcoming rent. The woman demands the man should bring 90% of his pay because the last time he spent the money drinking , and gambling, leaving her to spend all of her money instead.. The man storms out in anger because he felt insulted by his wife.

Whicn of the two do you think has anger issues that needs to be worked on?

SCENARIO 1: The man has anger issues because what the woman said is not enough to anger him.I am assuming the woman spoke respectfully.

SCENARIO 2:In as much as the woman is being unrealistic (who contributes 90% income to rent?), it's still not enough reason to anger the man that way.So,the man has the anger issues here.

---

But it can't always go like this.There are always cases where the man doesn't have anger issues but the wife will provoke him to anger.This is actually what I'm talking about.

There are women out there that ALWAYS disrespect and flare up at their husbands unnecessarily causing anger to such husband.For how long will such husband keep leaving his house when the wife is clearly the problem?

2braithe:
SCENARIO 1: The man has anger issues because what the woman said is not enough to anger him.I am assuming the woman spoke respectfully.

SCENARIO 2:In as much as the woman is being unrealistic (who contributes 90% income to rent?), it's still not enough reason to anger the man that way.So,the man has the anger issues here.

---

1. But it can't always go like this.There are always cases where the man doesn't have anger issues but the wife will provoke him to anger.This is actually what I'm talking about.

2. There are women out there that ALWAYS disrespect and flare up at their husbands unnecessarily causing anger to such husband.For how long will such husband keep leaving his house when the wife is clearly the problem?

1. In the world of adults, your emotions are your responsibility, not someone else's. If you decide to get upset when someone intentionally provokes you, the one who did the provoking committed no crime that he/she can be charged with.

A wife/husband shoudn't need to walk on shells around her/his husband/wife. She/he should be able to express herself/himself well around her/his spouse without fear of provoking an angry response. So long as the conversation is not of verbal or emotional abuse, two adults ought to be able and free with each other as intimate partners ought to.

2. The only person that can cause you anger is you. Again, you are responsible as an adult for your own emotions - no one else bears that responsibility on your behalf. And no one should have to walk on shells around you and your ego as an adult.

As I already explained numerous times before now, the reason the angry partner is adviced to leave the home is to avoid him/her resorting to physical violence due to their inability to control what is their own emotions.

Physical abuse is a misdemeanor punishable by jail time even in Nigeria.

Kobojunkie:
1. In the world of adults, your emotions are your responsibility, not someone else's. If you decide to get upset when someone intentionally provokes you, the one who did the provoking committed no crime that he/she can be charged with.

A wife/husband shoudn't need to walk on shells around her/his husband/wife. She/he should be able to express herself/himself well around her/his spouse without fear of provoking an angry response. So long as the conversation is not of verbal or emotional abuse, two adults ought to be able and free with each other as intimate partners ought to.

2. The only person that can cause you anger is you. Again, you are responsible as an adult for your own emotions - no one else bears that responsibility on your behalf. And no one should have to walk on shells around you and your ego as an adult.

As I already explained numerous times before now, the reason the angry partner is adviced to leave the home is to avoid him/her resorting to physical violence due to their inability to control what is their own emotions.

Physical abuse is a misdemeanor punishable by jail time even in Nigeria.

Sincerely your post got me pissed.Are you really the one who typed that?
So my wife can talk to me anyhow and I'll still be blamed if I get angry?
Well,women that talk anyhow to their husbands,the swollen face and bruised body they get is a lesson.

Just so you know,the law can pardon an offender on a strong basis of being provoked.

I'm supposed to properly counter your post but what you typed there is pesky.I don't even wanna read it.

2braithe:
1. Sincerely your post got me pissed.Are you really the one who typed that?

2. So my wife can talk to me anyhow and I'll still be blamed if I get angry?

3. Well,women that talk anyhow to their husbands,the swollen face and bruised body they get is a lesson.

4. Just so you know,the law can pardon an offender on a strong basis of being provoked.

5. I'm supposed to properly counter your post but what you typed there is pesky.I don't even wanna read it.

1. I am sure it did.

2. Your wife is a human being. If she can't bare her soul to you, then what is she to you and who are you to her?

3. Fortunately, the law in Nigeria no longer sees it that way.

4. The law only pardons the offender in the case that the offended chooses not to file charges. The law is not stupid that it should decide who to charge and who not to charge based on arbitrary ideas such as the one you expressed there.

In that same Nigeria, there are men who had to sit many weeks in jail simply for slapping a woman... meaning the woman in question made sure her attacker was charged to the fullest extent of the law.

The only reason I know if for which a wife would likely not allow such in her husband's case is what I would called Osinachi syndrome, she has been emotionally reduced to believing her marriage certificate is worth more than her dignity, even life.

5. I understand! This type of reasoning is new to Africans who believe instead that by virtue of being born an outie, they are bestowed with powers over the other gender. And so when spoken to of personal responsibility and mental discipline, it grinds against the very core of their being .. . Yet these same ooooh and aaargh in amazement at how much civil and human those in more developed climes seem to approach even the most testing of situations.

Kobojunkie:
1. I am sure it did.

2. Your wife is a human being. If she can't bare her soul to you, then what is she to you and who are you to her?

3. Fortunately, the law in Nigeria no longer sees it that way.

4. The law only pardons the offender in the case that the offended chooses not to file charges. The law is not stupid that it should decide who to charge and who not to charge based on arbitrary ideas such as the one you expressed there.

In that same Nigeria, there are men who had to sit many weeks in jail simply for slapping a woman... meaning the woman in question made sure her attacker was charged to the fullest extent of the law.

The only reason I know if for which a wife would likely not allow such in her husband's case is what I would called Osinachi syndrome, she has been emotionally reduced to believing her marriage certificate is worth more than her dignity, even life.

5. I understand! This type of reasoning is new to Africans who believe instead that by virtue of being born an outie, they are bestowed with powers over the other gender. And so when spoken to of personal responsibility and mental discipline, it grinds against the very core of their being .. . Yet these same ooooh and aaargh in amazement at how much civil and human those in more developed climes seem to approach even the most testing of situations.

So my wife can't bare her soul to me without being offensive and provocative?

I was enjoying the argument till this.

2braithe:
So my wife can't bare her soul to me without being offensive and provocative?

I was enjoying the argument till this.

Again, go back through my previous response to you so you carefully grasp each point made and realize that you shoudn't have to come back at me with this question at all at all!

Kobojunkie:
You continue to leave until you become emotionally mature to the point o not to being easily provoked by your woman or anything she says.

The reason you are asked to leave is the same reason why as a kid you were told to kneel down....immaturity. When you become emotionally able to control your emotions rather than having them control you, you can then calmly sit through situations and arguments, in your relationship, like an adult.

for a man leaving the house whenever there is an issue with his wife shows as you correctly pointed out, immaturity and hot temper,all women are created naturally with a factory fault to be cranky, unyielding, stubborn and freestyle mouth,it is maturity when you understand those issues with women and try as much as possible to defuse, deflate and manage a potential situation from flaring up,I know that for some days in a month women have very short fuses that can explode if not handled carefully,also most of this problems don't emerge overnight they have been simmering and bubbling under the surface for days or weeks waiting for just a spark to set it off,it is the mature man that will try to be proactive and face such issues not sweeping it under the carpet

okoroemeka:
1. for a man leaving the house whenever there is an issue with his wife shows as you correctly pointed out, immaturity and hot temper,

2. all women are created naturally with a factory fault to be cranky, unyielding, stubborn and freestyle mouth,it is maturity when you understand those issues with women and try as much as possible to defuse, deflate and manage a potential situation from flaring up,I know that for some days in a month women have very short fuses that can explode if not handled carefully,

3. also most of this problems don't emerge overnight they have been simmering and bubbling under the surface for days or weeks waiting for just a spark to set it off,it is the mature man that will try to be proactive and face such issues not sweeping it under the carpet

1. And the problem isn't really resolved by walking away. The individual has to make effort to overcome said immaturity in order to better enjoy his relationship without having anger/emotions constant interrupt what ought to be progress in the relationship.

2. Irrespective of how one chooses to describe one's spouse, it remains that personal respect is especially of adults, even in relationship.

3. Parents are meant indeed to help their kids develop skills from childhood to aide them in developing and maintaining emotional discipline, and managing stress. Sadly, these are missing as far general training and you find so many socially inept adults walking around as if fuses about to explode.

This thread alone reveals that a lot of education is needed in the area of emotional responsibility, stress and anger management. Many who call themselves adults lack mental and emotional discipline and this more than explains the level of violence that is Nigeria even today.