Skyview01:
This is a big question I try to wrap my head around and not getting any answer.

I see a lot of couple stressed out financially after marriage and within six month, the wife is pregnant.

If the wife is not pregnant after six months, the parents are worried if something is wrong with the woman or the man and the couple start getting strange stares from the pastor and members of the church.

Why not have a three year family planning immediately after the wedding, this has lots of advantage, first the couple is able to recover from the wedding, secondly, they are able to save and prepare for the arrival of babies, also they are able to enjoy each other before the babies.

This is a wrong aspect of our culture i would like to see changed in our society and its affecting marriages.


Whats your thought?

At times newly wedded couples don't plan for kids immediately, but sofar you are with a woman in that house and you sleep with her, it's expected to occur soon

You can't marry and wait for like three years before having kids, what are you waiting for?
Are you waiting for an alarm to notify you when to start having children?

Under this our harsh economy, you are expected to kick off and if you are lucky, boom it clicks and you start counting so that you know when to be done with child bearings and face the reality of up bringing and training them

As for parents who start asking questions,
They do so because they believe you guys are already on practical class every now and then and they hope the result to be out as quick as possible

frozen70:


At times newly wedded couples don't plan for kids immediately, but sofar you are with a woman in that house and you sleep with her, it's expected to occur soon

You can't marry and wait for like three years before having kids, what are you waiting for?
Are you waiting for an alarm to notify you when to start having children?

Under this our harsh economy, you are expected to kick off and if you are lucky, boom it clicks and you start counting so that you know when to be done with child bearings and face the reality of up bringing and training them

As for parents who start asking questions,
They do so because they believe you guys are already on practical class every now and then and they hope the result to be out as quick as possible

"Under this our harsh economy", you are supposed to plan and not to kick off.

Skyview01:


"Under this our harsh economy", you are supposed to plan and not to kick off.

No, you kick off and plan with the economy

One to three kids are ok

The more you wait the more baby items goes up

The more you delay the more they blame your wife for not being pregnant

Will you defend her that you are actually the one delaying her

Before you know it, low sperm count comes in for the man
Fertility issues comes in for the woman

Wahala every where, yet they blame the woman

Proserpina:
Are you birthing for your church members , inlaws and well wisher? Will they shoulder the responsibilities of having kids with you? Will these people help you run your home. Lol if we are to go by this your logic you should be typing in your native language on soil not on Nl in English

Thank you for helping with the education.

There is too much suffering in the land and innocent kids have to suffer needlessly because of the lack of planning of our parents. We have to change our ways of thinking.

frozen70:


No, you kick off and plan with the economy

One to three kids are ok

The more you wait the more baby items goes up

The more you delay the more they blame your wife for not being pregnant

Will you defend her that you are actually the one delaying her

Before you know it, low sperm count comes in for the man
Fertility issues comes in for the woman

Wahala every where, yet they blame the woman

Low sperm will not set in within 2 years. There is no basis for that fear. I see so many couples and children suffering because of parent's lack of planning before arrival of kids. Preparing for kids mean, you have money to enroll them in sport, take them on vacations, good food and clothing's. Your job and your husband's job are not negatively impacted with arrival of children. We have to start to plan for all these things.

Skyview01:


Low sperm will not set in within 2 years. There is no basis for that fear. I see so many couple and children suffering because of parent's lack of planning before arrival of kids. Preparing for kids mean, you have money to enroll them in sport, take them on vacations, good food and clothing's. Your job and your husband's job are not negatively impacted with arrival of children. We have to start to plan for all these things.

You can have one or two and take a break

Skyview01:
Low sperm will not set in within 2 years. There is no basis for that fear. I see so many couple and children suffering because of parent's lack of planning before arrival of kids. Preparing for kids mean, you have money to enroll them in sport, take them on vacations, good food and clothing's. Your job and your husband's job are not negatively impacted with arrival of children. We have to start to plan for all these things.

Even 80-something-year-old men are having kids, Nigerians dey dey use low spermcount as a reason not to wait to have kids. E don kpari be that!

Kobojunkie:
Even 80-something-year-old men are having kids, Nigerians dey dey use low spermcount as a reason not to wait to have kids. E don kpari be that!

The thing weak me. Trying to pick my jaws from the floor.

Godwin4444:
so are u expecting people to go for family planning after wedding abi or u still want them to b using condom after marriage?

Actually that may not be the case based on OP's points, everything takes planning though.

If u think about it, some people rely on family and friends to support their weddings financially, some even take out loans to make the wedding happen, without thinking about paying back the family and friends that supported their weddings.

Suddenly, the same couple have a child and start bugging same family and friends for the needs of the baby. That's lack of planning in my opinion.

No one should pressurize anyone into having kids as soon as they get married because they don't know the financial stand within their new home.

Skyview01:


This is a wrong aspect of our culture i would like to see changed in our society and its affecting marriages.

Nothing is wrong with the culture .... you have a wrong aspect. The purpose of marriage is to start and raise a family. All you mentioned need to be done before ... being financially ready .. counseling.... etc.. if you're going to be broke after the wedding ceremonies then you are not yet ready for marriage. You got it twisted.

As in, they just go straight from the reception to the labour room?

Skyview01:


Are you married? do you have kids?

No am not, am not ready for any responsibility now. Once I am ok to some extent I will get married and by gods grace have the number of kids I can Carter for.

If the wife is not pregnant after six months, the parents are worried if something is wrong with the woman or the man and the couple start getting strange stares from the pastor and members of the church.

What was the point of asking when you provided the accurate response?

My mother for the past three years constantly repeats a situation which pained her sixty years into the future.

She was one year deep in marriage with a few miscarriages. Family members knew so nobody questioned her plight. My father had an elder friend who came for a visit. Ignorant of the situation, he castigated every move she made to please him as a guest, claiming abortions and wayward lifestyles were the norm for young females of their time. My father paid no mind to him based on elders assumed to be right. The man had a confidante his age who pleaded to my mother that the man's ways were of old times. The idiot kept interrupting to have the final say, that women with faulty reproductive systems were not welcome in any man's home.

Six years later, my mother birthed three children with an addition on the way. She came across the man at a function. He was full of praise for her, that finally, she performed her duty as a wife with flying colours. He apologised for his earlier behaviour and claimed it was meant to serve as motivation to prove naysayers wrong. He said people around were afraid to mention it, but the sentiment was evident in their actions. My mother halfheartedly accepted his apology and kept it moving.

The man is long dead today. His words ring strongly in my mother's brain as clear as yesterday. She birthed six children who are adults now with their own families. Still, his actions that day — a whole sixty years ago — nearly bring her to tears.

Never give in to the words of ignorant people. They will live their lives and abandon you to the consequences. If good, all to your benefit. If bad, all to your detriment.

Sometimes, I wonder why people choose to challenge society's fallacies on the pages of this forum. Too many users here are close-minded. The painful part is the average member is meant to be in his mid teens to early twenties; ages young enough to critically oppose ways which led to misery in past generations. Instead they wholeheartedly accept them because following the crowd is easier than thinking ways out.

Solsix:

No am not, am not ready for any responsibility now. Once I am ok to some extent I will get married and by gods grace have the number of kids I can Carter for.

You are on the right path

Skyview01:
This is a big question I try to wrap my head around and not getting any answer.

I see a lot of couple stressed out financially after marriage and within six month, the wife is pregnant.

If the wife is not pregnant after six months, the parents are worried if something is wrong with the woman or the man and the couple start getting strange stares from the pastor and members of the church.

Why not have a three year family planning immediately after the wedding, this has lots of advantage, first the couple is able to recover from the wedding, secondly, they are able to save and prepare for the arrival of babies, also they are able to enjoy each other before the babies.

This is a wrong aspect of our culture i would like to see changed in our society and its affecting marriages.


Whats your thought?

Why don't you plan before the wedding rather than plan after the wedding.

Some have enjoyed themselves for years together before marriage, then I ask what is their to enjoy as you portray?.

There is no rule to what anyone does for his personal life.

Make your bed and allow others make theirs.

Solsix:

If you are not ready yet for children, why rush into marriage??

Better to plan before marriage than planning after marriage.

You are right

frozen70:


No, you kick off and plan with the economy

One to three kids are ok

The more you wait the more baby items goes up

The more you delay the more they blame your wife for not being pregnant

Will you defend her that you are actually the one delaying her

Before you know it, low sperm count comes in for the man
Fertility issues comes in for the woman

Wahala every where, yet they blame the woman

Why worry about what people think or say about you or your life? Will they take the responsibilities? And what's with the low sperm count? Are you waiting till 80 before you start giving birth? The op said 3 years. Look if you want to give birth early without plans that's fine but people have reasons for doing what they do, and it works out well for everybody and every decision they make. Don't think people have to follow your ways because of your personal experience, it's different for everybody.

Solsix:

If you are not ready yet for children, why rush into marriage??

Because marriage is settling down, you can marry just to have a partner, you spend less when married than single, you are focused on one lady and have less time for party and women and can save. My bro couldn't save 200k while single. Always partying and spending. But he got married and was able to save 2.5m in 3½ years that's after paying rent, buying a car, started a mini business for his wife and other expenses he till got 2.5 in his account. They have 2 kids now and life is just perfect for them because he keeps getting bigger he's doing well. I'm not saying that's the only way but what I'm saying is it worked for him.

MemoriesAndMe:


Actually that may not be the case based on OP's points, everything takes planning though.

If u think about it, some people rely on family and friends to support their weddings financially, some even take out loans to make the wedding happen, without thinking about paying back the family and friends that supported their weddings.

Suddenly, the same couple have a child and start bugging same family and friends for the needs of the baby. That's lack of planning in my opinion.

No one should pressurize anyone into having kids as soon as they get married because they don't know the financial stand within their new home.

your line 2 n 3 is pure madness on d part of d couple

U marry when u can take care of yourself not been dependent on anyone cos everyone got bills to pay

Godwin4444:
your line 2 n 3 is pure madness on d part of d couple

U marry when u can take care of yourself not been dependent on anyone cos everyone got bills to pay

I'm watching you

falcon01:
Because marriage is settling down, you can marry just to have a partner, you spend less when married than single, you are focused on one lady and have less time for party and women and can save. My bro couldn't save 200k while single. Always partying and spending. But he got married and was able to save 2.5m in 3½ years that's after paying rent, buying a car, started a mini business for his wife and other expenses he till got 2.5 in his account. They have 2 kids now and life is just perfect for them because he keeps getting bigger he's doing well. I'm not saying that's the only way but what I'm saying is it worked for him.

Lol not everyone is a party freak or a womanizer, those are the least of my problems. I don't eat out I prepare my own meal myself . Am not looking for a gal that will help me save. Am looking for a woman who understands what it means to build an empire.

Originalsly:
■ Nothing is wrong with the culture .... you have a wrong aspect. The purpose of marriage is to start and raise a family. All you mentioned need to be done before ... being financially ready .. counseling.... etc.. if you're going to be broke after the wedding ceremonies then you are not yet ready for marriage. You got it twisted.

Culture was made for man and not man for Culture. Culture isn't meant to be set in stone and so as times change, it ought also to change to accommodate new wisdom else it is not a chain that strangles those under it.

Marriage, as it is, shouldn't be about raising a family as it used to be during the days of our ancestors when land boku and even the poor had a place to plant yam and cassava. Today, the poor have no such place and even the rich have to cut their coats according to their size. There is more that a married couple can do today aside from raising a family and it includes preparing themselves mentally and financially as a team for that family to come. They can't necessarily do this separately as individuals but as a married couple with a common goal, they can plan and save up for the family they want to raise together.

Let's stop using Culture to strangle ourselves in what isn't commonsense abeg!

Solsix:

Lol not everyone is a party freak or a womanizer, those are the least of my problems. I don't eat out I prepare my own meal myself . Am not looking for a gal that will help me save. Am looking for a woman who understands what it means to build an empire.

Then you are better of alone

Kobojunkie:


Let's stop using Culture to strangle ourselves in what isn't commonsense abeg!

African culture with regards to marriage basically remains the same ... to start and raise a family ... and it is the same worldwide. Yes... culture does evolve in certain aspects.... but that is a gradual proces ... ... with shifts largely noticeable from generation to generation. Maybe in some time in the future it will not be expected for newly married couples to have children "in a rush"... don't expect overnight changes. We are not strangling ourselves... it's more like you want to strangle us to just drop our culture and jump on what you think makes sense. This is no different from the LGBTQ pressuring us to accept their way of life .... their "culture".

[quote author=falcon01 post=123922222]Then you are better of alone[/quote
Lol, is that a good prayer??

The reason is that most people feel they have acquired the license to have sex legally, and they GO FOR IT - Big time!
They mostly "come up for air" after about 5-6 years, during which a very fertile woman may have produced 3-4 children.
Na dat time de man's eyes go clear.

Klass99:


No, sweet heart you and majority of others have got it twisted. There are essentially three purposes for marriage;
1. Companionship
2. Sex and
3. Procreation.

You can decide to get married for one of those reasons alone, two of them only or all three of them. I can decide I want marriage for the sex and companionship only without children and there will be nothing wrong with that. The purpose of marriage is not just to start a family but to love and be loved, to have a good companion to do life with through the highs and lows.

Please don't come back with the argument of God said mulltiply and be fruitful, that argument is stale and obsolete because;
1. We have since been given a superior commandment - love your God and your neighbour as yourself.
2. Multiply and be fruitful is not just about procreating more human beings, it is about increase in terms of knowledge, skills and wealth generation. Passing on that knowledge, training others with that skill/ability, to generate more wealth or replicate successful empires that do good for humanity.

We have serious issues with our thinking, mentality and some cultural practices in Africa and the parts of your text I highlighted in bold is one of them, no offence to you because I don't mean that as a diss or insult. We need to rethink cultural practices that hurt more than they help us, what is the point of marrying to start a family, when you cannot afford the children?

Thank you very much for the education. We urgently need a mentally change in Nigeria and need to understand we are not a slave to culture.

onumadu:
The reason is that most people feel they have acquired the license to have sex legally, and they GO FOR IT - Big time!
They mostly "come up for air" after about 5-6 years, during which a very fertile woman may have produced 3-4 children.
Na dat time de man's eyes go clear.

Them no dey hear. That is why I find it hard to help any family member or friend who fail to plan for children and always begging for money

That marriage go tire you when big financial problems set in.

God gave us a brain for a reason.

Help me and ask them. Their church pastors also demonize family planning.