Shokoloko:
Please refrain from responding harshly as either spouse may be reading comments.

I typically will counsel couples on my own, however the husband is not comfortable with his wife sharing details with a third party (me) and I will be respecting his wish. Therefore I am going to need as much input and insight as possible to respond to them both only once.

Please note that I am only presenting aspects of the story told by Mrs that was confirmed by MR and vice versa.
Here goes. My couple in counselling met several years ago. Before the relationship began Mrs let Mr know that she had plans to relocate. She had just returned from a vacation in Canada and had decided to relocate. Mr agreed confirmed that he had agreed to the relocation. Mrs has an engineering degree and Mr confirmed prior to marriage that he had two engineering degrees. Both viewed physical copies of their certificates. After courtship, the marriage happened and they welcomed a girl-child. Mrs requested Mr to provide his transcripts in order to apply for the Canadian federal skilled worker program. Mr refused and told Mrs that he was not interested in relocating anymore and she could begin the process as principal applicant. Mrs stared the process and began financing. After a low IELTS from Mr, Mr told Mrs he was not interested in relocating anymore and he promised he would visit. (At that time both were earning roughtly the same amount N350k monthly each) Mrs. concluded the process singlehandedly by selling her property gifted by her father. Mr maintained that every property brought into the marriage was his, so allowing Mrs. to sell the property was his contribution. I do not know the couple's agreement about landed property so I did not pursue that comment further. A month after Mrs. and child relocated expecting Mr. to follow shortly Mr. had a breakthrough and began to earn approximately $3000 per month, and decided to find his way into local politics. Mrs. then suggested to MR to look into taking a few courses at a Canadian college or university in order for him to get a Canadian education. Her reasoning was that she knew that it would be difficult for him to let go of a job earning $3000 monthly so she wanted him to upgrade his skills via education, then she would sponsor him as spouse. The plan was to search for jobs while employed in Nigeria and then join her after they had secured a job paying equivalent of his current salary or higher. Mr agreed. However when Mrs continued to press for his transcript to be sent to WES Mr explained that the degree certificates he had shown here were not genuine. Mrs wondered how he could have gotten two juicy jobs without a certificate and Mr. explained that the sector he was employed in did not necessarily check references if candidate had high- ranking references - and Mr. seems to know people highly placed in society. Bottom line is Mr. has announced that he is going to move into politics and will be visiting Mrs. and child once a year. The couple spoke with me via teams and have not physically met in 36 months. After speaking with both I understand that Mr. wants Mrs. to remain in Canada as his wife who he will visit once a year. Mrs. says he cannot have a long distance relationship on a permanent basis and would like to have a divorce and move on. Mrs. is willing to send back the child to Mr. sisters once she is 12 if Mr. demands that. Mrs. has a stable job earning about $60k per annum. Mrs. currently received $500 from Mr for the kid. Mrs. does not make any other type of financial demand from Mr.
I am hoping bukatyne, sisioge, kobojunkie will chime in. I may not be able to answer all the questions that may be posed as this is just a third party report
Many thanks guys

Shokoloko:
Please refrain from responding harshly as either spouse may be reading comments.

Kobojunkie:
1. Does the Mrs. feel she is unable to overcome the broken trust between them? Is that why she is thinking of moving on? :-

Shokoloko:
■ She says not having a post secondary degree was and still remains a dealbreaker. She will be content to have him pursue any formal of post secondary education and finish it.
■But the major problem is that she is not comfortable with a long distance marriage on a permanent scale. Her reason is she wants more children but is not willing to have children with a partner who will be present for only three weeks each year

Kobojunkie:
1. OK. And he has no intentions of doing that, even if done remotely? Online Education is the -ish everywhere plus it would greatly liven his resume for future!
2. What about her moving back to Nigeria and part-timing in Canada instead?

Shokoloko:
■He said he would consider going back to school in the distant future. I didnt think of asking about moving back to Nigeria because she is settled here. There isn't any job waiting for her in Nigeria, and she is earning okay at her fulltime job here. ■ Returning to Nigeria after getting her citizenship is definitely an option I should have presented to her but that means she is not having anymore children till she returns even if does not go back for the next 3-4 years. I cant tell if she wants to wait, they have an 8 year old.

bukatyne:
In Summary:

1. Mr. made Mrs. believe that he was onboard relocation prior to marriage because it seemed a deal breaker for her and Mr. wanted the marriage.

2 . During the process, he changed his tune and said she goes first hence did not contribute to the process

3. He got a job of $3k monthly and decided to join politics since his certs are fake as Nigerian politics would guarantee continued income

4. He wants to visit them once a year rather than work out a plan for them to be together.

5. Madam wants to move on after discovering the certs are fake and she doesn't want a long distance marriage.

Unfortunately, they are both poorly matched from the beginning and this is because the husband married her under false pretext. He knew he couldn't go to Canada with her yet strung her along. The work of building the marriage afresh lies with him:
1. Is he willing to get further education and certification in line with his career?
2. Why is he satisfied with seeing his family once a year? Does he intend to build another family in Nigeria? Or is he trying to shield them from the roforofo of Nigerian politics when he goes mainstream? Is that why he insists she stays in Canada?
3. What has he said about the divorce?
4. What is the wife’s position about his political ambition?

Kobojunkie:
1. And she sold everything she owned in order to get herself to where she is today so asking her to move back in hopes that the marriage can maybe be worked on would be kind of asking too much, I see.
2. You say He sends just $500 for the upkeep of a child living in Canada, is that per month, or all year? Is the child aware of the problem between them both?

Shokoloko:

1. For number 1 he says he will consider furthering his education in the distant future. When I asked him if the distant future was within the next five years, he got upset with her and I did not pursue further.

2. He isn't insisting he stays in Canada. He is open to her returning if she can get another well-paying job in Nigeria.

3. He is not open to her being a stay at home mum for whatever time it take her to find a job.

4. Note in Nigeria, he is at work for weeks at a time so Mrs. is used to not seeing her spouse for weeks at a time

5. Neither one of them is aware of a second family.

6. He is very opposed to the divorce but he will not consider relocating.

7. Mrs. wants Mr. to follow whatever dream makes him happy, including politics.

Shokoloko:
■ $500 monthly and the child believes that the whole family will be re-united soon. Mr. says the monthly upkeep will stop the day Mrs. files for divorce and he will not want to continue contact with either Mrs. or child until the child is old enough to return to Nigeria. Mrs. says she will not be asking for child support if/when she files.
■ While think that Mr. was very deceptive prior to marriage I also must commend him for ALLOWING her to follow her dreams as some partners would frustrate the other person