SAMBARRY:
why you bend mouth like that? You're an elder in this forum you sef put mouth na

I didn't know that in 2023 there still existed those who still took seriously those tales fed to women back in the days about virginity, and success in marriage all so as to keep them subjugated for the sake of men.

preshpraiz:
It's 2.47 am here but I can't sleep, I hardly sleep these days.

My whole world is crumbling.
I have been a regular guest here for awhile now but had to register this morning, I need somewhere to pour out my heart, somewhere to dump my frustrations.

I came from a good, not so rich home but my parents were so hardworking.I had a good moral upbringing, went to tertiary institution and graduated with good grades.

While in school, I never had a boy friend though I had a lot of "chykers", never went clubbing, didn't socialize much.

Few months to the end of my NYSC, I met my husband. We got talking and boom, I fell in love with him. He is my ideal man....he doesn't drink nor smoke, gentle and soft spoken.

He wasn't earning much but it didn't bother me. I believe in working hard and growing with my man.

Now my regrets...
* The "angel" I married has refused to get a job after losing the last one during COVID 19.

He said he can never work in a private company again. His target is multinationals.

I encouraged him to pick up a job with private company while hoping for a bigger fish at least to support in taking care of the needs at home but he said no.

I'm left with taking care of our 3 kids, feeding, school fees and virtually every need at home. All he does is press phone, gamble and sleep.

Now our rent is due, no money.
I married as a virgin, married for love and not money, work my ass off, doing so many side hustle to shoulder the expenses at home. I'm tired. I regret all these.

When I see my "unserious" classmates on social media and sometimes offline, I weep. See them living large. I thought all the sacrifices I made way back will pay off now.
I have made up my mind that if he doesn't fix the rent, I will move back to my parent's house.

Kindly feel free to advise or bash me. Tankio

Don't use your friends and the social media yardstick to measure your own family.

The only thing that worries me about your post is that part of your husband gambling. If truly he is into gambling then you must be worried. However, instead of complaining pray for him to turn a new life. Also, because you married as a virgin does not exempt you from the challenges of life and marriage in particular. You should invest your time in prayer and fasting for your family as a whole. Marriage is facing a lot of challenges this days and mere men won't be able to overcome it because your opposer is very serious and more determined. Be wise.

ahnie:
70% of Nigerian wives are on this same ship everybody just dey cover their yansh dey go.
The rule of the game is....try as much as possible to game up for you n the kids and also cover your husband's yansh ....
It's well with you

So the vast majority of women in marriage are in the Yansh covering business --- not even that they are instead contributing a share ...all so they can continue to desperately carry on the Mrs. Badge. Na wa oo!

Oga has watched too many motivational videos... If you have to be taking sude jobs to support the family, then it will break you oh..

Let oga know you're tired. before another acrimony plays itself.

Kobojunkie abeg rest!we should all quit these pretence coin and face the reality.

Kobojunkie:
So the vast majority of women in marriage are in the Yansh covering business --- not even that they are instead contributing a share ...all so they can continue to desperately carry on the Mrs. Badge. Na wa oo!

I feel like explaining to you,but fortunately for us,I nor get strength today.pls bear with me.

preshpraiz:
It's 2.47 am here but I can't sleep, I hardly sleep these days.

My whole world is crumbling.
I have been a regular guest here for awhile now but had to register this morning, I need somewhere to pour out my heart, somewhere to dump my frustrations.

I came from a good, not so rich home but my parents were so hardworking.I had a good moral upbringing, went to tertiary institution and graduated with good grades.

While in school, I never had a boy friend though I had a lot of "chykers", never went clubbing, didn't socialize much.

Few months to the end of my NYSC, I met my husband. We got talking and boom, I fell in love with him. He is my ideal man....he doesn't drink nor smoke, gentle and soft spoken.

He wasn't earning much but it didn't bother me. I believe in working hard and growing with my man.

Now my regrets...
* The "angel" I married has refused to get a job after losing the last one during COVID 19.

He said he can never work in a private company again. His target is multinationals.

I encouraged him to pick up a job with private company while hoping for a bigger fish at least to support in taking care of the needs at home but he said no.

I'm left with taking care of our 3 kids, feeding, school fees and virtually every need at home. All he does is press phone, gamble and sleep.

Now our rent is due, no money.
I married as a virgin, married for love and not money, work my ass off, doing so many side hustle to shoulder the expenses at home. I'm tired. I regret all these.

When I see my "unserious" classmates on social media and sometimes offline, I weep. See them living large. I thought all the sacrifices I made way back will pay off now.
I have made up my mind that if he doesn't fix the rent, I will move back to my parent's house.

Kindly feel free to advise or bash me. Tankio

You ought not to put married as a virgin there because most people here didn't marry as a virgin.

Consequently, they will bash and lash you just to justify their wayward ways and then leave the main issue at hand.


Sorry dear. Every marriage has its own ups and downs. I won't advice you pack for now. Just try to explore every possible avenue to resolve this issue

I must commend you for marrying as a virgin. You give some guys like me hope that there are still women of virtue out there

So dear, don't think too much. If you can have just one thing which is patience, you will enjoy your marriage till old age

Patience and wisdom is the solution to all these

Take care

ahnie:
Kobojunkie abeg rest!we should all quit these pretence coin and face the reality.
I feel like explaining to you, but fortunately for us,I nor get strength today.pls bear with me.

Go eat and come back to explain this thing abeg.

kkins25:
Oga has watched too many motivational videos... If you have to be taking sude jobs to support the family, then it will break you oh..

Let oga know you're tired. before another acrimony plays itself.

What has motivational videos to do with remaining unemployed as a father for 3 years? Na kolobrain person dey call that kain thing.

Kobojunkie:
Go eat and come back to explain this thing abeg.

Ok ma'am!

Kobojunkie:
What has motivational videos to do with remaining unemployed as a father for 3 years? Na kokobrain person dey call that kain thing.

Don't you think, if he believes, he will achieve? 🤣 Oga is not settling for less. 😁

kkins25:
■ Don't you think, if he believes, he will achieve? 🤣 Oga is not settling for less. 😁

How can a reasonable individual with 3 children be playing such unreasonable games? Na wa !! People dey marry.

Mindlog:


I am making efforts to wrap my mind around a wife who has become the sole provider in the home, goes out to work and comes back home to thank the husband and biological father of their children for being "humble" enough to "emasculate" himself to look after his own children when his wife is out at work?

Child care is the responsibility of BOTH father and mother.

op you have a problem but if you look at the issue from the lenses of this guy you actually have no problem.every challenge is actually a blessing in disguise.when I read his initial post it sounded annoying and offensive then I read it again and I realised he was right.there are women with irritating husbands who will not work and even take care of the children but will still be leeching on their wives or be promiscuous.hes taking care of the kids even though that's not the ideal structure but at least he's contributing something.again I suggest you pray for him to get a good job


And this your I married as a virgin line its not necessary.virginity is a personal decision and not really relevant in marriage.aside that I suspect some air of arrogance so because you were a virgin you should have married the perfect guy and those 'unserious ones' should have married useless men.that mentality is an old wives fables.it only happens in novels and home Videos.get real.virginity is not a yardstick for getting a good man.na God's mercy and favour.so look at the bright side of things and you'll realise that you have a lot to be thankful for.


If you see some women who married unfortunate men pumelling them and turning them into something else you will thank God for your life.just have an attitude of gratitude and you'll be happy again

Kobojunkie:
So the vast majority of women in marriage are in the Yansh covering business --- not even that they are instead contributing a share ...all so they can continue to desperately carry on the Mrs. Badge. Na wa oo!

Many women of the older generation were secret providers in their households and children grew up thinking their fathers provided for them

Why worry over a man who has made difficult choices for himself? You end up sinking with him and he'll probably still leave. You can actually step up your own game and live happy. Someday you may outgrow him, but you get to make that choice, not him

But at the same time you don't want to let him go because then you get to pay for childcare while struggling to provide, they still need a father figure at some point in their lives, and nobody can take care of the children as their own for no extra cost, except their dad.

A wise parent will advise their child the same. As long as he's not violent towards her and causes problems for them, she can live with him, that's the best option at the table for the moment IMO

Looks made up haha. Apparently a promiscous woman is not happy with the incessant bashing of non-virgins lol, hence the thread

socialmediaman:
■ Many women of the older generation were secret providers in their households and children grew up thinking their fathers provided for them. Why worry over a man who has made difficult choices for himself? You end up sinking with him. You can actually step up your own game and live happily.
■ But at the same time you don't want to let him go because then you get to pay for childcare while struggling to provide, they still need a father figure at some point in their lives, and nobody can take care of the children as their own for no extra cost, except their dad.
A wise parent will advise their child the same. As long as he's not violent towards her and causes problems for them, she can live with him, that's the best option at the table for the moment IMO

Live happily while supporting another fully grown adult? LOL...And when children grow up to become deadbeats in the example that was their dad, we complain?

2. All of this assumes that the jobless father remains in the home caring for the kids, doesn't it, something which is rarely the case, particularly in the African setting where childcare is not considered the man's job. Na all this nonsense reasoning dey make woman sit back while giving money to men who refuse to grow up. Na dem full the place and the same would expect to be taken care of even in their old age.

There are highs and lows in every man. Your husband might be under depression. Also, stop using social media as a judge to your life. It's all fake. Ppl bearly post about thier struggles. Encourage your husband to get something doing. Anything at all. If he has a car, he should use it for taxi. He should leave the house and fight.

Jamie1000:
There are highs and lows in every man. Your husband might be under depression. Also, stop using social media as a judge to your life. It's all fake. Ppl bearly post about thier struggles. Encourage your husband to get something doing. Anything at all. If he has a car, he should use it for taxi. He should leave the house and fight.

Is she a mental health counselor that she should be the one to do that for a man who has 3 kids?

Kobojunkie:
I didn't know that in 2023 there still existed those who still took seriously those tales fed to women back in the days about virginity, and success in marriage all so as to keep them subjugated for the sake of men.

lol Na everybody wey go school dey exposed?

SAMBARRY:
lol Na everybody wey go school dey exposed?

Na only people wey go school fit open eye to commonsense? Many women for villages don figure this thing out tay tay! So e shock me say in 2023, there are still those who believe virginity is some sort of "crowning glory" for them.

Reminderz:

he might have been facing a lot of pressure of getting cash, you know how the economy is now... he might be frustrated, this is why he resorted to gambling, but unfortunately, it's like going from frying pan to fire... gambling will crush him totally, he should take up available work for now while aiming bigger, not just sitting idle doing nothing hoping for a bigger contract, he must get working... but trust, no man will ever feel happy not being able to provide for his family, you might never know what he's going through or planning secretly... life is not even easy for the singles let alone the married ones, so please cut him some slack... talk to him, and you guys can discuss how money can be made, and I hope he really listens.. but one quick question, was there any red flags you noticed when you were dating?

and secondly, life is not a bed of roses, you have to get off the fantasy of happily ever after, there's nothing like that... there will be challenges you'll face in life... you just have to fight through it... yes, you might love him, but love is not what hold marriages, it's commitment... even the couples you admire online, have their own worst stages which they will never talk about but since they keep feeding you guys with fantasies, y'll believe that's what marriage is all about... if you base your marriage only on love, it will fail..

thirdly, why re you comparing your situation with others? do you know the kind of environment and connections they have? do you know if they had help? do you know what they did to get to where they are? why are you putting unnecessary pressure unto yourself because you wanna impress? see ehn, there's so much pains and struggles people hide from the world, we only share the good part of it on media, this is why social media is a place of lies, where hypocrites relate with each other... face your own struggles, be your own competition...

you married as a virgin as you should, but life doesn't end there... someone can be good but still experience some bad things, that's life for you... there are some circumstances that will be beyond your control, and you just have to live through it, this is a phase everyone will pass through whether you're good or bad... the only thing is that, your experiences shouldn't make you stumble but makes you stronger...

This is angel of God speaking.

Good bless you sir.


I took my time to read everything.

I will like to know you sir.

Kobojunkie:
Na only people wey go school fit open eye to commonsense?

well, common sense is not common as we can see from this thread

Kobojunkie:
Live happily while supporting another fully grown adult? LOL...And when children grow up to become deadbeats in the example that was their dad, we complain?

2. All of this assumes that the jobless father remains in the home caring for the kids, doesn't it, something which is rarely the case, particularly in the African setting where childcare is not considered the man's job. Na all this nonsense reasoning dey make woman sit back while giving money to men who refuse to grow up. Na dem full the place and the same would expect to be taken care of even in their old age.

1. What makes him a deadbeat if he has chosen to be a stay home father, and takes care of his children? You don't even seem to know the meaning of a deadbeat father

2. None of what she wrote there indicates he doesn't help with childcare.

PS: She was attracted to him while he didn't earn much, it didn't bother her, she saw him as an "angel" regardless.

being:
■ Dont give up just yet... You can make it work. You sound like a Christian.. Trust in God... U married as a virgin- smile about that- that was some victory for you, now fight for your marriage, fight to get your husband out of d chokehold of unreasonableness & gambling. Take your matter to counselors in church or in the family... You said he didn't have vices b4 marriage.. was he gambling then?

Stop lying to her!

@preshpraiz, no matter what you do, you had better stay away from the trap of church people and family if you ever wish to tackle your situation. Churches are filled to the brim with women like you who have been praying for many many years, some even decades, for God to save their marriages. Many of the same women have had to watch the husband they have been praying for eventually abandon them yet the pastors and mogs urge them to continue praying even into their old age for what will never happen. Why? because those women fill seats and bring money and more customers into the church businesses through their many delusions.

God of the Bible cursed marriage and childbearing in Genesis 3 vs 16, and Jesus Christ equally said that the marriages of men are not of the Kingdom of God - Luke 20 vs 34 - 36. But your pastors will not tell you this part because their businesses depend on you staying with the many delusions surrounding marriage today.

socialmediaman:
1. What makes him a deadbeat if he has chosen to be a stay home father, and takes care of his children? You don't even seem to know the meaning of a deadbeat father
2. None of what she wrote there indicates he doesn't help with childcare.
■ PS: She was attracted to him while he didn't earn much, it didn't bother her, she saw him as an "angel" regardless.

1. Do you even know what a stay-at-home father is? You seem to assume a man with kids who refuses to work is automagically a stay-at-home father.

2. He is a Nigerian. You don't assume these things. You have to ask to be certain of it.

3. Big whoop!

My dear i understand u. Alot of ppl here bash u saying what is the connection with your virginity. My dear u don't expect them to understand what it took you to keep yourself until married. Meanwhile i am a 40year old virgin still believing i would marry my husband a virgin ,but despite my believe that all would go well in life for me because of my decisions I'm pass through alot. My dear the moment you decided to do the extraordinary good ,you automatically become an enemy to the devil. The evil ones are attacking your life and marriage,its time for you to pray your family out. Don't go back to your Father's house,never. I would have advised u on a church to go to but you might not like it. Look for a geniune man of God with the grace to pray your family out. You need prayers.

TruthsFM:
you Better don’t move your belongings to your parents house. That’s the bad approach here. The best thing is for you to schedule a meeting with his family members and ironed some things about his getting job and other finances in the family.
■ Don’t pack out from your husband house. It’s a wrong advice. Stay in that house and find solutions for him.
■ It’s not easy , God Almighty will make difficult things easy.

You actually think his family members are not aware that he hasn't been working all this while??

2. What husband's house? The rent is due and they are about to be homeless. When they are thrown out on the streets will the streets be it, her husband's house?

3. Stop lying!

linconby:
Please intensify in your prayers for him. There is nothing God cannot do and at the same time let his family member aware of the situation on ground

Stop lying to deceive her!

@preshpraiz, no matter what you do, you had better stay away from the trap of church people and family if you ever wish to tackle your situation. Churches are filled to the brim with women like you who have been praying for many many years, some even decades, for God to save their marriages. Many of the same women have had to watch the husband they have been praying for eventually abandon them yet the pastors and mogs urge them to continue praying even into their old age for what will never happen. Why? because those women fill seats and bring money and more customers into the church businesses through their many delusions.

Many of them prayed and fasted their youths away and are now old and wondering where their whole life went— no marriage and chasing pastors here to there.

God of the Bible cursed marriage and childbearing in Genesis 3 vs 16, and Jesus Christ equally said that the marriages of men are not of the Kingdom of God - Luke 20 vs 34 - 36. But your pastors will not tell you this part because their businesses depend on you staying with the many delusions surrounding marriage today.

Zooposki:
....

You forgot to indicate a source! PLease update it so we can read the rest abeg!

Fountainofyouth:
A man that cannot provide for his family is worse than an infidel, na bible talk am, to cap it up he gambles, a bad trait for a lazy ass, you thought your virginity guarantee a successful home? Lol hymen is simply hymen, once it's gone it's gone forever, nothing significant is attached to it in the long run

As for your husband, the only way you cam make him cater for himself is to move to your father's house, when that happens and he sees he's about to loose his family, maybe he will have the sense to get his ass up and look for work. All the best.

Bullshiiit advice from a single woman!!!

Kemadealadire:
■ Undiluted love since 2020, if you were the one in her shoes, I am sure you won't give yourself this advice, talk is cheap. The least the man should have done is get something to earn from while he still continues to apply to the multinationals. He hasn't been earning since 2020 with a family and 3children, women are naturally not providers, they are to assist and care.

Not trying to hold brief for the other one you responded to but the fact is there is no such thing as a natural provider. Women, before marriage, are able to provide for themselves, are they not? So why should they not expect to do the same for themselves and their kids after marriage which they choose for themselves?

dododawa1:
man....he doesn't drink nor smoke, gentle and soft spoken. Fear them

Na dem worse pass....

TVTM2023:
So sorry about it .sorry!
The situation everywhere had made things so complicated ,am sure that is why he wants to go for multinationals!
But this is no justification for his refusal to get a job .
Its three kids for Gods sake and that is not good at all!
May God have mercy on us all!
Have u found out how much they pay multinationals?
He may be looking for a big pay and not settling for less that is why .
He wants to get something that will satisfy and take care of your needs .
Be patient and pray for him!
Don't leave him alone now and don't let your heart change,time will pass and things will change !
What if you leave him now and one day after you leave he gets a big job and he will ne like where were u in his trying times?
If this is not the first time that he is out of job then its no problem.
But if this is the third time,then just know its time to pray oo.
Pour out that frustration on prayer my sister .
I am telling you .God will open door for him and deal with him and provide something better for him

But if you don't love him again ,it will be sad .love is tested during rough times!

Stop lying to her using the name of God abeg!

@preshpraiz, God of the Bible cursed marriage and childbearing in Genesis 3 vs 16, and Jesus Christ equally said that the marriages of men are not of the Kingdom of God - Luke 20 vs 34 - 36. But your pastors will not tell you this part because their businesses depend on you staying with the many delusions surrounding marriage today.