Kobojunkie:
It is transferred aggression because if you closely investigate many of those homes, you will find that said women are embittered towards their spouses but because of what they believe are cultural restrictions aren't allowed to make express their resentful or they would be cast as bad wives and so they redirect that vile towards their kid or their house helps.

I’m still trying to make it make sense though, but a wicked woman will always be a wicked woman.

cococandy:


You called black skin ugly. And you expect respect from black women. It’s your unmitigated gall and audacity for me. Fvcking low self esteem dvmbass

you're still insulting me even when I never insulted you? God bless you

Giftedhands45:
I have to join this forum to post this tonight.

I'm in my early thirties, my husband is just two years older than me. My husband has always been neglecting his responsibilities even before we got married, but I was seeing it as he doesn't have a better job and a struggling guy whom we can both join hands together to build each other. I endured everything with him. I have always supported and provided without complain.
Since last year my husband lost his job, since then, he has refused to look for any other source of income. Even when he had a job, he always have one story or the other to tell about his monthly salaries. So, he still doesn't provide.
Once, there's nothing in the house, he will keep watching because I can't watch my two children Starve. I will try everything, even call friends, families and borrow. He doesn't care how I borrowed and how I paid.


Now, he wakes up every morning and still go back to sleep. Whatever I asked him, he don't always have. He's response always is ''I don't have money ''
I am the only one sourcing out everything in this house, I don't have a job as well, just struggling up and down with a business I do.

There's no food, school fees, bill, everything, he will ignore. I can't watch my children suffer. So, I keep struggling without any help. But he eats food and uses everything in the house with us. He wouldn't provide, but he can use them once they're available.
Our house rent will soon expire and he has no plan towards That. The previous one I paid, but presently, my business is down

Lately, I've been thinking. I've never cheated since I entered this marriage, but If I keep struggling all myself like this, my children will suffer. I feel, I need someone who loves me and willing to support me as well.
My children are too used to their father, it borders me if I separate them from him.

Leaving a marriage because he's not taking responsibilities, does that make me a bad woman?

What could make a man to be very comfortable not providing for his family but wouldn't want to loss the said family?

Have you ever been in my shoes, what would you advise me?

In all your decision-making, be wise 🦉. Overworked single mothers plenty for outside, don't join the statistics, treat your marriage like a marathon not a sprint, God will guide you!

ahnie:

Lolzzzzz

I was on TikTok days ago and saw how janemena n her husband plies were doing,you can tell it's not bn scripted,it's natural,dem make marriage sweet person.

Your choice of role models is reflective of your thought process and mentality in general.

This is an opportunity for Nairaland feminists to loud their campaign.

I won't say anything until I hear from the guy...twisting narratives to make the other appear as the villian is all too common on this platform.

Klass99:


Some kids grew up in single parent households or separated ones and they are doing just fine. Others grew up in two parent households and are a perpetual nightmare to their parents and others around them.

The risk inherent in this bet almost always works against the children.

GodPrince:
you're still insulting me even when I never insulted you? God bless you

Leave God out of this . He created black skin and you called it ugly. I’m pretty sure he’s side eyeing you already for uttering such nonsense. Face your low self esteem and figure out how to deal with it

Giftedhands45:
I have to join this forum to post this tonight.

I'm in my early thirties, my husband is just two years older than me. My husband has always been neglecting his responsibilities even before we got married, but I was seeing it as he doesn't have a better job and being a struggling guy with whom we can both join hands together to build each other. I endured everything with him. I have always supported and provided without complaint.
Since last year my husband lost his job, and since then, he has refused to look for any other source of income. Even when he had a job, he always have one story or the other to tell about his monthly salary. So, he still doesn't provide.
Once, there's nothing in the house, he will keep watching because I can't watch my two children Starve. I will try everything, even call friends, family and borrow. He doesn't care how I borrowed and how I paid.


Now, he wakes up every morning and still goes back to sleep. Whatever I asked him, he don't always have. His response always is ''I don't have money ''
I am the only one sourcing out everything in this house, I don't have a job as well, just struggling up and down with a business I do.

There's no food, school fees, bills, everything, he will ignore. I can't watch my children suffer. So, I keep struggling without any help. But he eats food and uses everything in the house with us. He wouldn't provide them, but he can use them once they're available.
Our house rent will soon expire and he has no plan towards That. The previous one I paid, but presently, my business is down

Lately, I've been thinking. I've never cheated since I entered this marriage, but If I keep struggling like this, my children will suffer. I feel I need someone who loves me and is willing to support me as well.
My children are too used to their father, it borders me if I separate them from him.

Leaving a marriage because he's not taking responsibility, does that make me a bad woman?

What could make a man very comfortable not providing for his family but wouldn't want to lose the said family?

Have you ever been in my shoes, what would you advise me?

I have been a regular Nairaland visitor, and I have never had reason to comment on any topic until now. The reason why I opened this account is to advise you because your story looks like mine from about 5 years ago.
 
My wife had this same belief over me at that moment. I had been working and making money before I met her, but things get worse after marriage and make me lose myself, and she believes I am lazy and not ready to work. For a few years, she's been there, and suddenly she stops being herself, and I believe she's been manipulated. I tried to convince her, but it seems she had made up her mind, so I had to behave like what will be will be.
 
She took my kids to her parent's house. It feels like I am going to die. There was a time I nearly ended it because she was the last hope, and the kids are the ones pushing me not to give up.
 
I struggle with life, but God finally picked up my call.
 
It feels like she's the one holding my progress afterwards, and I can now say I am a man and can do basic things after she left.
 
I haven't had a serious relationship since she left and I am not planning to have one, but I have made up my mind that my penny will not go to her.
 
There are times I want my kids to go to the UK for the summer, but I die it because I don't want to have anything with her again.
 
 
I share this because I want you to think very well before it's too late. You guys can still talk it out, and the guy might not be as lazy as you think.
 
May God bless you and help you make the best decision.

cococandy:


What else is she supposed to do for him? Since his parents didn’t raise him to have a sense of responsibility. She’s supposed to train him all over again?

Well, I support the woman to go away for sometime but not outrightly leaving the marriage.
This country is really hard and there are people who don’t know how to put their feelings into words. What if his job wasn’t earning him enough ? How are we going to agree with her the man has never tried without getting to hear from the man himself ? She could either be saying the truth or not saying everything.
Let her go away with the kids for sometime, believe me when he’s alone he will have some time for sober reflections….
People are different and you never know where your real motivations will come from . This lady is also at fault because she explained these were happening before marriage. So how did the marriage happen? Did she pay for the bills too?

ahnie:
In SS abavo precisely the women are the bread winners,same with women from my tribe and extracted tribe(urhobos)we were trained to never depend on a man and we grew up with that mentality to hustle and fend for our kids,and our men 78 percent grew up with that mentality that even if they do not provide,the wife would definitely hustle and care for the kids

Is there any truth to the stereotype about SS men being lazy?

qtguru:
What's going on, why are men not hustling like before? Depression?

Nothing is going on. Unemployment rate in Nigeria is currently 41%, meaning 4 out of every 10 men out there are jobless. Not everyone can "hustle" in an environment that kills opportunities.

We have to first and foremost acknowledge a societal problem before crucifying anyone.

In marriage one is advised to start as you want to continue.

Don’t be doing everything and expect that he will change.

From what you say he might not be a desirable husband but a good father ie runs errands and helps take care of the children. There is a lot of value to this too. Let the rent expire if you can pay even if you have to ask for help pay if not, wait until stress from landlord makes you go temporarily to your parents. Let him know you are waiting on him.

Na you choose am na you go manage am. Try not to complicate your life any further.

unbiased2021:
■ I’m still trying to make it make sense though, but a wicked woman will always be a wicked woman.

Really? Given that the man sits back and allows such atrocities to continue in his own marriage—you cannot tell me that the man does not see or hear all that goes on in his own home —, do you not see that it isn't just the woman but the man as well implicated in these acts of wickedness?

HeartlessMan:
Lord Lugard would be proud at the amalgamation of frustrated feminists on this thread.

looool..dem don come outside.The man Is just naturally stingy and lazy,no be by wether he dey spend wen una dey date or not.

olamilarks:
■ In all your decision-making, be wise 🦉. Overworked single mothers plenty for outside, don't join the statistics,
■ treat your marriage like a marathon not a sprint, God will guide you!

1. Is she not already one of them even as she continues to carry the "Mrs" badge around?

2. Treat marriage like a marathon while marriage treats her like an overworked single mother? Your level of reasoning dey shock-ed me. Abeg no dey mention God name in this kain muck abeg!

SURElee:
I will tell you this
you enabled that man.
He wasn't providing before marriage, how do you waNt him to provide after marriage?
You said even when he was working, and earning salaries, it was one complain to another, I bet he was betting his money away.
He wasn't responsible before marriage to know a man is a provider, you overlooked it and now you want him to suddenly be responsible to his responsibilities as a man?


Madam, when that rent expires, move away with your kids and go rent a smaller house or move in with your family if they are close by.

He can stay in that house or on a tree with birds, maybe then he will wake up to life as a man.

You paid the rent about to expire why won't he sit his lazy ass at home waiting for you since you have assumed the head and provider and him the wife?

Madam no food for lazy man o!

A lot of women shouldered responsibilities and supposed men have left them to struggle and fend for all the bukata in marriage, hence women aging faster and dying of high blood pressure due to lack of rest and stress.

whatever you do, don't succumb to going to family house with him, if not your middle name will be sorry.

The kids you are considering can always go visit their father. You come first, you have kids and your sanity and health to bother about.

It is one thing for a man to be out of jobs but to be a totally irresponsible man before and after marriage is not it for me.

Madam no go die o!
Osinachi worked and worked yet didn't have access to her money because of one man. There is no award for the most suffering and stressed wife o!

Only a wise woman who knows when to take a step back and rest from pressures of life lives to reap the fruit of her labour in life.

Be wise!

Thank you

lomaxx:
■ The risk inherent in this bet almost always works against the children.

Would a child be better off raised in a home by an overworked single mother carrying a "Mrs" badge desperately dragging along a deadbeat father?

Kobojunkie:
1. Is she not already one of them even as she continues to carry the "Mrs" badge around?

2. Treat marriage like a marathon while marriage treats her like an overworked single mother? Your level of reasoning dey shock-ed me. Abeg no dey mention God name in this kain muck abeg!

I said what I said IQ judge. Enjoy!

olamilarks:
I said what I said IQ judge. Enjoy!

You are the one who said we should use wisdom in everything, right before you then revealed yours.

If you read her story she said she did everything even when he was working because he had one story or the other regarding his income even when he worked.

I don’t have any advice for her except for her to bear in mind that he won’t change and she should be ready to keep doing it all as long as she’s with him.

The decision is hers

unbiased2021:


Well, I support the woman to go away for sometime but not outrightly leaving the marriage.
This country is really hard and there are people who don’t know how to put their feelings into words. What if his job wasn’t earning him enough ? How are we going to agree with her the man has never tried without getting to hear from the man himself ? She could either be saying the truth or not saying everything.
Let her go away with the kids for sometime, believe me when he’s alone he will have some time for sober reflections….
People are different and you never know where your real motivations will come from . This lady is also at fault because she explained these were happening before marriage. So how did the marriage happen? Did she pay for the bills too?

Kobojunkie:
You are the one who said we should use wisdom in everything, right before you then revealed yours.

Do you have children Kobojunkie?

olamilarks:
■ Do you have children Kobojunkie?

Why do you ask?

Acidosis:



Nothing is going on. Unemployment rate in Nigeria is currently 41%, meaning 4 out of every 10 men out there are jobless. Not everyone can "hustle" in an environment that kills opportunities.

We have to first and foremost acknowledge a societal problem before crucifying anyone.

Unemployment is a general issue in any country, that's not justification for giving up, and letting the woman be burdened. Outrageous

qtguru:
■ Unemployment is a general issue in any country, that's not justification for giving up, and letting the woman be burden. Outrageous

Very good response!

sisisioge:
It is well fa..... how could you have married him! Someone who couldnt be bothered to give from the little he has will not bother when he has plenty fa. Na wa o. See your life now....hian!

Any man who refuses to take care of small bills while you're courting him will not take care of big bills when you marry him! Let them call you a gold digger... yes, you are! The same way they ask you what you bring to the table is the same way you should ask them. Na real wa o.

Biko follow the advice of the guy that suggested you call a family meeting on his head, afterwhich you could go for a recess biko. Awon stingy bfs that become stingy lazy husbands! Whew! If care is not taken, you will sponsor him and your kids till they are old enough to take care of themselves.... what a dreadful situation.

@bolded
He is good on bed na.
Will ladies ever learn that no one can eat her cake and still have it back.

Giftedhands45:
I have to join this forum to post this tonight.

I'm in my early thirties, my husband is just two years older than me. My husband has always been neglecting his responsibilities even before we got married, but I was seeing it as he doesn't have a better job and a struggling guy whom we can both join hands together to build each other. I endured everything with him. I have always supported and provided without complain.
Since last year my husband lost his job, since then, he has refused to look for any other source of income. Even when he had a job, he always have one story or the other to tell about his monthly salaries. So, he still doesn't provide.
Once, there's nothing in the house, he will keep watching because I can't watch my two children Starve. I will try everything, even call friends, families and borrow. He doesn't care how I borrowed and how I paid.


Now, he wakes up every morning and still go back to sleep. Whatever I asked him, he don't always have. He's response always is ''I don't have money ''
I am the only one sourcing out everything in this house, I don't have a job as well, just struggling up and down with a business I do.

There's no food, school fees, bill, everything, he will ignore. I can't watch my children suffer. So, I keep struggling without any help. But he eats food and uses everything in the house with us. He wouldn't provide, but he can use them once they're available.
Our house rent will soon expire and he has no plan towards That. The previous one I paid, but presently, my business is down

Lately, I've been thinking. I've never cheated since I entered this marriage, but If I keep struggling all myself like this, my children will suffer. I feel, I need someone who loves me and willing to support me as well.
My children are too used to their father, it borders me if I separate them from him.

Leaving a marriage because he's not taking responsibilities, does that make me a bad woman?

What could make a man to be very comfortable not providing for his family but wouldn't want to loss the said family?

Have you ever been in my shoes, what would you advise me?

We need to hear from the guy. Sometimes if you hear from the other party you will be shocked.

There is nothing bad at all if a woman decides to leave a marriage.
It is within a woman's prerogative to make that decision.

A man might be responsible for Feeding, Clothing, Schooling, Maintenance etc; etc; for a
woman and her children and her families in the last 1000 years. There would never ever be a complaint.

But, let a TEMPORARY woe betides this same man and lost his job and unable to pay household bills for just 1 Hour (One Hour),
Then you will hear this same woman, singing like a parrot, all over the world.

It all depends on a man and a woman's upbringing.

Some women stay and fight really hard for the over all Long Term benefit of her children.
Some women as well chicken out and reap the big time reward of her action in the nearest future.

That is why it is important for a man to do proper background verifications and analysis before settling down with a woman.
A woman also needs to undertake exhaustive background verifications as well.

I wish you good luck as you ponder on what to do.

I see Naija ladies trying to "Americanize" with everything, 😂, the single mother in the western world has child support but here we have none. What I see is happening with OP is a communication gap, which could still be salvaged. Children needs both parents to be present for robust development, not multiple daddies or mummies while growing up!

olamilarks:
■ I see Naija ladies trying to "Americanize" with everything, 😂, the single mother in the western world has child support but here we have none. What I see is happening with OP is a communication gap, which could still be salvaged. Children needs both parents to be present for robust development, not multiple daddies or mummies while growing up!

Children need both parents? You don't know the world and Life has yet to teach you much at all is why you make such generalizations still.

Kobojunkie:
Would a child be better off raised in a home by an overworked single mother carrying a "Mrs" badge desperately dragging along a deadbeat father?

I think labels are overrated. She can leave (she wants to and she will). Entirely her choice.

However, the fact remains. The risk inherent in the bet against dual parent households almost always works against the children.

Kobojunkie:
Why do you ask?

Because I gave my opinion from the POV of children, they suffer the most when their parents separate. Marriage is Hardwork sir/ma'am, that's why I prayed for wisdom for the lady, because I can't advice her!