Good evenning ,

I came back home from work this night to find out my wife and my son have packed and abandoned me .

My son is 4 years old and I really don't mean to hurt my wife .

She travelled on the 26th of December to her dad house here in Lagos .I missed her so much and I sent her money to come back last Saturday though she said she will be coming on Sunday only for me to call her between 2pm and 8pm without her picking the call .

The phone rang times without number .I later gave the last try and the no was busy answering other call .She later picked and said there was no light .So,she couldn't charge. I was mad because the excuse was too flimsy .I challenged her to tell her but your phone rang .I was mad and I lost trust in her that moment and flashed back to the excuse that she will not come on Saturday.

Seriously ,I was angry and different thoughts came to my mind like May be she went to see another man .

That hour ,I told her I don't want to see her again .I was angry though .She didn't come on Sunday. She came back very early yesterday which was Monday.

I will not lie ,I have been so angry ,ranting and telling her to go back to her parent house that I don't trust her again.

To my surprise ,I came back tonight and she already packed all her loads ,packed my son things without leaving any thing .Her wardrobe and my son wardrobe have been empty as I am typing .She packed everything .

Seriously ,I am depressed cos I love her .I love my son .I can't even allow him to stay over there to start schooling. Me and my wife have been together since 2013 .We have gone through a lot of difficulties together and now ,things are beginning to look good for us .I am so down right now .I called he dad and her brother .It is like they took that decision together .

I have never beaten her before but I do nag especially when bills are weighing me down .His dad and his brother was just shouting at me .Fear of been a single dad or living alone at this stage of my life will make me a walking ghost and the fact that ,I really love my son too and also my wife too will one day kill me .

Imagine ,that Saturday she changed what she saved my no with and saved with my son name.I attached my call history .Check the image of the missed calls.

Please what do I do?I am devastated .


Some of her chats this night ..

[1/10, 9:35 PM] SWEETHEART: Hv always endure with u even though u did not hv money,but u always rain insult on me everyday .am not coming back I want to work and make my own money,u said u hv never achieved anything good bcoz of me!u said I am your biggest mistake in life and now hv made up my mind with you.you pushed me to the wall!u make me carry luggage in the hot sun and cry ,am tired,I cried and cried and endure all bcoz of love so nao am ready to work and earn good for myself and my son.
[1/10, 9:40 PM] SWEETHEART: U can change ur key am not coming again
[1/10, 9:46 PM] SWEETHEART: Am not ,u know is too late for me to come back to .... and u urself know is my biggest fear bcoz I don't like coming here but u make me come back,is too late. Even wen u always tell me to go,I will still wait but u make me come back to my fear It is too late.
[1/10, 9:46 PM] SWEETHEART: ...will start school on Monday here and just take responsibility of it, if u don't want to loose ur son too.

breakthrough22:
■The phone rang times without number .I later gave the last try and the no was busy answering other call .She later picked and said there was no light .So,she couldn't charge. I was mad because the excuse was too flimsy . I challenged her to tell her but your phone rang .I was mad and I lost trust in her that moment and flashed back to the excuse that she will not come on Saturday. Seriously,I was angry and different thoughts came to my mind like May be she went to see another man . That hour ,I told her I don't want to see her again .I was angry though .She didn't come on Sunday. She came back very early yesterday which was Monday.

I will not lie ,I have been so angry ,ranting and telling her to go back to her parent house that I don't trust her again.....I called he dad and her brother .It is like they took such decision together. I have never beaten her before but I do nag especially when bills are weighing me down. His dad and his brother was just shouting at me. Fear of been a single dad or living alone at this stage of my life will make me a walking ghost and the fact that ,I really love my son too and also my wife too will one day kill me .

Please what do I do please ?

Start by going for professional anger management counseling to at least deal with your anger and trust issues. You don't sound at all like a man in love but a man who has anger issues and trying to keep up an image at the same time but that hasn't been working well for you has it?

Give your wife and her family time to marinade in what has taken place and maybe decide on what could come next. You will only be a liar showing up to beg for her back at this point this since there is no way these problems only started back with the December 26th story you fed you here. Start asap by getting yourself help for your anger problems, and then when you go see her at her folk's place — when you receive permission to— you can at least show her you have made progress and will likely not panel beat her again.

Just forget about her. She has found someone new.

Op, forget her and move on . When hunger and shame torture her she'll come crawling back. Secondly , it won't be easy for her to find someone willing to marry her and bear the burden of carrying the financial responsibility of her son .

Lol...Infact , I pity this woman . She's deluded and doesn't know that being a single mother is the worst sentence a woman can give herself in this harsh economy.

I love my wife so much but if she parks out of my house.

I am changing the keys and locks in the house immediately and it will be a long distance relationship until she request to come back.

Op, you have a lot of work to do on yourself and self esteem.

Edit: I would never treat my wife like the op's and did not read the messages so my wife has no reason to leave.

You don't treat people like shit and expect them to stay.

Respect is earned!.

Jashub:
Op, forget her and move on . When hunger and shame torture her she'll come crawling back. Secondly , it won't be easy for her to find someone willing to marry her and bear the burden of carrying the financial responsibility of her son .

Lol...Infact , I pity this woman . She's deluded and doesn't know that being a single mother is the worst sentence a woman can give herself in this harsh economy.

If she stays too long in her father house,I will never accept her back .

Seriously, I have missed my family but I am not accepting her back if she spend the remaining days in January in his dad house and I will never send a dime to them

Kobojunkie:
Start by going for professional anger management counseling to at least deal with your anger and trust issues. You don't sound at all like a man in love but a man who has anger issues and trying to keep up an image at the same time but that hasn't been working well for you has it?

Give your wife and her family time to marinade in what has taken place and maybe decide on what could come next. You will only be a liar showing up to beg for her back at this point this since there is no way these problems only started back with the December 26th story you fed you here. Start asap by getting yourself help for your anger problems, and then when you go see her at her folk's place — when you receive permission to— you can at least show her you have made progress and will likely not panel beat her again.

Tell me what you would have done if this happened to u .

I just want to learn from you .The fact that my wife is not someone who like saying sorry .

See ehn, ordinary SORRY would have saved all these dramas .She didn't accept she was wrong

breakthrough22:


If she stays too long in her father house,I will never accept her back .

Seriously, I have missed my family but I am not accepting her back if she spend the remaining days in January in his dad house and I will never send a dime to them

Op, if she comes back ,accept her . But you need to work on yourself...and that means being able to support your family in every sphere .

Secondly , you chasing her away will only make your son spite you...and you know how manipulative women can be when it comes to twisting narratives to gain sympathy.

WhoDeyHause:
Just forget about her. She has found someone new.

I am not sure if it is so.could it be so?

Jashub:
Op, if she comes back ,accept her . But you need to work on yourself...and that means being able to support your family in every sphere .

I will accept her if she comes back before February 1st .She can't stay three weeks out of my house if she want to come back .I miss her already .

Jashub:
Op, if she comes back ,accept her . But you need to work on yourself...and that means being able to support your family in every sphere .

Secondly , you chasing her away will only make your son spite you...and you know how manipulative women can be when it comes to twisting narratives to gain sympathy.

I didn't chase her away ,She did herself .If she doesn't come back,I will move on .I will always be there to help financially

Jashub:
Bros, dont wait till then. Women can be stupid if left to their own devices . So what I'll suggest you do is to try and call her people and settle this thing before the suppose deadline you've given . If nothing comes out of the meeting, file for a divorce and rid yourself of her presence. Let's see if she'll survive as a single mother .

Ok ,thanks

breakthrough22:


I didn't chase her away ,She did herself .If she doesn't come back,I will move on .I will always be there to help financially

Okay na...nice one. But hope say you dey chop ? No let that stupid thing call depression enter you and kill your motivation

Jashub:
Okay na...nice one. But hope say you dey chop ? No let that stupid thing call depression enter you and kill your motivation

For now ,I am depressed. It is going to affect my job in the office but I will be fine I am sure .

Thanks

breakthrough22:
■Tell me what you would have done if this happened to u .
■I just want to learn from you .The fact that my wife is not someone who like saying sorry . See ehn, ordinary SORRY would have saved all these dramas .She didn't accept she was wrong

1. Your story and your reaction don't make sense to me, so I am afraid I don't understand your anger at all. Projecting your insecurities on your wife is just childish behavior as far as I am concerned.

2. What exactly was she supposed to apologize for? From your story, she didn't do anything wrong that would require her to apologize, so? Or do you think because she is your wife, she is then a mental illness patient that should apologize to you even when she is obviously not wrong just because she is married to you?

.

Kobojunkie:
1. Your story and your reaction don't make sense to me, so I am afraid I don't understand your anger at all. Projecting your insecurities on your wife is just childish behavior as far as I am concerned.

2. What exactly was she supposed to apologize for? From your story, she didn't do anything wrong that would require her to apologize, so? Or do you think because she is your wife, she is then a mental illness patient that should apologize to you even when she is obviously not wrong just because she is married to you?

So your wife is not supposed to say sorry if u called her for 6 hours without picking her calls?

And your wife changes your name from SWEETHEART to your son NAME on her contact that particular hours u are calling her ?

Do you mean I don't deserve explanation for all these ?

TheGoodAmerican:
You told her you don't want to see her anymore simply because she couldn't pick up the phone. This is a woman you're married to and the mother of your child, and you're talking to her anyhow. From your post, this was probably not the first time you're telling her such words. You also mention nagging. You cannot be verbally abusive towards your wife and he difficult to live with and expect her to not get fed up one day.

Ok if that's your judgement and the reason for her to pack her things ,then it is cool

breakthrough22:
■So your wife is not supposed to say sorry if u called her for 6 hours without picking her calls?
■And your wife changes your name from SWEETHEART to your son NAME on her contact that particular hours u are calling her ?
■Do you mean I don't deserve explanation for all these ?

1. Is the phone meant to be some sort of leash on her? Phone etiquette is that if you try to reach someone and the person is unavailable, you allow the person to call you back when the person is able to. According to your story, she explained that there was a power outage, and she couldn't charge the phone. So what exactly what she supposed to apologize to you for?

2. Is the name she saves your number on her phone part of your marriage agreement or something? Why does it matter if she saves your number under "Douchbag"?

3. You need to get yourself to a professional anger management class first. This new year, please endeavor to get a book on logical/critical reasoning/thinking so you can grow your mind and as such become able to logically analyze your decisions, and the world around you, including your relationships for yourself. I recommend the book Being Logical. However, any other text that sufficiently teaches you how to critically reason day-to-day issues out will work too. the key is to put into regular(continuous) practice what you learn so you become a more logical being than you are today.

Kobojunkie:
1. Is the phone meant to be some sort of leash on her? Phone etiquette is that if you try to reach someone and the person is unavailable, you allow the person to call you back when the person is able to. According to your story, she explained that there was a power outage, and she couldn't charge the phone. So what exactly what she supposed to apologize to you for?

2. Is the name she saves your number on her phone part of your marriage agreement or something? Why does it matter if she saves your number under "Douchbag"?

3. You need to get yourself to a professional anger management class first. This new year, please endeavor to get a book on logical/critical reasoning/thinking so you can grow your mind and as such become able to logically analyze your decisions, and the world around you, including your relationships for yourself. I recommend the book Being Logical. However, any other text that sufficiently teaches you how to critically reason day-to-day issues out will work too. the key is to put into regular(continuous) practice what you learn so you become a more logical being than you are today.

Power outage and the phone was ringing ?

It is ok. THANKS for the advice

breakthrough22:
Power outage and the phone was ringing ?
It is ok. THANKS for the advice

I don't know what that means.

Kobojunkie:
I don't know what that means.

So if there was power outage as u claimed, how come the phone rang?

breakthrough22:
So if there was power outage as u claimed, how come the phone rang?

I really don't follow at all.

.

Kobojunkie:
I really don't follow at all.

Oh u didn't follow and u started judging abi

breakthrough22:
Oh u didn't follow and u started judging abi

Now you are projecting your insecurities on me? Really?

This is one reason the bible says not to make friends with an angry man.You spoke all those insults and damaging words to your wife, just because she used one day extra from the day she told you she'd be coming back and was not available as at the time you phoned her. Yet, you're still telling us you don't beat her, meanwhile you're killing your wife with your words. I put it to you that you're a verbally abusive person and quite toxic. That is why she wants to stay away from you. You said you love your wife, but you don't insult people you love.

I will advice you work on yourself and grow up spiritually, emotionally and mentally. Study and meditate on the book of proverbs with passages that talks about 'anger' and 'words'. Change should begin with you because your wife returning to your home right now is the least of your problems.

Love is patient and kind
Love is not jealous
It does not brag
And it is not proud
Love is not rude
Is not selfish and does not become angry easily
Love does not remember wrongs done against it
Love takes no pleasure in evil
But rejoices over the truth
Love patiently accepts all things
It always trust
And always continues strong
Love never ends
(I corinthians 13:4-8 International Children's Bible)

Hv always endure with u even though u did not hv money,but u always rain insult on me everyday .am not coming back I want to work and make my own money ,u said u hv never achieved anything good bcoz of me!u said I am your biggest mistake in life and now hv made up my mind with you.you pushed me to the wall!u make me carry luggage in the hot sun and cry ,am tired,I cried and cried and endure all bcoz of love

Breakthrough22, see the rubbish you are telling someone's daughter. Did you pick her from the streets? Kudos to her family members from rescuing her from a toxic, insecure, verbally and emotionally abusive partner. Constantly hearing the bolded words can do very great damage to a person's self esteem and I am happy she has finally fled from you to save her sanity. If she were my sister, I will personally make sure you will see pepper before she goes back (if she wants to go back). When you're angry you just run your mouth waaaaa and vomit psychologically damaging filth on someone that you are supposed to love and cherish, and now that you have finally broken her endurance, you are whining here like the victim. Wos, you better start anger management training before you kill someone.

What arrant nonsense

breakthrough22:


Power outage and the phone was ringing ?

It is ok. THANKS for the advice

Was probably avoiding your abusive, nagging tongue. God knows what she has endured in the name of marriage

Honestly, you no try at all..
Kudos to your wife.

I always steer clear from people with anger issues even my brother..

Just this evening I was thinking and praying for my brother concerning this anger management and then I saw this.

I can't say if your beloved wife would come back but if she does, do your best to always speak to her in a loving manner..

Shallom#

Some people deserve to be single.
@Op, you are one of such.