Hello naira landers.
I really need your advice on what to do about this.
Sex with my wife has become so so boring that after it i most often time regret leaving whatever I was supposed to do for it. I mean the feeling of it was not worth it at all
I've tried all I know, I've read books and bought some for her to help out for our sexual life, yet the improvement is short leaved.

We've been married for Six years with two kids. Yet from the day we got married I can count how many times I've kissed my wife during or not during sex.
I've called her attention to it, if I managed to kiss her I must have begged my way through.
Like a secondary school chap.
------ I enjoy kissing -------- which she knows, she'll promise making a change yet no Change.

Okay, I've come to understand with her that maybe kissing is not her thing as it is for some women. Fine I don't go to that area any more.

All of a sudden, she's not interested in fore play of any kind, which I love to engage in no matter how badly I want to get in because I want the satisfaction to be mutual, but She just want me straight in.
Many times I'm filled with wondering thoughts while making up with her.
Peradventure she agrees to a pre-intimacy after much bagging and persuasion, it's not more than 5mins with restrictions to some parts. GGGGGGGGGGod!
I'll just be like what is this.

I've called her on serveral occasions if something was wrong, if she was going through any emotional stress or something I could help out with or change, response always negative.

Yet no improvement.

I don't know who to talk to, because I'm a very private person and respects privacy.

I'm doing my best to make her and the kids happy, to the best of my ability as God is helping me.
I'm a very charming and romantic dude, the best I know about myself in that area, which she has also told me.
I've never cheated on her, not once and I don't intend to and she knows.

I had to come up here to seek for help because it's getting out of hand.

To the point that I seek her consent if we can make out for the night ( it's not the top priority in our lives though, but it's necessary) she sometimes come up with an excuse which I'll understand or she agrees but ends up disappointing ( i.e sleeps off or not in the mood) and I get pissed off, because I'm left ganging and she doesn't care. My God!
For about a month it's been dry sex and it's making me feel as if I'm violating her, forcing her against her will.
The very last time it was as if I was making out with a dead body, no sound, no moves, no connection. Mahn o Mahnnnn

I'm at the verge of taking the selibacy way, because that was my vow before I married her.
This sex thing is distracting me.

I need advice, is there something about women I don't known because I've read and researched about women.

The day I will beg a woman for sex.. My Ancestors will come out from their graves, surround me and flog me with a naked copper wire.

What are men turning into? Don't you know you're reducing your self worth by begging and persuading your wife for sex... Op, As it stands now, if you force your wife for sex, she would tag you a rapist. The World will condemn you without knowing what has being happening in your boring marriage.. Please stop Simping in marriage.

If your wife no wan give you good sex... Go out and get one beautiful lady with fresh, soft and tight kpekus who would fvck the living demon out of your destiny.. Infact she would moan so loud that Jesus will come knocking at your door saying "My son please take it easy with her.. Don't kill someone only daughter"

There are many girls out there who would give it to you exactly how you want it. Shey na missionary style, wheelbarrow style, doggystyle, aeroplane style, stand-lifting style, snake in the monkey shadow style,.. Just name it.

Don't beg that woman for sex again and if she's caught cheating on you.. Please don't hesitate to kick her out of your house

Get yourself a bushmeat! You Gerrit?

Take her to a counselor to discuss about it since you have tried severally to talk sense to her. Something is bothering her or she is cheating on you.
What do I know, women are a very complex being.

You might just find someone else that will be satisfying your urges.

Your wife is not Sexually attracted to you,she only married you because of stability and as a retirement plan. If she's not having sex with you,then she's most probably having it with another,a guy she finds sexually attractive.
No amount of Pleading or therapy will get her to fall in love with you. Women and simps here will tell you to take her out and buy her gifts etc, so she can be appeased and allow you put in the tip,but how long will you be willing to keep that up?

Run a DNA test on those kids of yours

V

Your wife is likely a lesbian or not sexually attracted to you

Wonder why you are complaining now though like you didn't notice all this before marriage

odinson1:
Your wife is not Sexually attracted to you,she only married you because of stability and as a retirement plan.
Run a DNA test on those kids of yours

you are wicked.

mystery22:
Your wife is likely a lesbian or not sexually attracted to you

Wonder why you are complaining now though like you didn't notice all this before marriage

They just rush in head first into marriage
Men can be so stupid at times

Yes there is a lot about women you don't know so listen attentively.

You mentioned you've never cheated on her and she knows it, you see that is part of the problem, a woman cannot give her best when she is assured of your commitment and faithfulness.

If a woman knows for certain you won't cheat on her or leave her she'll be bored.

UNCERTAINTY about your faithfulness is what pushes a woman to give her best in the bedroom and home. It's why men who are known by their wives to have the need,ability and capacity to cheat have the best behaved women.

Create an air of uncertainty, create competition anxiety in her, you don't have to cheat, she just has to feel like her place is being threatened.

Have your guy friend call you in the night hours save his number with a female name and don't pick, if she questions you about the call, say it's a married woman from your office that is disturbing you let that your guy send love messages to your phone.

buy presents like wrist watch or perfume and have it delivered to your address it should be tagged from your secret admirer....I know it sounds cheesy but building attraction and stimulating competition anxiety is a game, play it or remain depressed, don't over do it though.

Women want what other women want, if you wife sees that you are wanted by different women out there, she'll step up her game, but remember while doing all these don't ask for sex, and if she makes moves decline...and watch how the power would shift back to your hands.

Relationships are not about love but about power and leverage, she has the power over you because she knows you are a good guy, a stand up guy, so she uses sex as a weapon to get you to do her bidding and let things go her way because you are worried she would deprive you of sex.

Another thing is that you may not be her type, and she settled for you cos you are a safe option and her type would not commit to her.

that is why you should know your woman's type, the type of guys she gave her body to in her past....if you don't match the description of those guys, then understand that she is settling for you and you don't turn her on.

It could be as a result of FGM.

Though she may have been Genitally Mutilated and that could be a great factor to determine how she will enjoy sex but aside from it, it's either she has never enjoyed sex with you and you are not hitting her right, giver her head or buy intimacy gadgets like vibrator so as to spice things up in the bedroom

I hope you guys have a deep emotional connection and did you guys dated before marriage and was sex involved in the dating phase?

My GF sent me this message as a testament of how good I ram her.

The first 2 year of our marriage was all good, she was sexually active and hot.
But the kissing part was still an issues.

I was not really available as I supposed to be in the second 2years due to the nature of my work, I was not meeting up at all sexually and emotionally.

Things got better I was transferred, I'm now in charge, which give me a lot of time to spend with the family.

As for the lesbian part I don't think so.

odinson1:
Your wife is not Sexually attracted to you,she only married you because of stability and as a retirement plan. If she's not having sex with you,then she's most probably having it with another,a guy she finds sexually attractive.
No amount of Pleading or therapy will get her to fall in love with you. Women and simps here will tell you to take her out and buy her gifts etc, so she can be appeased and allow you put in the tip,but how long will you be willing to keep that up?

Run a DNA test on those kids of yours

You have said it all Comrade Odinson.

I couldn't help but cringe when I read the part were he said but She just want me straight in
The poor woman finds him very irritating and i don't blame her at all. In fact I feel for her. After collecting dick in all manner of shapes and size she settled with this irritating romantic SIMPle dude.

When you tell these young men to stop being simps they will take sides with all these nairaland feminist and be forming white knight, Prince Charming.

Whiteheartbit:


I'm a very charming and romantic dude,

Please dont divorce her and dont complain. Keep being prince charming, keep being a romantic dude.

Wotoporiously speaking

Oga no disturb am again jare, start acting as if you are getting it outside and make sure to rub it on her face ( try to make it look very real, if possible employ another female who's close to you to help you make it look real) and watch her brain reset if she truly loves you.

If you play this mind games very well by this time next week you'll be smiling

Do things wey go shock am she go reason your matter

Whiteheartbit:
The first 2 year of our marriage was all good, she was sexually active and hot.
But the kissing part was still an issues.

I was not really available as I supposed to be in the second 2years due to the nature of my work, I was not meeting up at all sexually and emotionally.

Things got better I was transferred, I'm now in charge, which give me a lot of time to spend with the family.

As for the lesbian part I don't think so.

It's a marra of Time bfr you get a spare tyre... I could epp your a$$ out should you want one anyways.. all the best sir.

Unpalatable as this sounds. I think I agree.

odinson1:
Your wife is not Sexually attracted to you,she only married you because of stability and as a retirement plan. If she's not having sex with you,then she's most probably having it with another,a guy she finds sexually attractive.
No amount of Pleading or therapy will get her to fall in love with you. Women and simps here will tell you to take her out and buy her gifts etc, so she can be appeased and allow you put in the tip,but how long will you be willing to keep that up?

Run a DNA test on those kids of yours

A lot can be seen from how your relationship started. What were you guys up to andk how we're u guys together before marriage.

Whiteheartbit:
Hello naira landers.
I really need your advice on what to do about this.
Sex with my wife has become so so boring that after it i most often time regret leaving whatever I was supposed to do for it. I mean the feeling of it was not worth it at all
I've tried all I know, I've read books and bought some for her to help out for our sexual life, yet the improvement is short leaved.

We've been married for Six years with two kids. Yet from the day we got married I can count how many times I've kissed my wife during or not during sex.
I've called her attention to it, if I managed to kiss her I must have begged my way through.
Like a secondary school chap.
------ I enjoy kissing -------- which she knows, she'll promise making a change yet no Change.

Okay, I've come to understand with her that maybe kissing is not her thing as it is for some women. Fine I don't go to that area any more.

All of a sudden, she's not interested in fore play of any kind, which I love to engage in no matter how badly I want to get in because I want the satisfaction to be mutual, but She just want me straight in.
Many times I'm filled with wondering thoughts while making up with her.
Peradventure she agrees to a pre-intimacy after much bagging and persuasion, it's not more than 5mins with restrictions to some parts. GGGGGGGGGGod!
I'll just be like what is this.

I've called her on serveral occasions if something was wrong, if she was going through any emotional stress or something I could help out with or change, response always negative.

Yet no improvement.

I don't know who to talk to, because I'm a very private person and respects privacy.

I'm doing my best to make her and the kids happy, to the best of my ability as God is helping me.
I'm a very charming and romantic dude, the best I know about myself in that area, which she has also told me.
I've never cheated on her, not once and I don't intend to and she knows.

I had to come up here to seek for help because it's getting out of hand.

To the point that I seek her consent if we can make out for the night ( it's not the top priority in our lives though, but it's necessary) she sometimes come up with an excuse which I'll understand or she agrees but ends up disappointing ( i.e sleeps off or not in the mood) and I get pissed off, because I'm left ganging and she doesn't care. My God!
For about a month it's been dry sex and it's making me feel as if I'm violating her, forcing her against her will.
The very last time it was as if I was making out with a dead body, no sound, no moves, no connection. Mahn o Mahnnnn

I'm at the verge of taking the selibacy way, because that was my vow before I married her.
This sex thing is distracting me.

I need advice, is there something about women I don't known because I've read and researched about women.

Women are like that sometimes, reason you shouldn't focus on her. If you do, your sexual life will be gone in a matter of time.
Just find 2 or 3 side chicken, you will never regret it. All you get is to be mindful of spending and possibly find a separate phone to communicate them.you can get many of them in Tinder or Badoo . Goodluck

Patented:
A lot can be seen from how your relationship started. What were you guys up to and how we're u guys together before marriage.

Relationship and dating was good, I read and research alot, I prepared before venturing into marriage with her, we dated for 1yr 8months.

There were boundaries of no sex dating.
But we were emotionally attracted to each other and romantic.

We were not living together.
But we saw almost everyday after work and we spent good times together.

She came visiting the house maybe 4 - 5times throughout the dating period.

It's really sad what you are going thru.

I wonder how your relationship was before you guys got married. I'm sure you saw the signs but assume she's goodly type.

Anyways, your wife could be one of the overly religious ones that believe intercourse is for procreation only or she is circumcised which could make her not to enjoy the act.

Also how is her work schedule? Is she a working class lady or house wife.
Is she always busy and overwhelmed with chores? Cos this can be so demanding , couple with taking care of the kids.

Take her out and have a heart to heart talk with her and if necessary, seek a marriage counsellor to help out. Hopefully she will change for good.

I don’t beg for sex ,

If my wife tries that with me omo na to stop sex with her totally ,

Na she use her hands send me out to cheat be that

Me wey my eyes dey out bf say I just dey practice self control ..

@OP It will be tough to hear it but:

https://www.nairaland.com/7166252/wahala-chaos-female-nature#up

Bros don't listen to clueless advice from sex starved bachelors, the truth is marriage sex gets boring after sometime, thank God you have kids,just try and see how you can spend quality time ⌚ with her,be friends and don't always have sex in view,I know how hard it is, also pray together, you may be considering adultery, please don't fall for it, bless you

Whiteheartbit:
Hello naira landers.
I really need your advice on what to do about this.
Sex with my wife has become so so boring that after it i most often time regret leaving whatever I was supposed to do for it. I mean the feeling of it was not worth it at all
I've tried all I know, I've read books and bought some for her to help out for our sexual life, yet the improvement is short leaved.

We've been married for Six years with two kids. Yet from the day we got married I can count how many times I've kissed my wife during or not during sex.
I've called her attention to it, if I managed to kiss her I must have begged my way through.
Like a secondary school chap.
------ I enjoy kissing -------- which she knows, she'll promise making a change yet no Change.

Okay, I've come to understand with her that maybe kissing is not her thing as it is for some women. Fine I don't go to that area any more.

All of a sudden, she's not interested in fore play of any kind, which I love to engage in no matter how badly I want to get in because I want the satisfaction to be mutual, but She just want me straight in.
Many times I'm filled with wondering thoughts while making up with her.
Peradventure she agrees to a pre-intimacy after much bagging and persuasion, it's not more than 5mins with restrictions to some parts. GGGGGGGGGGod!
I'll just be like what is this.

I've called her on serveral occasions if something was wrong, if she was going through any emotional stress or something I could help out with or change, response always negative.

Yet no improvement.

I don't know who to talk to, because I'm a very private person and respects privacy.

I'm doing my best to make her and the kids happy, to the best of my ability as God is helping me.
I'm a very charming and romantic dude, the best I know about myself in that area, which she has also told me.
I've never cheated on her, not once and I don't intend to and she knows.

I had to come up here to seek for help because it's getting out of hand.

To the point that I seek her consent if we can make out for the night ( it's not the top priority in our lives though, but it's necessary) she sometimes come up with an excuse which I'll understand or she agrees but ends up disappointing ( i.e sleeps off or not in the mood) and I get pissed off, because I'm left ganging and she doesn't care. My God!
For about a month it's been dry sex and it's making me feel as if I'm violating her, forcing her against her will.
The very last time it was as if I was making out with a dead body, no sound, no moves, no connection. Mahn o Mahnnnn

I'm at the verge of taking the selibacy way, because that was my vow before I married her.
This sex thing is distracting me.

I need advice, is there something about women I don't known because I've read and researched about women.

Honestly. I'm in your shoes too.

But thankfully it's with my girlfriend. Anyways I'm going to break up with her latest today evening.

Mine behave as though having sex with me was doing me a favor.

And if you do anything for her, all she thinks about is that you did it because you want to have sex with her.

And I think if I ever get married to her, this your condition will be child's play.

Well...your wife might be a lesbian.
And if she certainly is... Then I don't feel sorry for you straight folks... especially the homophobic lots who constantly advocates and advise queer people to deny their true self and put up with a straight fellow for life.

You all deserve a partner like this....and trust me...if s she's a lesbian...she won't give 2 fxxks that to you're gon cheat.

czarr:
Yes there is a lot about women you don't know so listen attentively.

You mentioned you've never cheated on her and she knows it, you see that is part of the problem, a woman cannot give her best when she is assured of your commitment and faithfulness.

If a woman knows for certain you won't cheat on her or leave her she'll be bored.

UNCERTAINTY about your faithfulness is what pushes a woman to give her best in the bedroom and home. It's why men who are known by their wives to have the need,ability and capacity to cheat have the best behaved women.

Create an air of uncertainty, create competition anxiety in her, you don't have to cheat, she just has to feel like her place is being threatened.

Have your guy friend call you in the night hours save his number with a female name and don't pick, if she questions you about the call, say it's a married woman from your office that is disturbing you let that your guy send love messages to your phone.

buy presents like wrist watch or perfume and have it delivered to your address it should be tagged from your secret admirer....I know it sounds cheesy but building attraction and stimulating competition anxiety is a game, play it or remain depressed, don't over do it though.

Women want what other women want, if you wife sees that you are wanted by different women out there, she'll step up her game, but remember while doing all these don't ask for sex, and if she makes moves decline...and watch how the power would shift back to your hands.

Relationships are not about love but about power and leverage, she has the power over you because she knows you are a good guy, a stand up guy, so she uses sex as a weapon to get you to do her bidding and let things go her way because you are worried she would deprive you of sex.

Another thing is that you may not be her type, and she settled for you cos you are a safe option and her type would not commit to her.

that is why you should know your woman's type, the type of guys she gave her body to in her past....if you don't match the description of those guys, then understand that she is settling for you and you don't turn her on.

Thanks man
Very insightful...

Chuknovski:
Bros don't listen to clueless advice from sex starved bachelors, the truth is marriage sex gets boring after sometime, thank God you have kids,just try and see how you can spend quality time ⌚ with her,be friends and don't always have sex in view,I know how hard it is, also pray together, you may be considering adultery, please don't fall for it, bless you

Thank you sir.

My own is that people who know nothing about marriage and are sopose to be learning are here talking chuchuchuchu like a rushing tap.
Cause traffic, and even block road for reasonable advisers

Whiteheartbit:


Relationship and dating was good, I read and research alot, I prepared before venturing into marriage with her, we dated for 1yr 8months.

There were boundaries of no sex dating.
But we were emotionally attracted to each other and romantic.

We were not living together.


But we saw almost everyday after work and we spent good times together.

She came visiting the house maybe 4 - 5times throughout the dating period.

Wotoporiously speaking

My brother there's no manual for marriage just like there's no manual for life, abi this one wey dey happen now you been read am?

Shits like this are bound to happen bruh

Just focus on taking a different approach like I said earlier and trust me you'll get a reaction if truly truly she married you for love.

And @the bolded is the type of shit I would never agree to. One of the few problems you are facing now.

Dis 1 of the reason i will always support sex b4 marriage....

Na wah, should we tell him?

Whiteheartbit:
The first 2 year of our marriage was all good, she was sexually active and hot.
But the kissing part was still an issues.

I was not really available as I supposed to be in the second 2years due to the nature of my work, I was not meeting up at all sexually and emotionally.

Things got better I was transferred, I'm now in charge, which give me a lot of time to spend with the family.

As for the lesbian part I don't think so.

Mistakes you made before marrying her
1. You saw your wife as your joy giver
2. You felt it was gonna be two of you against the world
3. You didn't pay close attention to her behaviour
4. You turned a blind eye to the little bad signs you were seeing else you would have noticed that your wife wasn't sexually attracted to you.

Solution
Might be a little extreme but you've got to save your marriage if at all you're still interested

1. Never give any woman the sole right to your sexual satisfaction. What do i mean by this? Get another woman that can satisfy you sexually but they are rules to this
A) don't disrespect your wife by throwing it at her face that you're cheating
B)don't bring in unwanted pregnancies to your home
C)don't bring in stds/stis to your wife, ensure you use protection always

Another sexual partner will help ease the stress on your balls and help you to focus on yourself, it will also ensure you giving your wife little attention since she's clearly using sex to manipulate you. You'll no longer be bothered with her shenanigans since you're already getting sex from someplace else.

2) work on your breath and your general hygiene. Eat right, brush twice daily with a good toothpath, smell nice by using roll on or body spray like Nevea. Be neat

3) don't ask your wife for sex again until you've fulfilled section 1 and 2.
I know it's difficult but you have to focus that energy somewhere else and get fvcked to save your marriage.

4)your wife might be cheating on you, do your research and ensure you get a DNA test done on your kids. My friend went through this same scenario and it turned out that his kids weren't his. I pray you don't experience this.

5) man up and be manly, men don't beg for sex. Be masculine, be ruthless.

Goodluck.