Please, I need advice. I went through my husband's phone and I saw a message he shared with his side chick.

In the text message, the side chick was telling him to get something for her mother. He responded that he doesn't have an idea on what to buy. The lady later suggested that He should buy Provisions for her.

They talk everyday and they exchange romantic texts everyday. They even have a pet name for each other.
My husband is a Civil Engineer and some weekends he travels for 'work', I know he has gone to see her.

This relationship with the side chick is gradually affecting my marriage. I have the fear of what will happen if she gets pregnant. For him to see her mother, it shows that they are already very close. He also sends her money. I see the transactions on his Bank App.

Please I need advice, what can I do.

lummy247:
■ This relationship with the side chick is gradually affecting my marriage. I have the fear of what will happen if she gets pregnant. For him to see her mother, it shows that they are already very close. He also sends her money. I see the transactions on his Bank App. Please I need advice, what can I do.

1. Well, all you can do is decide for yourself whether you want to be part of the polygamous union that he has already forced on you — he already has at least one concubine, according to you — or whether you would rather divorce him and move on. I'm sorry but there isn't much else you can do.

lummy247:
Please, I need advice. I went through my husband's phone and I saw a message he shared with his side chick.

In the text message, the side chick was telling him to get something for her mother. He responded that he doesn't have an idea on what to buy. The lady later suggested that He should buy Provisions for her.

They talk everyday and they exchange romantic texts everyday. They even have a pet name for each other.
My husband is a Civil Engineer and some weekends he travels for 'work', I know he has gone to see her.

This relationship with the side chick is gradually affecting my marriage. I have the fear of what will happen if she gets pregnant. For him to see her mother, it shows that they are already very close. He also sends her money. I see the transactions on his Bank App.

Please I need advice, what can I do.

cheat on him.


Modified:

I was just kidding o. Ah. Make Una take am easy on me. Op if he's not willing to change. Seek a divorce. No be by force to say married.. he suppose respect you.

No husband will stress me in this life, that’s all I can say.

Side chick 3 - housewife 0

The nightmare of every house wife

Hmm, I don’t want to give the impression that I supports he’s sidechick lifestyle, but on a serious note there’s something you’re lacking that the so called side chick has. Check within yourself, married man no dy carry get side chick to the extent em dy buy provisions go see em side chick mama, cun even get pet names ontop.

nonsense post wetin be husband wey you no fit share with side chick

advanceDNA:
Side chick 3 - housewife 0

The nightmare of every house wife

And this makes you happy?

See them talking through their noses. They are so unconcerned about the hurt of their wives when it comes to coitus matters

IyaebeTheGreat:
And this makes you happy?

If u read happiness in my comment then thats clearly what u want to see... not my problem....

Either your husband is a scoundrel.
Or you are the scoundrel who pushed him to side chick

ConfidentialDoc:
Either your husband is a scoundrel.
Or you are the scoundrel who pushed him to side chick

If a wife is pushing him to take a concubine, shouldn't he in that case divorce her so he can be with the other woman then? In both cases, the man is a scoundrel.

Kobojunkie:
If a wife is pushing him to take a concubine, should he in that case divorce her so he can be with the other woman then? In both cases, the man is a scoundrel.

Okay

marlow1962:
■Hmm, I don’t want to give the impression that I supports he’s sidechick lifestyle, but on a serious note there’s something you’re lacking that the so called side chick has. Check within yourself, married man no dy carry get side chick to the extent em dy buy provisions go see em side chick mama, cun even get pet names ontop.

1. So, if your wife or girlfriend cheats on you, it means there is something you are definitely lacking and so she isn't to blame for seeking that thing outside of your relationship with her?

Kobojunkie:
1. So, if your wife or girlfriend cheats on you, it means there is something you are definitely lacking and so she isn't to blame for seeking that thing outside of your relationship with her?

She knows that her husbands has a lady he’s fvkin outside, yet she stayed. She no take up the case, so my bro no be everybody dy fit keep calm.

advanceDNA:
Side chick 3 - housewife 0

The nightmare of every house wife

You mean a wife that's depending on her husband abi?
My advise, dear females, empower yourself.
Don't be a second class citizen in the house of any man. They all v tendencies to cheat. It's just that some are hiding cos of their financial ability. The first thing that enter a hustling man's head after getting rich is how to sleep with all.the girls that do him yanga before. That's the begining of badluck!
Men are scum!

marlow1962:
■She knows that her husbands has a lady he’s fvkin outside, yet she stayed. She no take up the case, so my bro no be everybody dy fit keep calm.

1. She obviously didn't keep calm about it as revealed by her OP. She wouldn't have been able to make the connection and discoveries she has about the affair if she had. As for her staying, well, she is here asking what her options may be, isn't she? So, why do you seek to blame her for her husband having a side-chick?

Goodlady:

You mean a wife that's depending on her husband abi?
My advise, dear females, empower yourself.
Don't be a second class citizen in the house of any man. They all v tendencies to cheat. It's just that some are hiding cos of their financial ability. The first thing that enter a hustling man's head after getting rich is how to sleep with all.the girls that do him yanga before. That's the begining of badluck!
Men are scum!

Weda she is depending or not depending... side chick is winning...

allow me play the card u women usually play by always blaming the man for ur infedility....

... " there's something she's not doing right that is pushing her man out".... she should sit him down lovingly, find out, and do the right thing to make him happy" ....

advanceDNA:


Weda she is depending or not depending... side chick is winning...

allow me play the card u women usually play by always blaming the man for ur infedility....

... " there's something she's not doing right that is pushing her man out".... she should sit him down lovingly, find out, and do the right thing" ....

If not that she's not financially independent, she doesn't need the man

Goodlady:

If not that she's not financially independent, she doesn't need the man

Really.??...so all he needs the man for is money?? Okay ooo....
There is a new thread that need ur attention...mayb u should advice the girl she doesnt need the man for anything before she makes a mistake

lummy247:
Please, I need advice. I went through my husband's phone and I saw a message he shared with his side chick.

In the text message, the side chick was telling him to get something for her mother. He responded that he doesn't have an idea on what to buy. The lady later suggested that He should buy Provisions for her.

They talk everyday and they exchange romantic texts everyday. They even have a pet name for each other.
My husband is a Civil Engineer and some weekends he travels for 'work', I know he has gone to see her.

This relationship with the side chick is gradually affecting my marriage. I have the fear of what will happen if she gets pregnant. For him to see her mother, it shows that they are already very close. He also sends her money. I see the transactions on his Bank App.

Please I need advice, what can I do.

If you know that you have never pushed him to the wall in any way, just seat him down and let him know the implications of having a committed extra martial affairs

But if you have made him to starf dating outside the marriage, then you need to change some attitude of yours

Men will always want to be where their heart will find peace of mind
Especially of such a man provides enough for their family but their wives treats them in an ill mannered way

I am not justifying him having affairs outside his marriage but by default, they will behave so

Goodlady:

You mean a wife that's depending on her husband abi?
My advise, dear females, empower yourself.
Don't be a second class citizen in the house of any man. They all v tendencies to cheat. It's just that some are hiding cos of their financial ability. The first thing that enter a hustling man's head after getting rich is how to sleep with all.the girls that do him yanga before. That's the begining of badluck!
Men are scum!

And the girls that did yanga will open their legs, why?

Let him know that you know all what's happening, and then acts as if u don't care.

He will jump fence to want to know if you are cheating on him too.

Making him uncomfortable by asking him " when next is he travelling '

Leave his presence to receive some calls, even if it's your mom calling you.

You can soak your pillow when he isn't around cos of the emotional trauma, but always show happiness whenever he's around.

He will get confuse, and won't have peace of mind.

Na man wey get peace of mind de cheat happily.

frozen70:


If you know that you have never pushed him to the wall in any way, just seat him down and let him know the implications of having a committed extra martial affairs

But if you have made him to starf dating outside the marriage, then you need to change some attitude of yours

Men will always want to be where their heart will find peace of mind
Especially of such a man provides enough for their family but their wives treats them in an ill mannered way

I am not justifying him having affairs outside his marriage but by default, they will behave so

No one is triggered by their partner/spouse to cheat because infidelity is a decided action.

The cheating spouse has rationalized and keeps rationalizing reason for being unfaithful.

If the husband in focus ends the marriage with the OP and marries the present side chick, he will cheat on her.

"Finding peace when a married person is with a side chick or side guy" is a mirage, an escapist construct of the mind because when they are no longer the side attraction but becomes spouse......the "peace" tends to evaporate and the cheating spouse will be more likely to tolerate more than what he/she tolerated in their previous marriage.

No one is your reason to cheat, you convince yourself it is okay to cheat.....take responsibility.

Goodlady:

You mean a wife that's depending on her husband abi?
My advise, dear females, empower yourself.
Don't be a second class citizen in the house of any man. They all v tendencies to cheat. It's just that some are hiding cos of their financial ability. The first thing that enter a hustling man's head after getting rich is how to sleep with all.the girls that do him yanga before. That's the begining of badluck!
Men are scum!

really now?

Who knows if the side chick's mum is interested in being an active player. Maybe she is poised to throw off the toga of mere observer and become a credible participant. The story depicts a weak woman: a woman without power and one that has already given up. Madam, please do something, take back your husband and control the narrative.

We only get to read one sided story on NL every time so whoever gives advice or judgement based on a one side story isn't doing any justice at all...

Someone up there said it's when a man gets financial stability that he shows his true color well that's right but it's not only a man's thing, it's all humans. Nobody knows what this wife put her husband through during their struggling days or even presently that the guy now decides he wants to start doing rubbish about now that he is ok. I'm not saying his actions are right neither I'm siding with the woman too because we don't really know how everything started.

Find ways to make him jealous ie look attractive , touch grass and socialise with other folks hopefully you see a man that likes you , then you spend time with that man , you sef go forget say you get hubby

I'm sorry for the unfortunate situation you find yourself. Your husband is actually very disrespectful to your Union.

frozen70:


If you know that you have never pushed him to the wall in any way, just seat him down and let him know the implications of having a committed extra martial affairs

But if you have made him to start dating outside the marriage, then you need to change some attitude of yours

Men will always want to be where their heart will find peace of mind
Especially of such a man provides enough for their family but their wives treats them in an ill mannered way

I am not justifying him having affairs outside his marriage but by default, they will behave so

💯

OP, as much as I detest your husband's actions.

Check yourself first. Human beings are always flawless, perfect & without stain in their own version of a story.

- Have you been nagging, outrightly or subtly?

- Do you still take care of your appearance, or you believe no one is looking at you again, since you're "married"?

- Are you idle, or do you contribute to the progress & well-being of the family?

- Do you encourage him & spontaneously call him and/or send text (online & offline) to him, just to show that you care about him?

- Do you speak his love language to him, or you just assume he's comfortable doing things your own way?

- Do you guys communicate comprehensively, or it's the usual Nigerian papa-mama talk?

- If you're religious, do you pray for him?


After self-introspection, you need to have a heart-to-heart talk with him, you can use this medium to tell him other areas he's been lagging behind. He's your husband & I believe he'll reason with you, if he's not yet deep in promiscuity.

frozen70:


If you know that you have never pushed him to the wall in any way, just seat him down and let him know the implications of having a committed extra martial affairs

But if you have made him to starf dating outside the marriage, then you need to change some attitude of yours

Men will always want to be where their heart will find peace of mind
Especially of such a man provides enough for their family but their wives treats them in an ill mannered way

I am not justifying him having affairs outside his marriage but by default, they will behave so

Tokskob2008:
We only get to read one sided story on NL every time so whoever gives advice or judgement based on a one side story isn't doing any justice at all...

Someone up there said it's when a man gets financial stability that he shows his true color well that's right but it's not only a man's thing, it's all humans. Nobody knows what this wife put her husband through during their struggling days or even presently that the guy now decides he wants to start doing rubbish about now that he is ok. I'm not saying his actions are right neither I'm siding with the woman too because we don't really know how everything started.

Good one and the best said so far!
The woman's here seeking sympathy from single old feminists who are sure to take her side like Kobojunkie, Mindblog and even single confused children like Goodlady and Iyaebethegreat and co, when her solutions are out there with sane normal people.

I suggest the OP asks Bukatyne on what to do, that is the most intelligent and sanest even sincere woman on Nairaland. And she is married too, for years. Not PTSD "feminist" wannabes.