Giftedhands45:
@all thanks for your advice and suggestions.
I have reported to his mum and siblings severally and they're not happy about his behavior, but he refuses to change.

The advice on moving to my parents house once the house rent expires is exactly what I will do.

For those saying I bring forth children to suffer them. No, My children are not suffering. I tried to give them the best in my own power. I'm the only one suffering because I'm doing it all alone.
And sure, no more intimacy here anymore. He can't provide, he can't touch me either

Kobojunkie:
1. LOL... you think say na everyone get time and mind to pressure another adult into doing what adults ought to know to do? That job is meant for his father and mother, not for a wife abeg!

2. Life is what is not a bed of roses — marriage is rather an agreement and a choice.

Giftedhands45:
I have to join this forum to post this tonight.

I'm in my early thirties, my husband is just two years older than me. My husband has always been neglecting his responsibilities even before we got married, but I was seeing it as he doesn't have a better job and a struggling guy whom we can both join hands together to build each other. I endured everything with him. I have always supported and provided without complain.
Since last year my husband lost his job, since then, he has refused to look for any other source of income. Even when he had a job, he always have one story or the other to tell about his monthly salaries. So, he still doesn't provide.
Once, there's nothing in the house, he will keep watching because I can't watch my two children Starve. I will try everything, even call friends, families and borrow. He doesn't care how I borrowed and how I paid.


Now, he wakes up every morning and still go back to sleep. Whatever I asked him, he don't always have. He's response always is ''I don't have money ''
I am the only one sourcing out everything in this house, I don't have a job as well, just struggling up and down with a business I do.

There's no food, school fees, bill, everything, he will ignore. I can't watch my children suffer. So, I keep struggling without any help. But he eats food and uses everything in the house with us. He wouldn't provide, but he can use them once they're available.
Our house rent will soon expire and he has no plan towards That. The previous one I paid, but presently, my business is down

Lately, I've been thinking. I've never cheated since I entered this marriage, but If I keep struggling all myself like this, my children will suffer. I feel, I need someone who loves me and willing to support me as well.
My children are too used to their father, it borders me if I separate them from him.

Leaving a marriage because he's not taking responsibilities, does that make me a bad woman?

What could make a man to be very comfortable not providing for his family but wouldn't want to loss the said family?

Have you ever been in my shoes, what would you advise me?

BloomingDale:


Counselor.

ahnie:
It's a simple case,no need for divorce.
Here's what you Will do.
Cook,give to the kids,any remainder,put in plastic takeaway pack or cooler.

Warn the kids not to ever give him their meals to eat,or they're grounded.

Try grow your business,add other streams of incomes to it.

Try give yourself peace of mind,you would need it for the Israelite journey ahead.

Madam no matter what,do not ever indulge in extra marital affairs,e get why.

Take very good care of yourself ma'am.

I told you it's a simple mara.

When house rentage expires,before e expired,look for alternative place to stay,make sure he doesn't stay with you people

Giftedhands45:
I have to join this forum to post this tonight.

I'm in my early thirties, my husband is just two years older than me. My husband has always been neglecting his responsibilities even before we got married, but I was seeing it as he doesn't have a better job and a struggling guy whom we can both join hands together to build each other. I endured everything with him. I have always supported and provided without complain.
Since last year my husband lost his job, since then, he has refused to look for any other source of income. Even when he had a job, he always have one story or the other to tell about his monthly salaries. So, he still doesn't provide.
Once, there's nothing in the house, he will keep watching because I can't watch my two children Starve. I will try everything, even call friends, families and borrow. He doesn't care how I borrowed and how I paid.


Now, he wakes up every morning and still go back to sleep. Whatever I asked him, he don't always have. He's response always is ''I don't have money ''
I am the only one sourcing out everything in this house, I don't have a job as well, just struggling up and down with a business I do.

There's no food, school fees, bill, everything, he will ignore. I can't watch my children suffer. So, I keep struggling without any help. But he eats food and uses everything in the house with us. He wouldn't provide, but he can use them once they're available.
Our house rent will soon expire and he has no plan towards That. The previous one I paid, but presently, my business is down

Lately, I've been thinking. I've never cheated since I entered this marriage, but If I keep struggling all myself like this, my children will suffer. I feel, I need someone who loves me and willing to support me as well.
My children are too used to their father, it borders me if I separate them from him.

Leaving a marriage because he's not taking responsibilities, does that make me a bad woman?

What could make a man to be very comfortable not providing for his family but wouldn't want to loss the said family?

Have you ever been in my shoes, what would you advise me?

Skyview01:
Why did you get into a marriage both of you are not financially and emotionally prepared for?

Why bring the poor kids to come suffer when both of you are not ready financially?

I call it wickedness when you have kids without the means to take care of them.

I have no sympathy for you, I only pity the poor innocent kids. Instead of looking for ways to solve the problems you willfully created, you are looking for another man to shift your burdens.

You still will never learn and are always seeking for shortcuts.

MARRIAGE AND CHILDBEARING ARE NOT NECESSARY AND SUFFICIENT CONDITIONS FOR HAPPINESS IN LIFE!

Kobojunkie:
Would a child be better off raised in a home by an overworked single mother carrying a "Mrs" badge desperately dragging along a deadbeat father?

Skyview01:
Why did you get into a marriage both of you are not financially and emotionally prepared for?

Why bring the poor kids to come suffer when both of you are not ready financially?

I call it wickedness when you have kids without the means to take care of them.

I have no sympathy for you, I only pity the poor innocent kids. Instead of looking for ways to solve the problems you willfully created, you are looking for another man to shift your burdens.

You still will never learn and are always seeking for shortcuts.

MARRIAGE AND CHILDBEARING ARE NOT NECESSARY AND SUFFICIENT CONDITIONS FOR HAPPINESS IN LIFE!

cococandy:
So your solution is not for more jobs to be created for everyone to have equal access. It’s for women to leave so that men can have less competition

cococandy:
So what’s the solution? Yes I agree divorcing him is her choice. No one can make that choice for her.

But in the meantime what should she do?


We all have issues to deal with but as soon as kids come into the equation, one has to buckle up and tough it out for them

descarado:

Don't even go there.
Unemployment has been there before I was born.
As population soars, unemployment follow suit.
Especially in countries like Nigeria.
The problem is that majority of Nigerian men( graduates) feel some certain jobs are not for them.
A woman can finish school and start sales girl and yes, she has her family to take care of.
It was here that most guy were insulting Nigerians abroad cos according to them they will rather die hungry in Nigeria than go abroad and start cleaning poo but I'm sure men from such countries who do such jobs do that with joy.
A d when those cleaning this poo send money to them, they will accept with hands wide open.

The problem is bloated ego with duck brain.

sisisioge:
It is well fa..... how could you have married him! Someone who couldnt be bothered to give from the little he has will not bother when he has plenty fa. Na wa o. See your life now....hian!

Any man who refuses to take care of small bills while you're courting him will not take care of big bills when you marry him! Let them call you a gold digger... yes, you are! The same way they ask you what you bring to the table is the same way you should ask them. Na real wa o.

Biko follow the advice of the guy that suggested you call a family meeting on his head, afterwhich you could go for a recess biko. Awon stingy bfs that become stingy lazy husbands! Whew! If care is not taken, you will sponsor him and your kids till they are old enough to take care of themselves.... what a dreadful situation.

Acidosis:


Okay. Please assist her in moving her belongings to her father's house.

ahnie:

That's her sole decision to make.
Pls provide means of logistics.

fyzaila:
They'll say if a lady demand for money while dating, she isn't a complete wife material.

Imagine! It is only stingy broke a$$ men that makes the above statement. How can you claim you love a woman and find it difficult to spend on her?

Ladies pull your ear and repeat after me "i will never start what i cannot finish"

In as much as i believe in this saying "lets grow together " that doesn't mean you should act mumuishly all because of love. The lets grow together should be after marriage. You clearly saw that he was neglecting his responsibility even before marriage so what now makes you think he was going to change after marriage? When he sees you as his problem solver, desperado. Why should you even agree to such marriage in the first place? In this 22nd century where things aren't easy for an average income earners let alone a low income earner.

Now see innocent children you brought to this world to face the circumstances created by their parents. For the sake of those children, go and report him be it family members or human right or court. Where he'll be forced to get up and start acting responsibly by providing for the kids. Because if you divorce now, the responsibility will still be on you.

Or abi you have found a lover who is willing to accept and take care of you and the kids? Hmmm my sister don't believe any son of man who says he's gonna do that o. Let's face reality, no man will accept to shoulder another man's child/children responsibility knowing fully well their father is very much alive and kicking. Think twice o, before they turn you into an after two hook up mama.

Airdrophunter:
■ I have been a regular Nairaland visitor, and I have never had reason to comment on any topic until now. The reason why I opened this account is to advise you because your story looks like mine from about 5 years ago.
My wife had this same belief over me at that moment. I had been working and making money before I met her, but things get worse after marriage and make me lose myself, and she believes I am lazy and not ready to work. For a few years, she's been there, and suddenly she stops being herself, and I believe she's been manipulated. I tried to convince her, but it seems she had made up her mind, so I had to behave like what will be will be. She took my kids to her parent's house. It feels like I am going to die. There was a time I nearly ended it because she was the last hope, and the kids are the ones pushing me not to give up.
■ I struggle with life, but God finally picked up my call. It feels like she's the one holding my progress afterwards, and I can now say I am a man and can do basic things after she left. I haven't had a serious relationship since she left and I am not planning to have one, but I have made up my mind that my penny will not go to her.
■ There are times I want my kids to go to the UK for the summer, but I die it because I don't want to have anything with her again. I share this because I want you to think very well before it's too late. You guys can still talk it out, and the guy might not be as lazy as you think.May God bless you and help you make the best decision.

lomaxx:
I sympathize with anyone that has to make a choice between parenting their kids as a single parent or with their spouse. Hopefully, decisions made can turn out to be (at least) beneficial for some parties. Typical case of winning some and losing others. Everyone should ensure to lay a solid foundation for good parenting. Requires conscious effort from both sides.

Jovialjune1:



What exactly is the correlation between your ex and the Op pls? Later you will raise your hand when educated people are called, yet you are an educated illiterate, you lack wisdom and comprehension, this i tell you for free.

Klass99:


The text in bold is the major difference between you and the OP's husband. You worked and made money and I am sure you also provided for your household. This man worked and no one saw the money when he worked, neither did he provide.

When things got bad for you, you made an effort to change the situation, it doesn't look like this man is making an effort or trying in the story. There's a difference between your story and hers, between you and her man. So, your advice can't work for her.

Let your children travel to the UK for summer, and expose them to a world of possibilities and new experiences through travel. Why on earth do you want to extend the vendetta to your kids? For lack of a better word I used vendetta but that's not the word I'm looking for. Later you people will say women are vindictive.

You are equally being vindictive to children who had nothing to do with your wife walking away. I mean like seriously? You won't send your kids to the UK for the summer because you don't want to have anything to do with their mother. You will need those same kids in your old age, it will be in your best interest if they are well-exposed, well-grounded and successful in this life o.

Giftedhands45:
I have to join this forum to post this tonight.

I'm in my early thirties, my husband is just two years older than me. My husband has always been neglecting his responsibilities even before we got married, but I was seeing it as he doesn't have a better job and a struggling guy whom we can both join hands together to build each other. I endured everything with him. I have always supported and provided without complain.
Since last year my husband lost his job, since then, he has refused to look for any other source of income. Even when he had a job, he always have one story or the other to tell about his monthly salaries. So, he still doesn't provide.
Once, there's nothing in the house, he will keep watching because I can't watch my two children Starve. I will try everything, even call friends, families and borrow. He doesn't care how I borrowed and how I paid.


Now, he wakes up every morning and still go back to sleep. Whatever I asked him, he don't always have. He's response always is ''I don't have money ''
I am the only one sourcing out everything in this house, I don't have a job as well, just struggling up and down with a business I do.

There's no food, school fees, bill, everything, he will ignore. I can't watch my children suffer. So, I keep struggling without any help. But he eats food and uses everything in the house with us. He wouldn't provide, but he can use them once they're available.
Our house rent will soon expire and he has no plan towards That. The previous one I paid, but presently, my business is down

Lately, I've been thinking. I've never cheated since I entered this marriage, but If I keep struggling all myself like this, my children will suffer. I feel, I need someone who loves me and willing to support me as well.
My children are too used to their father, it borders me if I separate them from him.

Leaving a marriage because he's not taking responsibilities, does that make me a bad woman?

What could make a man to be very comfortable not providing for his family but wouldn't want to loss the said family?

Have you ever been in my shoes, what would you advise me?

unbiased2021:


You’re not a rational thinker na so how will you understand my write up. You spend your whole life trying to prove you’re smarter than men yet you couldn’t understand I was telling you of how unwise you are. B**ch

cococandy:
So your solution is not for more jobs to be created for everyone to have equal access. It’s for women to leave so that men can have less competition

ChuksHills:
■ Understand this, there are some men that doesn't know there right and there are some that are naturally lazy they can't do anything except some one pushes or pressurized them if not they wouldn't go out of their comfort zone. If the lady don't pressure the husband to go out and look for job or money who will do it for her. Most men hustling today doing jobs that they know on their own can't do it but are doing it because they can't face the pressure of their wives at home. She should pressure her husband so that he can take up his responsibilities as a man and she should learn to speak out to her husband and stop being soft.

Ofunaofu:
■ he doesn't deserve to be Her husband, he is just there as a deadbeat Father..... father just for the kids nothing more Hmmmmmmm!

Trizyd:


Your husband might really be what claim he is, and I don't know at what point he lost his value and worth to you, but you are introducing him to people out here and you said "He is just two years older" .... just? Or you are ignorant of how that singular word changes the context of your introduction of this man? That word shows you don't place a value on the age difference between you too and that tells a whole lot on how you see him and consequently how you act to him.

unbiased2021:
■ You’re not a rational thinker na so how will you understand my write up. You spend your whole life trying to prove you’re smarter than men yet you couldn’t understand I was telling you of how unwise you are. B**ch

Trizyd:
Leave your husband and that will be a mistake you will live to regret forever. You can mark my words.

It's only your side of the story I read, but even from the second sentence, I can spot issues coming from you yourself.

Be wise.

Giftedhands45:
@all thanks for your advice and suggestions.
I have reported to his mum and siblings severally and they're not happy about his behavior, but he refuses to change.

The advice on moving to my parents house once the house rent expires is exactly what I will do.

For those saying I bring forth children to suffer them. No, My children are not suffering. I tried to give them the best in my own power. I'm the only one suffering because I'm doing it all alone.
And sure, no more intimacy here anymore. He can't provide, he can't touch me either

President2001:

You can never know his pain until you're in his shoe, just because he was silent does not making him a lazy man you need to put your best together so that he can overcome [ when you cheat you have a regret you will nurse till end of your life ] prayer is the key

Kobojunkie:
Your story is completely different from the OP's but it is a story nonetheless!

1. You lost yourself and kept your wife in the dark or to the point that after carrying all the weight on her own for a while, she decided she had had enough and took the kids with her to live with her parents instead? During all that time, did you at least help her out at home or with the burden she bore? Or did you sit back as "King of the hill", like OP's husband, or what? And you think she was the problem on the whole?

2. Oh, you even concluded that your wife was to blame for the setbacks you experienced in your life?

3. You even go as far as to deny your own children opportunities because of your hatred of the same wife who tried her best before she finally concluded she had had enough of you not meeting up with your end of the bargain?

Mimicle101:
■ That is it. They are always quick to call a man lazy. The man could be in so much pains. He may be losing it. He may be going through depression. Since he is a man he must be perfect.