Mryacks:
First, I see a little bit of traits and similaries between you and my senior brother, albeit not as "extreme" as yours (pardon the word).

You will have to evetually end up with a partner that really understands and respect your person. She has to be patient and be more of the extrovert in the relationship.

My brother's wife is the best thing that has happened to him..he had a couple of relationships that didn't work cos the ladies were not understanding or partient...until he found his wife. An amazing woman. They are 7years in

RightToReject:
Where (among other things) you stated that you knew from childhood that you are special is what caught my attention. Well, no, you are not special; instead, you are a man that has special needs. You and whosoever might come closer to you must accept it that way before you can have any semblance of a healthy relationship.

Being special vs being a special needs person:

The former is a thing of worthiness while the latter can be a result of a disorder or quasi-disorder. Given that you literally belong to the former, you will always require the understanding and consideration of whosoever that gets closer to you for a healthy relationship to take place. A lady that is discerning and has affinity for people with special needs will make a relationship/marriage pleasurable for you.

DeutschJunge:



I knew someone like you would creep up sooner or later. In fact, I am surprised it took so long.

Abraham Lincoln, Issac Newton, Winston Churchill, Vaslav Nijinsky, Nicholas Tesla to name but a few.
They were all special and different humans, they may have died ages ago but their names are house hold names till this day! Heck, Elon Musk is a very special and different human!

Being special, in both of the scenario you listed is a gift from God! Having a gift doesn’t make you “worthy”, you earn “worthiness” through hard work and dedication! Just like the people I mentioned earlier.

So, next time don’t aim at belittling another human because you feel the need to feed you midget ego. Compassion is a word in the dictionary, look it up, learn the meaning and try to practice it.

Good day!

RightToReject:



The major problem small-minded elements like you have is a distaste for truth and lack of understanding. If not for your obvious low IQ and delusions of grandeur, you would have observed that I did not make my factual submission to deride you but to help you understand your true self and the way to achieve your desire. Don't worry, the compassion and other varieties of considerations you need, as I stated before, will come from a discerning lady that has affinity with people that have special needs.

DeutschJunge:

Can you please point out again where in my post I said I do not understand “my true self” or needed a psychiatric diagnosis? There’s nobody small minded as a self proclaimed high IQ individual, gaslighting people on Nairaland just to feed their shrimp ego.
Stay away from my mention!

DeutschJunge:
Hello everybody,

It would be ideal if I can get the views and opinions of married women, although it is not limited to them, anyone with meaningful contribution is welcomed to share.

First of all I’d like to start by saying I am not married (yet). I have never really considered or thought of myself as getting married, this has nothing to do with redpill or anything like that.

Ever since I was a kid I knew I was different and special, I saw the world differently, I think and act different from your neuro-typical person. One of my major issues is difficulty in managing human relationships, be it a friend or romantic relationship. As a result, I don’t get close to people and I live a secluded and one man army life. This made me resolve earlier on in my life not to get married.

Now, I am a bit advanced in life and my mates have like 3 kids some 4. I am considering getting married, to be honest it goes against nature if you try to live alone. I also observed people that grow old without a family and children, they look very miserable in their late stages in life.

With age I am able to manage communication and personal relationships better, however I am still very terrible at it. Basically I found a way to bet by, but it is very far from ideal. However, in a marriage setting, I don’t think the solution will cut it.
Eg. I am a man of very few words, I can’t have an engaging conversation for more than 10-20min, after that I get really bored or headache. Due to the nature of my work, in a week the total conversation I have with people both friends and work related is not more than 30-60min total. I don’t do WhatsApp, Facebook, Twitter or any social media.

The question now is, is it possible to be married and not engage with your spouse? I mean, all the talking and gossips and always trying to do things together. Can you have a healthy marriage with as little contact with the spouse, how about the children upbringing?

I would appreciate if the married women can relate their experiences and challenges with their spouse that might be a bit reserved, even though if it is not as much as what I explained. How they overcame it or the measures they took to deal with it.

Men can chime in to, if you are reserved and married. How do you manage? In fact, anybody with similar experience or know someone or just have some meaningful contributions, please feel free to share.

sisisioge:
OP....it will be hard o...very hard to love and live with you. You most likely will cause yourself more harm if you try to get into someone's life without deciding to include them in your life.

I once dated a brother close to you in personality....he was an animationist. Dude doesnt talk, doesnt have friends, his colleagues used to make jest of him that he has words quota and that once he exhausts it, nothing else gets out of him. He was extremely private too and loved his work like shege!

I on the other hand is 51% introverted and 49% extroverted. I look like your regular outgoing person but I love the indoors like kilode. I could still manage to be the life of a party without stress o should I decide to step out and work in a space where I'm either addressing a crowd or being a part of a ctowd . Dude and I jelled like bread and butter. He was perfect for me and I for him....chai, I took him to his first bar and had lots of videos where we were just being goofy.....he became talkative around me and was so loving. It was beautiful.

But oga still didnt believe in meaningful communication...nah. I had a boss that was a hottie hottie in his 40s that related with all his direct reports like equals....he calls me a lot off work cos I was handling a major project at the time and nothing was going on between us. Ase, my dude didnt like it and he thought I was dating my boss cos of the way we related... Yet, he was quiet about it and started acting up. Eventually, we broke up....he went from talkative to taciturn like a switch and that became too much for us.

About 3 months later, dude surfaced again to express himself. By then, it was too late...trust was out of the window. He is now a friend from far away that checks up on me from time to time... a wonderful guy that is painfully a social recluse.

Oga, unless you are willing to open up to someone and COMMUNICATE with the person, you wont last in a relationship or marriage. There is no survival for such union without either party opening up to each other. I wish you good luck.

UpInTheSky:
I understand you, OP, and can relate with some of those traits, albeit there're slight differences
(e.g. I'm a 99% introvert but I don't mind intellectual discussions and thereafter I need my alone time to recharge).
I've been called "different", "unique", "rare", and "special" but tbh I didn't have to be told, because for the longest time,
I, too, have always known I'm not like other people and as a result, fitting in hasn't been a walk in the park, but now I think
I'm so dope, lol.

From what you've written, the only issue I see there (should you get married), is communication.
Marriage is a lifelong commitment; at least I'm assuming you will be in it for the remainder of your life,
therefore, you'd want it to be enjoyable and lasting for both you and whoever you marry (if you do marry).
Little to lack of communication, or simply bad communication will sure make room for misunderstandings.
You don't have to turn into a parrot nor can you, as it's not in your nature, but sharing thoughts and ideas,
greetings, making plans, active listening, are some necessary aspects of communication in marriage, all of
which you cannot avoid nor take lightly, as these are things that'll help build and shape your marriage.

When you find the right person, though, that might change a bit and while you won't turn into an extrovert,
you'd have the desire to communicate and gist from time-to-time and even if you're not good at it,
communication in marriage is a skill one can learn, thus all hope is certainly not lost.


You must find a life partner who:
1. understands you
2. accepts you as you are
3. loves you unconditionally (no ifs, no buts)


*P.S. If you consider yourself "special", then it is what it is.
You've the right to describe yourself as you like;
don't dim your light for anybody, on or off NL.


I wish you all the best in your quest.

DeutschJunge:


Yeah, I just didn’t want to sound cliche. I love an intellectual conversation and I like to have conversation that have depth and meaning to them. So, if you want to talk to me about Davidos new girlfriend or wizzkids new car, I will just be looking at you. I don’t have anything against those people, it’s just not my thing.

You made some really good points there, communication is very key at least from my little experience.

Thanks for your contribution.

DeutschJunge:
Hello everybody,

It
The question now is, is it possible to be married and not engage with your spouse? I mean, all the talking and gossips and always trying to do things together. Can you have a healthy marriage with as little contact with the spouse, how about the children upbringing?

I would appreciate if the married women can relate their experiences and challenges with their spouse that might be a bit reserved, even though if it is not as much as what I explained. How they overcame it or the measures they took to deal with it.

Men can chime in to, if you are reserved and married. How do you manage? In fact, anybody with similar experience or know someone or just have some meaningful contributions, please feel free to share.

DeutschJunge:




The problem is most women think the can change you when you fall in love with them. They will form understanding at the beginning, down the line they will now start trying to change and tamper with default settings.

Secondly, women like their partner to be someone they can goof around and be all silly with. Basically, laugh and play like kid s. That’s what keeps, maintains and in most cases increase their love for a man. I am VERY stiff! So, the thought that a woman will be managing you, rather than love you is just scary!



Your brother is a very lucky man to find a very understanding wife.

JovialJune:
Are you at least handsome? It can cover up the lack of communication when in a relationship, some ladies no mind

Can you at least be on WhatsApp, because I don't see the difference between being on this forum and WhatsApp, na still same chatting format.

sisisioge:


Oga, unless you are willing to open up to someone and COMMUNICATE with the person, you wont last in a relationship or marriage. There is no survival for such union without either party opening up to each other. I wish you good luck.

NoToPile:


Nairaland I hail ooo.

You mean some people won't mind a no conversation relationship?

Munzy14:

Your case is extreme case of Introverts....Of course most introverts are high intellectual beings and most are special as well.

In your search for a partner, you will be needing a 50/50 lady...More like an Ambivert.

An extremely introvert lady will bore you, because a man stir up conversation, since you aren't the communicating type, She won't.

An extreme extrovert on the other hand will find you boring,and will likely get attracted to that guy in the office who is always on the go with a touch of talkative .

So, an ambivert lady is your best bet...She will take time to study and understand your personality...

You on the other hand..Must adjust your style a bit to accommodate and give her the chance/opportunity to understand you.

Relationship/marriage must have communication..It is a must.. I mean conversations are necessary..It could be you explaining things about your day, or her explaining what transpired in the office or business area that day..

Conversation can be childish atimes between couples, it could be romance, errotic, sports, politcal or religious...Just anything.

Again, the playful side..No mata how you see it, ladies will always want their man playful...No mata your position in life, she wants to play with you as her man...

It is a fantasy to some ladies, knowing that this rigid boy friend/husband I can make him play and smile with me.

Relationship/marriage is a place of sacrifice...You sacrifice your comfort to accommodate another...Do things you won't do to tolerate, respect and be with eachother.

Love and pamper each other..

Lastly, women are managers...You must give her that chance to manage you, the home, the kids when they start coming...Your ability to co-operate makes the whole thing sweeter.

One more thing, keep your choice open...It must not be limited to her being a medical doctor..

Your partner may be in another line of work/business while you are searching for her in the medical line.

CountVersailles:
I know someone exactly like you. Dude is very smart though, maybe the smartest person I have met. He was always the first in his class and graduated with a first class too. Scholarship abroad, all that stuff. Now he's working in Facebook earning hundreds of thousands in dollars per annum, and still doesn't have a public facebook account. The distinguishing quality about some people like this is that they are smart. I hope you are. If you are, that will be your attractive trait and you will find the right woman for yourself. Since you seem very aware of your traits, you will be able to discern rightly and choose when it comes to it. I hope you do, because you definitely need an understanding woman and they are not in plenty supply.

But you also need to open up a bit. Haba. The world is a different place from decades ago. Everyone needs a Twitter account at least. If you are too taciturn, you leave people to start imagining things that are not there, and that includes your future wife, someone you should be having a smooth relationship with. What are your passions sef? What do you like to do? You like to bowl, write, run, play scrabble? Find someone who can do the same or who you can teach, and maybe that will allow you to open up. Everyone is chatty when their interests come up. Maybe you need to narrow down to what your interests are and you will see that it makes you talk and may help you bond with whomever you go with. Godspeed

faithfull18:
Hmmn!

Karleb:


Brother man, you are too uppity. No offense.

As much as people want to believe otherwise, we can all change. You've been talking about yourself and how a lady will accept you just the way you are but you have not really said anything about accepting her the way she is.

You need to change. Find hobbies, I don't mean reading scientific novels, real hobbies, like watching football, listening to music, watching movies, hanging out with friends and having fun etc.

Nothing wrong with not speaking too much all the time but you should be ready to discuss at length about what you find interesting or about how your day went.

I no get money but I know money is not everything, you'll need way more than money to make a lady happy and content.

DeutschJunge:


Thank you for your response.
I can relate a lot to your story. I think he found trust and comfort in you, he could be himself with you without judgment, which made him open up. Most times people like him are very sensitive and slightest of judgment affects them hugely especially from someone close and/or they are easily misunderstood. So, in most cases it is easier to just keep your thoughts and options to yourself.

Even though I have never met him or know him, I wouldn’t go as far as saying he doesn’t believe in communication, rather I’d say it doesn’t come natural to him. What comes naturally is to avoid confrontation and cut anything off that might in the slightest hurt him. So in a case where the person is not close to him, this works fine as all he need to do is just avoid them. But in a romantic/close relationship he is forced to be around the person when his natural instincts is just telling him avoid avoid avoid. To the outside person looking in, it looks like he is acting up, but to him, he is applying the survival instincts he has known all his life. It’s just that it can’t work in this case.
Again, I don’t know him and you, nor do I know all dynamics of the relationship but if I were to guess, I’d say this was how it played out in his head also I am not making excuses for him.

Thank you for your contribution, now I know there are ladies out there that are open and understanding, just takes a mountain of effort from the guy to meet them halfway.

Good luck with your love life.

DeutschJunge:

Can you please point out again where in my post I said I do not understand “my true self” or needed a psychiatric diagnosis? There’s nobody small minded as a self proclaimed high IQ individual, gaslighting people on Nairaland just to feed their shrimp ego.
Stay away from my mention!

Munzy14:

Hahahahahahaha....Now this is what we call finishing..

Welcome to nairaland where students claim know it all tha a professor.

Welcome to nairaland where over sabi people have an estate.

DeutschJunge:


Please make a contribution, or are you just trying to book some space for when/if it makes front page?

DeutschJunge:


You made some really good observations that i totally agree with, i have observed that i get along with intelligent ladies more than ladies that are superficial. The Intelligent one have very good observation skills and their emotional intelligence is very high. Mixing all this qualities i think makes for a good match.

BTW, i dont just limit myself to the medical field, i look for intelligence first, that medical expertise makes it easier to explain some certain things she might find strange or unusual. People uneducated or ignorant to my kind of personality always lead with "But you can change now, it's not difficult to just ....". In reality, it's not like i don't want to, it is not that easy.

Thanks for your contribution