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Re: My Dad And I Aren't In Good Terms by tunize(m): 9:22pm On Nov 10, 2022 |
Enacto:Still on still is a family issue u guys should settle it, Now you need to learn how to make your own money. |
Re: My Dad And I Aren't In Good Terms by salem1996: 9:38pm On Nov 10, 2022 |
Helpout12345: In as much as I blame her for some parts she played wrong, I won't excuse the fact that the dad has his side of wrong and that's what an average african parents hate; to tell them they are wrong. Most people judge the story from one end and forgetting the other. According to the story, the dad was hitting her on a corner and in a bit to defend herself, she pushed him so she could get space to escape and he fell down. So she should have allow the man to keep beating her right? Secondly, according to the story, the man cheats and at times would not provide for the family, (or am I the only one that read that part?). If he really was a father figure who wishes his daughter well and want peace, why didn't he bother asking her why she beats the younger sibling first? Secondly, if he wants the daughter to apologise, he should be the one to create space for it as a father which will enable her to feel free to apologise. I saw people saying she has received advice from her mum to disobey him that's why she acts the way she did. But no, tell me, who will watch his mum cheats on his dad and still maintain same respect for the mum like the dad? |
Re: My Dad And I Aren't In Good Terms by Enacto(f): 9:42pm On Nov 10, 2022 |
After apologising to him and me not collecting the 50k which I didn't even say aside "daddy the money isn't enough to pay my school fee" and he said and I quote" go and look for it" the question that came to my mind there was where did he wants me to get the money whereby he knows deep down that I don't have anywhere to go look for it or probably prostitution. Ever since then my dad had new tenants in the house which I know and since then I made a decision to look for it which I started working. Me leaving home for a year, on a good term thou, I don't really come home cos there is nothing to come home too, no happiness at home because of dad and mom thou we the children are good. Just that I make sure I come home every December and January because it will be a full house but since I lost my brother I didn't bother coming home.During that time I was away I called him several times and he picked up but never called me on his own. Most times I planned on giving up sometimes committing sucide because it not easy from my end atal. Even till not I have not seen the person I'm dating for a year now all because I have been busy trying to fix myself ,my mum and taking care of my niece too. I really wish to apologise again and again and again but it will change nothing because my dad is someone that when you apologize you will regret ever doing that. I know what I meant |
Re: My Dad And I Aren't In Good Terms by tollyboy5(m): 10:08pm On Nov 10, 2022 |
Romanoff:Sorry to say. You d0nt have sense! |
Re: My Dad And I Aren't In Good Terms by Everbryte: 10:55pm On Nov 10, 2022 |
I empathise with you for the situation you find yourself. Pleaseeeee, do not commit suicide; It can only get better and you will be fine. From my perspective, you cant just sit on your own & say Iv forgiven my dad, and it ends there(that might just be for your own sanity). You all have to sit down and talk as a family. Pushing you Dad was a no, no. You have to keep reaching out to him until he sincerely forgives you(write a hard copy apology). If all personal effort fails, get a mediator (your uncle/aunt/neighbor/pastor/imam, his friend or if you are close to any of the concubines - someone that he has a lot of regards for. you need his forgiveness. Also, you sure need some crucial conversation as a family, that your father restricted you & your mum access to some part of the house and that includes the fridge & drinking water shows how bad things were, what made him do that;we know in parts. This portrays a very toxic situation that is not healthy for anyone; your father himself cannot be happy or healthy in that situation, I suppose he did that out of frustration to ensure everyone is frustrated as well. First you have to engage your mum to know if your father has been like this from 'get go', else when did he change? what could have made him to change. your mum has to understand that if your dad is into women, she cant totally control that, she can only manage that with wisdom/attitude and self awareness - actions/attitude and self worth will pull your dad or push him and that will determine how she is treated, which to a large extent will determine how her children are treated. For the school fees thing, your father was wrong not to have given you the complete fees, even if he did not have, it was his responsibility to explain that & perhaps commit to when you can get the balance, you felt entitled, yes! it is your entitlement & you were trying to hold him accountable to his responsibility, but you did it the wrong way. you can not fight your father, No. All things being equal, your mum would have smoothen things out here, talk your father to give you the money or engage him & if he does not have explain to you & of course commit to when they can sort you out. Given that he does not give your mum this room in his life you should have looked for your grandma/aunt/uncle our someone he is close to. Walking out on your dad (with money in his hand) in other words - throwing his money at him, is a nau nau. your father is the King. As a student, you walked out on your dad with money in his hand at that instance, going forward where do you want to start from? - The suffering you wet through was a self inflicted injury. You cannot move through life this way, it is a lot of baggage, although it comes from a little problem that can easily be sorted, you need peace, real peace. Hurry while there is life; everyone is alive. Start from the place of faith - pray, talk with God, if you have a little money, seek the service of a professional counselor, the counselor might even go with you to your father/parents, i have no idea of their fees but it might be worth the investment for you. It is a little problem can be solve with minimal effort. Shalom! 1 Like |
Re: My Dad And I Aren't In Good Terms by Helpout12345: 11:38pm On Nov 10, 2022 |
Enacto: Just go and apologize to your dad. As for your elder brother, is he married with children? Because most young men don't understand what their old men are going through until they get to that stage of their life too. 1 Like |
Re: My Dad And I Aren't In Good Terms by Nobody: 11:40pm On Nov 10, 2022 |
Enacto: Forgive me, I thought you are a guy. Just take it easy with your dad even though he seems unreasonable. Try to plead with him until you are done with studies and able to stand on your feets and then you can pay him back in his own coin. For now, just be diplomatic with him. I am a dad as well and would never teat my daughter that way. |
Re: My Dad And I Aren't In Good Terms by IncredibleWrite: 1:38am On Nov 11, 2022 |
Every man should stay away from ladies like the OP who disrespect their dad and take sides with their mum when issues arise. A girl who's not on good terms with her dad is a big red flag. 1 Like |
Re: My Dad And I Aren't In Good Terms by sulakishop(m): 6:32am On Nov 11, 2022 |
I pity your future husband 1 Like |
Re: My Dad And I Aren't In Good Terms by Romanoff(f): 6:57am On Nov 11, 2022 |
tollyboy5: So na you get sense with wetin you type there. No apologies, na coconut water dey your brain. |
Re: My Dad And I Aren't In Good Terms by tollyboy5(m): 7:02am On Nov 11, 2022 |
Romanoff:Agbaya 0shi, an ignorant young girl is being misled because she's fighting proxy war on behalf of mum. You're here typing trash. You're no different from those kind of women. I only pity the man for ending up with a woman that cannot separate her children from personal conflict with her husband. Rubbish! Na person go marry you too like dis now?! Men don suffer |
Re: My Dad And I Aren't In Good Terms by tollyboy5(m): 7:20am On Nov 11, 2022 |
Enacto:Look! I'll mention you like I'm a friend to you. Try to contact an elderly person from your community that your daddy respect so much. Or maybe his elder brother or elderly family member. Beg them to help you plead with your dad. The path you're heading to might not help you. I've learnt lesson in life, ladies who choose to be enemies with their dad are not good for serious relationship at all. I've noticed it tho but not until I got first hand experience with one I would have want to really love I couldn't help but accept. Your mum to me failed to separate you from her problem with your dad. She keeps telling emotional stuff base on your dad maltreatment of her. Since I started taking responsibility of my self to some extent I've decide to start respecting my dad even tho he's not all that right. I don't get emotional with issues involving my mum and my dad. Women that feels their daily feeding are tied up to the responsibility of men end up not having a lucrative job to fend for themselves. Now that you're almost a graduate the devil want to use your head lol. |
Re: My Dad And I Aren't In Good Terms by Romanoff(f): 7:21am On Nov 11, 2022 |
tollyboy5: Like I said, coconut water. |
Re: My Dad And I Aren't In Good Terms by Tzar(m): 7:22am On Nov 11, 2022 |
You are an entitled spoilt brat! At 24yrs, you are still expecting handouts from your dad?! SHAME ON YOU! The poor man is probably just tired of you & your mum milking him dry. He gave you 30% of your fees and you rejected it? What does your mum do? Isn’t she supposed to fund you too?! Madam you are an ingrate & I pity the unfortunate man to marry you if you don’t change your perspective about life and your entitlement mentality! Enacto: |
Re: My Dad And I Aren't In Good Terms by Psoul(m): 9:32am On Nov 11, 2022 |
Enacto: You can go on and on to tell all the evil your father is into. You can be right. One thing I want you to understand is that that man was first your father before he became whatever you can describe him as now. He loves you and he is still showing you love. You are still under the roof of his house. You are still bearing his name. Please, don't draw a battle line between you and him. You may lose it at the end. I am not in any way justifying his actions. Focus more on building a life that will be better than what he is doing now and not fighting him. Let your mother handle her husband. I believe that they were once best of friends before whatever that is happening between them now cropped up. Your mom or ur dad may not be telling you the whole truth. Always be on the side of the truth, but allow those couple to sort out their issues. GO AND RECONCILE WITH YOUR FATHER BEFORE IT GETS TOO LATE. You don't have any personal beef with your dad. You are angry cos of his characters towards his marriage. Allow your mother to carry that headache. Only try to make your mum happy and tell her to focus on you children and pretend as if she is not aware of the man's dirty characters. |
Re: My Dad And I Aren't In Good Terms by magictonic(m): 12:54pm On Nov 11, 2022 |
Everbryte: God bless you. You are wise and unbiased. Your words seek to make peace, not vilify the poster. Nobody here knows everything that may have transpired in that place. It was wrong for her to push her father down. I won't do that. I blame the lady for doing that. On that one, I think she should apologize to her father. Having said that, I'm aware of the toxic habits and transferred aggression of many parents (including mothers), especially when they want you to go a certain direction in Life, but you know that direction is not good for you. Others transfer the aggression to their children to provoke their loathed spouses. When those children react, those same parents will beckon on the world to see how their children are insulting them. Some even go as far as cursing their children, just to spite their spouses. I have personal experiences on these issues: 8 years ago, a friend of mine and I were going to get something in a store. His mother accosted him on the Road (in public glare) and fought him physically, slapping him like a baby and tearing his shirt, almost stripping him naked. He couldn't fight back (because say na him mama). Everybody did what we could to extricate him from the clutches of this woman. the woman no gree. What was the problem: She claimed to have raised my friend and his siblings alone (with no help from my friend's father). Now, my friend was grown and wanted the family to unite. He reached out to his father, bought things, and visited his father. He truly wanted PEACE. Take note, he also gives his mom o (sometimes double or triple portion sef). Mama heard it and came to publicly fight him. Imagine where a 40-year-old man is being slapped and dragged by his trousers by his mother, yet he couldn't do anything about it (unto say, na him mama). Bottom Line: Some Parents are toxic and belligerent, therefore staying in their area is a breeding ground for more conflict. My advice to the young lady: 1) Go and apologize to your father. Kneel down before him if you must. 2) Try whatever you can, and get a better job. Round off your schooling, without depending on him. Move out of the house and fend for yourself. 3) Make Peace with yourself and God. |
Re: My Dad And I Aren't In Good Terms by Enacto(f): 4:05pm On Nov 11, 2022 |
I have read all through and I blamed myself for everything. I wish I had endued and prevented my frustrations from getting to me to the extent of pushing him that night. I wish there is someone or an elderly person I can go to, to help me talk and apologize but there is actually none, even when an outsider comes to report my dad there is only one person (his elder brother) we tell them to meet in other to talk to him but now both of them are like mouth and pepper. |
Re: My Dad And I Aren't In Good Terms by achimendy(m): 4:46pm On Nov 11, 2022 |
Enacto: I got into the university at age 18, and i sponsored my throughout till I graduated at age 22. I know my parent dont have so I don't bother asking them for money. I've been hustling since my secondary school days and uptill now am still hustling at age 28, my mum praise me for that. My point here is that, you're not suppose to be depending on your irresponsible father for assistance at this age. You need to hustle on your own and dont depend on anybody ,that's exactly what I did and it really helped me alot. So my advice for you is ignore your father and hustle like you have nobody In this world except God. Thanks. |
Re: My Dad And I Aren't In Good Terms by Enacto(f): 11:20pm On Nov 12, 2022 |
Did u see me complaining on not spending money on my mum? Pls don't quote what I didn't say� Awesome01: |
Re: My Dad And I Aren't In Good Terms by Enacto(f): 11:23pm On Nov 12, 2022 |
I'm my dad's responsibility not my brother manmade: |
Re: My Dad And I Aren't In Good Terms by Enacto(f): 11:24pm On Nov 12, 2022 |
U lack brain for referring to my mum like that ,my mum isn't jobless. Amumaigwe: |
Re: My Dad And I Aren't In Good Terms by Enacto(f): 11:26pm On Nov 12, 2022 |
Try making a good father to your children first Camberlo: |
Re: My Dad And I Aren't In Good Terms by Enacto(f): 11:28pm On Nov 12, 2022 |
I never took sides with any of them infact the fight has gone way back as 15years why should I be taking sides now? I'm not fighting for my mum I'm only fighting for myself. Bussydaniel: |
Re: My Dad And I Aren't In Good Terms by Enacto(f): 11:31pm On Nov 12, 2022 |
I didn't just go anywhere I went back to school and it not in my usual thing to come home often thou. Anonymoususher: |
Re: My Dad And I Aren't In Good Terms by Enacto(f): 11:32pm On Nov 12, 2022 |
I didn't come home because of money I came home because it December and my mum and brothers want me to come home Anonymoususher: |
Re: My Dad And I Aren't In Good Terms by Enacto(f): 11:39pm On Nov 12, 2022 |
Entitled! I don't remember it wrong for me to be entitled to my father's money or anything wrong for him to pay my school fee? If I had asked a my boyfriend of done something illegal same nairalanders with still have questions to ask me. And for d water in the fridge , have u been accused of doing something u didn't do and getting punished? Originalsly: |
Re: My Dad And I Aren't In Good Terms by Enacto(f): 11:43pm On Nov 12, 2022 |
Thank you for this, deep down I know my father loves me and I love him too. The problem I am just having with him is he gets angry easily and wouldn't even bother to listen to you ,he doesn't mind burning the whole house down. Sleyanya1: |
Re: My Dad And I Aren't In Good Terms by Enacto(f): 11:53pm On Nov 12, 2022 |
My dad has been like on and off caring and not caring for a very long time sincerely I don't have any concern about what is going on between them they should sort it infact most times I blame my mum because she is the only person I can confront, I dare not say a word to my dad . I know I'm wrong for pushing him it was out of frustration him knowing too well that I don't have any other means of survival and refusing to give me feeding money for me not my niece at first I was not bothered but anytime I thing about it to me it just purely wickedness. It was just a bottles up anger inside of me towards him that made me push that night.Im not certain there is anyone my dad respects atal he does anything he wants to. penocrat1: |
Re: My Dad And I Aren't In Good Terms by Enacto(f): 11:55pm On Nov 12, 2022 |
Entitlement kwa! If I'm not feeling entitled to my parents money my school fee who else's money should I feel entitled to? Ephemmm: |
Re: My Dad And I Aren't In Good Terms by Enacto(f): 12:00am On Nov 13, 2022 |
Please just shut up and stop pushing anything to my mum, my mom never said anything to me ,I used to be 24 now I'm 26 u still tell me my mum as been brain washing me? Am I blind have I not been seeing things? The person who I fight mostly is even my mom because I do tell her she knows the kind of person my dad is and still getting angry with him is just uncalled for Ephemmm: |
Re: My Dad And I Aren't In Good Terms by Awesome01(m): 12:02am On Nov 13, 2022 |
Enacto: Eyaaaah, @OP Sorry o. You don't need to transfer the aggression to me o. But, but, Maybe you should check the last paragraph of your write-up. Enacto: Anyway, @Enacto. Follow the advices you've been given on the thread. Try and make peace with your Dad, even if your Mum had to plead with him on your behalf. Do this because of your piece of mind and not really his. Moreover, pray for God's help and hustle. My parents abandoned me to fend for myself at 11. I trained myself up to where I am now (Not easy at all). But I'm contributing over 60% to their upkeep now. Life is neither easy nor fair. Wish you the best of luck |
Re: My Dad And I Aren't In Good Terms by Enacto(f): 12:04am On Nov 13, 2022 |
No one is telling him to bow, he should just do the right thing, my dad is a good man I have always loved him than my mum , somethings are just very hard to explain untill you witness it Ayomivic: |
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