After 5years Of Emotional Abuse Should I Give A 2nd Chance - Family - Nairaland
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| After 5years Of Emotional Abuse Should I Give A 2nd Chance by definitelyso: 7:39pm On Jan 09 |
please house help.. I married my husband during my masters in the UK we were both students.. after barely 3months of dating i got pregnant and we got engaged 5months into the relationship.. the cheating signs started immediately after that but I could not recognise it.. for example after the engagement with all our friends in attendance he told me he will not proceed with the marriage as he wants to marry whitie for papers.. the shock was much for me so I said ok.. the child will bear my father's name then.. after much argument for months 2weeks to when I will deliver we went to court in the UK as we were still studing and got married.. this was in 2015.. fast forward to 2017 we came back to Nigeria got the traditional and white done.. this is where the main drama started.. few months into our coming back one issue of infidelity to another if I complain he will say I want a divorce.. in 2018 I had another child but while 5months pregnant I almost lost the baby to a miscarriage because he made me walk long distance all in the name of teaching me a lesson as he said I was too stubborn.. the next day I went into premature labour.. all of these no apology from him ohh.. then infidelity with my house maids not 1 not 2 the 3 one was what broke the camels back.. I have had enough.. now the case with the 2nd house girl was; he and her made my life hell when I asked her to leave he told me instead of the house help to leave I should leave the house and keep the 2kids for him... I was so depressed and ashamed of how he treated me I could not tell anyone not even my family I stayed back and prayed the girl eventually left when she was tired of staying.. in 2020 November he sent me and the kids to his mother's house in lagos to stay that he wants to focus on his new company unknown to me he moved to a new 2bedroom apartment and changed girls like wrapper while I shared a room with 7 people including my kids and the house helps plus his cousins in his mother's house.. sleeping on the floor.. for over 1year he refused to allow me come back home to the new apartment he rented always threatening me with divorce and taking the kids.. all this time sincerely I was depressed I could not work i was just getting by no zeal to achieve or fight for my self.. lost my self confidence.. finally in 2021 december we came back... april 2022 he left for lagos said for work.. didnt come back till february 2023 just before the elections..then the big incident happened.. the house help I have found that was God sent since 2020 she has been with me even while I was in his mother's house giving me support he tried to harass her too but she refused him and reported to me.. when he saw he could not get his way he asked her to leave the house.. by this time I had gotten a good job and the house help was helping with the children while I work.. so I said no.. she will stay.. then the abuse started again.. he asked me to leave and go back to my mother's and he will take my kids.. he even called my mum saying he is no longer interested in the marriage and wants me to leave the house.. at this point I have had enough I tried getting a divorce but I could not afford the lawyers fees at the time about 100k so I filed a complaint against him stopping him from illegally throwing me out of the house.. he got upset saying I disrespected him for filing that complaint so he packed his bags and left for Lagos in April 2023.. well in june 2023 i met someone at work fell in love with him.. for the first time in years I felt wanted I felt loved and appreciated but i asked him to wait until I sign the divorce papers. suddenly in December 24th 2023 without notice my husband came back begging forgiveness saying he has changed and found God.. now everyone is begging me to give him a 2nd chance. but what about me? I no longer love him.. I have moved on and found someone.. am afraid to say am in love with someone else because he might use it against me in court even though I never agreed to have sexual intercourse with this new love of mine but my husband will never believe that... and my husband has refused to get a divorce begging and trying so hard to show me he has changed ... what do I do..? i have forgiven him but i won't be happy if I stay with him but I don't know how to go about the divorce since he is not willing also note since 2020 [quote author=definitelyso post=127862151]please house help.. I married my husband during my masters in the UK we were both students.. after barely 3months of dating i got pregnant and we got engaged 5months into the relationship.. the cheating signs started immediately after that but I could not recognise it.. for example after the engagement with all our friends in attendance he told me he will not proceed with the marriage as he wants to marry whitie for papers.. the shock was much for me so I said ok.. the child will bear my father's name then.. after much argument for months 2weeks to when I will deliver we went to court in the UK as we were still studing and got married.. this was in 2015.. fast forward to 2017 we came back to Nigeria got the traditional and white done.. this is where the main drama started.. few months into our coming back one issue of infidelity to another if I complain he will say I want a divorce.. in 2018 I had another child but while 5months pregnant I almost lost the baby to a miscarriage because he made me walk long distance all in the name of teaching me a lesson as he said I was too stubborn.. the next day I went into premature labour.. all of these no apology from him ohh.. then infidelity with my house maids not 1 not 2 the 3 one was what broke the camels back.. I have had enough.. now the case with the 2nd house girl was; he and her made my life hell when I asked her to leave he told me instead of the house help to leave I should leave the house and keep the 2kids for him... I was so depressed and ashamed of how he treated me I could not tell anyone not even my family I stayed back and prayed the girl eventually left when she was tired of staying.. in 2020 November he sent me and the kids to his mother's house in lagos to stay that he wants to focus on his new company unknown to me he moved to a new 2bedroom apartment and changed girls like wrapper while I shared a room with 7 people including my kids and the house helps plus his cousins in his mother's house.. sleeping on the floor.. for over 1year he refused to allow me come back home to the new apartment he rented always threatening me with divorce and taking the kids.. all this time sincerely I was depressed I could not work i was just getting by no zeal to achieve or fight for my self.. lost my self confidence.. finally in 2021 december we came back... april 2022 he left for lagos said for work.. didnt come back till february 2023 just before the elections..then the big incident happened.. the house help I have found that was God sent since 2020 she has been with me even while I was in his mother's house giving me support he tried to harass her too but she refused him and reported to me.. when he saw he could not get his way he asked her to leave the house.. by this time I had gotten a good job and the house help was helping with the children while I work.. so I said no.. she will stay.. then the abuse started again.. he asked me to leave and go back to my mother's and he will take my kids.. he even called my mum saying he is no longer interested in the marriage and wants me to leave the house.. at this point I have had enough I tried getting a divorce but I could not afford the lawyers fees at the time about 100k so I filed a complaint against him stopping him from illegally throwing me out of the house.. he got upset saying I disrespected him for filing that complaint so he packed his bags and left for Lagos in April 2023.. well in june 2023 i met someone at work fell in love with him.. for the first time in years I felt wanted I felt loved and appreciated but i asked him to wait until I sign the divorce papers. suddenly in December 24th 2023 without notice my husband came back begging forgiveness saying he has changed and found God.. now everyone is begging me to give him a 2nd chance. but what about me? I no longer love him.. I have moved on and found someone.. am afraid to say am in love with someone else because he might use it against me in court even though I never agreed to have sexual intercourse with this new love of mine but my husband will never believe that... and my husband has refused to get a divorce begging and trying so hard to show me he has changed ... what do I do..? i have forgiven him but i won't be happy if I stay with him but I don't know how to go about the divorce since he is not willing also note since 2022 February my husband and I have not have sex or been intimate.. please help.. |
| Re: After 5years Of Emotional Abuse Should I Give A 2nd Chance by advanceDNA: 7:54pm On Jan 09 |
Change koor..APC nii.. If he will not give u divorce .. Pretend like u have Forgiven him... .when u move back in ..give him rat poison... .be with your new love... Case solved.... I don't have time for ràdà ràdà in 2024 2 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: After 5years Of Emotional Abuse Should I Give A 2nd Chance by Justkatty(f): 8:02pm On Jan 09 |
Forgive for your sanity and face front.... he's trying to come in again because he feels you're now an asset, such men will make sure they render you useless because you become a threat to them. He should continue with his lifestyle after all he's the "price" yeye somebody. 2 Likes |
| Re: After 5years Of Emotional Abuse Should I Give A 2nd Chance by ERCROSS(m): 8:03pm On Jan 09 |
He doesn't deserve a second chance. Tell him you've been having sex with like 3 people while he was away. He'd file for the divorce on your behalf 2 Likes |
| Re: After 5years Of Emotional Abuse Should I Give A 2nd Chance by Ahnii(f): 8:07pm On Jan 09 |
Every sensible woman knows if she has a future with her husband by the way he treats her. A woman is a reflection of how she's being treated. Women are really suffering,some suffers in silence by masking it whilst others cheats (fact) If you really want to have an insights into what m saying try visit FIN PAGE on Facebook...you go cry taya. Some husbands are pure devil tools. My verdict....He doesn't deserve second chance. 5 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: After 5years Of Emotional Abuse Should I Give A 2nd Chance by 2aces(m): 8:17pm On Jan 09 |
This is a classic example of trapping, you should know better than using pregnancy to trap a man in the first place, and from your write up, the young man( maybe in his late twenties or early thirties) isn't ready to be a family man yet because he has a lot planned for his future, but you made him do your bidding because you want him all to yourself not minding what such responsibility will do to his future plans. He always abuse and threatened you because he doesn't love you enough to wife you and sees you as a derailment from his future plans for his life, he cheats serially even with your maids to spite you and vent his frustration on you, but you were too headstrong to get the message, or maybe because you need him for financial upkeep. Move on with your new found love and push harder for a divorce, cos if you allow the train reck you created back into your life, you might not be around to tell the tale. 2 Likes |
| Re: After 5years Of Emotional Abuse Should I Give A 2nd Chance by Klass99(f): 8:20pm On Jan 09 |
13 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: After 5years Of Emotional Abuse Should I Give A 2nd Chance by GboyegaD(m): 8:27pm On Jan 09 |
I have read it twice and I am not sure what to advice since you know him better. If you think you have moved on, biko, do him the favor of saying NO to his plea so that you do not get entrapped with him and perhaps cheat on him with your new love. That will make you seem worse compared to all he has done to you. One part of your story I am confused about is why you allowed him treat you this badly and never took action. If you are so scared about the kids, what will happen to them now should you divorce? I will suggest you ensure that part is well straightened as you take the action that is best to you at this time. |
| Re: After 5years Of Emotional Abuse Should I Give A 2nd Chance by Scholace: 8:38pm On Jan 09 |
If you mistakenly consider that animal back, you'll forever regret it. Please move on with your life. 1 Like |
| Re: After 5years Of Emotional Abuse Should I Give A 2nd Chance by Jeon(f): 9:00pm On Jan 09 |
Sign the divorce paper. But some women are trying ooo. You knew how the man is treating you, yet you will still allowed him to deposit sperm in you for more children. 6 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: After 5years Of Emotional Abuse Should I Give A 2nd Chance by Hathor5(f): 9:07pm On Jan 09 |
If you have doubts, don`t. Your gut feeling is your best advice. And please, next time make paragraphs. My eyes are hurting. |
| Re: After 5years Of Emotional Abuse Should I Give A 2nd Chance by crackhaus: 9:13pm On Jan 09 |
Funny... |
| Re: After 5years Of Emotional Abuse Should I Give A 2nd Chance by Dense1512v(m): 9:38pm On Jan 09 |
definitelyso:Men can never change. Move on with your life 3 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: After 5years Of Emotional Abuse Should I Give A 2nd Chance by Stevenbright(m): 9:49pm On Jan 09 |
If you ask, I will say don't but move on. But if you must do, ask him to tell you why he decided to treat you that way all these while. If he tells you the truth and made it clear he too have forgiven you and promise never to do the same again, maybe you may give him a second chance. In case you don't know why he did all that to you, this is my guess from your post. 1. You telling him he will lose the right to his child to your father if he doesn't marry you. 2. To avoid the above, he got married to you against his wish of getting married to a whitie for papers. So, all he has done to you was a revenge and punishment for what he thinks he had lost for getting married to you. 1 Like |
| Re: After 5years Of Emotional Abuse Should I Give A 2nd Chance by gratefulheart(m): 10:16pm On Jan 09 |
All the signs are always there but people always ignore it. 1. Live (breathe) doesn't have a second chance. When someone die that the end. Does it worth to die for? 2. From day one he wasn't interested in marriage he only wants to chop you and clean month. 3. It's better you do the needful now or live a life of regret if you're still alive (You decide). definitelyso: |
| Re: After 5years Of Emotional Abuse Should I Give A 2nd Chance by fyzaila: 10:44pm On Jan 09 |
All what i know is just don't gree for him o, 2024 |
| Re: After 5years Of Emotional Abuse Should I Give A 2nd Chance by Ahnii(f): 10:54pm On Jan 09 |
Jeon:Take a stroll to Facebook and click on FIN PAGE...See what married women are going thru in their hands of their husbands. Their pains,agonies,torments and the rest. 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: After 5years Of Emotional Abuse Should I Give A 2nd Chance by fyzaila: 11:07pm On Jan 09 |
Ahnii: Let me go and check omo... Marriage is only a blessing when you're happy and have peace of mind in it. Any other thing aside happiness and peace of mind is another torture on earth. 2 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: After 5years Of Emotional Abuse Should I Give A 2nd Chance by Curiouscity(m): 11:08pm On Jan 09 |
Justkatty: Is it not funny how we quickly generalize things like this? Bad behaviors are not gender specific. Except for some details here, I would have said it is a guy I am close to writing this. He is going through something almost identical to this. Or would I say his own is worse, because the wife's family tried to rubbish him too. Terrible human beings exist in both men and women. |
| Re: After 5years Of Emotional Abuse Should I Give A 2nd Chance by Ahnii(f): 11:09pm On Jan 09 |
Sometimes marriage is not worth it one bit...the kids are the gains in marriages. fyzaila: |
| Re: After 5years Of Emotional Abuse Should I Give A 2nd Chance by fyzaila: 11:18pm On Jan 09 |
Ahnii: True and one cannot because of kids subject herself to emotional, verbal or physical abuse/trauma. Kids will definitely be fine but what about the mother? A husband will keep tormenting the wife, mother of his kids, thinking she can't do without him or maybe she can't find good love outside. The moment she decides to leave the abusive husband and good love finds her, he will now become repentant all of a sudden, forming good husband up and down. Rubbish. 2 Likes |
| Re: After 5years Of Emotional Abuse Should I Give A 2nd Chance by Justkatty(f): 11:19pm On Jan 09 |
Curiouscity:Sir, if you've seen or witness a selfish man handling a woman, you'll never for once pray for your sister (s) to cross path with such men. Sometimes opinions given here,are from experience. No doubt there are women that are mean too. 4 Likes |
| Re: After 5years Of Emotional Abuse Should I Give A 2nd Chance by Curiouscity(m): 11:21pm On Jan 09 |
Ahnii:While some of the stories there are terrible, up to 35-45% of those stories won't be confirmed as being true if subjected to cross examinations. Some men are loud, cheats(both genders cheat) and insensitive, but the way some women lie against their innocent husbands is scary. Most men are just walking corpse based on the lies heap on their heads. |
| Re: After 5years Of Emotional Abuse Should I Give A 2nd Chance by leisuretym: 11:22pm On Jan 09 |
He's only using your kids to threaten you, he can't care for them, you now have value before him because you now have a good job, more confidence and dressing more better. He thought you couldn't do without him, he's doing all these because he has noticed you don't care anymore, the moment you accept him back, he will load you with pregnancy again, regain his confidence and resume his nonsense lifestyle, by then your newly found love would have been heartbroken and moved on to another person , you will then be a big loser. 6 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: After 5years Of Emotional Abuse Should I Give A 2nd Chance by Curiouscity(m): 11:26pm On Jan 09 |
Justkatty: Your last statement is in agreement with my opinion. We should look at the problem as a human problem, not gender based. What is bad is bad! |
| Re: After 5years Of Emotional Abuse Should I Give A 2nd Chance by Justkatty(f): 11:29pm On Jan 09 |
Curiouscity:🤝 |
| Re: After 5years Of Emotional Abuse Should I Give A 2nd Chance by Ahnii(f): 11:30pm On Jan 09 |
Innocent husband indeed  ,But some wives are not it one bit Sha.Curiouscity:Abegi marriage should be scrape.....open marriage/cuckold should be encouraged for those with options Sha. When would African even get to that stage? |
| Re: After 5years Of Emotional Abuse Should I Give A 2nd Chance by Gadafii: 2:03am On Jan 10 |
If you go back to that man your mind go touch ground and you might not survive it, this is a warning not a curse Find somewhere to move to where he wouldn’t have physical access to you and go have your peace of mind since you already forgiven him, this is not about your new love interest, it’s about your sanity and safety first That man no change anything 1 Like |
| Re: After 5years Of Emotional Abuse Should I Give A 2nd Chance by Nicepoker(m): 2:13am On Jan 10 |
All these lies. |
| Re: After 5years Of Emotional Abuse Should I Give A 2nd Chance by Foodqueen(f): 3:44am On Jan 10 |
Why the quote? where did you copy the story from. Your hubby met u abroad and it was easy for him to tell you to move to his mom's house in Nigeria. SMH., Things we do for desperate love, I guess. |
| Re: After 5years Of Emotional Abuse Should I Give A 2nd Chance by Ahnii(f): 4:51am On Jan 10 |
Gadafii:Even if she moves to somewhere entirely new without initiating divorce she's still his wife and he has rights over her since she hasn't divorced him. Her best bet is to divorce him which won't be easy as it will take years to finalize. That's the ish's with court marriages. If it were to be only traditional marriage they did it would have been much more easier. |
| Re: After 5years Of Emotional Abuse Should I Give A 2nd Chance by Day169: 8:08am On Jan 10 |
advanceDNA:  !.. Hate speech!! |
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