It's amazing how I was contemplating making this post before a member here requested or should I say started asking me questions in that line and being a very free and open person, I promised I was going to post about it.

Well... Let me start from my background and up bringing which also contributed indirectly to my nonregrettable actions that has left me in this wonderful marital status.

I grew up in a Catholic christian home where good virtues moral values were instilled in us by engaging us in christian children activities from an early age. The Most social part of my childhood ( apart from school) was around the church then back home with close monitoring. So there was no room for nonsense even up to our secondary and tertiary level. the monitoring was topnotch. So we didn't really get to do shit like our mates who got exposed early to certain lifestyle,; dating number one.

We were overprotected and shaped with these guidelines that a mindset was formed that boy and girl relationship is a taboo ( and it's true). So we knew better than to toll that part.

In the long run, after I have come off age, it became very difficult to date. This was at age 21. Whenever I manage to give a man a listening ear and he mentions sex, I'll run without looking back because that was a danger sign we were taught to look out for. So i was always running away from men because of premarital sex. It got to a point, after looking like that's the only way to get a husband and I was already in my mid twenties, a time when a girl should be getting ready to settle down, I said ok, let me see if I can bend the rules a bit for this one. This man was a chronic responsible bachelor. So I felt it could work out since he's ready to settle down. He was in his mid 30s the and never married. We were in the same compound. So I gave in and we started dating. Mind you there was no pressure from both parents to get married. My parents will never pressure you to get a suitor.

Being a novice in the game, I never knew men could double date or even knew how to handle one when it happens. So, on this fateful day the randy goat came home with another girl. It was our last born that came and told me some girl came to look for him because everyone in the compound knows us together. I was heartbroken and right there I broke up with him without even finding out who or if what they both have is serious. Though I made him cry cos I started entertaining other boys that have been chyking me and bringing them to the compound but I never had anything with them or knew any of their houses. I was just using the to pepper him. Once they say hi, I'll drag them to the compound and we will sit on top of his car sometimes until he now confided in one of our neighbors who now told me to stop that the man is always crying. E never cry. I showed him two can play that game. He tried coming back but I bulshit him.

After that I locked up and never trusted any man. I began to see why my dad was being overprotective. I didn't date again for almost five years and then men were coming but that was when my own shakara increased. I mean responsible well to do men o. That was when men had good jobs from banking, investment and oil companies in ikoyi and vi both staff from five star hotel like Eko hotels and suites, federal palace cos those were the places I worked so I had many suitors and friends but the moment they mention relationship, Ill take off.

Part 2

It continued like that and I was enjoying my life with peace of mind that I forgot about time or didn't bother about it cos I don't care.

When I entered mid thirties, I said let me loosen up a bit but because Ive gotten used and enjoyed single life with peace of mind to that age, I found it difficult to commit again because anytime I tried, I'll start having anxiety. The thought of him cheating on me or even as little as admiring another woman will just make me unsettled and I'll think of aborting mission before it's too late.

So I said to give one man a chance, he too brought another girl in my absence. I found out from the sister and that was it. I called it off he begged and begged that the lady was forcing herself on him and sending him money bla bla.. he made a conference call with his family begging, my mind was made up I dumped him and moved on to a Choir boy Ive been admiring who was also trying to talk me into a relationship. I truly loved this guy and I think I was older than him in age . Though he refused to tell me his age but I was able to deduce from his Facebook profile cos he wrote class of 2006 while I finished 1999 but because I don't look my age, we just looked like age mate and we loved each other.

I met him when he just finished serving and was squatting. I was out of job then but one thing that made me stick with him was, even though he was not working, he shared whatever little he had with me. We were together when a very rich young pastor came asking for my hands in marriage. I told him about it and he started feeling sad that because he doesn't have a bearing now some guy wants to take me away from him. I on the other hand don't really fancy the pastor but wanted to force myself and see if it will work but it wasn't working because I didn't have feelings for him. To now make matters worse, he started showing stinginess. In the three months we courted, we didn't get to sit together because he's a pastor so we only see in church, stand and talk very briefly and disperse and each time he kept posting me about money I asked for to enable me travel for Xmas and the day was fast approaching. It was my Choir boyfriend that wen to borrow money from one girl selling recharge card to give me to travel. Now coupled with the fact that I don't even like him, i just texted him to look for another sister. The highest he ever bought me was two two hundred naira recharge card a stinkingly rich ajebota pastor for that matter ( 2014) but he would always call me.

Lastly, in 2016, my bobo got a job in Chevron with a nice apartment in lekki. Before then we had a small quarrel and we're not in talking terms because I requested for money for hair to attend my twins introduction and he told me no money but he didn't tell me he was saving for an apartment. Even then, how much? So, after months of not talking, he called and invited me over to see his new place. A surprise I guess. I got there and we had a nice time. He tried to make it up to me. He gave me his short and polo to wear that day and took me to a pepper soup joint. **Smiling**
later we got back and ad I was about to shower, I saw a used shower cap in his bathroom. He now handed me a new one from his wardrobe where there were many more. I asked him who used the one in the bathroom, he said baby don't start again. I held my peace.
The following morning he did something that I can't say for sure what really happened.

I slept over because there was no way I could go back from lekki to the mainland that day. That night he came to disturb me and I told him you know we can't be doing this. Please let wait till everything is formalized. When he wouldn't let me be, I left him and went to sleep on the floor. In the morning he woke up and was saying you, you, I was just looking at you as we were talking someone knocked on the door. It was a ladies voice. My ex went to meet her and they were together for almost 30mins before he came back inside. Me i didn't talk. I suspected he went to do nonsense because his thing was up when he left only to come back and it has come down.

We prepared and left together that morning for work. When I got home, I called and told him off. Na small thing dey vex me. He didn't believe it. So many things on my mind that made me take that huge decision. Men are not worth my type.

Since then till date, I stopped anything relationship especially if it's not a born again and I must like him. I faced my God ever since and decided to give myself peace. I can't stand a cheating partner. Disease dey town and I don't want to end up a baby mama.

Now, with the way things are, no jobs, the few decent men can hardly fend for themselves let alone catering for a family, I just decided to let sleeping dogs lie. Make person no come enter from fry pan to fire. Some family men now are dumping their family and running away from their responsibilities leaving the women to carry all the burden. So tell me what will make marriage enticing to me again? Abi na domestic violence? Biko Biko.

Hopefully someone leans from my story. I don't regret any of my decisions so far. I'm happy that in all, I wasn't consumed, used to a point of no return in fact if you see me, you'll hardly believe I'm 42. apart from say I get small protruding stomach ( which almost everyone has) and it's only when I eat. Otherwise its normal. So it's caused by food and I overeat.

I also don't regret not having children outside wedlock cos it would have reduced my chances of getting attention from men even at my age. Yes.. I still get attention like serious advances from single men. This is not to make a boast. In this year alone, I've had two suitors. Very responsible guy and another man but the thing with me is that I'm too picky. if I don't like you first, e go hard. So those two were not my spec and I won't trap myself in a loveless marriage just because of age or "time is going " , if it's not what I want, I won't do it. Call me anything you like, your opinion. I don't kia!


Modified

I don't know why you're pained. That was me just being witty to lighten up the tense mood of my story but your dumb olodo self cant recognize a witty saying when you see one hence holding unto it and reacting like a beheaded chicken.

Empty skull

Are you a twin??

I like ur boldness.

Your courage is commendable.

If you could go back in time, knowing what you know now, what would you have done differently?

mariahAngel:
Your courage is commendable.

If you could go back in time, knowing what you know now, what would you have done differently?

no way!

Newborn27. Heres the post I promised you.

Enjoy!

Jewessgratitud3:
Newborn27. Heres the post I promised you.

Enjoy!

WOW!


Thanks for the mention...let me quickly read through.

Wow!


This is deep!

I don't even know what to say or where to start from... truly you're courageous and strong.

Back to my former question ma....did you still have any plans of getting married or having kids of your own?


Kids are very beautiful my dear sister...money is enjoyable when spent with your loved ones..... watching your baby grow into an adult is also a beautiful thing... having a man who truly loves you for you is also nice.


I'm sure you're happy but more assured that there are days which you wish you were married with kids.
..

How have you being coping with stigmatization?

Pressure from family... friends... co-workers... church members?

author=Newborn27 post=126658739]Wow!


This is deep!

I don't even know what to say or where to start from... truly you're courageous and strong.

Back to my former question ma....did you still have any plans of getting married or having kids of your own?

At this point, if it comes fine, if not, fine. I'm not the one to make such plans. If I get what I want, oh.. why not but if not, men e go hard o. Like I said... In this year alone, I've had two suitors. A very responsible guy and a man but the thing with me is that I'm too picky. if I don't like you first, it will be very difficult. These two were not my spec and I won't trap myself in a loveless marriage all because of age or "time is going " , if it's not what I want, I won't do it.

Kids are very beautiful my dear sister...money is enjoyable when spent with your loved ones..... watching your baby grow into an adult is also a beautiful thing... having a man who truly loves you for you is also nice.

Like I told you before, what tickles every one's fancy is different likewise what bothers them.
You may fancy all the bolded and I may not. What you want out of marriage is different from what I want. So it's not a one size fits all" thingy or compulsory that we all must like to do or have things the same way. That is why you will never see me envy married people or people with children because to me it's really nothing. Now, my Mom married at the age of 10 . Had all of us before 30 but died in her Early 40s. So of what use was her early marriage and child-bearing to her? Fine they use us to remember her but she as person, what did she enjoy in her life for achieving those? Just suffered to raise children that she didn't live to see even one grandchild? Abeg abeg.

I'm sure you're happy but more assured that there are days which you wish you were married with kids.
..

Why? That's like saying I regret.. I have saidvit countless times that I've never regretted it for once . Ok let me even pause for a moment and try to remember if I ever wished I did.......... 🤔 🤔 🤔.... Ogbeni nothing like that o. Rather I've always thought that if I had married maybe by now I would have left the marriage cos e for don taya me and that's the truth. In fact.. sometimes I used to silently thank my stars that I'm not married with kids in this economy because I can't endure suffering and hardship with children. Not like Im wishing myself hardship but men in this present economy, everyone is facing it and someone like me can't take the heat with such responsibilities even when shared.
There's a friend of mine that always wish to switch places with me saying I'm enjoying because I don't have anything bothering me and I'll tell her I'm glad I don't have those bukata.

How have you being coping with stigmatization?

Stigmatization? LoL.. see so far e no affect my pocket, whatever anyone says in that regards does not bother me. it's when you listen or go close to people they'll stigmatize you. I don't keep companies. I'm a loner and it helps a lot to stay away from such. No be if I smile with you you come know wether I don marry or not. I feel free saying it here because no body knows me in person and it all ends here. Of course some people in the past have said some things like your twin is married you're here forming oge, but I didn't give a damn because when I look at their lives im doing far better than them and living life to the fullest. Abi What is life about? No be enjoyment? See it's all in your head o.life no hard reach like that

Pressure from family... friends... co-workers... church members?

I love my family. They will never pressure you. My dad before he died would be like, if you do anyhow I'll take my daughter back ( referring to my in-laws.) So all his inlaws are pals with him. They'll be like ogor, oya make we go chill. He will tell you, don't stress them for me o. As for the single ones he'll make sure he provides our needs so we don't look outside. Even as a working class lady, my dad when he collects his pension, he will buy a bag of rice and share to every one of us in our various houses. He was still giving me money till his death in 2012 ( miss you pop). My dad na guy man. Him no send o.

Forget, this life is what you make of it. I try as much as I can to enjoy myself and make every minute of it count

You are a bold lady to share your story. I have a younger sister who is the same age as yours with almost the same story as yours.

I hope you will one day find the right man to share your life with, if not for child bearing, at least for the sake of companionship. After all Rita Dominic got married at the age of 45 I think.

Suzzytee05:
You are a bold lady to share your story. I have a younger sister who is the same age as yours with almost the same story as yours.

I hope you will one day find the right man to share your life with, if not for child bearing, at least for the sake of companionship. After all Rita Dominic got married at the age of 45 I think.

Life na jeje. Marriage is not a do or die affair dear.

Fine girl no dey Nairaland.

This one na comprehension passage

I don't think anyone owes other people any explanation why he/she is still single at a certain age...just live your best happy life

Ok

G

TRYING HARDER TO BLAME UR UPBRINGING RATHER THAN YOUR PRIDE & EGOISTIC TENDENCIES.

Long epistle to mislead people and to advocate for immorality as usual. Your failure to marry is totally not because of ur upbringing, I think more of ego and pride.
Infact, you should be grateful to such godly and strict background. Even though u still disobeyed ur parents by having an affair earlier than normal @ 21.


Me too was brought up in such way, but it didn't stop me to be happily married for ages. Though,I am a man. Meanwhile, its even more harder for man with such background than lady, because man would go out to woo while lady waits to be wooed.

I know few of my exes that still showing attitude that, "if I'm the one that married them". Which means, my background helped me in dealing with women and not a disadvantage as you insinuated .

My friend, several factors do contribute to marriage failure, maybe u look the other way round. Perhaps, it's spiritual if not pride, [b]GOING BY YOUR PREVIOUS COMMENTS AND POSTS.

What about several girls that are "Free rangers from beginning of their life, in which they still don't have men to call their husbands till they grow old?

Even at 42, (ur October 6 post) see what u still posted about man not be extensively rich before u can give him chance.

If ur story isn't a fiction, madam u never see anything ma.

In all honesty, you do not owe any Nairalander this true story.

Most likely they will use this against you and troll you for being sincere.

I wish you the very best in your pursuit of happiness.

Interesting

E be things. Omo that epistle go finish Chelsea first half against brentford

.. present Ma. @ahnie. Come ,let's go see our friend

mariahAngel:
Your courage is commendable.

If you could go back in time, knowing what you know now, what would you have done differently?

Hustle harder

Life na by choice..

Ok

If you are someone that wants to have a family. I advise you to calm down and allow love find you... Menopause is also close by... But then miracle nor dey tire Jesus.

If you are someone that really don't care about family and companionship then I advise you to continue making your money and enjoy yourself.

Those suitors will stop coming very soon as your biological clock is ticking... You won't look young forever.

In all, do what ever makes you happy.

I stopped reading the moment I discovered the op is a woman.

It's well with you soul.