Samantha124:
Well, what he did was unlawful and if you ask me, you did the right thing by getting him arrested.

Let it be a warning to him that next time you wouldn't be lenient on him.... You can apologize to him for getting him arrested, but let him know that you don't appreciate what he did to you and you're not going to stand for it if he continues with his behavior.

It's not your fault that he lost his job and can't find another one.

You just believe everything she said just like that?

Kobojunkie:
So why exactly do you feel guilty for having him arrested for 2 days? Would this all had gone better if he had taken to smashing your head after smashing everything else?

Now that you are obviously aware the man has taken to acting out violently, don't you think it makes sense at this point to distance yourself and your kids from him instead of worrying whether he is in speaking terms and if he has eaten or not? Please, separate yourself from that man asap. The space might do him a whole hell of good..

poster pls take this advice to avoid story that touches the heart ooo cos dis is how it use to start ooo before u know it now one go die for another for d sake of ur children u have seeing d red flag now excuse ursef pls ire ooo

UnfairLife7:
The man deserves more than that. He has been without job for 2 years and all he could do was to drink, smoke, destroy his wife stuff and even went as far as hitting her.

I am a man and i will keep saying it, we men can't take half of what we dish out to women.

These same men cannot try all these nonesense in developed countries. Naija na shithole truly. Too many things wrong about the country

Thank you!

Being without a job for two years is one thing. Indulging in drinking and smoking (I wonder where he gets the money from) is another thing. As it is, having him in that house is dangerous for her. The best option now is divorce.

As a young man growing up, I know that a man's value is tied to his pockets. I have seen countless examples of men who had money but currently don't have, and how they got treated. That is fine. However, smoking and drinking worsens the case. If he was doing nothing, that is a different case. If he was being a sit-at-home dad and being unemployed, different thing. But not contributing to the household YET smoking and drinking WHILE unemployed is a very stoopid thing to do.

Lots of irresponsible men these days. If OP na my sister, I will push her to file a divorce and fund the entire process.

I hate irresponsible people!

If I will ever lock anybody, then it means I have simultaneously decided to discard that relationship once and for all. This is a classical case of legality versus culture..

Did she do anything wrong legally to arrest her husband? Of course not. But from a moral standpoint, it is not the best method of conflict resolution. Humans are more animals than civilized.

You can't lock your husband up and still sleep in the same bed with him. He might be seething vengeance in his heart, and when he will strike, it may be your end.

Your husband messed up big time, but before calling the police on him, you should have decided that your marriage is as good as gone. Persephone1 made a similar comment, and I agree with her.

I saw most people are supporting op action I still believe she shouldn't have carried out that act arresting her husband who is also the father of her children. Because if it was the other way round will you say that the husband also has the right to arrest his wife who is also the mother of your children.

Looking at things I don't believe a man will sit down at home for two years without contributing at all and he will feel comfortable with it. And probably you have done something that triggered upset him.

I am not in support of domestic violence, if op believes the man is completely useless then she should be prepare the outcome of her actions without feeling remorseful. Been remorseful means there are still a lot that has not been said and she's still interested in him.

Op should tried to be careful from whom you take advise from because once things get back to normal for the man they won't be there to plead on your behalf.

in as much as I haven't heard ur husband's side of the story I completely fault ur actions towards ur husband but from ur statement u singlehandedly ruined ur family..growing up I have seen alot happen between couples..why u no take d matter to ur husband's parents or ur own parents?..just because u are seeing little change u want to oppress and jail ur husband..u were d one dat said ur husband has been good since u got married and u know wat he is passing through so why cant u still accord him same respect and love like before??
u forgot so fast how he use to endure the abuses u inflict on him during ur pregnancy days,how would u feel I u offended him n he locked u up?,,listen very carefully u see 99% of those women both online and offline advising and cheering u on to spoil ur home will tolerate more than this in thier relationship..next time please don't seek advice from women or Simpson.. u would have gone to ur parents for advice before going to police station..I m very sure ur parents would be ashamed of u..by the way who bought those items he was destroying? are they not his properties? indeed women are thier worst enemies..don't be suprised if tomorrow after ur husband might have divorced u he will settle down with one of ur female advisers na dat time ur eyes go clear..

pansophist:
If I will ever lock anybody, then it means I have simultaneously decided to discard that relationship once and for all. This is a classical case of legality versus culture..

Did she do anything wrong legally to arrest her husband? Of course not. But from a moral standpoint, it is not the best method of conflict resolution. Humans are more animals than civilized.

You can't lock your husband up and still sleep in the same bed with him. He might be seething vengeance in his heart, and when he will strike, it may be your end.

Your husband messed up big time, but before calling the police on him, you should have decided that your marriage is as good as gone. Persephone1 made a similar comment, and I agree with her.

Seconded

PastorFire4Fire:


And that is exactly the start of a journey to a broken home.

A broken marriage is better than living with a lazy, frustrated, violent, destructive man and abuser. It might be hard on the woman in the beginning but she will still have her life. Do you see where this man stops if he wasn't given this soft brain resetting treatment?

Obviously from ur post his highly depressed n this has been on for long
You also cut him off sexually
And you actions n inaction shows the heart to heart communication ends long time ago

Firstly lost of jobs to men who sees responsibilities had their right is a great lost n can cause depress but it takes a wisdom woman to leave with such man in Continuation without leading to issues

If violence pop in with arguments the best is to set apart for a while
Firstly no matter how rich or educated a woman may be in Africa culture must be followed
Same with men
U don’t go to court in Africa to settle dispute n expect the relationship to be the same
For the hitting
U should have find a way of leaving the house with your kids since I have that option to loosing yourself from him n go to the station.
I can see your have learnt your lesson
Meanwhile he can never forget it but with time it will heal
Try to engage people he love n fear most to settle it n make promise to them while you n them can safe guide him in starting small till he can get back on his feet


For the children it might be because his not the one giving them what they want as he used to that make him see their actions as been rude
You should know better how to handle this n not show off as the new bread winner of the house

I know if his in advance word he wouldn’t try such but this is Africa

Dogalmighty17:
You arrested and lucked up your husband for 2 days? No one is dumb here ma. No right thinking woman just suddenly locks up her husband. Was there food in the kitchen for him when he came home? Did you cook for yourself and just the children?

There are other crises resolution and mediation channels available to resolve issues within spouses. Did you explore any of them?

You most probably had nurtured this thought of locking your husband up for a while. You also most probably have mocked him in your actions and your words.

Madam, you don buy market o! I assure you of this, your husband will never forgive you. The day that man gets a job and finds his feet you will be the one begging for divorce.

I am not making excuses for him. Your husband is going through serious depression. No man wants to not be able to provide for his family. The present economy doesn't help at all. You could have handled the situation better.

you obviously do not have sense

Samantha124:
Stop lying just so you can paint the man as a victim, she arrested him because he was beating her up, not because he was suspecting her of cheating.

1. Would you have sex with a drunkard that reeks alcohol and doesn't bother helping around the house after you had a long day at work?

2. Would you be okay with your wife breaking your dishes and beating you up just because you didn't cook after a long day at work while she was at home doing nothing?

Stop lying just so you

Was it about food?
Lolz the man is frustrated because the wife no longer gives him sex, and she purposely did that because he no longer find the man attractive after he lost his job.

The man was about to have sex with her hence the struggling.
Don't argue what you don't know.

There are things that are obvious that she has omitted from this

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

you'll kill your husband one day with your hands and cry that you didnt know what came over you.

He deserved that cos he is a woman beater

Satanistx:
if you know me in person , u will know that i am not just blabbing. i will do exactly what i wrote here comforTABLY and surrender myself for hanging. no woman born of a woman can ever insult me like that and go free

super story

Luckysbab:


As a madam with men at your beck and call, you should be telling her to move out without further delays so she can move in with the perfect man that will be replacing her husband.

Must she move in with another man?
I only advice if the husband feels disrespected for being reported to the police, he should take his drunk @ss elsewhere!

Nigeria is already a hell hole, adding a useless man to the equation is a death sentence.

nick50:
in as much as I haven't heard ur husband's side of the story I completely fault ur actions towards ur husband but from ur statement u singlehandedly ruined ur family..growing up I have seen alot happen between couples..why u no take d matter to ur husband's parents or ur own parents?..just because u are seeing little change u want to oppress and jail ur husband..u were d one dat said ur husband has been good since u got married and u know wat he is passing through so why cant u still accord him same respect and love like before??
u forgot so fast how he use to endure the abuses u inflict on him during ur pregnancy days,how would u feel I u offended him n he locked u up?,,listen very carefully u see 99% of those women both online and offline advising and cheering u on to spoil ur home will tolerate more than this in thier relationship..next time please don't seek advice from women or Simpson.. u would have gone to ur parents for advice before going to police station..I m very sure ur parents would be ashamed of u..by the way who bought those items he was destroying? are they not his properties? indeed women are thier worst enemies..don't be suprised if tomorrow after ur husband might have divorced u he will settle down with one of ur female advisers na dat time ur eyes go clear..

domestic violence is a No. I do not care what led to that.

Luckysbab:


Yet, you couldn't get your brothers to help you loc out the cricket the last time?

The cricket died finally.
My brothers also dare not touch their wives, they must be stupid if they do that!Very Stupid!

shantti:


Okay a peaceful marriage is one where u can spit all kinds of vile on your husband, tormenting him emotional and mentally and he is expected to overlook cos he is a man? Right?

No! A peaceful marriage is one where a jobless man must be a pain in the a$$!!!

Being jobless is part of living, remaining jobless and not trying to make a living at a point becomes a lifestyle.

His mental and emotional problems will not be solved by alcohol nor abusing his wife. If he feels the wife is committing adultery, he should leave the house and stop tormenting the woman!

If my own brother should try this, I will ostracise him.

But I no get brothers wey dem no born well.

shantti:


So I am right?
U will not support a husband who arrest a woman that physically assaulted him. Isn't that hypocrisy?

U are a blatant woman, stop lying

I laugh at your sorry ass if you think every man reason like you

The fact that I'm a man doesn't mean i should support my fellow man blindly. Not me nor any sensible men out there.

Maybe every other men supporting Op on this platform are also women. Very warped reasoning

Intergrated:
lol lol lol 😂 u arrested your husband. Lol lol sorry madam .

what do you expect her to do please? To watch him kill her or disfigure her face and body like some of you lots behave?

Domestic violence is a No. I do not care what led to that.

Besides, i super love women who can stand for themselves. That alone gives me endless erection

If you like beat your wife, you go sleep for cell for days. If your wife is too naive to stand for herself your neighbours will do that for her free of charge.

[color=#006600][/color]

A40:
If her father was Commissioner of Police would he put a finger on her. Let's not defend nonsense please.

In many countries he would be locked up so forget all these family elders, pastors talk. I'm a man and the truth is a lot of us need to do better.

Can't be unemployed, drinking and still beating your wife join. She's not responsible for your misfortune

If the husband was a millionaire would she have called the police on him ?

She could have used the police to threatened him. Make him take an undertaking never to lay is Hands on her again.

She could have taken the children and move to her parents house pending on when the husband puts his life in order....

There are many effective ways She could have used to TEACH the husband a lesson. locking him up is not one of those ways unless she is no longer interested in the marriage... by locking him up she has unintentionally destroyed her home...

I can assure you the husband believes that his wife locked him up because he is jobless, broke and depressed and nothing you tell that man will change his mind. You can't imagine that level of resentment that man now have towards the wife...

As I said earlier by locking him up especially with his current financial and unemployment status, she has unintentionally destroyed her marriage.

shantti:


Nah for social media una get mouth

Unless u plan to divorce him after that or do u plan to continue living under the same roof with him after arresting him?

We all know u will live In perpetual fear if u choose not to divorce

Perpetual fear!
Guy preek no be problem oooo
If na that one you won take halla, PREEK NO BE PROBLEM,na women wey no get enough stress already dey carry man for head, not me.

I no marry with that una Nigeria mentality oo.I respect my husband and my husband respects himself. And yes, my husband knows I can lock him up if he abuses me. So it won't come to him as surprise because during marriage counselling I told him outright!

If he wants to be foolish, he should take it out of our matrimonial home.

And yes! He is the bread winner! No be me dey feed am.

UnfairLife7:
I laugh at your sorry ass if you think every man reason like you

The fact that I'm a man doesn't mean i should support my fellow man blindly. Not me nor any sensible men out there.

Maybe every other men supporting Op on this platform are also women. Very warped reasoning

Demanding for an answer u have refused to give me means am warped and insensible right? Lol

No man thinks like u
U r a woman
It's apparent in the way you deviate and retort to baseless accusations
That's a woman's signature


So let me ask again
If a husband assaulted by his wife arrests her, will u support him?

Yes or no?

Styluss:
Would she have reported if the husband was the breadwinner? If the husband was the provider, wouldnt she find other alternatives to sort it. I am not even against reporting, I am against locking him up. Police engage in conflict resolutions, a severe warning where undertaking will be signed without anyone being locked up.
going to prison will make it worse

he didn't go to prison but cell. Domestic violence is a No. I do not care what led to that

shantti:



Demanding for an answer u have refused to give me means am warped and insensible right? Lol

No man thinks like u
U r a woman
It's apparent in the way you deviate and retort to baseless accusations
That's a woman's signature


So let me ask again
If a husband assaulted by his wife arrests her, will u support him?

Yes or no?

women doesn't physically abuse men. But if paradventure it happened the man is free like a birds to get her arrested for violence


Maybe every other men supporting Op on this platform are also women.

LadyRosa:


Perpetual fear!
Guy preek no be problem oooo
If na that one you won take halla, PREEK NO BE PROBLEM,na women wey no get enough stress already dey carry man for head, not me.

I no marry with that una Nigeria mentality oo.I respect my husband and my husband respects himself. And yes, my husband knows I can lock him up if he abuses me. So it won't come to him as surprise because during marriage counselling I told him outright!

If he wants to be foolish, he should take it out of our matrimonial home.

And yes! He is the bread winner! No be me dey feed am.

Am talking about life after locking him not before locking him,

No matter the kind of mentality you think you have, u will not be comfortable staying under the same roof with him when he leave the cell, u don't know what he has in mind.

Forget Abt all these your rantings, imagination is different from reality. Even me as a man can't live with someone I locked in the cell, he might kill me in my sleep.

The highlight is that such a marriage will be automatically over, that's the truth, the marriage cannot continue.

superemmy:


Truly, I can see that I'm conversing with a Child. If I were to guess maybe early 20s.

Sooner or later you will learn growing up mentally is inevitable...

if you like beat your wife, you will sleep in cell for days. If your wife is too naive to stand for herself your neighbours will do that for her free of charge.

Keep defending domestic violence

UnfairLife7:
women doesn't physically abuse men. But if paradventure it happened the man is free like a birds to get her arrested for violence


Maybe every other men supporting Op on this platform are also women.

Lol
women don't physically abuse men?
Bye

I'm really surprised almost everyone here just believed this woman like that even married men. So, you all think this woman is going to come on here and write stuff against herself? You joking. Few of the things I know women do in this kind of situation cos your husband is now jobless is to deprive him of sex, verbally attack him at any given opportunity cos she's now the breadwinner of the family. They are so quick to forget all the millions, sacrifices and stress[ the man had invested to get the relationship to that stage. It would not be a surprise if this woman has another guy outside. Never should you think a man and a woman will fight and the woman will narate the whole truth of the story. If truly she's done the right thing, why is she feeling guilty. She knows all what she did to her husband is unfair and all lies, and now that she sees that her actions is about ending the marriage, she's now trying to make us believe she's feeling guilty.
Let me ask you, for that whole 2 years you said you have been the breadwinner, you really think you did all that for your husband? They are just for you and your kids majorly cos it's the kids and wife that do consume most of the profits that any household gets. So you having the oppourtunity to do it is a marriage score for you. And it's very rare that a man who's been feeding you all all these while won't be able to feed his own mouth alone just cos he doesn't have a job, it's likely very impossible. quote author=henrydav post=125297209]
You just believe everything she said just like that?[/quote]

I am not surprisedat your suddenoutburston Nigeria, men that have the liver have shredded their passport, denounced the great Nigeria and moved on, you can simplydo the same so you can be in peace with your abroad expectations until abroad happens to you.
On the issue of arrest, what has been done has been done and if she wishes to press charges she should see ut to finish but note that lockingup without a court order is equally an abuse of the system then to spice it all you then involved his friendsto go and beg him ( talk of humiliation pro max ) if heisstrong he may come out of it but if he breaks at anytime, his life and yours may be in serious danger. I wishyour marriage/family a speedy recovery.

Verokeena:



It was more of a warning to him.. I didn't neglect him there.. he had access to his phone.. even though as first he wasn't taking my call but I kept texting him..

Now the thing is he was supposed to come out the next day but he refused. Said since I placed him there he'd wish to die there(emotional blackmail if you ask me)

I had to go with his friends to beg him the next day..

Verysmart101:


U are referring to the west but why does the same west have the highest divorce rate across the globe? Do u think something's about the west are better than our culture? Am not against op trying to resolve her marriage but u can't take a fatal step and not expect a fatal wound in that marriage.Since u are ready to accept the ways of the west in regards to marriage as perfect or better than our culture's,u should also be ready to accept same -sex marriage too since the west are perfect in handling marital issues that makes them have the highest divorce rate on planet earth

LOl

You think women are happy in their marriage in Nigeria? Most of them put up with their spouses because of the nonesense culture sold to them which had led to death of several women in marriage while some miserable. Some stick to the marriage because of finance. An average naija women is ready to dish her hubby if she has a good financial back-up

On the issue of arrest, what has been done has been done and if she wishes to press charges she should see ut to finish but note that lockingup without a court order is equally an abuse of the system then to spice it all you then involved his friendsto go and beg him ( talk of humiliation pro max ) if heisstrong he may come out of it but if he breaks at anytime, his life and yours may be in serious danger. I wishyour marriage/family a speedy recovery



My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him[/quote]