Hello all, I need to know if I'm doing some things right or over reacting.

My wife and I just married some months ago and we just spend here and there on stuffs. I bought food stuffs in the house and told her I will place her on 40k monthly to cover for soups and all and I expect her to add to it if it's not enough.

I foot all bills- house rent, Power, and all . She earns a decent 6 figures salary also which is slightly higher than mine without the allowances I get.

She expects me to still give her another allowance apart from the 49k I give her for food.

Each time she buys stuff in the house she always want me to pay back in full; most times, I just pay a part of it which she always frowns and complains about.

It appears she has a notion that her money is her money and mine is ours.

My income is more than hers though.

Do you think I should still give her personal pocket money?

Start a project, sit her down and talk about it

You won't have savings not to talk of a future. If your salary is ,#100. Feeding should be #40, give her #10. You too take #15, parents #10 invest the rest for future. Women will push you into well and claim innocency

Here to read comments and take down notes.


We learn everyday
Okay sha

Femmyfamous4u:
Hello all, I need to know if I'm doing some things right or over reacting. My wife and I just married some months ago and we just spend here and there on stuffs. I bought food stuffs in the house and told her I will place her on 40k monthly to cover for soups and all and I expect her to add to it if it's not enough. I foot all bills- house rent, Power, and all . She earns a decent 6 figures salary also which is slightly higher than mine without the allowances I get. She expects me to still give her another allowance apart from the 49k I give her for food. Each time she buys stuff in the house she always want me to pay back in full; most times, I just pay a part of it which she always frowns and complains about. It appears she has a notion that her money is her money and mine is ours. My income is more than hers though. Do you think I should still give her personal pocket money?

her own salary is her pocket money, and you shouldnt give her a dime. what for? is she your daughter? aint you doing much already? what a failed state of mind to believe that you should now give money to a woman who MAKES HER OWN MONEY and decide to not spend a dime on the family household needs.

Femmyfamous4u:
■ I bought food stuffs in the house and told her I will place her on 40k monthly to cover for soups and all and I expect her to add to it if it's not enough. I foot all bills- house rent, Power, and all . She earns a decent 6 figures salary also which is slightly higher than mine without the allowances I get.
■ She expects me to still give her another allowance apart from the 49k I give her for food. Each time she buys stuff in the house she always want me to pay back in full; most times, I just pay a part of it which she always frowns and complains about. It appears she has a notion that her money is her money and mine is ours. My income is more than hers though. Do you think I should still give her personal pocket money?

1. She works and she makes good money so you are not married to a "liability" yet you want to live as though you are, why?

2. She works and makes good money so you are not married to a "liability" yet you want to live as though you are, why?

Did you know that if you and your wife shared the bills 50-50 or even 60-40, while you are both responsible for the upkeep of your family, it will also help you both make wise decisions for the sake of your marriage and family - number of children you can both handle, how much to put aside as a couple for their future, emergency savings, business investments, etc.?

Praisepriest:
You won't have savings not to talk of a future. If your salary is ,#100. Feeding should be #40, give her #10. You too take #15, parents #10 invest the rest for future. Women will push you into well and claim innocency

A legendary advice from a legend.
"Women will push you into well and claim innocency"
Don't lose guard, save for rainy day because it will surely come.
Modified;
According to VAPP act, both parties are to contribute to the family upkeep when both are earning. If the wife works, she is to contribute at least half of her pay to the family upkeep.
Being a husband doesn't make you a father of a child (under 18).
Another fuulish trend again is when simple boys place their girlfriends on monthly allowance just to maintain loyalty forgetting that these 'oes ain't loyal.

Even if ya woman is president if you dont give woman money,no sweet marriage ooh!! Money and woman na five and six.High corruotion in Nigeria is caused by women,most of the gobernors and govt people get 20wives per person And girlfriends uncountable,their children nko over 40 in numbers. Census dey come to confuse naija people

Femmyfamous4u:
Hello all, I need to know if I'm doing some things right or over reacting. My wife and I just married some months ago and we just spend here and there on stuffs. I bought food stuffs in the house and told her I will place her on 40k monthly to cover for soups and all and I expect her to add to it if it's not enough. I foot all bills- house rent, Power, and all . She earns a decent 6 figures salary also which is slightly higher than mine without the allowances I get. She expects me to still give her another allowance apart from the 49k I give her for food. Each time she buys stuff in the house she always want me to pay back in full; most times, I just pay a part of it which she always frowns and complains about. It appears she has a notion that her money is her money and mine is ours. My income is more than hers though. Do you think I should still give her personal pocket money?

I think if you don't start now to set a standard on how to manage your incomes, you will end up giving her all you have

And she will either save hers or spend it on fashion

The two of you should have investment plans before the children starts coming

If you don't plan now, you may not be able to plan for the future

I totally condemn this "my money is my money and your money is our money" mentality in some of our Nigerian sisters' mindset but there is no way you could've missed the red flag while in the dating stage.

Since she thinks this way, I would sit her down and share the responsibilities of the home as partners, not as husband and wife if you understand what I mean.

It may also depend on how she thinks you see and take her. Sometimes, one's conviction of how the other person sees him/her triggers certain overprotective measures.

Shalom.

Femmyfamous4u:
Hello all, I need to know if I'm doing some things right or over reacting. My wife and I just married some months ago and we just spend here and there on stuffs. I bought food stuffs in the house and told her I will place her on 40k monthly to cover for soups and all and I expect her to add to it if it's not enough. I foot all bills- house rent, Power, and all . She earns a decent 6 figures salary also which is slightly higher than mine without the allowances I get. She expects me to still give her another allowance apart from the 49k I give her for food. Each time she buys stuff in the house she always want me to pay back in full; most times, I just pay a part of it which she always frowns and complains about. It appears she has a notion that her money is her money and mine is ours. My income is more than hers though. Do you think I should still give her personal pocket money?

Lolz, no one will teach you how to spend wisely when you start having children. How can you place a wife that earn decent income on salary? Don't you have any plan for your future. A broke man at old age is as useless to women as tissue paper. You better start planing for your old age now that you have income.

I keep saying it that we hv too many bastards in dis generation. Some fathers failed to training their male children in manly way 9r children deviates from the training.
Just take a very good look at dis stupid question begging for advice.

Aside feeding for the family
Do not give her pocket money

Her income is her 'pocket money' except you willingly want to occasionally pay for her hair ,buy her toiletries etc WILLINGLY!.

Give her 3% of your salary so that you can have peace of mind, it not argued but applied wisdom. Any month some unexpected expenses Skip it heaven will not fall

Didn't you guys date before getting married. Sometimes when I read questions like this, I do ask myself if you guys just met each other and got married the same day. Cos this my dear friend is what you should discuss with whoever you're planning a future with.

Also, your wife doesn't love you. Once you're dating a girl, and she feels it's odd to spend her money on you, kindly let her be. Cos such girl can never support you financially in marriage. The problem with a lot of foolish boys today is that they'll feel it's normal, many would even defend the girl if you try to advice them and tell you that it's a man's responsibility to take care of his woman.

But when reality begins to hit them in marriage, they'll be the first to complain...

My take is that your wife doesn't love you.

This is why I'll never marry an average income earner because they can complain and press calculator? See all of them here. Calculator pressers.
That is why i advise men not to get married until they have a high income job, to avoid all this kind of headache but no, that small thing dangling under can't wait to start eating what the big boys are eating. They just jump enter marriage with 120k salary and start punching calculator here and there.

So when it comes to giving your wife money, mathematics go enter am?. You can't give her money to maintain that same body you mount every now and then? Na him you turn financial expert seeker/adviser.? SMH. This generation of men have lost it.

Na this kind things make marriage no dey hungry me again because if all a man can offer is to panel-beat my body and not care whether knots and bolts don dey loose or find it difficult to give me when I request, then ill rather live singularly, work and take care of myself without stress or any body knacking me up and down with no benefits or care. abi you wan dey chop me make i no chop you back? Damn! Na wa o.

Oga, give her pocket money. Na that one she go take know say she marry. Men are supposed to spend on their wife's, working class or not. That is why igbos name their wifes Oriakum, "eater of my wealth". It is your obligation to spend on her. I'm guessing you're Yoruba otherwise mouth no go gree you come talk this kind thing outside. I'm sure all your supporters here na Yoruba men. Kobojunkie number one.

U see... it shouldn't be called pocket money, moreover u can just send her money from time to time , doesn't necessarily mean it needs to be month end...

.

@EriMma1, if you work and earn a decent 6 figure, and you still dragging pocket money with your husband, then you must be a wicked useless wife. What on earth will you be doing with your monthly salary? I guess you will be spending it on yourself, family and personal developments, while the innocent son of another woman keep labouring to take care of you till he develop terminal stress or HBP and die before his time?

See, you are not doing him any favour by marrying him or give him sex, because he can always get the same favour without getting married to anyone. He only marries you as a partner, team player and assistant to run a family. Besides, he did not benefits more in this arrangement than you or has advantage over you in future, so why expecting him to carry all the loads alone while you earn decent income and not an handicap?

@op, if you spend all your youth days to satisfy ungrateful woman and fail to plan for your future, she will eventually spend her money on your children later in future when you must have gone broke or unable to make better money again and turn them against you at old age. She will made them believe you were useless ever since she married you. They will believes her because she is the one currently spending on them. By that time, her major focus would be to make you suffer and die alone.

A woman who earn in 6 figures but still expecting a mere pocket money from you does not love you, she is capable of doing something unimaginable to you in future.

PARADIZEPRIEST:
Even if ya woman is president if you dont give woman money,no sweet marriage ooh!! Money and woman na five and six. High corruotion in Nigeria is caused by women, most of the gobernors and govt people get 20wives per person And girlfriends uncountable,their children nko over 40 in numbers. Census dey come to confuse naija people

The most silliest thing I have ever read on NL

OP, I think you have to sit with her and discuss. If you continue like this, when will both of you start investing in the future. If you are taking caring of rent, power, school fees and other emergency stuff, let her take care of food. You can support a little, for future plans, you can both create a joint account and save some percentage of money every month.

Above all, discuss with your wife

EriMma1:
This is why I'll never marry an average income earner because they can complain and press calculator? See all of them here. Calculator pressers.
That is why i advise men not to get married until they have a high income job, to avoid all this kind of headache but no, that small thing dangling under can't wait to start eating what the big boys are eating. They just jump enter marriage with 120k salary and start punching calculator here and there.

So when it comes to giving your wife money, mathematics go enter am?. You can't give her money to maintain that same body you mount every now and then? Na him you turn financial expert seeker/adviser.? SMH. This generation of men have lost it.

Na this kind things make marriage no dey hungry me again because if all a man can offer is to panel-beat my body and not care whether knots and bolts don dey loose or find it difficult to open hand and give me when I request, then ill rather live singularly, work and take care of myself without stress or any body knacking me up and down with no benefits or repair in sight. abi you wan dey chop me make i no chop you back? Damn! Na wa o.

Oga, give her pocket money. Na that one she go take know say she marry. Men are supposed to spend on their wife's, working class or not. That is why igbos name their wifes Oriakum, "eater of my wealth". It is your obligation to spend on her. I'm guessing you're Yoruba otherwise mouth no go gree you come talk this kind thing outside. I'm sure all your supporters here na Yoruba men. Kobojunkie number one.

You dey ment and you have no one close by to tell you that.
Keep masturbating all over men's post, you go soon cum!
For your twisted mind, you don't know that marriage is 50/50... You bring and he brings to make the home front sail smoothly. Please, continue with your entitled mindset until you hit menopause. Leeches everywhere.😏

yemmit90:
@EriMma1, if you work and earn a decent 6 figure, and you still dragging pocket money with your husband, then you must be a wicked useless wife. What on earth will you be doing with your monthly salary? I guess you will be spending it on yourself, family and personal developments, while the innocent son of another woman keep labouring to take care of you till he develop terminal stress or HBP and die before his time?

See, you are not doing him any favour by marrying him or give him sex, because he can always get the same favour without getting married to anyone. He only marries you as a partner, team player and assistant to run a family. Besides, he did not benefits more in this arrangement than you or has advantage over you in future, so why expecting him to carry all the loads alone while you earn decent income and not an handicap?

@op, if you spend all your youth days to satisfy ungrateful woman and fail to plan for your future, she will eventually spend her money on your children later in future when you must have gone broke or unable to make better money again and turn them against you at old age. She will made them believe you were useless ever since she married you. They will believes her because she is the one currently spending on them. By that time, her major focus would be to make you suffer and die alone.

A woman who earn in 6 figures but still expecting a mere pocket money from you does not love you, she is capable of doing something unimaginable to you in future.

Lies!

Why can't you men be open minded for once? Why can't you see things from other peoples point of view but always want to stereotype things?
Who told you it's every woman that wreck their man and abandon them in old age or turn their children against them?

It is normal for a man to give the wife that extra to compliment what she's earning. It doesn't mean she's not going to help out when the need arises.

Ok, now the op said he gives her 40k and expects her to augment it because he knows the 40k is not enough. In this case, is she not using her money to support the husband at the end of the day? Is it not from her purse the money is coming out? Why didn't she complain? She now turns and asks that her loving husband supports her, he grabbed calculator.
See... you men like dishing out what you can't take. That's what I've come to discover.

Marriage is give and take. Take it or leave it

Michelle55:
For your twisted mind, you don't know that marriage is 50/50... You bring and he brings to make the home front sail smoothly. Please, continue with your entitled mindset until you hit menopause. Leeches everywhere.😏

Marriage is only 50/50 if both man and woman agree to it being so. Op seems yet to make that decision even for himself. Most Nigerian men are afraid that their egos cannot handle being equal partners in their own marriage. My guess is OP is unsure he wants a 50/50 arrangement hence the reason why he is asking us this here question.

She wants to stress you,and she is earning too. I tire

Femmyfamous4u:
Hello all, I need to know if I'm doing some things right or over reacting. My wife and I just married some months ago and we just spend here and there on stuffs. I bought food stuffs in the house and told her I will place her on 40k monthly to cover for soups and all and I expect her to add to it if it's not enough. I foot all bills- house rent, Power, and all . She earns a decent 6 figures salary also which is slightly higher than mine without the allowances I get. She expects me to still give her another allowance apart from the 49k I give her for food. Each time she buys stuff in the house she always want me to pay back in full; most times, I just pay a part of it which she always frowns and complains about. It appears she has a notion that her money is her money and mine is ours. My income is more than hers though. Do you think I should still give her personal pocket money?

You are doing well sir. Reduce the 40k to 30k, start a savings scheme of 10k monthly for your unborn children and let her be aware. Tell her to balance up any shortfall.
Bulk foodstuff, gas, RENT, nepa bill/gen are statutory to you. As she works and earns well, she can take care of her clothes and hair and other little little stuffs.
Hold your ground now, because there are more expenses to be taken care of when babies come.

Don't give your wife any shi .



Channel that money to an investment.


If the investment matures , just buy your wife a car if she doesn't have one .

OP, if you need anonymous peoples' opinion on such in your marriage then all I can say is....hmmm.

Mindlog:
OP, if you need anonymous peoples' opinion on such in your marriage then all I can say is....hmmm.

What if the reason Op seeks advice because his major concern is what he looses if he demands his wife contribute financially to the household. Certainly, in a partnership OP cannot sit as a god in the union. Maybe that is a major fear and reason why OP is here.

Kobojunkie:
What if the reason Op seeks advice because his major concern is what he looses if he demands his wife contribute financially to the household. Certainly, in a partnership OP cannot sit as a god in the union. Maybe that is a major fear and reason why OP is here.

One would ponder what was being discussed during courtship, if any.

I remember asking someone earlier in the year, if he and his intended have discussed issues around finances as she is also earning as much as he is and he confidently replied NO, that when they get married they would work it out because discussing it before marriage would make him look 'financially desperate" and he wants the fiancee to feel that he has got it covered without her contribution.

Mindlog:
One would ponder what was being discussed during courtship, if any.

I remember asking someone earlier in the year, if he and his intended have discussed issues around finances as she is also earning as much as he is and he confidently replied NO, that when they get married they would work it out because discussing it before marriage would make him look 'financially desperate" and he wants the fiancee to feel that he has got it covered without her contribution.

huh?
No be deception that one be?