It's 2.47 am here but I can't sleep, I hardly sleep these days.

My whole world is crumbling.
I have been a regular guest here for awhile now but had to register this morning, I need somewhere to pour out my heart, somewhere to dump my frustrations.

I came from a good, not so rich home but my parents were so hardworking.I had a good moral upbringing, went to tertiary institution and graduated with good grades.

While in school, I never had a boy friend though I had a lot of "chykers", never went clubbing, didn't socialize much.

Few months to the end of my NYSC, I met my husband. We got talking and boom, I fell in love with him. He is my ideal man....he doesn't drink nor smoke, gentle and soft spoken.

He wasn't earning much but it didn't bother me. I believe in working hard and growing with my man.

Now my regrets...
* The "angel" I married has refused to get a job after losing the last one during COVID 19.

He said he can never work in a private company again. His target is multinationals.

I encouraged him to pick up a job with private company while hoping for a bigger fish at least to support in taking care of the needs at home but he said no.

I'm left with taking care of our 3 kids, feeding, school fees and virtually every need at home. All he does is press phone, gamble and sleep.

Now our rent is due, no money.
I married as a virgin, married for love and not money, work my ass off, doing so many side hustle to shoulder the expenses at home. I'm tired. I regret all these.

When I see my "unserious" classmates on social media and sometimes offline, I weep. See them living large. I thought all the sacrifices I made way back will pay off now.
I have made up my mind that if he doesn't fix the rent, I will move back to my parent's house.

Kindly feel free to advise or bash me. Tankio

This matter is going to be long where are the elders

preshpraiz:
It's 2.47 am here but I can't sleep, I hardly sleep these days.My whole world is crumbling.
I have been a regular guest here for awhile now but had to register this morning, I need somewhere to pour out my heart, somewhere to dump my frustrations.
I came from a good, not so rich home but my parents were so hardworking.I had a good moral upbringing, went to tertiary institution and graduated with good grades.
While in school, I never had a boy friend though I had a lot of "chykers", never went clubbing, didn't socialize much.
Few months to the end of my NYSC, I met my husband. We got talking and boom, I fell in love with him. He is my ideal man....he doesn't drink nor smoke, gentle and soft spoken.
He wasn't earning much but it didn't bother me. I believe in working hard and growing with my man.
Now my regrets...
* The "angel" I married has refused to get a job after losing the last one during COVID 19. He said he can never work in a private company again. His target is multinationals. I encouraged him to pick up a job with private company while hoping for a bigger fish at least to support in taking care of the needs at home but he said no. I'm left with taking care of our 3 kids, feeding, school fees and virtually every need at home. All he does is press phone, gamble and sleep.
Now our rent is due, no money.
I married as a virgin, married for love and not money, work my ass off, doing so many side hustle to shoulder the expenses at home. I'm tired. I regret all these. When I see my "unserious" classmates on social media and sometimes offline, I weep. See them living large. I thought all the sacrifices I made way back will pay off now.
I have made up my mind that if he doesn't fix the rent, I will move back to my parent's house.
Kindly feel free to advise or bash me. Tankio

So what's the connection between virginity and your current predicament? Or you are in search of a pity party to encourage you to go and cheat?

Typically, when we have a problem, we need the best solution and not the best solution we can come up with.


Moving back to your parents is not a bad solution but do you think there could be better solutions you need to explore?

Virginity is good but it doesn't make one the best wife. It is never a ticket for a successful marriage.
The bitter truth, you no longer love your husband. Forget all these motivational speakers that will tell you that marriage is to be enjoyed, my dear in reality, marriage is to be endured while it is acted as being enjoyed.
Na you nagg the man into gambling to meet up, kindly return the undiluted love you previously had for him, it may be difficult but it is the first step if you need him to change.

What do you mean by unserious class mates, see this one so you're doing competition with them, right? Madam life is all about connection and hard work, some people make it without much stress because they've the needed connection or faster thinking especially with the invention of technology. I don't know why you only focus in the virginity aspect, you can be a good and decent woman and still end up with the wrong man, it's life.

To divorce is not that easy as singles here put it everytime, but at the same time i think there's something that man is not telling you, beside you know what's good for ur mental health so don't risk your life to save any marriage..

preshpraiz:
■ I married as a virgin, married for love and not money, work my ass off, doing so many side hustle to shoulder the expenses at home. I'm tired. I regret all these. When I see my "unserious" classmates on social media and sometimes offline, I weep. See them living large. I thought all the sacrifices I made way back will pay off now.
■ I have made up my mind that if he doesn't fix the rent, I will move back to my parent's house.
Kindly feel free to advise or bash me. Tankio

1. I believe that if you begin by abandoning the "I married as a virgin so that makes my case special and everyone else 'unserious'" delusion wey you carry for head there, it will go a long way in helping take off a whole lot of misery and shame you seem to be carrying around there. No one is bestowed glory by virtue of marriage, not even a child bride. You ought to have figured that part out by now.

2. As for your situation, not much to say only that you are equally responsible for the upkeep and welfare of your children. Sad that there father has not been able to land work for something now. You say he refuses to consider any other job except if with multinationals and he probably doesn't even have the skills to land such jobs. So, it is up to you to continue to do your best for the sake of your children. If moving back with your parents is the only option that presents itself, then what else will or can you do but do just that. You can't sit back and do nothing while your children suffer because their father checked out or something.

As for the man and your marriage, you two can decide afterwards.

On their way coming with schnapps and bitter kola.

madone:
This matter is going to be long where are the elders

Go and look for something to do with your life. Time wasted on frivolities will never be regained.
How much is seun paying you and the likes of you for creating topics?

preshpraiz:
It's 2.47 am here but I can't sleep, I hardly sleep these days.My whole world is crumbling.
I have been a regular guest here for awhile now but had to register this morning, I need somewhere to pour out my heart, somewhere to dump my frustrations.
I came from a good, not so rich home but my parents were so hardworking.I had a good moral upbringing, went to tertiary institution and graduated with good grades.
While in school, I never had a boy friend though I had a lot of "chykers", never went clubbing, didn't socialize much.
Few months to the end of my NYSC, I met my husband. We got talking and boom, I fell in love with him. He is my ideal man....he doesn't drink nor smoke, gentle and soft spoken.
He wasn't earning much but it didn't bother me. I believe in working hard and growing with my man.
Now my regrets...
* The "angel" I married has refused to get a job after losing the last one during COVID 19. He said he can never work in a private company again. His target is multinationals. I encouraged him to pick up a job with private company while hoping for a bigger fish at least to support in taking care of the needs at home but he said no. I'm left with taking care of our 3 kids, feeding, school fees and virtually every need at home. All he does is press phone, gamble and sleep.
Now our rent is due, no money.
I married as a virgin, married for love and not money, work my ass off, doing so many side hustle to shoulder the expenses at home. I'm tired. I regret all these. When I see my "unserious" classmates on social media and sometimes offline, I weep. See them living large. I thought all the sacrifices I made way back will pay off now.
I have made up my mind that if he doesn't fix the rent, I will move back to my parent's house.
Kindly feel free to advise or bash me. Tankio

1. For his part, he should work for himself by starting a business since he cannot work for private companies again. Let him source funds from his family to start the business.

2. As for you, stop comparing yourself to your classmates or any other set of people because it is not good for your mental health.

Disclaimer: If you didn't score up to 160 in verbal reasoning on your GRE exam, you probably won't understand my post below including the sarcasm and subtle jabs in it, keep it scrolling please. Sorry, but I won't adjust my writing style to suit your comprehension skills

Madam be a better woman.

When you wake up everyday, give God glory and adoration for giving you good health, a job and beautiful children that you are proud to take care of.

Thank God for having a man who can help you take care of the children while you go out and work, and when he helps you take care of the children, thank him for his help.

If you don’t like this style, there’s also another choice, start nagging him everyday till you nag him to self exile, then you can comfortably take care of your children and work at the same time while at it

socialmediaman:
Madam be a better woman.

When you wake up everyday, give God glory and adoration for giving you good health, a job and beautiful children that you are proud to take care of.

Thank God for having a man who can help you take care of the children while you go out and work, and when he helps you take care of the children, thank him for his help.

If you don’t like this style, there’s also another choice, start nagging him everyday till you nag him to self exile, then you can comfortably take care of your children and work at the same time while at it

Mindlog:

That’s what you get if you insist on working in a multinational without the requisite skill and network. You help out during the wait period.

You’re still the man of the house o, nobody will take that away from you, but you can pick up a few house chores while you’re at it

Life no balance

preshpraiz:
It's 2.47 am here but I can't sleep, I hardly sleep these days.My whole world is crumbling.
I have been a regular guest here for awhile now but had to register this morning, I need somewhere to pour out my heart, somewhere to dump my frustrations.
...

he might have been facing a lot of pressure of getting cash, you know how the economy is now... he might be frustrated, this is why he resorted to gambling, but unfortunately, it's like going from frying pan to fire... gambling will crush him totally, he should take up available work for now while aiming bigger, not just sitting idle doing nothing hoping for a bigger contract, he must get working... but trust, no man will ever feel happy not being able to provide for his family, you might never know what he's going through or planning secretly... life is not even easy for the singles let alone the married ones, so please cut him some slack... talk to him, and you guys can discuss how money can be made, and I hope he really listens.. but one quick question, was there any red flags you noticed when you were dating?

and secondly, life is not a bed of roses, you have to get off the fantasy of happily ever after, there's nothing like that... there will be challenges you'll face in life... you just have to fight through it... yes, you might love him, but love is not what hold marriages, it's commitment... even the couples you admire online, have their own worst stages which they will never talk about but since they keep feeding you guys with fantasies, y'll believe that's what marriage is all about... if you base your marriage only on love, it will fail..

thirdly, why re you comparing your situation with others? do you know the kind of environment and connections they have? do you know if they had help? do you know what they did to get to where they are? why are you putting unnecessary pressure unto yourself because you wanna impress? see ehn, there's so much pains and struggles people hide from the world, we only share the good part of it on media, this is why social media is a place of lies, where hypocrites relate with each other... face your own struggles, be your own competition...

you married as a virgin as you should, but life doesn't end there... someone can be good but still experience some bad things, that's life for you... there are some circumstances that will be beyond your control, and you just have to live through it, this is a phase everyone will pass through whether you're good or bad... the only thing is that, your experiences shouldn't make you stumble but makes you stronger...

70% of Nigerian wives are on this same ship everybody just dey cover their yansh dey go.

The rule of the game is....try as much as possible to game up for you n the kids and also cover your husband's yansh ....


Sorry dear.

Plenty of them here wey dey advise you your husband better pass them...so my dear na the reality wey de ground and please stop comparing yourself to other people.

It's well with you

socialmediaman:


That’s what you get if you insist on working in a multinational without the requisite skill and network. You help out during the wait period.

You’re still the man of the house o, nobody will take that away from you, but you can pick up a few house chores while you’re at it

Life no balance

I am making efforts to wrap my mind around a wife who has become the sole provider in the home, goes out to work and comes back home to thank the husband and biological father of their children for being "humble" enough to "emasculate" himself to look after his own children when his wife is out at work?

Child care is the responsibility of BOTH father and mother.

preshpraiz:
It's 2.47 am here but I can't sleep, I hardly sleep these days.My whole world is crumbling.
I have been a regular guest here for awhile now but had to register this morning, I need somewhere to pour out my heart, somewhere to dump my frustrations.
I came from a good, not so rich home but my parents were so hardworking.I had a good moral upbringing, went to tertiary institution and graduated with good grades.
While in school, I never had a boy friend though I had a lot of "chykers", never went clubbing, didn't socialize much.
Few months to the end of my NYSC, I met my husband. We got talking and boom, I fell in love with him. He is my ideal man....he doesn't drink nor smoke, gentle and soft spoken.
He wasn't earning much but it didn't bother me. I believe in working hard and growing with my man.
Now my regrets...
* The "angel" I married has refused to get a job after losing the last one during COVID 19. He said he can never work in a private company again. His target is multinationals. I encouraged him to pick up a job with private company while hoping for a bigger fish at least to support in taking care of the needs at home but he said no. I'm left with taking care of our 3 kids, feeding, school fees and virtually every need at home. All he does is press phone, gamble and sleep.
Now our rent is due, no money.
I married as a virgin, married for love and not money, work my ass off, doing so many side hustle to shoulder the expenses at home. I'm tired. I regret all these. When I see my "unserious" classmates on social media and sometimes offline, I weep. See them living large. I thought all the sacrifices I made way back will pay off now.
I have made up my mind that if he doesn't fix the rent, I will move back to my parent's house.
Kindly feel free to advise or bash me. Tankio

Please move back to your parents house, you have served your purpose. You have expired Madam!
Or
Go Make Your Own Money and feed the family!

See wetin SM dey make some person feel
Madam face your home. Your expectations before marriage was too high, after all you came in with hymen.
Drop the mentality first and help your husband solve the problems in your home.
1- A gambling broke man is a curse to the society, he should quit it.
2- Talk to him about the job issue, you guys should agree on smth. Calmly remind him he has children, that rocket science dreams can be pardoned for singles.
3- Always show him love while you talk to him. He may not react positively instantly but the kind words will keeps resounding on his mind.
4- Pray for your family as you put in your best in this trying times.
God bless you for keeping yourself to your husband but you are a married woman. You keep forgetting that

JOACHINpedro:
See wetin SM dey make some person feel
Madam face your home. Your expectations before marriage was too high, after all you came in with hymen.
Drop the mentality first and help your husband solve the problems in your home.
1- A gambling broke man is a curse to the society, he should quit it.
2- Talk to him about the job issue, you guys should agree on smth. Calmly remind him he has children, that rocket science dreams can be pardoned for singles.
3- Always show him love while you talk to him. He may not react positively instantly but the kind words will keeps resounding on his mind.
4- Pray for your family as you put in your best in this trying times.
God bless you for keeping yourself to your husband but you are a married woman. You keep forgetting that

The best remedy i heard this month
Thanks

The only worth of a man is when he provides. Men know this and know peace.

Sorry o!

Look for a job for him!

Help him apply!

He's your wàhálà!

May God provide for him!

Talk to his family and your family about his attitude to work, I'm sure they can talk some sense into him.

Apart from this job issue I don't think you have any issues with him.
Marrying him as a virgin or love did not mean you did him a favour. Did he force u to marry him?
Lastly not everything you see on social media is real, a lot of fake life there, don't drive yourself into depression because of another person's fake lifestyle. you don't know the shìt the do behind the curtain.

Set your priorities right with your intended right from get go. Am sorry about your predicament... Being good doesn't make life to reward you with a good partner.

So basically, it's money issues?

Nne,

Life is unfair. I know divorcee virgins and happily married slay queens. I don't understand life, sometimes we do our best and yet it isn't good enough.

Sometimes I think life is random and what will be will be. Always hope for the best and be positive.

A man that cannot provide for his family is worse than an infidel, na bible talk am, to cap it up he gambles, a bad trait for a lazy ass, you thought your virginity guarantee a successful home? Lol hymen is simply hymen, once it's gone it's gone forever, nothing significant is attached to it in the long run

As for your husband, the only way you can make him to at least cater for himself is to move to your father's house, when that happens and he sees he's about to loose his family, maybe he will have the sense to get his ass up and look for work. All the best.

Madam, we all have issues.
There are people who have never stolen before but have no money.
People who have never had sex before but died of cancer.
The world is not fair.
Obviously your eye is already admiring outside so do what you must.
Just know that your husband won't be waiting for you when you're done frolicking outside.

Sorry