Please I need sincere and mature advice �
I got married less than a year ago and I am already regretting why I got married. I stumbled on my wife whatsapp chat yesterday and I realized my wife has been downloading everything going on in our marriage to her parents and siblings. There is absolutely no privacy whatsoever in my marriage. Any time we have challenges and disagreements at home, my wife takes her phone to narrate everything to her brothers, sisters and parents. Instead of them to correct her, they all make fun of the situation and use disrespectul words for me despite the fact that my wife is JOBLESS and i'm the one making provisions at home based on my capacity. I feel betrayed and naked coz my wife family has full information about EVERYTHING GOING ON IN MY HOME. To make matter worse, she sees her family as her confidant and tell them all her moves and plans while she keep everything as secret to me. I got to know all of this from her chats to her siblings and parents. Please I am confused right now, what is the next thing for me to do? Sincere and mature advice please �

Your wife's joblessness is a major reason she's stupid enough to be narrating all what's going on in your family.

Sit her down and let her know what you found.

It's obvious she's not in love with you.. And this really shows how she was brought up. I have a similar scenario around me. This happens most times where the mother of the bride is the head of the house. I will advise you sit her down and explain the way you feel and make her understand the risk that is behind what she started. I pray she changes but if not,relate with her in such a way you know there is nothing private between you i.e talk to her as if you are talking to her entire family and be mindful of what you say. I know she won't feel comfortable with that thou. May God protect your home.

Be a man and stop whining here.Learn to take charge in your home.

Call her to order and if she doesn't change,tell her to go to her family since its obvious they are more important.
I hate rubbish.

Truth is the more she does it,the more the scorn and disrespect from them.

BTW,did you marry a teenager?
Are you OBIdient?

Domestic abuse in a mini form...SMH

UjuJoan2:


Actually it’s the other way round. Do you even think that maybe she complains because she doesn’t want to keep it all in?

Now He is trying to isolate her from her family members so she won’t have any solace when he mistreats her. That’s abuse!!

Future Is Female....pinned.

@Seniorwriter

Badmouthing you outside is recipe for disaster.

That's what you see when you get married to last borns

Op don't take me too serious

Philip94:
Please I need sincere and mature advice �
I got married less than a year ago and I am already regretting why I got married. I stumbled on my wife whatsapp chat yesterday and I realized my wife has been downloading everything going on in our marriage to her parents and siblings. There is absolutely no privacy whatsoever in my marriage. Any time we have challenges and disagreements at home, my wife takes her phone to narrate everything to her brothers, sisters and parents. Instead of them to correct her, they all make fun of the situation and use disrespectul words for me despite the fact that my wife is JOBLESS and i'm the one making provisions at home based on my capacity. I feel betrayed and naked coz my wife family has full information about EVERYTHING GOING ON IN MY HOME. To make matter worse, she sees her family as her confidant and tell them all her moves and plans while she keep everything as secret to me. I got to know all of this from her chats to her siblings and parents. Please I am confused right now, what is the next thing for me to do? Sincere and mature advice please �

I know you feel betrayed, but come to think about it, why does it bother you who your wife confides in or not? Most women gossip to their friends and family and it’s not a big deal. Getting married will not make them stop that habit overnight. You can’t expect to become her confidant because you married her a year ago, when she has know these people all her life.

A woman only complains if she is being treated badly.

I don’t know what she tells them by are any of them lies??

The way you mentioned her joblessness, I think you are more worried about the fact that she talks about your financial capacity. But why is that even a problem? Do you want her to lie and say you provide the things you don’t?

She may not be working and contributing financially, but you calling her “jobless” is very unfair. How do you expect her to be happy when you belittle her every chance you get just because she doesn’t have a job.

You should concentrate on making her happy so she will stop complaining to her family members about you. That’s the only solution!!

Seniorwriter:
Domestic abuse in a mini form...SMH


@Seniorwriter

Actually it’s the other way round. Do you even think that maybe she complains because she doesn’t want to keep it all in?

Now He is trying to isolate her from her family members so she won’t have any solace when he mistreats her. That’s abuse!!

Philip94:
Please I need sincere and mature advice �
I got married less than a year ago and I am already regretting why I got married. I stumbled on my wife whatsapp chat yesterday and I realized my wife has been downloading everything going on in our marriage to her parents and siblings. There is absolutely no privacy whatsoever in my marriage. Any time we have challenges and disagreements at home, my wife takes her phone to narrate everything to her brothers, sisters and parents. Instead of them to correct her, they all make fun of the situation and use disrespectul words for me despite the fact that my wife is JOBLESS and i'm the one making provisions at home based on my capacity. I feel betrayed and naked coz my wife family has full information about EVERYTHING GOING ON IN MY HOME. To make matter worse, she sees her family as her confidant and tell them all her moves and plans while she keep everything as secret to me. I got to know all of this from her chats to her siblings and parents. Please I am confused right now, what is the next thing for me to do? Sincere and mature advice please �

am not defending your wife but i want you see it from this angle

unfortunately you didnt mentioned your wife's age it is vital

you have been married for a year and you dont expect her to be in full marriage gear, she has
been with her family all her life, you dont expect her to master what not say to her family

As the husband be patient while you teach her how want your marriage and home should be run

Its take years for some people to wean off from sharing everything with family. Just tell her that the more she shares with family especially the negatives, the more they wouldnt respect you and value your marriage

Reverse the scenario, ask het how would she
feel if you were reporting everything about her to your parents, this should knock some sense into her

Finally tell her that sharing everything with family is not a good idea even with family you find people who are jelousy

Actually it’s the other way round. Do you even think that maybe she complains because she doesn’t want to keep it all in?

Now He is trying to isolate her from her family members so she won’t have any solace when he mistreats her. That’s abuse!!
Quote

Please refer me to any family who does not sometimes have disagreement and misunderstanding. If you term disagreement I sometimes have with my wife as abuses and mistreat, then you are not been fair to yourself. If I complain about some tinz she does that I am not comfortable with, how does that translate to mistreatment? You & I know that WOMEN get wahala and they are good at pushing all the blames to men.

UjuJoan2:


I know you feel betrayed, but come to think about it, why does it bother you who your wife confides in or not? Most women gossip to their friends and family and it’s not a big deal. Getting married will not make them stop that habit overnight. You can’t expect to become her confidant because you married her a year ago, when she has know these people all her life.

A woman only complains if she is being treated badly.

I don’t know what she tells them by are any of them lies??

The way you mentioned her joblessness, I think you are more worried about the fact that she talks about your financial capacity. But why is that even a problem? Do you want her to lie and say you provide the things you don’t?

She may not be working and contributing financially, but you calling her “jobless” is very unfair. How do you expect her to be happy when you belittle her every chance you get just because she doesn’t have a job.

You should concentrate on making her happy so she will stop complaining to her family members about you. That’s the only solution!!

I believe this is a woman's comment, so I am not bothered. It is VERY WRONG to conclude that a woman only complain if she's been treated badly. Some women are born ingrate, no matter how hard you try, they will be like what has he done? Lol! You even said I should learn to make her happy. Listen, no matter how much you try to make an unhappy person happy, that person default unhappy state of mind will persist. Stop twisting the narrative.

Philip94:


Actually it’s the other way round. Do you even think that maybe she complains because she doesn’t want to keep it all in?

Now He is trying to isolate her from her family members so she won’t have any solace when he mistreats her. That’s abuse!!

Please refer me to any family who does not sometimes have disagreement and misunderstanding. If you term disagreement I sometimes have with my wife as abuses and mistreat, then you are not been fair to yourself. If I complain about some tinz she does that I am not comfortable with, how does that translate to mistreatment? You & I know that WOMEN get wahala and they are good at pushing all the blames to men.

another different angle of seeing things but writer didnt mention any negatives or fights from the wife, he is simply saying wife shares every bit and bob of thier marriage and he kept in dark in things that he thinks he should know

Do we agree that every home and marriage has its own secrets ?

If she no wan change, divorce am sharp sharp. And marry a fresh virgin.

Philip94:
Please I need sincere and mature advice �
I got married less than a year ago and I am already regretting why I got married. I stumbled on my wife whatsapp chat yesterday and I realized my wife has been downloading everything going on in our marriage to her parents and siblings. There is absolutely no privacy whatsoever in my marriage. Any time we have challenges and disagreements at home, my wife takes her phone to narrate everything to her brothers, sisters and parents. Instead of them to correct her, they all make fun of the situation and use disrespectul words for me despite the fact that my wife is JOBLESS and i'm the one making provisions at home based on my capacity. I feel betrayed and naked coz my wife family has full information about EVERYTHING GOING ON IN MY HOME. To make matter worse, she sees her family as her confidant and tell them all her moves and plans while she keep everything as secret to me. I got to know all of this from her chats to her siblings and parents. Please I am confused right now, what is the next thing for me to do? Sincere and mature advice please �

UjuJoan2:


I know you feel betrayed, but come to think about it, why does it bother you who your wife confides in or not? Most women gossip to their friends and family and it’s not a big deal. Getting married will not make them stop that habit overnight. You can’t expect to become her confidant because you married her a year ago, when she has know these people all her life.

A woman only complains if she is being treated badly.

I don’t know what she tells them by are any of them lies??

The way you mentioned her joblessness, I think you are more worried about the fact that she talks about your financial capacity. But why is that even a problem? Do you want her to lie and say you provide the things you don’t?

She may not be working and contributing financially, but you calling her “jobless” is very unfair. How do you expect her to be happy when you belittle her every chance you get just because she doesn’t have a job.

You should concentrate on making her happy so she will stop complaining to her family members about you. That’s the only solution!!

@OP

The other balderdash in this post aside, take notice that it is not your duty to make your wife happy, and vice versa. Striving to always do whatever you know is right towards her at every given time and to the best of your ability is your duty, and accept nothing less from her. The choice to be happy or not is solely hers to make, and if she fails to allow positive energy to take precedence over negative energy, if she chooses unhappiness, jolt her to reality through any cruel means that might suit you.

On a general note, take up grit and gumption to arrest the situation permanently. The problem most of you in all these kinds of unpalatable situations has is a lack of standard and personal philosophy in general and together with a lack of grace in losing in principle. You might not know peace and reign fully in your glory if you do not give up expectation and force and embrace a standard. You should have a standard you live on, which she and everyone that crosses your path must know and adhere to or incur your wrath.

Servility is as bad as unjust cruelty - say no to both of them.

Op enjoy your marriage, when I tell u guys that manageable marriage ended in early 2000, una no go believe me.
See forget about seen it in another angle, either u forced yourself on her or u wanted to compete with somebody who would marry first.
All in all, if u don't stand your ground as a man, she would definitely stand for u.
Back in d days when men were men, what we hv dis day are just boys in men skin,

UjuJoan2:


I know you feel betrayed, but come to think about it, why does it bother you who your wife confides in or not? Most women gossip to their friends and family and it’s not a big deal. Getting married will not make them stop that habit overnight. You can’t expect to become her confidant because you married her a year ago, when she has know these people all her life.

A woman only complains if she is being treated badly.

I don’t know what she tells them by are any of them lies??

The way you mentioned her joblessness, I think you are more worried about the fact that she talks about your financial capacity. But why is that even a problem? Do you want her to lie and say you provide the things you don’t?

She may not be working and contributing financially, but you calling her “jobless” is very unfair. How do you expect her to be happy when you belittle her every chance you get just because she doesn’t have a job.

You should concentrate on making her happy so she will stop complaining to her family members about you. That’s the only solution!!

Just listen to this nonsense. Is that how your mother used to report your father to her family?
I don't know why some of you are incapable of rational thoughts.

emmanuelbrown26:
Op enjoy your marriage, when I tell u guys that manageable marriage ended in early 2000, una no go believe me.
See forget about seen it in another angle, either u forced yourself on her or u wanted to compete with somebody who would marry first.
All in all, if u don't stand your ground as a man, she would definitely stand for u.
Back in d days when men were men, what we hv dis day are just boys in men skin,

i think you missed his point, the guy discovered a bad character in his wive through going through her phone and finding out that wife tells her family everything. In respond her family mocks her husband and whatever situations that were reported.

Its something he just discovered and seek advise, but what is being discused is not the guy's character but the wives character of bad mouthing hubby to her parents

i dont see why your sort of bashing the hubby

UjuJoan2:


Actually it’s the other way round. Do you even think that maybe she complains because she doesn’t want to keep it all in?

Now He is trying to isolate her from her family members so she won’t have any solace when he mistreats her. That’s abuse!!

look at op's past threads . u for see his wife is abusive

meanwhile u carry dis matter for head like say u be jobless gossip urself

UjuJoan2:


I know you feel betrayed, but come to think about it, why does it bother you who your wife confides in or not? Most women gossip to their friends and family and it’s not a big deal. Getting married will not make them stop that habit overnight. You can’t expect to become her confidant because you married her a year ago, when she has know these people all her life.

A woman only complains if she is being treated badly.

I don’t know what she tells them by are any of them lies??

The way you mentioned her joblessness, I think you are more worried about the fact that she talks about your financial capacity. But why is that even a problem? Do you want her to lie and say you provide the things you don’t?

She may not be working and contributing financially, but you calling her “jobless” is very unfair. How do you expect her to be happy when you belittle her every chance you get just because she doesn’t have a job.

You should concentrate on making her happy so she will stop complaining to her family members about you. That’s the only solution!!

You are too young and naive to be contributing in family section.
Can’t imagine a whole human being spew this gibberish.

Your wife badmouth you ,you quickly ran to nairaland. It's enough to show you are not in charge and that you are not different from your wife. Apparently, you want nairalanders to badmouth your wife and her family as well, and allow them to talk I'll of marriage institution.(2/3 of comments above me confirmed my submission)


Marriage are not meant for immature, two of you should grow up fast in other to handle your marriage appropriately.

this shows she is still immature.

have a pillow talk with her on the importance of couples confidentially.

then, stop telling her your plans

Ur wife lacks maturity

Philip94:


I believe this is a woman's comment, so I am not bothered. It is VERY WRONG to conclude that a woman only complain if she's been treated badly. Some women are born ingrate, no matter how hard you try, they will be like what has he done? Lol! You even said I should learn to make her happy. Listen, no matter how much you try to make an unhappy person happy, that person default unhappy state of mind will persist. Stop twisting the narrative.

Of course, it’s always her fault not yours.

You are always here complaining to total strangers about your wife, and you are upset she complains about you to her family? What is the difference in this type of complain.

Or you think hers is unacceptable because she is jobless?

Fiscus105:
Your wife badmouth you ,you quickly ran to nairaland. It's enough to show you are not in charge and that you are not different from your wife. Apparently, you want nairalanders to badmouth your wife and her family as well, and allow them to talk I'll of marriage institution.(2/3 of comments above me confirmed my submission)


Marriage are not meant for immature, two of you should grow up fast in other to handle your marriage appropriately.

you can imagine what you are saying. Someone had issues instead of bottling it all up inside he felt convenient to let it out on a public forum to at least get some relief. And you are saying this. What if he reacts violently with anger . Nigerias and wahala too plenty

is she yoruba? thats how they do. useless things
my advice is you need to use brain and sidestep her. find one or two wey get sense amongst them, make friends and visit them, buying them gifts, just be nice to them and make them like you. that will trhow a confusion into their plans, and your wife will be scared not to say nonsense cos she will suspect they will tell you. also this would help you to get some of them on your side, when she talks nonsense they will defend you and soon they will have internal quarrel over you.
also you can look for a mature lady in your church to counsel her. but dont count her stopping this because gossiping is like food to them

meanwhile, try and get her pregnant quickly, and dont allow her to have househelp or any family staying with you. the baby go stress her life die and will revenge all she has done to you.

by the way did you do premarital counselling? i know most counselling na wash, but if you want to hear facts contact me

Philip94:
Please I need sincere and mature advice �
I got married less than a year ago and I am already regretting why I got married. I stumbled on my wife whatsapp chat yesterday and I realized my wife has been downloading everything going on in our marriage to her parents and siblings. There is absolutely no privacy whatsoever in my marriage. Any time we have challenges and disagreements at home, my wife takes her phone to narrate everything to her brothers, sisters and parents. Instead of them to correct her, they all make fun of the situation and use disrespectul words for me despite the fact that my wife is JOBLESS and i'm the one making provisions at home based on my capacity. I feel betrayed and naked coz my wife family has full information about EVERYTHING GOING ON IN MY HOME. To make matter worse, she sees her family as her confidant and tell them all her moves and plans while she keep everything as secret to me. I got to know all of this from her chats to her siblings and parents. Please I am confused right now, what is the next thing for me to do? Sincere and mature advice please �

U married a woman not doing anything and u expect her to behave well.

Haven't u heard the saying; that an idle mind is the devil's workshop.

Most family problems are caused by idleness.

initiate:

is she yoruba? thats how they do. useless things
my advice is you need to use brain and sidestep her. find one or two wey get sense amongst them, make friends and visit them, buying them gifts, just be nice to them and make them like you. that will trhow a confusion into their plans, and your wife will be scared not to say nonsense cos she will suspect they will tell you. also this would help you to get some of them on your side, when she talks nonsense they will defend you and soon they will have internal quarrel over you.
also you can look for a mature lady in your church to counsel her. but dont count her stopping this because gossiping is like food to them

meanwhile, try and get her pregnant quickly, and dont allow her to have househelp or any family staying with you. the baby go stress her life die and will revenge all she has done to you.

by the way did you do premarital counselling? i know most counselling na wash, but if you want to hear facts contact me

its wrong to judge people with their tribe/race/ nationality etc

character is based on personality than one's tribe

how does getting pregnant solve the problem?

i disagree on finding elder church lady to talk to her, i dont why africans we always want a long communication route, )going in circles) let him directly talk to his wife without involving a 3rd party

For a 3rd party only gets involved when the 2 disagree/misunderstanding and are willing agree to bring in a 3rd party

initiate:

is she yoruba? thats how they do. useless things
my advice is you need to use brain and sidestep her. find one or two wey get sense amongst them, make friends and visit them, buying them gifts, just be nice to them and make them like you. that will trhow a confusion into their plans, and your wife will be scared not to say nonsense cos she will suspect they will tell you. also this would help you to get some of them on your side, when she talks nonsense they will defend you and soon they will have internal quarrel over you.
also you can look for a mature lady in your church to counsel her. but dont count her stopping this because gossiping is like food to them

meanwhile, try and get her pregnant quickly, and dont allow her to have househelp or any family staying with you. the baby go stress her life die and will revenge all she has done to you.

by the way did you do premarital counselling? i know most counselling na wash, but if you want to hear facts contact me

Baba we no do premarital counselling. Even after marriage, I tell her say make we see marriage counsellor but she no too get interest. Abeg show me way on how to permanently deal with this situation.