advanceDNA:


U like violence ...lol

A violence a day keeps the ìdiots at bay

InfinityFabric:

Marrying a single mother is like trying to fix the Nigeria's problem caused by politicians and masses alike since 1999. The guy is a certified SIMP with money.

Thank God I know women right around the time I know money. Else, I will be asking the same stupid question as OP.

You're blessed bro

Maverick777:
I'd make this as brief as possible.. This is my debut post here on NL.
I'm in my early 30's, currently work in the oil and gas sector and I'd say I'm an 8.5/10 guy in all ramifications.
Now to the issue, I met this lady sometime last year(JUNE) at a popular fast food here in delta, she was (and still is) the manager of the place. One of the cashiers was being rude to me, she intervened and I must say, I was immediately lovestruck! She's really not the, sweep-you-off-your-feet kinda girl, but she seemed pretty smart (I'm extremely Sapiosexual).
Long story short, I gave her my card, she called, visited severally and after like 6months we got intimate and all.... Before all these, she already told me that she has a 4-year old daughter, which he had for a guy when she was still schooling, but later found out the guy had a family and she cut ties. She had the baby and he knows but she told him to stay away! And since then till now, there has been no communication whatsoever between them.
My dilemma is, I like her enough to wife her, taking in the kid is not an issue(I adore female kids) and they(MUM and DAUGHTER) both love me to bits, adore me and all. Overall I would say she's a 6.5/10 Lady.
Yesterday she suggested that why don't I adopt the kid legally, as I already changed her surname to mine, because I wanted to open accounts for her(THE KID), she said she had a dream that her baby daddy came to make amends, request for his daughter and serious issue broke out bla bla bla....
Now, I know ladies would always twist the narrative to suit themselves and all, and my gut feeling tells me there's more to that separation than she's telling!
I want to hear some expert advise concerning this before I take the next step, to be honest I'm a novice in this area(never had anything to do with a single mum before now).
Do I go ahead to adopt the kid legally??

Sensible inputs would be well appreciated.
I'd be glad if this hits Front Page

CC: SEUN
LALASTICLALA
MYND44

my problem with this is, why will you want to marry someone that cut off her baby daddy completely for some excuses? The man wants to be in the little girl's life but your exam doesn't want it. That's a serious red flag for me.

Madmazel99:
my problem with this is, why will you want to marry someone that cut off her baby daddy completely for some excuses? The man wants to be in the little girl's life but your exam doesn't want it. That's a serious red flag for me.

someone lied to a lady about his marital status and got her pregnant!
for me, that's evil enough..
No sane young lady would want to be a 2nd wife..

The truth is you are not the girl father, no matter what you do. Just marry the mother and treat her daughter well.

Maverick777:

someone lied to a lady about his marital status and got her pregnant!
for me, that's evil enough..
No sane young lady would want to be a 2nd wife..

.....And a sane man here is ready to be a second husband!!!! What an irony.
The danger of a one sided story is enormous, have you confirmed from the other side? Don't dilute your peace of mind with unwarranted baggages, till you die, you can not break the bond between that lady and her baby daddy likewise the kid. Why would you subject yourself to a lifetime of emotional torture? Are single ladies extinct?
Try and reconsider your stance on this issue.

realestate99:

.....And a sane man here is ready to be a second husband!!!! What an irony.
The danger of a one sided story is enormous, have you confirmed from the other side? Don't dilute your peace of mind with unwarranted baggages, till you die, you can not break the bond between that lady and her baby daddy likewise the kid. Why would you subject yourself to a lifetime of emotional torture? Are single ladies extinct?
Try and reconsider your stance on this issue.

read to understand and not with bias to castigate.
a kid is not my idea of an 'unwanted baggage'
I never said she was at any point married or even engaged..
she is very much single sir! just a victim of circumstance..
as for confirming from the other side, that's where you got it 100% correct!


thanks for your input.

If you’re thinking twice then you’re on the right track. No one needs to advice you.

Hooked, love is all that matters

Its heart warming to see a young man in love with a single mother. Some of this ladies are just victims of circumstance and shouldnt be treated as a pariah for making mistakes. We all make mistakes after all.
Having said that, truth is women are emotional and have the tendency to be bais when telling a story. I doubt if you can legally adopt the child without the fathers consent.

You love the lady marry her if you want to, leave the girl to continue with her current name. Being a father is not just about the name am sure if she gets fatherly love from you she would accord you the respect of a father even in the years after.
Wish you luck.

Maverick777:

trust me I'm extremely meticulous, I've done all that, the girl's mother is 100% comfortable with anything I want.
now what I need is experience, that's why I brought this here..

You won't be marrying the mother but the girl. The person you have horses to burn is with her,..the girl. She is the one you talk to.
If you say you have done all the suggested then you are good to go. Means you should be able to tell when she is being honest with you or not. Give it time, nothing is hidden under the sun.
The story always come out at the end.
Cheers!

lawrenzooo:
Its heart warming to see a young man in love with a single mother. Some of this ladies are just victims of circumstance and shouldnt be treated as a pariah for making mistakes. We all make mistakes after all.
Having said that, truth is women are emotional and have the tendency to be bais when telling a story. I doubt if you can legally adopt the child without the fathers consent.

You love the lady marry her if you want to, leave the girl to continue with her current name. Being a father is not just about the name am sure if she gets fatherly love from you she would accord you the respect of a father even in the years after.
Wish you luck.

It makes sense for him to adopt the child. Life is to short so why wait.

drnoel:

It makes sense for him to adopt the child. Life is to short so why wait.

Believe me no Judge would issue you an adoption order without the consent of the father knowing fully well that the father of the child is alive.

lawrenzooo:

Believe me no Judge would issue you an adoption order without the consent of the father knowing fully well that the father of the child is alive.

I don't know adoption proceedings but I know people that adopted children and the child's father is still alive. I believe you just have to prove that the father has been away since birth and wants no contact with the child

lawrenzooo:
Its heart warming to see a young man in love with a single mother. Some of this ladies are just victims of circumstance and shouldnt be treated as a pariah for making mistakes. We all make mistakes after all.
Having said that, truth is women are emotional and have the tendency to be bais when telling a story. I doubt if you can legally adopt the child without the fathers consent.

You love the lady marry her if you want to, leave the girl to continue with her current name. Being a father is not just about the name am sure if she gets fatherly love from you she would accord you the respect of a father even in the years after.
Wish you luck.

May wisdom never depart you..

Maverick777:

May wisdom never depart you..

Amen! Thank you.

My question is why do you think you don't deserve better? Is she the best woman around? Do you think, she is telling you the whole truth? You have struggled to get to where you are today but instead of getting the standard thing done, you want a woman who has a kid from another man because of love. What is wrong in having a woman that has higher value? Do you think she is humble because she naturally is or because of the condition she finds herself in? Do you know her body counts and her past? What if the real truth later comes out tomorrow, can you bear it? What if for certain reasons she doesn't conceive again, can you accept that kid as your own and not look for and another woman?
My brother Love is not bigger than reality. Love is sweet and good but it is subject to reality. Love cannot exist without logic. Let both your heart and brain take the decision. You have not wronged her for wanting something different, if your sons and daughters all brought home single mothers and fathers later in life for marriage, can you bear it?
Mr. Man, why can't you go for something else. Women have a knack for judgement of character. The fact that she is poor judgement of character of who impregnated her, says alot . She is not emotionally intelligent. Do you want a woman with poor intuition to be the mother of your kids?
A man value judged by his ability to provide, a woman's value is judged by her level of chatisity. It may not be her fault but that doesn't men she has the same value has a woman who has no kid. Would she be with you if you if you had nothing? She is better of with someone else who has a kid. Your blood is not flowing through that child, but you will spend on the child as much as yours even when the father is alive.
Should every irresponsible man out there be impregnating women and abandoning them for 'simps' like you to come and recuse them?
Look at how dysfunctional African-Americans societies are today because people who bring kids to this world are not held accountable for their actions. She that woman is not doing you a favour by bringing such into your house. Wifing her means you're ready for what ever gabbage comes later.

Maverick777:

You should be smart enough to distinguish an error from total ignorance.
I wouldn't possibly know what the word means and not know how to spell it.

thanks for your input anyway.

That was me trying to be a savage nairalander but that didn't work well.. guess I wasn't being smart at that moment.

You're welcome

Favfables1:
How can you adopt a child without the knowledge and consent of his father? ....

And for her to suggest this speaks volumes of her personality ....

I will never marry a single mother, and I wouldn't advice you to either, but since your mind is already made up, I would advise that you have a talk with the biological father of the child, gain more info as to why they separated ....

Her own narrative will most likely be a biased one, seeing that she has more to gain ...

Know what you're getting yourself into OP...
I wish you good luck chief...

He doesn't need the father's consent. Some Nigerian men are just plainly irresponsible

Did you not see single ladies. Why date lady with child while you Dont have such issues. You have low self-worth. Enjoy your avoidable issues. Some issues are avoidable.

ZirdoRoray:

Should every irresponsible man out there be impregnating women and abandoning them for 'simps' like you to come and recuse them?

you were actually making a lot of sense till your penultimate paragraph.
I've said time and time again, the word SIMP is thoroughly abused here on nairaland, look up your lexicon and carefully diffuse the actual meaning.

for what its worth, I appreciate your input sir!

Single parent are bitter,toxic and always claim to be right always. Better run,stupid man. So no single girls in warri.na the one wey don born. U like left overs .idio t

skj1377:
Did you not see single ladies. Why date lady with child while you Dont have such issues. You have low self-worth. Enjoy your avoidable issues. Some issues are avoidable.

first of all, your level of English comprehension is extremely low. So, to you, having a child automatic alters a lady's marital status yeah? oga, she's very much single!
secondly, every one has a past and has made mistakes, your so called 'single lady' is most likely to have had tons of abortions and might not even have a womb. so why judge someone who was honest enough to avoid murder?
as for having a low self worth, when you grow up you'd understand there's much more to choosing a wife than the outward appearance(which would eventually wear out sooner rather than later).
peace of mind is key! know this, know peace...

as you were...

Cokahot:
Single parent are bitter,toxic and always claim to be right always. Better run,stupid man. So no single girls in warri.na the one wey don born. U like left overs .idio t

your post simply reveals you're very much a juvenile.

Creamypie:
While its good to love,,, yes love all, but love objectively, not subjectively or with emotions. Think in between the lines and relax well while making decisions. U cant adopt a child legally without consent of both parents, if they are living
Na 0:0 match dey take start, e get why. My son can't marry a single mother, forget all the explanation. No baby mama even wants her son to marry baby mama. U see d irony? . thank you.

Simple as ABC! You are an 8.5/10 guy and you want to settle for a baby mama. It obviously shows you aint up to 7/10 up there, maybe 8.5/10 in terms of possessions.

Maverick777:
I'd make this as brief as possible.. This is my debut post here on NL.
I'm in my early 30's, currently work in the oil and gas sector and I'd say I'm an 8.5/10 guy in all ramifications.
Now to the issue, I met this lady sometime last year(JUNE) at a popular fast food here in delta, she was (and still is) the manager of the place. One of the cashiers was being rude to me, she intervened and I must say, I was immediately lovestruck! She's really not the, sweep-you-off-your-feet kinda girl, but she seemed pretty smart (I'm extremely Sapiosexual).
Long story short, I gave her my card, she called, visited severally and after like 6months we got intimate and all.... Before all these, she already told me that she has a 4-year old daughter, which he had for a guy when she was still schooling, but later found out the guy had a family and she cut ties. She had the baby and he knows but she told him to stay away! And since then till now, there has been no communication whatsoever between them.
My dilemma is, I like her enough to wife her, taking in the kid is not an issue(I adore female kids) and they(MUM and DAUGHTER) both love me to bits, adore me and all. Overall I would say she's a 6.5/10 Lady.
Yesterday she suggested that why don't I adopt the kid legally, as I already changed her surname to mine, because I wanted to open accounts for her(THE KID), she said she had a dream that her baby daddy came to make amends, request for his daughter and serious issue broke out bla bla bla....
Now, I know ladies would always twist the narrative to suit themselves and all, and my gut feeling tells me there's more to that separation than she's telling!
I want to hear some expert advise concerning this before I take the next step, to be honest I'm a novice in this area(never had anything to do with a single mum before now).
Do I go ahead to adopt the kid legally??

Sensible inputs would be well appreciated.
I'd be glad if this hits Front Page

CC: SEUN
LALASTICLALA
MYND44

Let this child issues not be an obstacle on this relationship

Love the girl as you have said and don't adopt that child to bear your name

If it comes to the worst let the child bear her own maiden name
Yes that's very important so that when her father comes both of them will argue that

Adopt her in your heart to be a father to the child

Take care of her and she will rather see you as the dad while she grows

Whatever happens between she and her ex is not something to worry about so far her family will prove that he was never married to her no pay bride price was paid on her by the man

Am married with 2 kids. A single lady with a child is an " avoidable problem",world over!. When I was single I detested such ladies. firstly, the child baggage secondly she has done 9 months inclusive of several abortions prior before the so called unfortunate incident. Thirdly, your first child with her will not be her first and that brings me to the fourth reason. If you eventually become rich and have properties and unfortunately you pass on unexpectedly there is a high tendency that her first child; who will be far older than yours, will con them off their wealth just like the child's father did to the mother before you foolishly came along. Your not far sighted you Dont think strategically . stop parading love as the reason to settle for rubbish arrangement relationship. Besides, there is condom and also emergency contraceptives how did she foolishly get pregnant without proper contract with documentation. She probably did it for blackberry, iPhone or money now she ended up with a child and you want to help clean her mess. That issue has no excuse.

Maverick777:

first of all, your level of English comprehension is extremely low. So, to you, having a child automatic alters a lady's marital status yeah? oga, she's very much single!
secondly, every one has a past and has made mistakes, your so called 'single lady' is most likely to have had tons of abortions and might not even have a womb. so why judge someone who was honest enough to avoid murder?
as for having a loself-worthth, when you grow up you'd understand there's much more to choosing a wife than the outward appearance(which would eventually wear out sooner rather than later).
peace of mind is key! know this, know peace...

as you were...

[

skj1377:
Am married with 2 kids. A single lady with a child is an " avoidable problem",world over!. When I was single I detested such ladies. firstly, the child baggage secondly she has done 9 months inclusive of several abortions prior before the so called unfortunate incident. Thirdly, your first child with her will not be her first and that brings me to the fourth reason. If you eventually become rich and have properties and unfortunately you pass on unexpectedly there is a high tendency that her first child; who will be far older than yours, will con them off their wealth just like the child's father did to the mother before you foolishly came along. Your not far sighted you Dont think strategically . stop parading love as the reason to settle for rubbish arrangement relationship. Besides, there is condom and also emergency contraceptives how did she foolishly get pregnant without proper contract with documentation. She probably did it for blackberry, iPhone or money now she ended up with a child and you want to help clean her mess. That issue has no excuse.

thor=skj.[/quote]
why can't you people here, drive home your points without using foul language? would you be able to dare that on ground?
I sincerely doubt the fact you're married, talk more of having 2 issues...
you speak with extreme naivety, one would think you're merely a toddler.
if fatherhood couldn't bring you wisdom, then bro, you're in serious trouble..
there's much more to life than property acquisition and what not, besides, I wouldn't raise kids who would even depend on any thing from my estate..
life is already complex enough, why complicate it further with afterlife thoughts??

P.s- I'm wealthy and that's me putting it mildly.
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Settle for what you deserve Or what you fall in love with. Then aftwards continue with your expected marital challenges. Some people learn the hard way .

Maverick777:

thor=skj.
why can't you people here, drive home your points without using foul language? would you be able to dare that on ground?
I sincerely doubt the fact you're married, talk more of having 2 issues...
you speak with extreme naivety, one would think you're merely a toddler.
if fatherhood couldn't bring you wisdom, then bro, you're in serious trouble..
there's much more to life than property acquisition and what not, besides, I wouldn't raise kids who would even depend on any thing from my estate..
life is already complex enough, why complicate it further with afterlife thoughts??

P.s- I'm wealthy and that's me putting it mildly.
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