ChuksHills:




You don't pressure your husband that is why you keep murmuring inside you because you are too soft.

Sit your husband down and tell him you can't continue to be struggling in your marriage he should look for something to do.

Then you every morning make sure you pressure him to go out to look for money don't let him be ie don't give him space, with that pressure he wouldn't be any more comfortable to stay in the house. As you are pressuring him make sure you don't abuse him.

Remember marriage is not a bed of roses there are times things will go well and There are also times when it will not go well so don't take because things are not working to leave or divorce your husband.

Counselor.

Did she tells you she married legally
Nor be alter
Na mortal combat




quote author=amSTARboy post=123600784]

He seems irresponsible with your write up….
I suggest you take a break and go to your family….
Re negotiate your marriage contract….
Cheating is not an option.

NB: For better for worse…. You made that vow at the alter [/quote]

ChuksHills:
■ You don't pressure your husband that is why you keep murmuring inside you because you are too soft. Sit your husband down and tell him you can't continue to be struggling in your marriage he should look for something to do. Then you every morning make sure you pressure him to go out to look for money don't let him be ie don't give him space, with that pressure he wouldn't be any more comfortable to stay in the house. As you are pressuring him make sure you don't abuse him.
■ Remember marriage is not a bed of roses there are times things will go well and There are also times when it will not go well so don't take because things are not working to leave or divorce your husband.

1. LOL... you think say na everyone get time and mind to pressure another adult into doing what adults ought to know to do? That job is meant for his father and mother, not for a wife abeg!

2. Life is what is not a bed of roses — marriage is rather an agreement and a choice.

GodPrince:
don't insult me little girl, I'm old enough to be your elder brother because I'm sure you are not more than 20, respect yourself. You know nothing about life, go wash your panties because it's obvious you don't have any clean pant to wear to school tomorrow

So stale. Very stale.
Its only in Nigeria you raise a debate with someone, he or she will start yapping I'm old enough to be your elder brother. Why not old enough to be her father abi you no senior am with more than 30yrs?
Entitlement mentality online already.
Older brother, pls make Nigeria work. Do something cos being tagged poverty capital of the world is no joke. She and others like her have been looking up to uou and your likes but you have been failing. Make her proud so she will give you the desired respect.
Ndi iberibe

Jovialjune1:



A fool at 150 years is a fool even in the grave, Satan will reject you not to talk of God, you are old enough to be a snail cos orangutans are way better than you

A dummy that chose to go personal with me, be like say you are new on this site, warn yourself and be guided.

pls shut up.

Skyview01:
Why did you get into a marriage both of you are not financially and emotionally prepared for?

Why bring the poor kids to come suffer when both of you are not ready financially?

I call it wickedness when you have kids without the means to take care of them.

I have no sympathy for you, I only pity the poor innocent kids. Instead of looking for ways to solve the problems you willfully created, you are looking for another man to shift your burdens.

You still will never learn and are always seeking for shortcuts.

MARRIAGE AND CHILDBEARING ARE NOT NECESSARY AND SUFFICIENT CONDITIONS FOR HAPPINESS IN LIFE!

Most people especially Nigerians prepare for marriage, sex life but never prepare for children's upbringing, very selfish and wicked...


Most think marriage is about unlimited/unrestricted Di.ck and Puss.y

descarado:

Even the practice in SE of man being trained from birth to be the provider is very flawed cos parents forgot to train their boys to be helper at home.
Reality now is that men and women contribute to the upkeep of the family almost equally in South East but men will never help in house work.
Wives end up getting househelps and transfer the aggression meant for the husband to the househelp. We see countless cases here. It's just transferred aggression.
In some cases, they don't need househelp but are forced to cos its hard juggling work, family life and pregnancy etc without breaking down. And these men look the other way. Always want to be treated as Kings even when wife provides also. I mean, I come from the east and its hard seeing guys cook or do housework.
(My extended family was a bit different cos each family has only one girl and they all got married early. I was the last in the whole family and grew up among many boys and Heck, they must cook else hunger go kpai them. So yes, guys in my family cook and do housework very well and this has helped all of them in their various families. I remember 2 or 3 of my cousins friends that learned how to cook in our house. Like my cousins literally make fun of them cos they can't prepare common eba)

And the funny thing is that ladies after passing through this, will still not train their boys to be useful around the house. What a useless circle.
Wish underage househelp should be banned and 18 plus paid at least minimum wage though they are live in.
It may make them wake up.

In my immediate family, I have reduced the stuff I do around house and assigned everybody to his task. Both papa and his kids. You don't do yours, we will swim in the river together.
Not ready to settle marriage problems when I should be travelling up and down having fun.

Transferred aggression that you had to blind someone’s child? I read some emotions in your post, you’re desperate to find a way to include eastern men in the blame game.

[for better....

Giftedhands45:
I have to join this forum to post this tonight.

I'm in my early thirties, my husband is just two years older than me. My husband has always been neglecting his responsibilities even before we got married, but I was seeing it as he doesn't have a better job and a struggling guy whom we can both join hands together to build each other. I endured everything with him. I have always supported and provided without complain.
Since last year my husband lost his job, since then, he has refused to look for any other source of income. Even when he had a job, he always have one story or the other to tell about his monthly salaries. So, he still doesn't provide.
Once, there's nothing in the house, he will keep watching because I can't watch my two children Starve. I will try everything, even call friends, families and borrow. He doesn't care how I borrowed and how I paid.


Now, he wakes up every morning and still go back to sleep. Whatever I asked him, he don't always have. He's response always is ''I don't have money ''
I am the only one sourcing out everything in this house, I don't have a job as well, just struggling up and down with a business I do.

There's no food, school fees, bill, everything, he will ignore. I can't watch my children suffer. So, I keep struggling without any help. But he eats food and uses everything in the house with us. He wouldn't provide, but he can use them once they're available.
Our house rent will soon expire and he has no plan towards That. The previous one I paid, but presently, my business is down

Lately, I've been thinking. I've never cheated since I entered this marriage, but If I keep struggling all myself like this, my children will suffer. I feel, I need someone who loves me and willing to support me as well.
My children are too used to their father, it borders me if I separate them from him.

Leaving a marriage because he's not taking responsibilities, does that make me a bad woman?

What could make a man to be very comfortable not providing for his family but wouldn't want to loss the said family?

Have you ever been in my shoes, what would you advise me?

Your husband is the lazy type. He can't change. You should resort to other means to take care of yourself and your children but don't go selling your body.
You should consider a temporary separation from your husband, go stay with any family member that can accommodate you and your children pending when the lazy drone awakes from his slumber.

But didn't you see the tell tale signs that your man is the lazy type before tieing the knot with him? A lazy man who can't fend for his family is worse than an infidel.

I will tell you this
you enabled that man.
He wasn't providing before marriage, how do you waNt him to provide after marriage?
You said even when he was working, and earning salaries, it was one complain to another, I bet he was betting his money away.
He wasn't responsible before marriage to know a man is a provider, you overlooked it and now you want him to suddenly be responsible to his responsibilities as a man?


Madam, when that rent expires, move away with your kids and go rent a smaller house or move in with your family if they are close by.

He can stay in that house or on a tree with birds, maybe then he will wake up to life as a man.

You paid the rent about to expire why won't he sit his lazy ass at home waiting for you since you have assumed the head and provider and him the wife?

Madam no food for lazy man o!

A lot of women shouldered responsibilities and supposed men have left them to struggle and fend for all the bukata in marriage, hence women aging faster and dying of high blood pressure due to lack of rest and stress.

whatever you do, don't succumb to going to family house with him, if not your middle name will be sorry.

The kids you are considering can always go visit their father. You come first, you have kids and your sanity and health to bother about.

It is one thing for a man to be out of jobs but to be a totally irresponsible man before and after marriage is not it for me.

Madam no go die o!
Osinachi worked and worked yet didn't have access to her money because of one man. There is no award for the most suffering and stressed wife o!

Only a wise woman who knows when to take a step back and rest from pressures of life lives to reap the fruit of her labour in life.

Be wise!

descarado:

So stale. Very stale.
Its only in Nigeria you raise a debate with someone, he or she will start yapping I'm old enough to be your elder brother. Why not old enough to be her father abi you no senior am with more than 30yrs?
Entitlement mentality online already.
Older brother, pls make Nigeria work. Do something cos being tagged poverty capital of the world is no joke. She and others like her have been looking up to uou and your likes but you have been failing. Make her proud so she will give you the desired respect.
Ndi iberibe

she may likely not allow me fhuck her easily but would want to stress my life so why should I do anything good for her?

moneyissweet:
Stupid questions, even dangote can go bankrupt and loose everything.

You asked as if she is God who knows when everything will turn upside down

I agree with Skyview01 on this abeg! Women and men need to begin engaging their heads properly 24/7. She saw the signs and ignored them. She must have and should have had a plan but alas... she didn't and that is terrible for those kids who now have a deadbeat-seeming father and a frustrated mother already pining to be loved by another man.

Klass99:


🤣😂🤣😂. The thing weak me! No self motivation, no drive to succeed.......unless they are gingered, reorientated and given purpose by a woman, like one of them said.

As in ehn, I keep hoping that I'll see changes yet they always kill it everytime on here, they say one thing but their actions says otherwise, smh.

cococandy:


No seriously if you ask them to give specifics about how she’s supposed to do it. All they’ll say is “Talk to him. Call family meeting. Talk to your pastor.”

Well what if after that he doesn’t change?

Then their next solution is to “pray and continue suffering”. Just to avoid calling a spade a spade. If he doesn’t care he doesn’t care. If he cares he’ll make the effort

You even missed the main issue.
Look deeper,as she zooms off trying to make ends meet,he is in another woman's arm promising her heaven and earth

Virtuous woman.
No more red bikini since that has failed

I know our President will never allow his house to spoil so...

He go call his plug, collect 5kg uncut and find his market.

Jovialjune1:



A fool at 150 years is a fool even in the grave, Satan will reject you not to talk of God, you are old enough to be a snail cos orangutans are way better than you

A dummy that chose to go personal with me, be like say you are new on this site, warn yourself and be guided.

Remember when I said he suffered from acute epileptic disorder when he was 14yrs old.he nor even know his papa.

Lolz
Very stupid daft eel.

Jovialjune1:



Daft eel.

I thought you were a respectful and decent girl. See yourself now? Displaying how rude and mannerless you're. It was the same you that was insulting me last year for declaring my love for you, I should have known you better that you didn't worth it.

[quote author=Giftedhands45 post=123600734]I have to join this forum to post this tonight.

I'm in my early thirties, my husband is just two years older than me. My husband has always been neglecting his responsibilities even before we got married, but I was seeing it as he doesn't have a better job and a struggling guy whom we can both join hands together to build each other. I endured everything with him. I have always supported and provided without complain.
Since last year my husband lost his job, since then, he has refused to look for any other source of income. Even when he had a job, he always have one story or the other to tell about his monthly salaries. So, he still doesn't provide.
Once, there's nothing in the house, he will keep watching because I can't watch my two children Starve. I will try everything, even call friends, families and borrow. He doesn't care how I borrowed and how I paid.


Now, he wakes up every morning and still go back to sleep. Whatever I asked him, he don't always have. He's response always is ''I don't have money ''
I am the only one sourcing out everything in this house, I don't have a job as well, just struggling up and down with a business I do.

There's no food, school fees, bill, everything, he will ignore. I can't watch my children suffer. So, I keep struggling without any help. But he eats food and uses everything in the house with us. He wouldn't provide, but he can use them once they're available.
Our house rent will soon expire and he has no plan towards That. The previous one I paid, but presently, my business is down

Lately, I've been thinking. I've never cheated since I entered this marriage, but If I keep struggling all myself like this, my children will suffer. I feel, I need someone who loves me and willing to support me as well.
My children are too used to their father, it borders me if I separate them from him.

Leaving a marriage because he's not taking responsibilities, does that make me a bad woman?

What could make a man to be very comfortable not providing for his family but wouldn't want to loss the said family?

Have you ever been in my shoes, what would you advise me?


I'm have been in your shoe, mine is even worst, sending him abroad, he came back and said he's tired of being separated from his family, you will see is reasons has been genuine, but how can you give a reason as u want to be with your family to come back home without a concrete plan on how to cater for them. Everything on me during COVID I saw hell,
After covid he will be complaining I'm not giving him is right in bed,I have gone out to work you're at home doing nothing, all what is in his head is copulate.
You just have to walk away,
If you don't, that's how it's going to be
Free yourself from him is an embedded of nothing, if you see a man outside, he will still eat from it
If you struggle with him, who told you is ready to work

He is a lazy man, you can't help him

My Advice for you there's no man outside who you think might help you with your responsibilities whatsoever, pick up yourself look for something that can fetch you money business or work, I hate it when ladies have this belief that it's only when they sleep with men, that they will be able to take care of themselves.

Set a goal for yourself dear, you can do it, if i am able to do it with nothing.
]

fortunateme:
Giftedhands45
I'm summary, you want to activate hoelosho mode? With 2 kids, finding true love is a mare wishful thinking. Just prepare your Congo for general knacking in exchange for some change.
Your husband is lazy. Towards the expiration of your rent move your children out to your family house. Watch him get gingered to act like a man should

This is good advice. He will definitely realized that everyone will need to find somewhere to sleep once the rent expire and he will not want to go back to his sleep in his parents house or family house without his own family.

I will advise you do it immediately. Take the children away right now with gentle explanation that you can no longer feed the children

What's going on, why are men not hustling like before? Depression?

Jovialjune1:



Later you men will be yapping spittle about saying that you are the logical gender, yet you keep proving to us over and over again that we get sense pass you,

You are waiting for a woman to ginger you before you man up, as in we should baby sit you and breastfeed you like a child before you borrow sense, omase o, the kind of males in this generation, it's a pity.

My ex girlfriend told me she couldn’t manage a business or work either. I got fed up with her asking of every 1 naira so I suggested I start up a business for her to manage and earn and stop being so dependent ( I was providing but don’t you think a girl should be able to earn money to buy her sanitary pads or cosmetics ?). Well at the end she told me she couldn’t manage a business and don’t feel like she needs to work under anyone. I dumped her a$$ and moved on with my life for good.

Now, do you think my ex was wise ? Wiser than the men who you bitter ladies despise ?
If I want to discuss wisdom, I sure will never invite a lady like you….
Not all women are like you though, some are wise.

ahnie:
Oga he has bn lazy right from dating time.pls spare us this trash.

Jovialjune1:



Ask yourself, does your reasoning make sense? if a woman leaves her husband, she automatically becomes someone else's second wife abi? What is wrong with you?

The OP clearly stated she needs a replacement husband, who will be up and doing, care for her. Obviously, cococandy is well cared for, enough to be able to serve as her sister's keeper.

Seriously, what's wrong in my suggestion?

unbiased2021:
■ Transferred aggression that you had to blind someone’s child? I read some emotions in your post, you’re desperate to find a way to include eastern men in the blame game.

It is transferred aggression because if you closely investigate many of those homes, you will find that said women are embittered towards their spouses but because of what they believe are cultural restrictions aren't allowed to make express their resentful or they would be cast as bad wives, they redirect that vile towards their kid or their house helps.

nairalanda1:


A man who cannot ginger himself, is it his wife that would do it for him?

Women can only encourage. But if a man has not woken up to his responsibility after fathering two children...

I would have told the op if her husband was actively looking for job to be at least patient with him. But it seems the man himself is not even trying.

His loss then, old age ain’t far from now, maybe he’ll realize how foolish he’s been when he’s pushing carts with grey hair .

I thank God daily for creating me in my kind.

Stop calling for public opinion on your husband's misfortune,from what i can diduce from your write up,you said he lost his job right
No good man will want to see his family suffering,most expecially his kids and also if the wife is very supportive,my candid advice is
1.call him and talk with him as husband and wife
2.pray for him and push him to get something doing,makes sure he hear you praying for him when you are praying.
3.call family attention on your pain of carrying the load alone
4.encourage him and nagging
Above all except oloshoism dey your eye.
My dear,be very careful make you no come back here dey screammm i thy know o for the sake of your children.