| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by donhils: 7:25am On Oct 25, 2022 |
From the way I see it, you paid 600k for land valued at 400k and you had no problems with it or the price. It only became a problem that your husband took cut from it. So, if the seller had taken the extra 200k you would've been happier? |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by abuhusna1: 7:30am On Oct 25, 2022 |
@op you should have used woman sense collect the money back through billing and adding to all house expenses. This doesn't call for separation. On top 200k what if it's your father that did same to you |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by richie240: 7:30am On Oct 25, 2022 |
underpinna:
I will only agree to the fact that the man can't be trusted with money if he has been collecting his wife's money from her all the time.
But for the transaction, I think the man collected profit for business done. Some of these kids of nowadays just think dt d moment dr preek can stand/produce sperm and dr breast don begin grow, that they are ready for marriage. If she can jeopardize her marriage bcus of (a mere) 200k what will she now do if d man give anoda girl belle? That's why when I see all ds marriage pictures where the man and d wife are smiling and dancing upandan, I be like "Mtcheww". 4 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by Clinghton: 7:30am On Oct 25, 2022 |
You know the right thing to do, but find it difficult to do it.
Forgive him and give him a second chance for the sake of your children. |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by tonyson010(m): 7:31am On Oct 25, 2022 |
semanose:
We have different kind of families.
She might not tell us some details.
In 2016, I chose to buy land with my husband.
We started building together.
I don't know how his mom got to know.
She called that she knows about the land. That we are building her burial ground. That's where she'll be buried and its hers.
His brother called to say it's their brother's land .
I abandoned the project. Till now it's there, unfinished. I am not going to go into details the horrible things I have gone through.
Will you say I have trust issues? Will you advise me to continue with such a project?
The fact that one is married does not mean you need to co-build with your partner.
For instance, when I first bought I wrote Mrs my Husband surname.
But I was told my husband's family, Mrs could be another future woman.
Even if you plan to build with your partner, if you sense greed on his/her side (from the individual or family side) abandon ship.
Choosing to buy in your name alone has its future benefits.
What if that partner leaves you or the family claims it from you.
We should stop blaming OP and look at this situation from all perspectives.
Only her knows her situation, God will direct her to make the wise decision. it is difficult to have a family where all are in tone. Ur husband is the main character here, if he supports there view, then abandon the project. Even in Ur family some of Ur siblings will bring their opinion on how Ur family should be run. For me, we can have our projects together, then I can support her to have her projects. |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by Minatouchiha(m): 7:33am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Favouriteguy:
Be the first to cast a stone if u have no sin
Dear Sir/Madam,
I write you this believing you are a married person. Anyways, if you aren't married yet u must have dated, if u haven't cheated, u have been cheated.
Show me that perfect human being nd I will show you God.
You didn't draw your lessons from the points below or probably u missed it;
He got a land and asked his loving wife to join him, she refused (lack of collaboration) instead she wants to own it
The lady went thru his phone (Lack of Trust) obviously not the first time because she couldn't be too right to have gone straight to text or alert unless there is smthn she was searching for.
A rich lady left her home for 200k, obviously because she could afford to pay her rent.
I am not supporting the man but this lady needs help hence telling her she is not in a genuine marriage with fingers pointed to the man not here to defend himself is actually not d best approach.
Remember, this is her story, there are two other sides left to hear. Her husband and the truth.
RESPECT � Please read my piece again. That will help u understand better what you are writing about. Now, because no one is perfect, then a spouse should steal yóur money ba? That is stealing. Didn't you read the parts where she said she was helping him with some cash towards his project. Willingly? What else do you want from a woman? Nobody changes o! And she has gone to get a house for herself. Ok. Not really cool with that but if she can afford it, awesome for her. This is marriage where a lot of things happen and can forever scar one. This is one of them. And this is the beginning. Please remove Jesus from the equation. And until you're exactly in this type of situation where you have to part away unwillingly with 600k, I don't think you'll understand. If you are willing and are inmarried and a female with brains and presentable, pleeeaaase, I want to know you. |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by udemzyudex(m): 7:34am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Lol.. even me wey dey quick vex sometimes no even know how to keep grudges for up to 1hr sef,in fact after 30 mins e don finish as long as you apologise. E come be your husband even after family meeting you still dey para. Honestly you're not yet ripe for marriage,you for still dey do your gf/bf thing dey go.  |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by oracle009(m): 7:37am On Oct 25, 2022 |
I noticed that page 1-2on nairaland doesn't always contain sensible responses.  Madam, na woman you be. Continu! Congratulations to that young man, he just dodged a bullet. He should count his "fuckup", forgive himself and look for better wife 3 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by swankylay(m): 7:40am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Hmmmm
You're wrong in everything except for being angry .
I think you're young and proud of I may use that word.
So because of money, u find it hard to forgive your husband ?? If you're the unforgiving type, I better settle for a divorce now cuz maidear, he'd still hurt u more and marriage is all about forgiveness. I equally blame your parents; father to be precise. I expected more cuz he's a father . Where's your mum in all these cuz u seem not to mention her at all.
In all that, please sit ursef up and reason deep . You'd see that some fights and quarrels are not necessary. I'd say maybe it's age but then, there are many other married women in their mid twenties that are not like this. It's probably upbringing 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by chachanga: 7:41am On Oct 25, 2022 |
sholay2011:
God bless you.
I wonder if some of those commenting here are actually married in real life. If OP can pack out because of such, she needs to really work on herself, and that is not to excuse what her husband did. I wonder what would happen when her husband does something 'worse' in the future? In marriage, we forgive and forbear. We would offend each other. We would see the best and worst sides of each other, and that's okay. We discuss issues as two adults, and not act like kids. The husband no try at all for not contacting her for 2 months (except there is something OP is not telling us).
Nonetheless, anyone that struggles with forgiveness (no matter how right they are) is setting him or herself up for failure in marriage. OP appears to not be emotionally-balanced and needs to go for marital counselling ASAP, first, alone, then, with her husband. They must certainly are not. And they're relationships can't be too much to write home about either. The toxic infantile responses that present everything in only black and white should tell you they're still youths on cruise and bants levels enjoying needless their usual needless Gbas Gbos as they term it. oracle009:
I noticed that page 1-2on nairaland doesn't always contain sensible responses. Madam, na woman you be. Continu! Congratulations to that young man, he just dodged a bullet. He should count his "fuckup", forgive himself and look for better wife The no-life low-life FTC seekers, space bookers and land grabbers dominating that side usually are the same idle set of lazy uncerebral Nigerian youths who live in Nairaland. |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by marcopollo(m): 7:41am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Fahvvy:
How do you forgive him?
By forgiving him na ...
Marriage is not relationship o that you can brezz in and out as you wish  ...
Marriage will test and stretch you farther than anything else will ..
On a more serious note...
It's clear and glaring that you don't consider yourself as a team? ...
Let's look at your write up ...
I have always helped him in his house projects,might not be much 100k,50k,20k when need be,I never siphoned my money to myself,as a young lady I envisioned my pretty little family on my head,(3 children, handsome husband and pretty wife with a fine car living happily)
Now to the main problem,I think it all started when he told me he has seen a genuine plot of land that "we" should buy it together,I told him no,I want the land all by myself I have money to pay for it,( just want to have something tangible for myself alone) he said no problem.He sent me an account number of the seller I sent 600k to the seller."we" did the necessary documents and everyone was happy.
So even when "two have become one" you still act as if you guys are not a team ...
The only time the word "we" appeared there, it was because it was suggested by your hubby ...
So while he sees you guys as a team, you see yourself as competitors ...
Until you change your mindset, it's best you don't go back ...
I'm not trying to excuse your hubby's actions, however, if you intend to go back with this mindset of unforgiveness, disunity and distrust, just be prepared for everyday quarrel ...
And that too will affect your kids ... Best advice. Listen here. 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by MossLuv: 7:42am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Registeredguest:
I'm a lady in my mid- twenties, I got married aged 22, (always wanted to marry early) on the second year of our marriage we were blessed with a baby, parked to our house and things were rosy. I have always been a workaholic due to that I have never lack as a young lady in terms of finance.
I have always helped him in his house projects, might not be much 100k, 50k, 20k when need be. I never siphoned my money to myself, as a young lady I envisioned my pretty little family on my head, (3 children, handsome husband and pretty wife with a fine car living happily)
Now to the main problem,I think it all started when he told me he has seen a genuine plot of land that we should buy it together, I told him no, I want the land all by myself I have money to pay for it, (just want to have something tangible for myself alone) he said no problem.He sent me an account number of the seller I sent 600k to the seller.we did the necessary documents and everyone was happy.
After some weeks, I decided to dig around his phone then I discovered that the account I sent the 600k to, refunded 200k back to my husband, woke him up instantly I demanded for an explanation.he story no make sense. I was heartbroken, for months I was hurt...the two families got involved and settled the issue.money I no see...
Ever since this issue happened,the home has not been peaceful, fighting everyday. I find it so difficult to forgive him. I insult him, he insults me, he broke my phone, I break his door...I was demanded for an apology he says
"I'm his wife, no be today man dey collect him wife money, he say woman go build house for him husband no ear no go hear" those things hurt me more... everyday was fight, I parked out,I went to my sister's place,he didn't call, he didn't reach out.
3 weeks after I parked I discovered I was pregnant,and informed him immediately through text.i stayed at my sister's place for 2 months no word from him... I decide to rent my own place,I rented a place and went to his house to park my remaining stuff,I meet him home,as soon as he sees I came with a truck to park my things he knelt down and started begging me...I was like,na today I commot for your house why now? He say he think say I dey play, he no think say I serious like this,for good two months you didn't say anything why now...with enough dragging I parked my things to my new rented apartment... since the day I park till now this man has not allowed me rest,his family members has been calling me to come back home, his dad came from the village to plead on his behalf.
My dad is insisting I should not go back...I'm now 6 months pregnant ,I need a father in my children's life.im finding it difficult to forgive him,I'm struggling within myself to forgive and trust this man again.
How can I let go of the past and move back with him...I decided to pay him a visit on Friday,he was happy I came,he did everything possible to show me he has changed but that feeling of betrayal and hurt is there.i left there this morning with querrell,I know I started the querrell,but I can't just seem to forgive him.please I need your help and advice on this pressing issue of mine.
No insult please, I have cried enough. Pls forgive him for the sake of love and your family. Just as you said, your children need their father. But come, how do u get Belle during the fight? I don't understand (joke) |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by emmanuelbrown26: 7:42am On Oct 25, 2022 |
OkoRemi2023:
if you're not stingy to him and carry him along financially, how much is 200k that he will lied on
mehn will have 50k will sacrifice all for the family, woman will have 50million, will sacrifice 100k we no go hear words
you're now after 4, better go back to him on time before those lady that do anything to satisfy man get into his house, you're a goner for live
his family were even begging you, as if you're god
are you richer than Folorunsho Alakija? Help me ask ohhhh if she can urinating for body like Tinubu 
|
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by BigBen23(m): 7:42am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Home breaker. Your type don run back to him teh teh |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by buzweb: 7:43am On Oct 25, 2022 |
This is a petty reason for the whole family to be Involved. A man you've lived with for some years. You don't seem to be working with him as a team. I understand you may be good to him that's why it hurts and somehow you needed some space before the issue turn up badly. He is wrong but it's not enough for you to pack out for 2 months. If you are not willing to forgive, then don't go back cos it's pointless. Always try to resolve your issues yourself unless in extreme cases. You may involve one or two married persons you look up to for advice, but not involving too many people cos you won't get anything positive doing that. Don't take advice from social media. Reason is most active users are not married and don't understand what marriage is all about. There are appropriate channels to seek advice. |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by akojehimidowojo(m): 7:43am On Oct 25, 2022 |
From your statement your marriage is divided
I'm a lady in my mid- twenties, I got married aged 22,
(always wanted to marry early) on the second year of our
marriage we were blessed with a baby, parked to our house
and things were rosy. I have always been a workaholic due
to that I have never lack as a young lady in terms of finance. |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by Tomblaize: 7:45am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Fahvvy:
How do you forgive him?
By forgiving him na ...
Marriage is not relationship o that you can brezz in and out as you wish ...
Marriage will test and stretch you farther than anything else will ..
On a more serious note...
It's clear and glaring that you don't consider yourself as a team? ...
Let's look at your write up ...
I have always helped him in his house projects,might not be much 100k,50k,20k when need be,I never siphoned my money to myself,as a young lady I envisioned my pretty little family on my head,(3 children, handsome husband and pretty wife with a fine car living happily)
Now to the main problem,I think it all started when he told me he has seen a genuine plot of land that "we" should buy it together,I told him no,I want the land all by myself I have money to pay for it,( just want to have something tangible for myself alone) he said no problem.He sent me an account number of the seller I sent 600k to the seller."we" did the necessary documents and everyone was happy.
So even when "two have become one" you still act as if you guys are not a team ...
The only time the word "we" appeared there, it was because it was suggested by your hubby ...
So while he sees you guys as a team, you see yourself as competitors ...
Until you change your mindset, it's best you don't go back ...
I'm not trying to excuse your hubby's actions, however, if you intend to go back with this mindset of unforgiveness, disunity and distrust, just be prepared for everyday quarrel ...
And that too will affect your kids ... OIL DEY YOUR HEAD!!! 2 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by tonyson010(m): 7:46am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Karleb:
This one is not a serious human being.
The man is begging, you are doing shakara. Wait until he marries another lady. she doesn't need him to survive, so it won't affect her. However, that wrong doing isn't worth separation at all. If he says, am sorry and pleads for forgiveness, then let her joyfully return home. they will sit down think over it, and learn many things from this. |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by Meenabee(f): 7:46am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Am sorry you have go thru this but you've to forgive him and be watchful if it happens again then you be by yourself and your kids |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by mykerg: 7:49am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Swear down. Very terrible people.... redseason:
Men watch out for the kind of families you marry from!!!
You moved out of your matrimonial home over an issue that has nothing to do with infidelity, domestic violence, physical and emotional abuse! Your sister gladly accommodated you after hearing your stupid excuse! Your father is even asking you not to accept him after his own people have made several overtures for peace. Madam; your are from a terrible family!! 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by Emescot(m): 7:51am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Where una dey see this kind women, I swear if I was the husband, I will just send you the 200k and thats the end of the marriage.
Because of ordinary 200k that I collected for acting as an agent?
One thing is clear here, you don't love that man,you only need him because you are pregnant, you are lucky he is begging you. I won't do it, 80% other men too won't beg you.
If you go back Omo ale ni e. |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by phemmyfour: 7:52am On Oct 25, 2022 |
grandstar:
I said she married too young and she had a fairytale view of marriage. Now, she's been struck by a thunderbolt! Her husband taking a cut from this transaction is the least of her worries.
A lady should be at least 25 and men 26 before settling down. I think in her case, she should have waited till she was 28 considering her type of person
She needs a man who would be comfortable with her achievements (wealth). She's a go-getter. honestly, that's the genesis of her problem and her family isn't helping the situation either |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by Nobody: 7:52am On Oct 25, 2022 |
What a terrible wife, IMO. In the same vein, what a shameful husband for swindling his wife of her money, rather than just killing his manly pride to ask for the money. After all, you are both together.
Now, my issue with this wife is how she could because of money, just money, want to have a separation from the husband who has seen your naked body and fathered two kids through you. Woman, you no get shame??
So, it would be easy to just forget all of that and run into the arms of another man (whenever that may be) and still allow him to see your unclothedness and sleep with you? The memories nko? How do you now have that pricking conscience to remind you ?
I just think the love has been dead for a while before the whole thing was discovered. You are just playing it to your advantage, in a bid to leave him for your dream type of man.
May we not have to meet potential wives who will want to divorce us all because of money. And in the case we are treating above, the money isn't even worth the separation. Isn't her kids having a father around worth more than 200,000 Nigerian naira? ?
Then it means love is indeed conditional as they say. Furthermore, it proves love doesn't exist. It's just feelings, emotions and possibly just managing the person for the sake of the union and children. |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by Nobody: 7:53am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Emescot:
Where una dey see this kind women, I swear if I was the husband, I will just send you the 200k and thats the end of the marriage.
Because of ordinary 200k that I collected for acting as an agent?
One thing is clear here, you don't love that man,you only need him because you are pregnant, you are lucky he is begging you. I won't do it, 80% other men to won't beg you.
If you go back Omo ale ni e. I'm telling you! |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by culf: 7:55am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Samakus:
She's plainly immature for marriage. The man did wrong taking the money through the backdoor and he's apologised over and over, yet the "queen" thinks he's not done enough. Imagine someone begging you over and over but you still decided to move out and you're expecting him to run after you. Who are you?
Women sef Thank you. I wouldn't have don't differently if I'm the man. People are misleading her and she thinks she has money to be on her own so I wish her all the best. #Maybe marriage don tire her 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by tonyson010(m): 7:55am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Acidosis:
He's right, but obtaining money by inflating prices is wrong. You're also right to feel any way you want, but please, it's time to calm down.
His father travelled all the way to beg and you still cannot forgive? That's a good man right there. If I were his father, I wouldn't step a foot out of my home, please. I'll just request your account details and wire you your money straight up. Let nobody disturb my life.
It's your home, so learn to manage it. Also, try to console yourself by looking back to the good times. I'm sure there were days he spent lavishly on you, buying you gifts, clothing, phones, accessories, etc. without stress.
And lastly, try to calm down. Be zealous but don't be overzealous. The last person you want to compete with is your husband. I think he has some elements of goodness in him. Some egoistic men would send back your money in double folds immediately after you parked out and ensure that you don't return to the house.
Also, try to find out why he acted that way. Having him knee down to beg suggests that he's either broke or something. Your opening paragraph already suggests that you guys are trying to outdo each other in your marriage. Just focus on his goodness and calm down because....wo, if you jam someone like me, I go double your money and wish you well mad man , but I did leave her if she thinks the whole community should come and beg her. many crisp info r not there. |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by LyfeJennings(m): 7:55am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Rozross:
You readily forgive those you love without a doubting spirit. You are kind of toxic, even me that like trouble dont know how to keep grudges, before the next day as e long reach, i've forgotten that we even had issues. Marriage isnt relationship, learn to accept your partner's flaws and weaknesses and forgive them each time their weaknesses is taking it's toll on them. This one isn't even a big issue sef, its you who has been complicating things. He's sorry and begging you for forgiveness and you still dont want to forgive him, what else do you want? His head? Abeg work on your unforgiven spirit. Person wey dey craze 200k wan break ur home and U come on NL and write it with ur full chest so we can clap for U Very crazy somebody So if it was a million U will kill him abi 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by Aarondan(m): 7:56am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Is difficult not to have a misunderstanding but you can't let it get out of control, you cannot let small problem become a major problem. |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by culf: 7:58am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Alwaysachick:
This is just the truth, and the person fueling her obviously envious of what she has and will not stop until she is out of wed lock.
If this is your husband's only sin, then pls go back to him. He is a Saint compared to some men out there. A woman that will take such advise and leave her home is obviously not ready for marriage. I'm not supporting the man but this is not a good reason to pack out either. |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by switosman(m): 7:58am On Oct 25, 2022 |
You don't want to forgive but you want to end in mental illness. unforgiveness, elongated anger and pride will make your mind to be unhealthy and occupied with negative thoughts, which leads to unhappiness and sleeplessness and if unchecked for prolong period will give you mental challenge. |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by Olubi15: 7:59am On Oct 25, 2022 |
EmahBoss:
Babe, it is going to be hard. But go back you can still work things out. Only that you might not trust him with finances again.
He is just being greedy Hi |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by LyfeJennings(m): 8:00am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Registeredguest:
I'm a lady in my mid- twenties, I got married aged 22, (always wanted to marry early) on the second year of our marriage we were blessed with a baby, parked to our house and things were rosy. I have always been a workaholic due to that I have never lack as a young lady in terms of finance.
I have always helped him in his house projects, might not be much 100k, 50k, 20k when need be. I never siphoned my money to myself, as a young lady I envisioned my pretty little family on my head, (3 children, handsome husband and pretty wife with a fine car living happily)
Now to the main problem,I think it all started when he told me he has seen a genuine plot of land that we should buy it together, I told him no, I want the land all by myself I have money to pay for it, (just want to have something tangible for myself alone) he said no problem.He sent me an account number of the seller I sent 600k to the seller.we did the necessary documents and everyone was happy.
After some weeks, I decided to dig around his phone then I discovered that the account I sent the 600k to, refunded 200k back to my husband, woke him up instantly I demanded for an explanation.he story no make sense. I was heartbroken, for months I was hurt...the two families got involved and settled the issue.money I no see...
Ever since this issue happened,the home has not been peaceful, fighting everyday. I find it so difficult to forgive him. I insult him, he insults me, he broke my phone, I break his door...I was demanded for an apology he says
"I'm his wife, no be today man dey collect him wife money, he say woman go build house for him husband no ear no go hear" those things hurt me more... everyday was fight, I parked out,I went to my sister's place,he didn't call, he didn't reach out.
3 weeks after I parked I discovered I was pregnant,and informed him immediately through text.i stayed at my sister's place for 2 months no word from him... I decide to rent my own place,I rented a place and went to his house to park my remaining stuff,I meet him home,as soon as he sees I came with a truck to park my things he knelt down and started begging me...I was like,na today I commot for your house why now? He say he think say I dey play, he no think say I serious like this,for good two months you didn't say anything why now...with enough dragging I parked my things to my new rented apartment... since the day I park till now this man has not allowed me rest,his family members has been calling me to come back home, his dad came from the village to plead on his behalf.
My dad is insisting I should not go back...I'm now 6 months pregnant ,I need a father in my children's life.im finding it difficult to forgive him,I'm struggling within myself to forgive and trust this man again.
How can I let go of the past and move back with him...I decided to pay him a visit on Friday,he was happy I came,he did everything possible to show me he has changed but that feeling of betrayal and hurt is there.i left there this morning with querrell,I know I started the querrell,but I can't just seem to forgive him.please I need your help and advice on this pressing issue of mine.
No insult please, I have cried enough. Me I will insult U God will punish U if U go back to your husband's house Ur kids will grow without a father figure and Guess what NOBODY GO MARRY AFTER TWO KIDS U ARE MOVING MAD O BECAUSE OF 200K O N SHIERE THE MAN EVEN BEG U SHOW U LOVE AND ALL THAT BUT U SHA WAN SHOW SAY U GET MONEY HMMMMNM ME I WON'T BEG U O IF U GOD BACK, GOD WILL PUNISH U MAY GOD IN HIS INFINITE MERCIES FIND UR HUSBAND A MORE BEFITTING AND PATIENT WIFE (NOT AN E-DIOT LIKE U) |
