kellyaa:



I will be very honest and blunt with you. You failed, you caused your predicament, your marriage is gone for good. (otilor).

You felt incharge because you started catering for the family 2 years ago, so you would go out and come back late whenever you wanted and you felt your husband was not important and you never owed him any explanation for your actions. You started comparing him to his mates that probably were telling you lies just to get under your panties. You started committing adultery (especially office romance) and denied your husband sex severally. Trust me, a married woman only behaves a-such when she starts having sex outside and therefore seeing her husband to be nothing. Mind you women are not wired to cheat. Therefore, once she starts cheating, the love, respect and submission she had for husband shifts to her new found love thereby making her see her husband as worthless and building hatred for him.

You rushed to NL to seek validation for your action further going to create another thread on divorce. Madam, you had this all calculated out and you are not sure if the guy who is fucking you now may be consistent if you leave your husband. You are just acting in fear.

If you want to know how I have been able to pick the disconnect in this your story then send me a DM. We will have a constructive conversation, I will ask you all the tough questions if you provide honest answers to them then I will tell you the solution to your problem that is if there is still room for it.

1. Why was your phone smashed. What did you do that led to this?
2. Why was he challenging the paternity of his children? You obviously have him a reason to.
3. You sounded so holy in this story. You never reacted.
4. You cooked food for only you and your children and left the foolish jobless man to die of hunger.
5. What businesses or jobs did you recommend for him? Obviously those that made you be lord over him. (Her majesty)
6. You left your husband at his lowest moment. Did you for one day sit him down and take sense into him and made him understand that his children are seeing his drunken behaviour and would take after him?
7. You never gave him peace of mind thats why he took succor to alcohol.

Finally, while I condemn his being violent with you, believe me you provoked it, A man fights his equal but fears the one above him and expects submission from those below him. The time you made yourself look equal with your husband you brought out the beast in him.

Peace.

twinpapa:
All you've written here doesn't sound reasonable. So in your mind a violent man will have a good reason to beat up his wife? So the man is a boy that doesn't know the value of a phone but to smash it? If the lady happened to be your sister or your daughter would you have written all trash you wrote? I'm thinking you are one of the single guys on naira land who has never been married but would be advising the married from head knowledge. If his landlady had been the one who insulted him that night like you insinuate would he have beaten her up. Don't you know how the nonsense people feed their minds in bear parlours? There is no justification for any man to assault his wife. A wife is partner in the marriage not a slave, not a maid, not a daughter, not the man's property. Stop pampering abusive men, such men are nothing but beasts. If he can't a office job let him get out and start selling something, or do odd jobs. Real men don't sit down waiting for jobs to come, they go out to look for one and if they can't get, they create one for themselves and they would be willing to a menial job just to take care of their family and that a sense of responsibility. The wife is the one bringing in the income, doing house chores and the idiot who calls himself a man can't do house chores, he can't even appreciate the woman but it is to accuse her falsely and even if she cheats, beating is what will keep her for him. Nonsense and rubbish. Madam you did the right thing one million times

talented321:
The man can even take another woman to change her except he let it slide'' the woman locked him up because he is broke at the moment''

fxexperts:
Mumu dey your head aswear. and why do you think the idiot will ever make it in life, because the way i see it, he is one lazy broke fellow.

Farfalla:


From where does he get the money to entertain himself anyways?

Jovialjune1:
Low life married lazy men roaming the streets these days, I don't blame those supporting Op's horseband, it is because they are exactly like the useless man or they grew up in same kind of dysfunctional family and upbringing that's why they see it as the norm.

djon78:



Most of these niggers don't reason right

I have a woman in my house as a man

And I can tell you she is a gem

How many married have women like her that will feed a Man for 2 years without leaving

She is a gem

That nigger is very lucky

Let him leave the woman when he gets a Job
Another Man will still take that woman

Nonsense

Most times it's these guys that haven't experienced life that talk rubbish

The woman is a good woman

Kobojunkiee:
STop dragging the many mentions of God into your claims since God never said a man cannot cook for himself even in marriage.

culf:
■ Auntie, its not about cooking, read her post very well, marriage is better for worse for some of us.

talented321:
You have problem with reading'' pls don't quote me again, u are too dumb to call a woman

UnfairLife7:
if you like beat your wife, you will sleep in cell for days. If your wife is too naive to stand for herself your neighbours will do that for her free of charge

kaybams1:
■ You keep sounding like a broken record… All over the place spewing thrash. Life isn’t black or white so when someone gives a side of the story an intelligent mind should read between the lines before jumping into conclusions. It’s easier to cast aspersions over a moment of irrationality and wipe off several other untold sacrifices that man have probably done for his family. Bitter feminists like this are all over infesting young women with bile advice that keeps leading to baby mamas and broken homes. Have you even asked what led to smashing of phones. Is it possible that the man have noticed the woman is always on the phone chatting with her lover while ignoring the man. Cos obviously he’s jobless. Is this to justify his actions no. But even in law there’s what is called “temporary insanity”.
■ We’ve all got our breaking point and it’s a terrible feeling to feel disrespected by a woman you call your wife. All these kids sef.

Riscawendy:
The situation at hand is not easy for both, the man and the woman. For the woman, it is usually frustrating being the bread winner of the family so l can relate with that. For the man loosing your job 2 years no be beans. The anger, the frustration, depression etc will always set in. I feel he is trying to use the drinking and smoking to forget his sorrow but my advice to him is that it will never erase the situation.
Going forward l feel he should use the money he is using to drink and smoke to learn a skill online, who knows something may kick off from there.

Kobojunkiee:
Temporary insanity only works when you are not inebriated, not when you are. The man was drunk. Let's stop fishing for excuses abeg!

2. Indeed we all have our breaking points, but the moment that breaking point results in your inflicting harm on others, you infringe on their rights and so must be made to pay for it. That is why we are carefully trained from childhood to develop self-discipline and self-control, so we learn to respect the social space of others as well as their rights. The world cannot resolve around you and your own issues when we each have our very own to deal with too.

kaybams1:
■ Harm in this context is subjective. You lots like to go around and oversimplify issues through prisms of physical aggression while neglecting emotional ones. Men’s emotional side aren’t so developed like women. So when they hit crisis mode, they sometimes go into default mode of showing aggression just to establish dominance. I’ve earlier said I don’t support this behavior but I can’t even have a conversation with anyone that doesn’t understand mitigating circumstances in the first place. It’s a sign of low intelligence. All those “no matter what…” chorus being sung here are mostly done by the naive lots that haven’t seen the paradoxical side of life.
■ If everyone keeps packing out of their marriages cos of this, probably 60% would be raised by single parents.
■ Have we even considered whether we have an adulterer on our hands here? In some climes these types are stoned to death. Yet you can masturbate over half baked stories that aligns with your cognitive bias. The whole story smells funny and I’m not eating it.

Kobojunkiee:
1. Harm is subjective? What the 4ork does that mean?

2. So what? Big whoop! Man, and woman, were not made for marriage. Rather marriage was made for man, and for woman. If the marriage ain't working why cling to it at the cost of your very own life? Would you rather remain in a marriage where your wife could potentially poison you or take your chances instead as a single parent out there somewhere? I hope this isn't rocket science for you!

3. So, what if she is an adulterer? What law allows you or anyone to lay your hands on a woman on the grounds that she has committed adultery or anything? What law grants you that pass?

kaybams1:
■ The light is on but no one is in the room….I won’t be engaging you further.

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

thesicilian:

Lol.
Another feminist on the prowl
You do realise I'm not the cause of your problems?

DrFunmisticGlow:
so I am a feminist because I stated the obvious abi?

If you like go and beat your wife, Or allow someone's poorly trained son to beat your daughter to stupor because he can't provide for her and be looking like mumu.

DrFunmisticGlow:
Neither do you

Kemadealadire:

It's not a woman's job to be responsible for a man and still carry out her 'expected roles' as the woman.

@OP, let him be, you didn't do wrong. But, I am curious where does he get money to drink and smoke

He isn't providing, not helping out with caring for his children and around the house, still destroying stuffs and beating you and his fellow men here are saying you should have overlooked, like they would if they were in your shoes, anyway, the easiest thing to give is advice, talk is cheap. I hope they give their sisters the same advice.

thesicilian:

Lol. You don't reason like an educated person at all.

LadyRosa:


He needs to keep his distance. If I'm the husband, I will, but keeping my distance is to reflect on my life and the best way to do better in challenging situations.

VTJN:
I disagree based on Nigeria society though

Most irresponsible adults that i know has both parents. I mean those engage in fraud, prostitution and all that. They had both parents living together. A single parents can raise responsible and successful kids while some both parents can't

UnfairLife7:
Those old grown bachelor's you have are irresponsible. A responsible man will attract his like

culf:


Thank God I didn't marry someone like you, may God help your husband to be

cutesharon:
Amen. My husband is able to take care of himself cos his mum taught him to cook and all. It is about understanding. The world has gone beyond men just stretching legs and acting Alphalike. God help your future wife too.

Sharpsharp00123:
madam now I have your tim
I replied u when I was in shop d other time n my emotions were high

Now I am home n I can’t get over what happened in your home, I won’t try to guilt trip u but I will tell u d bitter truth

In as much as I condemn domestic violence n I will never ever support it cos it’s all shade of wrong but my sister u went overboard n I hope u know two wrongs don’t make a right

So far I agree your husband was wrong simply because he did d unthinkable I will make it clear to u that to every action there’s an equal n opposite reaction

That man can’t just come back home n start acting mad, u n I know for sure one thing led to the other thing n u kinda bruise his ego, though some are suggesting u cheated with a better man n that gave u the audacity to treat your man like thrash but one thing I will call your attention to is this

Think of the time this jobless man once made u happy
What about d time this broke man surprised u when u expected d least
Think about when he sacrificed to make u happy

At least he was once a good man when he had something doing n u never mentioned he was a deadbeat before marriage

U threw all that in d wind n locked him up n later console yourself u took food to him, please how did u sleep at home that night he was sleeping in jail?
Like how did u feel?
What was running through your mind?

Madam u really went overboard, just pray d man does not get on his feet cos if he does u will regret it


Those hailing u will lead u to destruction, though d deed has been done n d damage is irreversible but d ball is still in your court

Just keep thanking your stars your husband is a nobody with no good family to support, that’s y u never smelt yourself

The poor man is even sleeping under d same roof with u

I don’t pray it happens to me but if na me b d Man U go don dey plan suicide by now

HIPROFILE:



Well bro, I don't know you and I hate being assertive on people i don't know. If you are married and depending on your marital experience, you may or may not understand the reasons those guys are still single. Most guys above 35 to 40 and still single most times feel lonely and need to have companion but often gets discouraged.