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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? (37564 Views)
Is This Enough Reason To Divorce My Wife? / Is This Enough Reason To Send My Niece Back To The Village? / Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? (2) (3) (4)
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I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by CuriousMind2022: 7:50pm On May 23, 2023 |
It's a known fact that most Nigerian girls marry who they consider ready for marriage and not necessarily who they love. I am exactly in that dilemma and the question I am asking myself is whether I should continue in this loveless marriage or slowly drift and walk away. My marriage is barely 2 years and a few months, but it has been a rough journey for me. Things I never envisaged I would experience in my marriage, I have suffered, from utmost disrespect to verbal abuse. I came to the conclusion that she doesn't love or care about me based on what happened yesterday. I was recently transferred from my base to a new location and because of that, I would only be able to visit weekends or twice a month. Prior to that, we barely had sex once a week. We had already had sex the normal once we usually had it (Saturday morning), but I wanted more because I will only be coming back after two weeks. I initiated a move on Sunday morning, she declined because she was thinking of preparing food for our baby before we leave for church. We went to church and came back, and as usual, my wife was in her undies (just panties and bra) in the sitting room (This was what she wore throughout that Sunday). I watched her walk around the house in that and that even turned me on the more. I am a practicing Christian, and I try not to look after other women lustfully, but common this is my wife, even God sanctions that. After being turned on throughout the day, I went to my wife in the night, (note she slept in the sitting room with our baby leaving me alone in the room) to enjoy my conjugal rights with her, but she gave me excuses that she is upset and not in the mood. I left and went back, seriously konjified, I managed to sleep. The next morning, I woke up with my urges and went to the sitting room to have my morning devotion, but I could barely concentrate because I was still very Hot. I explained to her that so really wants me to go to my new station like this knowing fully well I will not be coming back until 2 weeks time. This woman did not care! I took my bath, prepared myself, and set out for my office. I was not happy with her but I kept my cool and left for work. She had demanded that I dropped some money for her before leaving and despite the fact that I was not happy with her, I dropped the money in a conspicuous place where I know she will see it before leaving. This was my own way of saying I am not happy with what you did, but I still cared. I try to do things I usually do for my wife even when I am angry with her. This is my own way of saying I may be angry with you, but I still cared about you and I am open to a resolution. On the other hand, my wife doesn't care what happens to me when she is upset. She immediately stops cooking for me ad any other thing she does for me when she is upset. It is obvious to me now that to my wife I don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. She is only caring and concerned, when she is not angry (when we are good and we don't have any issues). I believe that when you love somebody, you treat them right and show genuine love and care for them even when you're upset with them. This is what I have constantly shown to my wife in our 2+ years of marriage. Back to my story of what happened weekend/Monday. My wife never bothered to call me to check if I arrived safely since I left the house yesterday. I even called her once (primarily to check on my daughter), but she didn't pick up and she didn't call back, and up till now, we have not spoken. She obviously does not care whether I arrived safely in my station or not. In this country of insecurities, a family member of yours will travel and you do not care whether he/she arrived safely, that is the height for me, and in the actual sense, I should be the one upset here because she left me high and dry, despite knowing fully well I am very Hot. I am a family-oriented person, I have always dreamt of having a peaceful, loving, and Godly home but unfortunately, the reverse is the case for my wife. I began to understand why family background is very important in a person's life, after getting married. My wife is from a family where they place little or no value on marriage. Her mother had children with 2 men, and my wife is obviously working very hard to follow that same path. She shows little or no enthusiasm in making our marriage work. I am always the one to initiate moves to resolve issues when we quarrel, whether I am right or wrong, I do not care, my focus is just on making my marriage work and my home peaceful. This last episode shook me very hard, and I have been asking myself whether I want to continue in this loveless marriage or opt out. Working and living in a different city will even make it easier for me. I needed to let my thoughts out and thanks to Nairaland, I have done so. 227 Likes 15 Shares |
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by Kobojunkie: 7:55pm On May 23, 2023 |
CuriousMind2022:All I read is you equate love with sex and your wife denying you sex means she has no love for you. And you somehow think the blame should all be on her as far as all the problems you perceive in your marriage, no be so? **yawn*** ![]() 14 Likes 13 Shares |
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by being(m): 8:34pm On May 23, 2023 |
Well..love is not just emotions but a commitment which includes a commitment to respect and treat the other person well. She is not showing that commitment which won't even cost her much based on how committed you seem... To me she is just not being wise. I don't believe she has lost feelings for u. (Just that feelings isn't enough, commitment is much more important). I think you should seek out counselling for her (&yourself) either from religious leaders or family elders. CuriousMind2022: 23 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by Klass99(f): 8:38pm On May 23, 2023 |
375 Likes 31 Shares |
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by being(m): 8:50pm On May 23, 2023 |
Klass99:klass99, this is a recipe for disaster esp in marriage!! @ OP Take note two wrongs will crash the marriage in no time.. that's d direction 2 wrongs will take you.. esp with someone like her who did not grow up seeing a marriage work. 54 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by sisisioge: 8:59pm On May 23, 2023 |
It is well...I just do not understand why people do not take sexual compatibility seriously before deciding to get married. Your madam may just not have as much libido as you, hence the scarcity of conjugal dance. But not caring about your safety is on another level fa. This is how people leave windows opened for strangers to mistakenly fall into their abodes. I just pity una....you've just moved away from home and she's being cold from a distance. Hello, 3rd party! Do whatever eases your pain....this life too dey short to live in a tight corner. We wake everyday to pursue mostly economic gains with no time for emotional and mental gains. To live long and healthy, you need to be deliberate about your pursuit of happiness fa... do not allow others to undermine this pursuit. Good luck. 105 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by Klass99(f): 9:00pm On May 23, 2023 |
197 Likes 28 Shares |
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by being(m): 9:08pm On May 23, 2023 |
Klass99:Those are relationships. In marriage, it can be very different. To be sure, constant retaliations like that is a leading cause of marriage breakdowns... OP get her(&u) counselling fast!!! 6 Likes |
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by kkins25(m): 9:10pm On May 23, 2023 |
CuriousMind2022:I don't usually pity men in these conditions. After what a pastor did to my friend not too long ago in the university, I usually say Ntoor for this kind case. Because, some of you know deep down that the babe isn't into you, but pressure saaaaaaaaaaaaa..... Promises upon promises, hope you didn't promise to take her abroad for studies too? ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() I'd follow Klass99 advice if I were in your shoes, sha. I'm not married, but if somebody really likes you, giving them a taste of their own medicine works. One gurl like that haf used it on me (thunder fire her where ever she is), and I too have used it on others. Most of the time it works. ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() 100 Likes 9 Shares |
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by JeffreyJunior: 9:40pm On May 23, 2023 |
Just 2years into your marriage, you guys are already having all these issues. Why the heck did you marry who wasn't into you or will you swear you didn't see the warning signs? Oga when the kitchen becomes too hot, a wise person knows the best choice is to leave. Leave the marriage or get a sidechick mek everybody rest. 57 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by Raalsalghul: 10:09pm On May 23, 2023 |
kkins25: Your post might be insensitive but I understand where you're coming from. Most Nigerian men in their desperation for love, sex and marriage don't even care if a woman loves them. They just keep throwing money, gifts and promises to buy her affection while ignoring her body language coupled with the failure to do proper vetting then come back later in the marriage to cry wolf. I'm pretty sure that the Op saw the signs before marriage. Rejection no be something wey woman dey hide and even if she's fronting to secure commitment, a sharp discerning red-pilled mind can tell the level of her attraction towards you. 122 Likes 13 Shares |
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by Tayorshd87: 10:25pm On May 23, 2023 |
Raalsalghul: God bless you abundantly for this ... I am too technical to check body language and than God it worked for me ... Infact the woman i married was d one that loved me and I never loved her but yet she can go extra mile just to be with me .. Now we have given birth and now am started loving her in return.. Most men just look for who dey love and spend endlessly just to make her love in return which d emotion is not bringing good result but they will overlooked it and promise her heaven and earth and now this is happening 😢 85 Likes 14 Shares |
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by Klass99(f): 10:30pm On May 23, 2023 |
51 Likes 8 Shares |
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by CuriousMind2022: 11:10pm On May 23, 2023 |
Kobojunkie: Kobojunkie it is obvious you read but don't comprehend! I would have been perfectly fine if my wife is not much into sex but she makes up in other areas. Personally, I think I am quite an objective person. For example, if my wife shows little or no interest in sex, but she respects me, (she is mindful of how she treats and talks to me when she is upset), genuinely cares for me (whether we are in good terms or having a fight) and most especially supports me in prayers, I wouldn't complain. Having sex once in a week has been a problem for me (most men will consider this too little a time to have sexual intercourse with their wife), the major problem I have and I have always had is the lack of value and commitment she places on things that concern me and our marriage. 94 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by CuriousMind2022: 11:17pm On May 23, 2023 |
JeffreyJunior: You're wrong sir. My wife was very much into me before our wedding. She literally made me marry her, because at some point I began to develop cold feet. She did everything to please me, showed me love and care, and pretended to be a good girl. I would not force, cajole or entice a woman into marrying me. This is why I am asking myself if I should continue in this marriage if truly she doesn't care about me anymore. I strongly believe marriage should be between two people who are genuinely interested in being together and if it is obvious she is tired of us being together, I would be the first to excuse myself from the marriage. I just don't want to make a hasty decision, so I will still wait and be sure I am not overthinking things. 56 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by Evestar200(f): 12:24am On May 24, 2023 |
Try to have a heart-to-heart conversation with her to know the reason for her sudden behavior. Don't just conclude that she doesn't love you. There might be something behind her new character. 18 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by Nobody: 1:05am On May 24, 2023 |
Evestar200: Op ignore this simpish advice okay. Don’t have any heart to heart talk with any mofo ![]() You need to harden your heart to a point were if a bitch threatens to leave you. You open the door and kick her ass out for making that threat. Kick her so had that she falls and scrapes her knee on the floor. That money you are giving her stop giving her shishi. Don’t help her do anything. When you come home buy fast food and eat in her presence. Do your laundry yourself and make sure you go out and hangout with friends and post pictures of yourself having fun and arrange one of your guys girl to hold you in a romantic way. When you come back don’t respond to her questions or naggings. Don’t make any advance sexually behave like she does not exist. Either of two ;Dthings will happen. Either she will come to her senses or she too will not mind you. If she doesn’t mind you then I’m afraid someone is giving her back to back the way she wants it. She wants to tow her mothers lifestyle. I repeat drop that gentleman that you are forming they don’t respect it. This bitches are like children once you don’t call their bluff they triple down on their bad behavior. If she tries to abuse you verbally give am better slap for her left eye ![]() You will be surprised how that once a week will change to thrice a week ![]() I am just like you Mr op a very good man that don’t like cheating but if you take my calmness for weakness and want to be disrespectful. You go collect woto woto. Ready to go your papa house or that useless dick that she wants to cheat on me with. Let her go and have it fully. I no send your papa 162 Likes 14 Shares |
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by IyaTola: 6:13am On May 24, 2023 |
![]() Let me give you some tough love. You need to guver some bad boy vibes. A bad boy is a man who isn't afraid to break the rules. This rugged rebel, staring stoically off in the distance in his Aviators atop his Harley, is often seen as sexually desirable in popular media—though he'll probably break your heart if you date him. You are in a new base, get another woman, when you get back from base to your home ignore her, do your things, ensure you completely ignore her, you showing too much attention to her, it's a sign of weakness which no woman wants in her man. Good morning 31 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by pocohantas(f): 7:12am On May 24, 2023 |
The problem I have with men is they are experts at claiming victim. No matter how different or logical you think the one you are with is, break up with him first and you will most likely see a petty victim-playing human you never knew existed. You are here acting like you are perfect and unaware of where it went wrong, but as a woman who has gone from 100 to 0 with a man in seconds, I knew something changed and I clicked on your profile. The answer was right there and you acknowledged when the HATRED started. You know what you did. Fix it or keep whining like men that have toed this part before you. 30 Likes 5 Shares |
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by frozen70(f): 8:18am On May 24, 2023 |
CuriousMind2022: The big question here is, does she know what it means to be in love and care for love sake For marriage to work out successfully, love is the major ingredient I just hope her attitude won't lead you to seek for love else were Just follow your heart because it's too early to cry 5 Likes |
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by ChybuzzDD(m): 8:30am On May 24, 2023 |
Kobojunkie: Your usual thread-derailing strategy didn't work here, as no one was ready to engage you. That's great. One day, we'll be able to find out if you're actually a bot or a virus that infected the platform ![]() 87 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by DBestDoc(f): 8:56am On May 24, 2023 |
Your wife told you she was upset, did you try to ask her why? Was there any heart to heart convo to know the reason she’s been in such an unusual mood? Some issues can be solved with proper communication and hearty resolutions but if you think the first option to explore is contemplating divorce, then go ahead Mr. I for one would also not have sex when I’m upset with my husband like an object meant for just sexual gratification. I wish you both well. 21 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by Biglittlelois(f): 8:59am On May 24, 2023 |
pocohantas: You know, I really need to start checking out people's profile before commenting on their threads, they will come here to form saint with no blemish, paint their wives or females generally as evil, I was already feeling pity for Op if not for your comment I saw that made me check his other thread, Op is an upcoming pervert with pedo tendencies, I give the wife huge kudos for continuously living under the same roof with him. 18 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by Ovieemmanuel: 9:13am On May 24, 2023 |
Kobojunkie:that's all you read ![]() 1 Like |
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by Waffarianman(m): 9:24am On May 24, 2023 |
Let her be for now because they is something fishy go home unnoticed this time and observed the situation try get her phone and see if you'll see any clue there to follow up. 1 Like |
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by CuriousMind2022: 9:25am On May 24, 2023 |
pocohantas: Pocohantas, you're a very popular moniker here, so I know you very well. And I will take my time to respond to you. This is also my alternate moniker, which I created last year while my marriage was on the verge of collapsing. You read my thread and I don't blame you for making the assumptions that you made. March 22, 2022, is a day I will never forget in my life. On that fateful day, my wife and I had a fight and she pulled five kitchen knives on me, that she will kill me, kill herself and then call our parents to come take our baby. Unknowingly, to me, my wife whom I married had become filled with so much resentment for me. She literarily saw me as a filthy person, because of my bad habits then. I was consumed in lust and masturbation, I wake up in the mornings then and the first thing I do is to start surfing Instagram admiring all manner of women with big butts. Slowly, I became obsessed with soft porn (At the time I told myself I wasn't doing pornography because I don't watch pornstars have sex). Thankfully, after I shared my ordeal here last year, I got to know that I was actually doing soft porn. After the fight last year, I left my house to go live with my elder brother. I actually stayed there for about 3 weeks, before the issue was resolved and I returned back home. It took interventions from 2 of our pastors and my elder brother and his wife to resolve the issue. My wife is a sensitive person, and I didn't know she had hacked my phone and was seeing everything I was doing on the internet. She literarily knew the names of the handles, I loved visiting. This caused her to hate me so much! She didn't see the other good things I was doing. Well, I didn't really blame her for that. After that terrible incident, I blamed myself for everything that happened. I still remember, how I wept in my elder brother's...I kept on calling my name and telling myself that see how I had allowed lust and pervasion to ruin my home. I was broken, and I cried to God to help me overcome those bad habits and restore my home. Thankfully, God help me. The first thing I had to do was to come out clean! I confessed to my pastors and my elder brother the real problem in my home. As a Christian, I have come to know that the only way to be free from such secret and destructive sin as pornography and masturbation is by coming out publicly. Aside from coming out publicly, I took some drastic steps. I deleted all my social media accounts (Instagram, Facebook, and even WhatsApp). I also did away with using and having a smartphone, I used torchlight for a very long time just to avoid stumbling on my triggers on the internet. Just to add, that it was also quite easy for me to overcome those bad habits of mine because I was not really an addict as my wife thought. I started masturbating when I was already a full-grown man, I loved looking at beautiful women and that was actually the part that I struggled with. But thankfully, God helped me and even now I can boldly share my story anywhere I was once trapped in the web of soft pornography, but God helped me to overcome it. I really didn't owe you this explanation, but I saw the need to clear you on this that what you read in my thread last year, is an old me. As I stated in my original post in this thread, I still believe my wife's background is what is chiefly affecting her. And she is not the type that listens to advice, if not she probably would have improved. I still remember the battles we had to fight both physically and spiritually before we could get married. Her family practically did not want her to get married. 47 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by CuriousMind2022: 9:30am On May 24, 2023 |
Biglittlelois: All I have to say is that you don't know me. I will end it there. Don't be quick to judge people, we have all had struggles at one time of our life or the other. 13 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by pocohantas(f): 9:38am On May 24, 2023 |
Biglittlelois: I didn't bother to finish reading his epistle to me. Suddenly his wife pulled knives. Soon enough he would say she brought BOMB to the house. That is how they thicken the plot with lies. Same old trick for Seun's traffic. 12 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by Biglittlelois(f): 9:39am On May 24, 2023 |
CuriousMind2022: Dude I am judging you based on what you tell us here, meaning my previous comment is not wrong, thats why i typed it out so people can see and know what and who you are. 3 Likes |
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by Biglittlelois(f): 9:46am On May 24, 2023 |
pocohantas: Was wondering where the wife pulled out knives, then saw his comment to you, I'm tired. These are threads for traffic truly, and the easiest way to get it is by creating negative, insulting, degrading threads about females, they will all be fine las las. 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by kkins25(m): 9:47am On May 24, 2023 |
CuriousMind2022, you see, you did not tell us the genesis of the situation. In one way, you'd have manipulated all of us to think your wife is the devil.. You see why people don't listen to men when they are under psychological duress? Sorry for what you went through with masturbation and soft porn. Addicts often do not consider themselves addicted, so, it wasn't entirely your fault. The flesh easily overpowers the mind. Have you communicated with your wife? 15 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by pocohantas(f): 9:49am On May 24, 2023 |
Biglittlelois: The first paragraph of his opening post was all I needed to know they are it again. "It's a known fact that most Nigerian girls marry who they consider ready for marriage and not necessarily who they love". No man with a samuria wife would have time to type the above as an intro to his predicament. 10 Likes 2 Shares |
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