Dear Nlders,

I cant say if this problem is peculiar and I would sincerely appreciate mature comments and suggestions.

My marriage is just about a year old though I had an on/off online friendship with my now-wifey since 2017 before we decided to get serious late 2021. Our physical courtship was kinda brief - about 6 months - while we both resided in the same state but different Cities (about 3hrs apart).

I used to be very sexually active in my previous relationships - trust me when i say I'm quite good in bed - but with my now-wifey, I decided to limit the sex part cos i felt at a man's age (tho my sisters also advised same) that there r other things to look out for in a woman. So basically, we did not get too intimate during courtship. Worryingly, even the few times we did it, I rarely got to orgasm cos she couldn't match my stamina.

Fast forwards to 1 month into the marriage, I was diagnosed with High blood pressure which the doctors advised BP drugs might affect my libido but it will later regulate/normalize. Then the problems started! First, I get aroused normally with good turgidity enough to penetrate my Wifey's tight "body" but I tend to loose erection after some mins of thrusting and that's the end. Never comes back on again. Few times I was able to finish but that's not without alot of mental imagination to make me finish ontime.

Very worryingly for me, I decided to check myself with other women and dear readers, I achieved stronger turgidity and no fail moment. That was my first shock.

Summarily, my wife and I still dont live together but this situation has gone worse now. I got no sexual feelings towards her and na by force we dey manage run 1 round in weeks. Meanwhile, I get sex requests from other girls on a daily. I'm very sad about this situation especially when i look at my wife because she ought to be enjoying this thicke alone forever.

As a man, you can imagine how you'd feel when your woman feels ur impotent while other women are bugging you for your time.

Various extreme thoughts have crossed my mind and I'm seriously bothered which isn't even good for my health. Should i confess to my wife?

I await your responses, suggestions and advice.

Many thanks,

The truth is you no longer find your wife sexually attractive.

pretydiva:
The truth is you no longer find your wife sexually attractive.

Hmmmm thats worrisome! My wife's pretty, fair n endowed. Why is there no signal from my brain for arousal?

Wait, sexual compatibility is something that shouldn't be ignored when getting married to avoid all this stories. You totally ignored all this while dating which isn't suppose to be. If i am in a relationship with a guy and his words alone don't turn me on and vice versa believe you me i am backing out of that relationship.

Because the integral part of marital bliss is good s3xual life and when that is compromised because of one issue or the other, that marriage is hitting the rock sooner or later. And that is where infidelity crawls in.

Op, as suggested, you two should see a therapist and see if you can find a solution to your predicament.

Mokole2023:
■
Very worryingly for me, I decided to check myself with other women and dear readers, I achieved stronger turgidity and no fail moment. That was my first shock.

Summarily, my wife and I still dont live together but this situation has gone worse now. I got no sexual feelings towards her and na by force we dey manage run 1 round in weeks. Meanwhile, I get sex requests from other girls on a daily. I'm very sad about this situation especially when i look at my wife because she ought to be enjoying this thicke alone forever.

As a man, you can imagine how you'd feel when your woman feels ur impotent while other women are bugging you for your time. Various extreme thoughts have crossed my mind and I'm seriously bothered which isn't even good for my health. Should i confess to my wife? I await your responses, suggestions and advice. Many thanks,

You already abandoned your wife so why do you care if she thinks you are impotent or not?

You already abandoned the marriage and have yourself so many other women lined up so why are you trying hard to make us believe you care a lot about about your wife? Are you waiting to get her pregnant and tied down or what? Why not tell her the truth of what you do so she can find her way at this point?

Tell her the truth and if possible, get a divorce and move on with those other ladies that you're already cheating on her with.

Set her free while she's still young and you guys don't have a child... The sooner you do it, the easier it's gonna be for her to move on.

I think OPs, you are the problem.
First of all, welcome to the institution called marriage.
S$x starts with the mind. If you lose it, you lost it.
If other girls call and your dickkie comes alive, it simply means you have already engaged them in your mind before the very act.
Work on your mind and communicate more with your wife.
Cuddle her on bed still you sleep off.
Let the thoughts of other girls leave your mindset for you to get focused.
Her 'doughnut' is not different from the ones you fantasize.
Wetin dey sweet man for outside, easy to kill am o!

Mokole2023:
Dear Nlders,

I cant say if this problem is peculiar and I would sincerely appreciate mature comments and suggestions.

My marriage is just about a year old though I had an on/off online friendship with my now-wifey since 2017 before we decided to get serious late 2021. Our physical courtship was kinda brief - about 6 months - while we both resided in the same state but different Cities (about 3hrs apart).

I used to be very sexually active in my previous relationships - trust me when i say I'm quite good in bed - but with my now-wifey, I decided to limit the sex part cos i felt at a man's age (tho my sisters also advised same) that there r other things to look out for in a woman. So basically, we did not get too intimate during courtship. Worryingly, even the few times we did it, I rarely got to orgasm cos she couldn't match my stamina.

Fast forwards to 1 month into the marriage, I was diagnosed with High blood pressure which the doctors advised BP drugs might affect my libido but it will later regulate/normalize. Then the problems started! First, I get aroused normally with good turgidity enough to penetrate my Wifey's tight "body" but I tend to loose erection after some mins of thrusting and that's the end. Never comes back on again. Few times I was able to finish but that's not without alot of mental imagination to make me finish ontime.

Very worryingly for me, I decided to check myself with other women and dear readers, I achieved stronger turgidity and no fail moment. That was my first shock.

Summarily, my wife and I still dont live together but this situation has gone worse now. I got no sexual feelings towards her and na by force we dey manage run 1 round in weeks. Meanwhile, I get sex requests from other girls on a daily. I'm very sad about this situation especially when i look at my wife because she ought to be enjoying this thicke alone forever.

As a man, you can imagine how you'd feel when your woman feels ur impotent while other women are bugging you for your time.

Various extreme thoughts have crossed my mind and I'm seriously bothered which isn't even good for my health. Should i confess to my wife?

I await your responses, suggestions and advice.

Many thanks,

You dont know anything yet. Sebi you guys are still managing to do once in several weeks right? In another 5 years you would have settled into once in a year! As a legend, you of all people should have known the importance of sexual compatibility before settling down. Your cross o....all of una go dey alright laslas.

And that is how another couple took the wahala route....

sisisioge:


You dont know anything yet. Sebi you guys are still managing to do once in several weeks right? In another 5 years you would have settled into once in a year! As a legend, you of all people should have known the importance of sexual compatibility before settling down. Your cross o....all of una go dey alright laslas.

And that is how another couple took the wahala route....

As a legend... 😂 I totally appreciate your post but like I said, sexual compatibility was something i wasnt too bothered with cos even the few times we had it, it wasn't this bad. My woman is from a strong religious background and we could have gone through the courtship without sex sef. Thanks anyways

LLSAINT:
I think OPs, you are the problem.
First of all, welcome to the institution called marriage.
S$x starts with the mind. If you lose it, you lost it.
If other girls call and your dickkie comes alive, it simply means you have already engaged them in your mind before the very act.
Work on your mind and communicate more with your wife.
Cuddle her on bed still you sleep off.
Let the thoughts of other girls leave your mindset for you to get focused.
Her 'doughnut' is not different from the ones you fantasize.
Wetin dey sweet man for outside, easy to kill am o!

Thanks alot! Your post is closer to my thoughts. Unfortunately for now, we dont stay together. We have discussed the strong issue of resignation to be together. I feel that with that, i can curb my weakness with other women. Notwithstanding, she's put me under subtle pressure for pregnancy.

Samantha124:
Tell her the truth and if possible, get a divorce and move on with those other ladies that you're already cheating on her with.

Set her free while she's still young and you guys don't have a child... The sooner you do it, the easier it's gonna be for her to move on.

Yea thanks. Tho quite extreme, i actually asked her for separation which she vehemently objected. So i guess that's out of the discussion. She wants us to keep trying but I always loose sleep/rest when it fails again.

Klass99:


I am seriously wondering the same thing on your behalf considering all you've said so far. This sounds rough.....sorry. I hope you strap up when indulging the other women bugging you? No go carry STD for yourself and wife o, abeg. You should search for a sex therapist, I don't know if we have authentic ones in Naija but ask.

Your quote is a big ? for me. I did consult with some "elders" and they say in such situations, traditionally its an issue with the woman (something like a spiritual attack). During a recent public holiday, i got myself viagra, I couldn't sleep cos my head was banging all thru d night. I have taken herbs, exercises, weight loss, dates fruit etc but e be like na other people dey enjoy am!

fyzaila:
Wait, sexual compatibility is something that shouldn't be ignored when getting married to avoid all this stories. You totally ignored all this while dating which isn't suppose to be. If i am in a relationship with a guy and his words alone don't turn me on and vice versa believe you me i am backing out of that relationship.

Because the integral part of marital bliss is good s3xual life and when that is compromised because of one issue or the other, that marriage is hitting the rock sooner or later. And that is where infidelity crawls in.

Op, as suggested, you two should see a therapist and see if you can find a solution to your predicament.

Yea thanks tho during courtship she was happy i wasn't a sex maniac.

The only way to show her how serious you are is by moving out of the house and filing for a divorce despite her objections.

But if you want to stay in a loveless marriage just because she has objected for a separation, then feel free to stay, but you gonna have to honour your vows by staying faithful to her and not sleeping outside.

Remember you might be stuck forever once a child comes to the picture.

Mokole2023:


Yea thanks. Tho quite extreme, i actually asked her for separation which she vehemently objected. So i guess that's out of the discussion. She wants us to keep trying but I always loose sleep/rest when it fails again.

Samantha124:
■ The only way to show her how serious you are is by moving out of the house and filing for a divorce despite her objections. But if you want to stay in a loveless marriage just because she has objected for a separation, then feel free to stay, but you gonna have to honour your vows by staying faithful to her and not sleeping outside.

Remember you might be stuck forever once a child comes to the picture.

I think the woman is instead the one in a loveless marriage. No sex, no attention, just a glorified housemaid in the union while the man gets his knuckles shined outside by several other women. If she ends up tying herself down with a baby, I doubt that will change anything for him since from his OP, he seems to have already moved on.

You should know that after marriage, the next would be belle
We Africans will start looking at her Tommy
If she no collect, it is partially your fault because you are not always there.
My advice, spend more time with your wife, you guys are a young couple and need not be far away.
If it requires one of you to resign depending on una financial stamina, do it just for the marriage.

Mokole2023:


Thanks alot! Your post is closer to my thoughts. Unfortunately for now, we dont stay together. We have discussed the strong issue of resignation to be together. I feel that with that, i can curb my weakness with other women. Notwithstanding, she's put me under subtle pressure for pregnancy.

You think, but do not know, while the op knows.

And what do you mean no sex when according to the op she's the one denying him sex?

Or is the woman your sister and she personally told you all this?

Kobojunkie:
I think the woman is instead the one in a loveless marriage. No sex, no attention, just a glorified housemaid in the union while the man gets his knuckles shined outside by several other women. If she ends up tying herself down with a baby, I doubt that will change anything for him since from his OP, he seems to have already moved on.

Samantha124:
You think, but do not know, while the op knows. And what do you mean no sex when according to the op she's the one denying him sex? Or is the woman your sister and she personally told you all this?

OP's wife is denying him sex? You seem to know more about her than OP does. So, I should ask you if she is your sister or something.

But you can't refuse to answer my questions and expect me to answer yours.

And why do you sound emotional?

Kobojunkie:
OP's wife is denying him sex? You seem to know more about her than OP does. So, I should ask you if she is your sister or something.

Samantha124:
■ But you can't refuse to answer my questions and expect me to answer yours. And why do you sound emotional?

I can't answer your question since OP never said his wife denies him sex, to begin with. But since you claim she does, that means you must be more related to her than I am.

Klass99:


Are you off the High BP medication? Is viagra and BP meds a good combination? Legend 🤣.....abeg no go quench yourself because of performance issues in the bedroom.

We have established that your equipment is not dysfunctional when it comes to other women it is only with wifey so please take it easy. Walahi ehn when I first read your post one of my thoughts was that this could be spiritual but on wifey's part

However, I am not someone who likes to lead with the assumption that every unfortunate incident in life is spiritual so I didn't voice that thought but it crossed my mind. Did the elders you consulted not proffer a solution?

Actually, some Viagra meds can also act as anti-BP. I'm not yet off the BP meds as advised by the Cardio. An elder gave me some "concoction" to ward off the negativity. Now lemme burst your head: Wifey was totally against my "consultants" like i said she's from a strong clergy family but on a particular night, i took the herbs n said a small prayer to God to not fail me... everything worked great!!! 3 days ago, it was automatic though i ddnt take d stuff. 2 night ago, we went back to square 1 and surprisingly she started asking me to go use the herbs, which i later did tho but i have been scared to try again honestly.

Kobojunkie:
I think the woman is instead the one in a loveless marriage. No sex, no attention, just a glorified housemaid in the union while the man gets his knuckles shined outside by several other women. If she ends up tying herself down with a baby, I doubt that will change anything for him since from his OP, he seems to have already moved on.

Kobojunkie, calm down. I read your posts normally n they always amuse me. However, your assertions here are not correct. My wife doesn't deny me sex n i dont deny her attention. Infact other aspects of our marriage are very good. We play and laff alot cos we both have great sense of humor. Despite not staying together, her monthly upkeep from me is at par with her salary. So there's no abandonment or punishment anywhere. Inugo?

LLSAINT:
You should know that after marriage, the next would be belle
We Africans will start looking at her Tommy
If she no collect, it is partially your fault because you are not always there.
My advice, spend more time with your wife, you guys are a young couple and need not be far away.
If it requires one of you to resign depending on una financial stamina, do it just for the marriage.

Thank you so much for your time. Fortunately, I just got a better job recently which is gonna take me out of our current state totally. So inevitably, we have to move together.

Regards,

Okay, then tell what is it that the op said.

Kobojunkie:
I can't answer your question since OP never said his wife denies him sex, to begin with. But since you claim she does, that means you must be more related to her than I am.

Mokole2023:
■ Kobojunkie, calm down. I read your posts normally n they always amuse me. However, your assertions here are not correct. My wife doesn't deny me sex n i dont deny her attention. Infact other aspects of our marriage are very good. We play and laff alot cos we both have great sense of humor.
■ Despite not staying together, her monthly upkeep from me is at par with her salary. So there's no abandonment or punishment anywhere. Inugo?

1. I never said your wife denies you sex. Rather I said she gets no sex in the "marriage" as a result of you not being attracted to her.

2. I read the part about you both being separated and living apart but I was not certain if I read that right. Since you confirmed it, I wonder why you are keeping her around. Do you intend on making her a baby mama sometime in the future or something? You have already moved on so why not divorce her while she is still young? I just wouldn't like to read about her waking up 5 years later, full of regret, to realize she had been hanging on to a dead branch in the name of marriage.

Samantha124:
Okay, then tell what is it that the op said.

Never mind!

Kobojunkie:
1. I never said your wife denies you sex. Rather I said she gets no sex in the "marriage" as a result of you not being attracted to her.

2. I read the part about you both being separated and living apart but I was not certain if I read that right. Since you confirmed it, I wonder why you are keeping her around. Do you intend on making her a baby mama sometime in the future or something? You have already moved on so why not divorce her while she is still young? I just wouldn't like to read about her waking up 5 years later, full of regret, to realize she had been hanging on to a dead branch in the name of marriage.

Move on kwa? If i had moved on, i wont be here seeking help.

Mokole2023:
■ Summarily, my wife and I still dont live together but this situation has gone worse now. I got no sexual feelings towards her and na by force we dey manage run 1 round in weeks. Meanwhile, I get sex requests from other girls on a daily.
■ I'm very sad about this situation especially when i look at my wife because she ought to be enjoying this thicke alone forever. As a man, you can imagine how you'd feel when your woman feels ur impotent while other women are bugging you for your time. Various extreme thoughts have crossed my mind and I'm seriously bothered which isn't even good for my health.
■ Should i confess to my wife? I await your responses, suggestions and advice. Many thanks,

1. You don't desire her and you don't even live with her, so it isn't that you want to save the relationship since you gladly boast of having sex requests from other girls on a daily basis to take care of your lust meaning you have moved on.

2. Your primary concern is that this woman who you have no feelings for at least does not consider you impotent — your ego for some reason cannot let that one go. Then I asked

Kobojunkie:
You already abandoned your wife so why do you care if she thinks you are impotent or not?

You already abandoned the marriage and have yourself so many other women lined up so why are you trying hard to make us believe you care a lot about your wife? Are you waiting to get her pregnant and tied down or what? Why not tell her the truth about what you do so she can find her way at this point?

Then I read the following from you

Mokole2023:
Yea thanks. Tho quite extreme, i actually asked her for separation which she vehemently objected. So i guess that's out of the discussion. She wants us to keep trying but I always loose sleep/rest when it fails again.

But you are both living separately meaning you are already separated, or are you not?

Mokole2023:
Move on kwa? If i had moved on, i wont be here seeking help.

You are no longer attracted to her but you want her to know it is not a result of impotency. You are seeking help for your own ego and not the marriage.

Kobojunkiee:
1. You don't desire her and you don't even live with her, so it isn't that you want to save the relationship since you gladly boast of having sex requests from other girls on a daily basis to take care of your lust meaning you have moved on.

2. Your primary concern is that this woman who you have no feelings for at least does not consider you impotent — your ego for some reason cannot let that one go. Then I asked
Then I read the following from you But you are both living separately meaning you are already separated, or are you not?
You are no longer attracted to her but you want her to know it is not a result of impotency. You are seeking help for your own ego and not the marriage.

Honestly i feel u should just go back and read my first post with a more open mind.