So I have been dating my girlfriend for 3 months and she is perfect, actually she is a virgin, well behaved and very respectful. The relationship is going very fine but I am starting to really think deeply and I may just break up.
Why ? I have lived abroad for a while and do have a very serious phobia for travelling on Nigerian roads, her parents are a journey of 4 hours from where I am and I understand the area is rife with kidnapping and robbery of all sorts.

I find myself obsessing over having to make that trip to her parents place and also have my family embark on that journey and I always shudder at the thought of it.

I am seriously considering breaking up with her and looking for a lady whoose parents are here in the same city I reside, cos one of the things that gives me serious head ache is travelling on Nigerian roads.

Since I got back to Nigeria I have not travelled outside of the city that I am and it is because of how serious that phobia is.

But how do I tell her I am breaking up with her for this reason, it sounds very trivial but its a serious issue for me.

My friend go and sit down
Your girlfriend is the one who doesn't deserve you sef
You are having phobia travelling on Nigeria road
Asif the country you live in you guys fly around..
Secondly I believe the abroad you are even talking about may be one of this closeby African countries like Cotonou
Si if you don't come back home where do u wanna retire??
Or you think we living here are asshol*$?

oldienavie:
So I have been dating my girlfriend for 3 months and she is perfect, actually she is a virgin, well behaved and very respectful. The relationship is going very fine but I am starting to really think deeply and I may just break up.
Why ? I have lived abroad for a while and do have a very serious phobia for travelling on Nigerian roads, her parents are a journey of 4 hours from where I am and I understand the area is rife with kidnapping and robbery of all sorts.
I find myself obsessing over having to make that trip to her parents place and also have my family embark on that journey and I always shudder at the thought of it.

I am seriously considering breaking up with her and looking for a lady whoose parents are here in the same city I reside, cos one of the things that gives me serious head ache is travelling on Nigerian roads.
Since I got back to Nigeria I have not travelled outside of the city that I am and it is because of how serious that phobia is.

But how do I tell her I am breaking up with her for this reason, it sounds very trivial but its a serious issue for me.

If you consider the way good girls are scarce (unless she no really impress you as a good girl or you no trust her thus far), if you consider the way good girls are scarce you’d fear less for the unknown.


Though nothing is too important over your life shaa.


Make your decision.

blazingblender:
My friend go and sit down
Your girlfriend is the one who doesn't deserve you sef
You are having phobia travelling on Nigeria road
Asif the country you live in you guys fly around..
Secondly I believe the abroad you are even talking about may be one of this closeby African countries like Cotonou
Si if you don't come back home where do u wanna retire??
Or you think we living here are asshol*$?

Reading your post, it appears the Nigerian educational system is worse than I thought it was.
Your response is not just disjointed but fails to convey any meaningful message.
The fact that something does not bother you does not mean it doesn't bother other people, learn to think outside of your own mindset and understand that people are different.

Also, learn to respond to people in a more decent and respectful way, don't just type anything because you are on the internet.

Ebubu:



If you consider the way good girls are scarce (unless she no really impress you or you no trust her thus far), if you consider the way good girls are scarce you’d fear less for the unknown.


Though nothing is too important over your life shaa. Make your decision.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but the phobia is strong. I know how hard it is to come across good girls in Nigeria, at the same time the thought of being on that road, especially when it's time to bring my family on that journey kinda scares me.

oldienavie:

Reading your post, it appears the Nigerian educational system is worse than I thought it was.
Your response is not just disjointed but fails to convey any meaningful message.
The fact that something does not bother you does not mean it doesn't bother other people, learn to think outside of your own mindset and understand that people are different.

Also, learn to respond to people in a more decent and respectful way, don't just type anything because you are on the internet.

don't bring anything on the internet and expect to be praised ..
And you are to immature for thinking of leaving a girl cus she wanna visit her home base ..

blazingblender:
don't bring anything on the internet and expect to be praised ..
And you are to immature for thinking of leaving a girl cus she wanna visit her home base ..

You are missing the point, I have a phobia for travelling on Nigerian roads, I avoid it as much as I can. Infact I have been in Naija almost 6 months and am not planning to travel out of this city.
When going to Lagos I use the train or fly if thats an option.

Now to bring all my family on that route for an occasion like marriage, would mean I have to ply that road up to 10 times at least going back and forth with family.
That scares me.

oldienavie:
So I have been dating my girlfriend for 3 months and she is perfect, actually she is a virgin, well behaved and very respectful. The relationship is going very fine but I am starting to really think deeply and I may just break up.
Why ? I have lived abroad for a while and do have a very serious phobia for travelling on Nigerian roads, her parents are a journey of 4 hours from where I am and I understand the area is rife with kidnapping and robbery of all sorts.
I find myself obsessing over having to make that trip to her parents place and also have my family embark on that journey and I always shudder at the thought of it.

I am seriously considering breaking up with her and looking for a lady whoose parents are here in the same city I reside, cos one of the things that gives me serious head ache is travelling on Nigerian roads.
Since I got back to Nigeria I have not travelled outside of the city that I am and it is because of how serious that phobia is.

But how do I tell her I am breaking up with her for this reason, it sounds very trivial but its a serious issue for me.

Don't lose a good woman because of a trivial issue that is not her fault.
If you have a good woman, pls hold her tight because there is nothing outside anymore. Good women are scarce this days.
You might feel you will get someone better but my dear, you might get someone worse and you will end up regretting.

Let me ask you a question
Do you drive?
If yes, have you stopped driving cos cars are prone to accidents?
Have you stopped flying cos airplanes crash?
Have you stopped living in your house cos armed robbers might come to your house and attack you at night?

If the answers are No, then you shouldn't get scared of travelling.
Just try to be safe by travelling during the day.
Pray to God for protection and remove the fear from your mind.

Truth is, anything that will happen will surely happen.
Just seek protection from God when travelling.
Overcome your fear and don't lose a good woman cos of that.

dobnina:

Don't lose a good woman because of a trivial issue that is not her fault.
If you have a good woman, pls hold her tight because there is nothing outside anymore. Good women are scarce this days.
You might feel you will get someone better but my dear, you might get someone worse and you will end up regretting.

Let me ask you a question
Do you drive?
If yes, have you stopped driving cos cars are prone to accidents?
Have you stopped flying cos airplanes crash?
Have you stopped living in your house cos armed robbers might come to your house and attack you at night?

If the answers are No, then you shouldn't get scared of travelling.
Just try to be safe by travelling during the day.
Pray to God for protection and remove the fear from your mind.

Truth is, anything that will happen will surely happen.
Just seek protection from God when travelling.
Overcome your fear and don't lose a good woman cos that.

Ma totally different.north isnt a best route now

oldienavie:


But how do I tell her I am breaking up with her for this reason, it sounds very trivial but its a serious issue for me.

You don't have ballz to make the trip.
You also don't have the ballz to open your mouth and tell her to shift. You don't have ballz to talk.

Tomorrow if they call men to come out you too will carry your two left feet and come out.

Arrrrrrrh

Wahala dey oo....So you mean somebody dey break up because of travelling phobia abi na phobia travelling.

I'm just imagining the temerity you will use to tell her this! Just paste/say the main reasons behind your break up, than telling us this immature reason.

Distance dey scare you.....? This shows that you are a baby...if you can't endure the patience of staying in a distanced relationship why did you embark on it at the first place?

Too many problem for this country....abeg people dey get reasons shuuuu...

dobnina:

Don't lose a good woman because of a trivial issue that is not her fault.
If you have a good woman, pls hold her tight because there is nothing outside anymore. Good women are scarce this days.
You might feel you will get someone better but my dear, you might get someone worse and you will end up regretting.

Let me ask you a question
Do you drive?
If yes, have you stopped driving cos cars are prone to accidents?
Have you stopped flying cos airplanes crash?
Have you stopped living in your house cos armed robbers might come to your house and attack you at night?

If the answers are No, then you shouldn't get scared of travelling.
Just try to be safe by travelling during the day.
Pray to God for protection and remove the fear from your mind.

Truth is, anything that will happen will surely happen.
Just seek protection from God when travelling.
Overcome your fear and don't lose a good woman cos of that.

Excellent submission. Love should overcome fear, unless OP doesn’t love the lady but just marrying for marriage sake or because it is time to marry sake. Ordinarily love would push you to act beyond that fear. Love breaks barriers or fears, oldienavie.

oldienavie:
So I have been dating my girlfriend for 3 months and she is perfect, actually she is a virgin, well behaved and very respectful. The relationship is going very fine but I am starting to really think deeply and I may just break up.
Why ? I have lived abroad for a while and do have a very serious phobia for travelling on Nigerian roads, her parents are a journey of 4 hours from where I am and I understand the area is rife with kidnapping and robbery of all sorts.
I find myself obsessing over having to make that trip to her parents place and also have my family embark on that journey and I always shudder at the thought of it.

I am seriously considering breaking up with her and looking for a lady whoose parents are here in the same city I reside, cos one of the things that gives me serious head ache is travelling on Nigerian roads.
Since I got back to Nigeria I have not travelled outside of the city that I am and it is because of how serious that phobia is.

But how do I tell her I am breaking up with her for this reason, it sounds very trivial but its a serious issue for me.

Pls find a way to breakup with her immediately, so that suitors that knows her worth and value it, will come for her.

gaius01:
Arrrrrrrh

Wahala dey oo....So you mean somebody dey break up because of travelling phobia abi na phobia travelling.

I'm just imagining the temerity you will use to tell her this! Just paste/say the main reasons behind your break up, than telling us this immature reason.

Distance dey scare you.....? This shows that you are a baby...if you can't endure the patience of staying in a distanced relationship why did you embark on it at the first place?

Too many problem for this country....abeg people dey get reasons shuuuu...

The matter tire me, baba dey fear make dem no kidnap am.

Him say na Bad Roads, but we actually know the real reason behind it.

oldienavie:

You are missing the point, I have a phobia for travelling on Nigerian roads, I avoid it as much as I can. Infact I have been in Naija almost 6 months and am not planning to travel out of this city.
When going to Lagos I use the train or fly if thats an option.

Now to bring all my family on that route for an occasion like marriage, would mean I have to ply that road up to 10 times at least going back and forth with family.
That scares me.

Just hold 20 Million for random, that's all. Travelling on Nigerian roads isn't that bad bro.

When you get to your destination, your lovely wife would be waiting for you

Some of us understand your fears. I personally won't travel long distance for any event that isn't my personal event at this time.

If you have the money and there's possibility of going by air, you can explore that. A new start-up that offers air transport charter recently launched in Nigeria, can't remember their name now but you can check the profile of one prof. Ekekwe or something on LinkedIn.

Lastly, despite the insecurity, people still travel everyday. All you can do is ask God for safety.

Your fears are not enough reasons to break up.

You didn't give us any update about your previous threads , just curious anyway.

Even inside your house, you can still be kidnapped!! Na just the grace of God de keep/a little carefulness on our part is what keeps on going.
Look for another excuse to break up with that girl.

faithfull18:

You didn't give us any update about your previous threads , just curious anyway.

Which of them ?

Thanks everyone for your contributions, I think the key thing here is if she is worth fighting for .

oldienavie:

You are missing the point, I have a phobia for travelling on Nigerian roads, I avoid it as much as I can. Infact I have been in Naija almost 6 months and am not planning to travel out of this city.
When going to Lagos I use the train or fly if thats an option.

Now to bring all my family on that route for an occasion like marriage, would mean I have to ply that road up to 10 times at least going back and forth with family.
That scares me.

where exactly?

oldienavie:

You are missing the point, I have a phobia for travelling on Nigerian roads, I avoid it as much as I can. Infact I have been in Naija almost 6 months and am not planning to travel out of this city.
When going to Lagos I use the train or fly if thats an option.

Now to bring all my family on that route for an occasion like marriage, would mean I have to ply that road up to 10 times at least going back and forth with family.
That scares me.

Can't you compress all that to and fro into as little as possible? We are in the age of technology and I fail to see why you have to be traveling upandan in the name of seeing her family when you can do virtually most things via phone calls ? Your fears are valid in the light of the current security situation in the country.

oldienavie:

I think the key thing here is if she is worth fighting for .

You haven't figured this out and yet you're planning to marry her?

Ishilove:

You haven't figured this out and yet you're planning to marry her?

You can never completely figure that out, it is an ongoing process. Although like I said, she has proven to be a great person so far. I guess my phobia for travelling in Nigeria is so huge not that I don't think she isn't worth fighting for.

jesmond3945:
where exactly?

Ondo State.

Your safety takes precedence over any relationship, love or marriage.

I will never under any circumstances travel by road in Nigeria for 4 hours.
and may never visit any city without an airport.

Be safe out there in that jungle. No rule of law or government presence.
Arrest is yet to be made in the last train attack while a new born baby languishes in captivity.

I doubt if anyone is still investigating and when in Nigeria, i consider myself to be in an active war zone. I am not saying the above to disparage or demean hard working folks in Nigeria. It takes tremendous amounts of courage to live, thrive and succeed in that environment but for me, its better to be safe than sorry.

oldienavie:

I know it sounds ridiculous, but the phobia is strong. I know how hard it is to come across good girls in Nigeria, at the same time the thought of being on that road, especially when it's time to bring my family on that journey kinda scares me.

It does not sound ridiculous. Your concerns are very much valid.

oldienavie:

Ondo State.

Since it's Ondo state, you can get there via flights. I assume you are probably In Oyo or Osun state. To reduce costs, reduce the number of visits you or your family need to make to your potential in-laws.

With this age of technology, you should be able to compress visits to a Max of 3. For each of the 3, take flights. God with the minimum number of people.


Per the flights, simply go to Lagos, through Abuja, and then to Ondo. (That is, if there are no direct flights to Ondo from Lag).

Also, have you discussed your fears (phobia) with the lady? Have you discussed possible solutions?

oldienavie:

You can never completely figure that out, it is an ongoing process. Although like I said, she has proven to be a great person so far. I guess my phobia for travelling in Nigeria is so huge not that I don't think she isn't worth fighting for.

Then conduct your love via phone and social media IM apps

Seriously though, don't allow fear make you miss a good thing (by your admission).

bskyb:


Since it's Ondo state, you can get there via flights. I assume you are probably In Oyo or Osun state. To reduce costs, reduce the number of visits you or your family need to make to your potential in-laws.

With this age of technology, you should be able to compress visits to a Max of 3. For each of the 3, take flights. God with the minimum number of people.


Per the flights, simply go to Lagos, through Abuja, and then to Ondo. (That is, if there are no direct flights to Ondo from Lag).

Also, have you discussed your fears (phobia) with the lady? Have you discussed possible solutions?

Which kind of Israelite journey is this?

Ishilove:

Which kind of Israelite journey is this?

Lol. Na so o.
If she is worth it, it should not be a problem for him.
I just wanted him to see that, if there is a will, there is a way.

Skyview01:
Your safety takes precedence over any relationship, love or marriage.

I will never under any circumstances travel by road in Nigeria for 4 hours.
I will never visit any city without an airport.

Be safe out there in that jungle. No rule of law, no government presence.
Arrest is yet to be made in the last train attack while a new born baby langushes in captivity. I doubt if anyone is investigating.
When in Nigeria, i consider myself to be in an active war zone.

Finally someone that understands my thoughts.
I have googled Ondo State tire and the kind of reports I see are very distressing, the city is 1 hour away from Akure that has an airport and looking up Akure by air, it does seem like no airline goes to that place.

I spent hours searching for flights to Akure didn't see any.

Ofcourse I do love her and value her, but like you have said, living in Nigeria is like being in an active war zone and the risk of being on that stretch of road for 4 hours to and fro and about 3 times thats really making me feel discouraged.

Ishilove:

Then conduct your love via phone and social media IM apps

Seriously though, don't allow fear make you miss a good thing (by your admission).

Is it possible for me to tell her to bring her family to where I am ?
If you were the one your guy told you he loves you but he is unable to bring himself to travel to your parents because of the risk of the road (which by the way is a very valid risk) what would you do ?

To even think of bringing my family on that route and expose them to the dangers of the Nigerian roads even puts me in a difficult state....