raumdeuter:


Which goes to my last post, no one genuinely likes you best pray your interest align. She brought the man in because he was useful to her goals in life, at the point she stopped being useful or someone became more useful to her. That's when he lost

If to say na Nigeria dem dey how e for different

Say the wife na the main provider and the husband a dependant what usually happens in such scenario?

Spy360:

The bolded is not culture.

Culture is the way of life of a people. Emphasis on people.

I am not talking about one random dude hallucinating about the nonexistence of God. I am talking about an African people who actually believe and whose lives are influenced by not believing in the existence of any God anywhere.

If you want to prove to me that atheism has a place in African culture then you have to mention any particular people any where in Africa that has that belief system and are influenced by it in their way of life.

For example we know of agnosticism in ancient Greece. Tell us where in Africa is atheism adopted by a people.

By the way the most intelligent people aren't always atheists. This is because ancient science and education was intertwined with religion. Even in Africa and other ancient civilizatios, our local medical practitioners were priest etc. But that's another topic.

KingTom:

Youre actually right, but ribalism is a major factor too as well. I know the universal language is green but tribalism may contribute to its failure

Eunoiaa:


For him to raise funds to leave Nigeria in the first place is telling enough that he didn't want to remain here. Relocating abroad was probably a means to a better life for him, and why should he let a partner's infidelity get in the way of that?

He cannot cheat back, he cannot lock up and break up with her in his heart? Practically live as a stranger with her?

From the story, he obviously still can continue to remain there IF he has a sponsor, so what stopped him from secretly working on that and then confront her when he's got that sorted out? Switch from being a dependent visa holder to a skilled worker visa or something?

I am saying this bearing in mind the fact that "japa" was a preferred choice for HIM and we didn't know his condition while he was here. Of course, Nigeria is not going to kill him.

But how do you know you're in that vulnerable, tentative state and yet he probably went to confront her harshly, fuelled by his ego?

I am not justifying his position or what the wife did; and I can't imagine how devastating finding out about that would have been to him, but it is what it is.

It wasn't commonsensical for him to place his emotions over logic in that case. It will only be a erroneous sense of ownership that'll make you describe the bolded the way you did.


So you go gather millions travel, and go through stress of settling down and shit, only for you to end up losing it all because of one unfaithful partner? Don't look at it from the angle of YOU not valuing relocation. It's about his life and goals here. That's the tact and wisdom.

Melvyn11:

This nigga is still calling the woman his wife lol. The woman Is already gone, the marriage has already ended. The man should have been thinking about himself and how to avoid deportation to start over again and that's where applying wisdom in that situation comes into play. Get a fallback plan in place before confronting her so when she pull nonsense like divorce it won't affect you.

Spy360:

The bolded is not culture.

Culture is the way of life of a people. Emphasis on people.

I am not talking about one random dude hallucinating about the nonexistence of God. I am talking about an African people who actually believe and whose lives are influenced by not believing in the existence of any God anywhere.

If you want to prove to me that atheism has a place in African culture then you have to mention any particular people any where in Africa that has that belief system and are influenced by it in their way of life.

For example we know of agnosticism in ancient Greece. Tell us where in Africa is atheism adopted by a people.

izzou:
No need for long comments, because i have not read anything different from what Melvyn was saying.

If Wisdom to you is allowing your spouse fck around so you can remain in Obodo Oyibo, my sister, abeg carry on.

I no even know where to begin argue or counter that kind opinion

Your bolded is very funny, because it is easy to comment and spit "wisdom" when you have no experience or are not in their shoes.

izzou:


Bros, tribalism is for the poor.

Na poor people dey tear cloth and throw insults like you see on front page. The rich people don't even see tribe or religion in their dealings.

Osibanjo (a pastor) gave his daughter to a Muslim for marriage. I don't think there is any RCCG in Lagos that would approve that.

Drop millions of Benjamins, and watch Igbo, Yoruba and Hausa Generals cling glasses together.

DeadPresidents:


This! I apply this principle in my daily life. I have never worked at a company for more than 2 years. I spend some time within the company improving my skills and knowledge base and then hand in my resignation with a better one secured.

Why do I do this? Thinking a company likes you is the most delusional thing you can do. They’ll replace you with AI tomorrow, if financial projections and feasibility estimates says its possible.

My job is to make it much harder for a company to dispose me. Like, yeah you can fire me but you have tasks that needs to be done daily and getting a replacement that is an upgrade on me whilst possible will not be stress-free and time-free.

Basically, approach things from the perspective of what does the other party stand to gain from me and how can I gain in return?

To put this into practical terms, we can get rich off the west if we had visionary leaders like Lee Kuan Yew.

We have a goldmine in the north that is richer than the deposits within Zamfara. I’m referring to the almajiris. A savvy governor can have the Almajiris doing the same sweat shop factory work that’s currently getting outsourced to South-East Asia. You might call it exploitation, but what Almajiris face every day is worse than exploitation. An Almajiri will gladly collect less than 5 dollars a day to provide economic output worth times ten of that. The west will patronize us if we create quality stuff. But we have extremely lazy leaders who act like welfare kids running hand-in-cap to Abuja looking for allocations

Melvyn11:
This nigga is still calling the woman his wife lol. The woman Is already gone, the marriage has already ended. The man should have been thinking about himself and how to avoid deportation to start over again and that's where applying wisdom in that situation comes into play. Get a fallback plan in place before confronting her so when she pull nonsense like divorce it won't affect you.

seankafor:
sad true.. except your parents thoor..

Eunoiaa:


You're not "allowing" your spouse do anything, lmaooo. Your language is funny to me. There's literally nothing you can allow your spouse to do or not. Like, are you going to padlock their private parts or you'll "disallow" and forbid them from sleeping around? You're talking as if you can command faithfulness out of somebody, and you can punish it out of them by confronting them.

Izzou, the man has no chips or cards to control here. Nothing is literally in his hands.

Like, how does their fuçking around realistically affect you? Sure, it may affect you because of your expectations of and commitments to the relationship, but you can withdraw all of that. That is in your control. It is not just "obodo oyinbo", it is a means for him.

Maybe you should go back and really read the long comment again because I am not even saying he should accept the disrespect. My focus is on him remaining there (because that's HIS OWN desire) with little to no blow back as possible. His feelings of disrespect and betrayal is on him.



So, are you really telling me now that there is NO OTHER WAY for the man to have handled it that wouldn't resorted in his deportation? Deportation o. For a travelling he worked hard at processing.

Are you saying you wouldn't mind losing your source of livelihood just to confront a cheating partner (who is indirectly the link to that job)? Since "obodo oyinbo" doesn't "shack" you like that, replace it within something more dear to you.

KingTom:

I concede

KingTom, See an example of poor people congregating in the name of tribalism.

izzou:
Very easy to call him unwise for confronting his wife.

Marry first, then catch your spouse cheating, and let us see whether you will confront or not.

Oasis003:

Eunoiaa:


Exactly!!!! Like, literally get a fallback plan! You can do anything you want to do to her o, in the end, as you like, but know that if she chooses to move left, you're covered. The man can even be the one to file for the divorce himself.


I mean, he is seeking for a sponsor now. Why confront her with something like that only to end up looking for one now within the space of a month?

The "I won't allow my wife to continue forking around because I want to stay in obodo oyinbo" bit is so short-sighted a thinking, I'm sorry lol.

raumdeuter:


Have you always thought like this or the west influenced your thinking?

All the time I hear this doesn't like me that doesn't like me just grates my ear. Why should he like you? Is he your parent? You don't like me and I don't like you.

In global politics does anyone like the other? Even break it down to the smallest unit a family do you genuinely like each other of you are just serving your interests? As a man, many of your relationship including spousal friendship even family will change when you don't have much benefit especially financial to offer

As an employee ensure you are constantly developing yourself. Every 6months update your CV and test waters apply to positions outside your company to know what you are worth in the market you don't have to take the job but know where you stand and what skills you have that the market needs and what you need to work on.

In the last 2yrs during the massive layoffs there were very smart guys who lost their job and they don't even have a resume nor have interviewed for any job in 20yrs. They don't even know where to start. They got comfortable. They believed the company's lamba that they are needed, you are the company's future etc

Personally I am not even pro union. I go strictly by forces of demand and supply. If you imagine yourself as a business owner paying salary you will understand this better. The only reason you have an employee is because they are adding value to you. How many of us will keep Househelp who is always falling sick or sleepy or driver that's always complaining of back pain and not showing up. Some might call it being mean but it's what it is

You can fire me anytime and I can leave you anytime. We don't like each other we just work together now because we have MUTUAL interest and benefits.

One of the things Africa has is cheap labor. Instead of hammering on natural resources where other people have the same

The west have money and we need it. If you notice my response to the Niger coup was always based on what will you give us in return for supporting you.
That's how global politics is played.

liveLongNprospa:
Central Africa is gone

https://twitter.com/GNzowo/status/1697672038985634041?t=z_Tf4AKrs_O9MBsatlSMCQ&s=19

DeadPresidents:


I learned this lesson the hard way when I was a fresh undergraduate. I was always broke and always calling home for money. I lost my dad when I was like 5 so na only mumsy with her limited earnings doing her best for upkeep. I remember begging my uncle for 5k and waiting 2 weeks to receive the 5k with insults on top. And I don’t even hold a grudge against my uncle, I even called him and his wife recently and thanked them for their assistance during my time in the university and even sent some choppings money for my little cousins.

I think that particular episode made me much more determined to earn and I spent an inordinate amount of time mastering my craft. And that was my first understanding about how nobody owes you nothing—not your uncle, father, mother, brother or friends. Anybody that always laments about all the stingy uncles or relatives in his hamlet will always be broke

I’m just 28, but i don see something for Sapa hand. My experiences and studying history from all the great civilizations with their rise and downfall has shaped my personal philosophy greatly

akwesenana:
No offence, but you sound like some one in his early forties. Damn.

Eunoiaa:


Sooo, between 2015 and 2019 of APC's first term, you didn't find any reason for you to rate Atiku above Buhari? You disliked the opposition (and that's Atiku and Obi together o) more than all the years of Buhari's misrule? 😭

raumdeuter:


As a child have you realized that your parent seem warmer towards you when you are doing well in life?

A001:

If a person visits Nairaland daily and does so for a considerable period of time in his life, that has become an aspect of his culture.

DeadPresidents:


I learned this lesson the hard way when I was a fresh undergraduate. I was always broke and always calling home for money. I lost my dad when I was like 5 so na only mumsy with her limited earnings doing her best for upkeep. I remember begging my uncle for 5k and waiting 2 weeks to receive the 5k with insults on top. And I don’t even hold a grudge against my uncle, I even called him and his wife recently and thanked them for their assistance during my time in the university and even sent some choppings money for my little cousins.

I think that particular episode made me much more determined to earn and I spent an inordinate amount of time mastering my craft. And that was my first understanding about how nobody owes you nothing—not your uncle, father, mother, brother or friends. Anybody that always laments about all the stingy uncles or relatives in his hamlet will always be broke

[b]I’m just 28, but i don see something for Sapa hand. My experiences and studying history from all the great civilizations with their rise and downfall has shaped my personal philosophy [/b]greatly

akwesenana:
No offence, but you sound like some one in his early forties. Damn.

izzou:


A man who loves money will always love more money.

Do you think the Military in Gabon were not having their backs scratched by Bongo?

Even company wey dey pay well, staff go still dey find loopholes to thief.

Nigeria is fantastically corrupt. Flash millions of dollars in any CDS eye, and see if he wouldn't think twice

seankafor:
Omo , me too shock for the matters.. the guy is literally my mate

izzou:


Bros, tribalism is for the poor.

Na poor people dey tear cloth and throw insults like you see on front page. The rich people don't even see tribe or religion in their dealings
Drop millions of Benjamins, and watch Igbo, Yoruba and Hausa Generals cling glasses together.

izzou:
I have not even proferred any solution. What i find funny is how you are blaming a man for doing the right thing.

You marry a rich man that gives you everything you need.
You find out he is cheating and you confront him

Then everybody blames you for confronting your legally wedded husband.

Maybe it is wisdom to you, but it is very stupid to blame a man for doing nothing wrong. How long was he supposed to keep quiet? 4 years?

Can you even do it?

It is very easy to type with an android phone, you know.