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Re: None Of My Fiance's Family Members Likes Me. Please Help by dominique(f): 10:18pm On May 03, 2018 |
isalegan2: 31 years is too old to be a single lady in Nigeria. Such lady starts feeling the pressure to settle down and ends up settling for just anybody all in the name of being a Mrs. 1 Like |
Re: None Of My Fiance's Family Members Likes Me. Please Help by oyetpel(m): 11:39pm On May 03, 2018 |
I feel for you sis, i really do. I wish i can advise you, but i am still a single young guy myself. But what i can tell you is that, you should MOVE ON. It's a bad feeling knowing you have invested so much in the r/ship but outside influence does not want it to work. Think of it as a business gone wrong, and move on. It's hard but that's what you have to do. Work to improve your self esteem, with your good attitude you will find a responsible man that will marry you sis. His families will regret the bad attitude they showed towards you, and he will also cry, beg and do many sorts of emotional connection back to you, when he sees you are happily married with kids. Never try to get back to him when you move on please, because i know the feeling will still be there. I wish you well. 1 Like |
Re: None Of My Fiance's Family Members Likes Me. Please Help by oyetpel(m): 11:42pm On May 03, 2018 |
Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home»
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go.--------- Passenger 2 Likes |
Re: None Of My Fiance's Family Members Likes Me. Please Help by isalegan2: 11:46pm On May 03, 2018 |
dominique: You are right. And I do understand that. And it's not just Nigeria, but worldwide. The pressure to marry in your 20s is even more severe than in Nigeria where at least it takes a long time to be gainfully employed enough to be able to afford your own home. In many countries where you're finished with university by 25 and a job is waiting for you, you're expected to have found your mate before you graduate. That's why many middle and upper class Oyinbos are very particular where their children go to school because they want them to meet the right kind of man. For example, Jewish American people who have a high inter-religious marriage stastic push their daughters to go to schools like Columbia in New York which has a historically higher number of Jewish enrollment. And the ones that go to schools with few Jews are pushed to join Jewish students club and any fraternity and organisations where they will meet others like them. Just giving one example to emphasise that the pressure is not just one tribe or just African people syndrome. But ultimately being single at 32 or older won't kill the OP. If she gets away from this situation she'll have learnt a huge lesson that will help her to make a better choice. But yeah, a 15 or 20 year old girl doesn't have dreams of being single when she's 31. 2 Likes |
Re: None Of My Fiance's Family Members Likes Me. Please Help by isalegan2: 12:51am On May 04, 2018 |
Gasa84: I'm very sorry they took advantage of you. They wanted you to care for him in the hospital, but when you travelled with him they complained you were too familiar with him because you weren't yet married. They wanted you to be productive and money generation but they thought a customer service job was like prostitution? Was it at a hotel? It's like the popular old song, "Eniyan bi aparo l'omo araiye n fe o." If you do, you wrong, if you don't, you're still wrong. Can't please them. That's why some just please themselves. I'm really sorry for your trouble. I don't even know what so say now about the way forward. Just know that many have been similarly victimised by others in this world - it may take many forms - and they overcome. Don't lose hope in yourself. You'll be surprised there'll be better days for you yet. 2 Likes |
Re: None Of My Fiance's Family Members Likes Me. Please Help by baby124: 3:19am On May 04, 2018 |
I wouldn’t usually support going ahead if a family doesn’t like you, but my dear you deserve a pension at least for all you have sacrificed for him. Better tell this boyfriend to do something on your head right now or you walk. Also make sure that he begins to warn his family members not to talk to you or treat you anyhow. If they can treat you like that in front of him, then they lack respect for him as their family. Your boyfriend needs to put his foot down. How he presents you to his family is how they will treat you. So he must not be doing a good job of that. You really need to be sure that he intends to marry you. The only way you can be sure is if you have a serious discussion with him about it. 2 Likes |
Re: None Of My Fiance's Family Members Likes Me. Please Help by Skyfornia(m): 4:35pm On Jul 17, 2018 |
Ruthf: Happy birthday Nekky |
Re: None Of My Fiance's Family Members Likes Me. Please Help by Gasa84: 1:40am On Jul 28, 2023 |
Hi everyone 😁 It's been like 5 years since I voiced out my desperation. Now these are my updates: It got worse after my call out for help. His family made jest of me that am like a furniture in a house since I can't get pregnant , I kept having afflictions and attacks in my own house.... I mean these people doesn't know me or what I can do. Even my parents were on me like.. "a graduate like you marrying an illiterate.. he can't even dress well or speak good English " I kept wondering why people that doesn't know me hated me so much until I found out why. His family found a wife for him...(his mother's best friend's daughter) he accepted, went for the introduction and also went ahead to sleep with the lady countless times only to tell them that he was no longer interested in the marriage, so they thought I was to blame and that I charmed their brother, so as I found out I decided to hold onto the relationship cos I was furious and I wanted to get back at them for frustrating me and besides this guy was still paying my house rent and feeding so should I leave him? He enrolled me in a fashion school and bought me 4 industrial sewing machines.. why would I leave him? Haha, who am I kidding ?. So I started building my life around these decays called family. I stopped taking advices, when he tried beating me again I went crazy and fought him like a mad woman, then I started noticing that no matter how we quarrel, the next day we'd keep it aside and move on. I got addicted to smoking... he was there with his disapproval, but he was there . I dated other guys but he was also there still paying for my upkeep, it was a long crazy year. Then he suggested we have a baby I said ok, we went to the hospital and took treatment for few months and got pregnant, his family found out after five months and started asking us to do traditional wedding... we were surprised cos we decided not to involve them in our lives again. We did the trad and they apologised... yes it almost sound like a ferrytale. The only thing is that he never told them that he wanted me, he just told them that he doesn't know how to leave me, so the they thought I charmed him and they took him to a native doctor who told them that their son never had the intention of marrying the lady they chose for him. When I had my baby girl he welcomed us with a car ( one refurbished american accident car😅) I took all the advices given to me here..and I used it to build a shield, now am in a crazy exciting marriage where we can fight one moment and gossip the next moment. We can have our quicky whenever baby falls asleep... we can masturbate without feeling guilty, we have out laughter and dances and touching moments... we also have our pains.. I had to watch him have seizures (kept having it occasionally after his brain surgery) and it breaks my heart to pieces. And some months he had to watch me battle with anxiety disorder and panic attacks... he takes me to hospital and assures me that life is not meaningless and watches me struggle to get better and overcome my fears. Every now and then his mother calls to complain that I don't call her enough 😊. It is a weird marriage, but if it was any less weird that this I would be bored. I finally got the exact family I want, no pretence, no outside interference and 70% crazy 1 Like |
Re: None Of My Fiance's Family Members Likes Me. Please Help by eyinjuege: 2:15am On Jul 28, 2023 |
Gasa84: Wow, nice to conisder giving an update. Hope you didn't marry him after all the brouhaha 1 Like |
Re: None Of My Fiance's Family Members Likes Me. Please Help by armyofone(m): 2:24am On Jul 28, 2023 |
Find your way out. You are not wanted. You will regret if you marry him - big mistake. Marriage is not a must. 2 Likes |
Re: None Of My Fiance's Family Members Likes Me. Please Help by cococandy(f): 2:41am On Jul 28, 2023 |
What kind of brain tumor did he have? How’s his health now? Gasa84: |
Re: None Of My Fiance's Family Members Likes Me. Please Help by Gasa84: 3:20am On Jul 28, 2023 |
cococandy:Hi dear all I know is that it was at the frontal lobe |
Re: None Of My Fiance's Family Members Likes Me. Please Help by armyofone(m): 3:31am On Jul 28, 2023 |
Gasa84: . Oh well. |
Re: None Of My Fiance's Family Members Likes Me. Please Help by cococandy(f): 3:34am On Jul 28, 2023 |
Gasa84: Has he made good recovery? |
Re: None Of My Fiance's Family Members Likes Me. Please Help by NoToPile: 6:22am On Jul 28, 2023 |
Interesting update. I believe he has fully recovered health wise now. |
Re: None Of My Fiance's Family Members Likes Me. Please Help by Gasa84: 6:55am On Jul 28, 2023 |
cococandy:Yes he did |
Re: None Of My Fiance's Family Members Likes Me. Please Help by Gasa84: 6:56am On Jul 28, 2023 |
NoToPile:Yes. Thanks |
Re: None Of My Fiance's Family Members Likes Me. Please Help by cococandy(f): 7:40am On Jul 28, 2023 |
Gasa84:okay. That’s great for him. I believe you’ve been advised by the people who commented first. I was just curious that’s why I asked. |
Re: None Of My Fiance's Family Members Likes Me. Please Help by bukatyne(f): 7:57am On Jul 28, 2023 |
Interesting thread & update. I guess some of us thrive on drama after all Good luck OP. |
Re: None Of My Fiance's Family Members Likes Me. Please Help by Acidosis(m): 8:47am On Jul 28, 2023 |
Omo people dey marry oo There is no better way to explain Stockholm syndrome. It's all good if it works for you. |
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