Neddstark:
When women get married, they believe they have the perfect landing and can do whatever the fûck they want.
It is left for you to let them know that this marriage of exploitation can end and nothing will happen. If you after this, she doesn't improve then bros go back to single and searching than forever unhappiness.

exactly.

Neverlookback:
She works full time, does not financially contribute to the running of the household, and yet you give her transport money for work? This does not make sense.

na him start d nonsense

What do you expect when you married the first child of the family
She must be bossy & take care of her younger ones
The for the lack of respect & unable to cook palatable food I blam you bc you supposed to have notice that from her before marriage

Read of LTR game or marriage redpill. If you don't get positive results divorce her and get another woman with your new found knowledge. May God protect us from bad wives.

Make ladies responsible and accountable in marriage and relationship but most men won't, this is always the results.

Someone is building and another is collapsing, this is not an ideal marriage.

I once discussed finances with my ex and how we can booster our family if we get married and she bluntly said she is not a team member when it comes to finances in the home that everything is surely on my shoulders. I then asked what if I open a multi million business for her and help her grow the wealth? She replied that the money that she will generate from the business belongs to her and si should never worry how she spent the revenue even if the business is 100 percent done by me. That was it, a selfish woman with almost zero responsibilities.

The problem is that most men don't discuss finances with their partners before marriage and they give out the persona that every bills in the family will be taken care by them which in reality isn't so. Imagine a worker who pays all her bills before she got married can no longer even pay her transportation fare even when she receives her salary the previous day what irresponsibility and zero accountability.

You brought this up on yourself by not setting out the ground rules during dating and even during marriage. A way forward, call for a management meeting in your family and discuss your grievances as well as the way forward in order to strengthen the togetherness and team work in your family.

The disadvantage of building alone is that it will take you a longer time to do that than when you build together. Currently you are building alone, you need to bring her into your team.

Good luck to a fruitful family session.

ecolime:
Getting married to a First born girl is no child's play.

Let me ask, who earns more between the two of you?

This is a valid question, some women even earn more than the husband but still expect hubby to take care of all the needs while hers are for frivolities, how will such a man build for the rainy day. Zero responsibilities for married spouses don't always go well when the other hits a brick wall.

This guy needs a serious discussion to do

I thought men said "they don't need love".

All those weak men running away from their responsibilities, but wants to put on the crown of the house on their heads.


Op, isn't interested in the money. He is interested in love. So you men should stop talking nonsense.
Op, please stop hiding and use ur popular moniker, maybe you fellow RDP members might help you. 😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏

Hating a woman, but will still be looking for love from what they hated.

So silly.

Jeon:
All those weak men running away from their responsibilities, but wants to put on the crown of the house on their heads.


Op, isn't interested in the money. He is interested in love. So you men should stop talking nonsense.

This is a thread for straight people. I don't expect you to understand what is being discussed.

ecolime:
This is a thread for straight people

A straight person won't even bother to quote me.

Jeon:


A straight person won't even bother to quote me.

does your cousin husband wash his bura after doing it with one of both your male cousins before puting it inside your duri later?




sorry for asking. I am curious.

carojody:
My fellow Nlanders, Good evening to all. I will not bore you with long stories so I will get to it right away.

I got married to my wife about 6 months ago. We had a 3yrs dating though it was a long distance relationship. During the courting period I asked her all the pertinent questions and she answered maybe to suit me. We eventually got married.

A little of my own life story: I am an orphan, the last child in the family with 3 older siblings. Growing up was tough without the love of parents so it was hell of a tussle in the streets. Recorded lots of loses financially. Also lost the first love I ever had but life has to go on.

On her part, she is the first child in a family of 5 children. Both parents alive and young. Healthy and strong. She currently works with a bank.

We go married 6months ago, I told her things I desired most during our days of dating which was a caring person capable of love. And she told me she has that quality being the first child. We went ahead and got married.

After marriage I discovered a strange thing. She really do care, she shows love too but to her family. She acts like I don't even exist. She does not see me. Sometimes I get jealous the kind of love she bequeaths on her brothers. I provide every thing in the house even to her transportation to work, but I hardly knw when her salary drops. In fact she shares her salary to her family before it drops. She would go through my wardrobe and select my clothes she deems too tight for me and send to her brothers.

I can sspend 5 hours with her in the house and she will be on the phone giggling and gisting with her family. She cannot cook well no clean the house. Totally lacks "Respect". Instead of eating poison every time she cooks, I do most of the cooking myself.

She does not need my approval for anything she simply sends money to her siblings as she pleases and even quarrels with me for not giving her to send. Recently I discovered she paid her brothers school fee. And as I write she is asking me for her transportation to work this week and I noticed she just received her salary yesterday cos I overheard her on the phone.

Please this is not the life I prayed for. I'd have remained single that be in a marriage like this. Who has a good advice please. I beg of u fam, how do I navigate these waters.

You married the wrong woman.


A woman that does not respect her husband does not love her husband.


What kind of wife is that; she cant cook, can't keep you company via good communication, cant contribute financially and only increasing your life's burden? That's wife from hell fire, run and please separate from her on time.



The only solution to me is instant separation that should lead to divorce. Separate from her now that kids haven't entered.


Seize every move to have kids, that lady isn't your wife, you are just a provider for she and her family only.



Run before it's too late.



Don't impregnate her, flee!


No amount of talk will change her. If you complain too much she will change tactics and start being more secretive with her moves.



I am happily married. Even though I don't ever ask my wife about her income, she tells me herself and whenever she gets a pay raise she cheerfully tells me without me asking or even showing interest.


My wife have a very tight work schedule but she still manages to cook despite the fact that we have helps that can do it.


Whenever she is on off duty, she finishes me with gists of things that happened at her workplace, even irrelevant ones lol. I am the one always forming busy and most times online reading news, posting comments here or doing some business related stuffs which she sometimes complains that I am always too busy.



A woman that loves you cant stay without telling you stories, in fact when a woman loves you she becomes a talkative around you

Kobojunkie:
OP, Humans are not robots to be configured according to your whim. You can tell another human being what you desire and want but there is no marriage contract out there to obligate that person to doing all you demand if that person is not himself/herself configured to those same specifications/settings that you were looking for.

You did not marry wrong! Rather, you went in with the wrong ideas, I am afraid. What you described earlier sounded more like you were attempting to program her according to your needs without considering her personality and needs as well. If what you wanted was someone to dote on you and play mother figure to you, you should have paid a woman to be that to you. Money talks and these days, I am sure you will be able to find someone to pay to be just that for you. Your wife, however, is not a robot and she too has her desires and needs which she could equally impose on you. So, if you both want to benefit from each other, then I suggest you start by going back to the table and drawing out a contract that will equally benefit both parties here.

P.S. Those of them here advising you to do to her what you seem to think she has been doing to you are only preparing you for a future filled with marital hurt and loneliness.

Please ignore this post for your own good.

Capernum:


I'm dead sure you're either not married or not happily married.

Now, if you're not married, I doubt you'll ever marry a reasonable husband. If you're married, obviously an unhappy marriage, I doubt if you'll ever be happy in that marriage with this kind of mindset...

You're best with a very weak man as husband. The one you'll put rope around is neck and drag around.

Abeg make una no kee me with laugh...

Biko!

Bro, u married wrong o . The woman hates u. If no kids yet , better divorce now while u can . Too many issues on her to fix. They go worsen with kids . I repeat leave now before u spend d rest of ur life living in misery. Marriage no be do or die affair

ecolime:

It seems you are new on Nairaland else you wouldn't be trading words with KoboJ. Unless you wanna go back and forth for weeks.

Everyone knows she and dead sarcasm are 5 & 6. Not to talk of her comical heresies. She's just a pure cruise I believe 🤔

No, Kobojunkie is a psychopath

The moment I see her moniker

I expected oshi (rubbish) comment

And psycho comment which only makes sense to her, anyone who drags her point of view with her will drag to eternity, a certified mad woman in reality.

According to a quote in game of thrones
"A mad man sees what he sees"
So does a mad woman, the likes of kobojunkie

franchasofficia:
You married the wrong woman.


Seize every move to have kids, that lady isn't your wife, you are just a provider for she and her family only.



Run before it's too late.





My wife have a very tight work schedule but she still manages to cook despite the fact that we have helps that can do it.


Whenever she is on off duty, she finishes me with gists of things that happened at her workplace, even irrelevant ones lol. I am the one always forming busy and most times online reading news, posting comments here or doing some business related stuffs which she sometimes complains that I am always too busy.



A woman that loves you cant stay without telling you stories, in fact when a woman loves you she becomes a talkative around you

Please for knowledge and enlightenment sake, tell me the story of how you meet your wife and how your discover her good traits when you are less busy

franchasofficia:

A woman that loves you cant stay without telling you stories, in fact when a woman loves you she becomes a talkative around you

If anything, I concur with this paragraph the most. Women may keep secrets about their money or like to talk to family but some sure signs of a woman who loves you is she will enjoy talking to you because you're her confidante.

She would also cook even if her food isn't tasty...and a third is she would show some care at least about things that concern you the husband. Things like protecting you, asking if the stress you face isn't too much, chipping in so you manage your finances well because you're the breadwinner of the family. If you go broke, the family goes poor.

Any partner different from that is a woman in daylight and vampire in darkness.

My advice is to sit her down and have a straight talk. No capping. Yes! you need love and care, you're human and you will say it because you deserve it. You should not be reserved about laying down your expectations in black and white so if she doesn't meet up, it's clear she's failing and can't draw any pity or grey lines on you.

Also make her know you're not an ATM just because you make money. Matter of fact, I hope you do not disclose all your earnings to her because women have strong hedonistic tendencies to ask, demand and spend until nothing is left.

Allot funds for the house and give her in bits because she will always come to ask for more...and when the budget is expended, make everyone dey look each other.

marsoden:
Sit down with her and talk about all the issues that you raised. If she insists that she won't change, then walk away from the marriage.
Your peace of mind is of utmost importance.

Good advice,
Does a husband have right over how a wife spends her money especially considering the fact that the husband is not lacking money (he didnt state that he was lacking money)? I think he should leave that part of how she spends her own money for her.
But all other aspects he raised should be discussed as you advised.

Thought you said you discussed all the pertinent issues. You did not discuss finances? Really?

Well, you have to discuss it now. Fix a date for a talk to set boundaries everyone is happy with both with money and time spent together.

NB: an adult cannot take permission from you to do anything. Being married did not make her a child.

carojody:
My fellow Nlanders, Good evening to all. I will not bore you with long stories so I will get to it right away.

I got married to my wife about 6 months ago. We had a 3yrs dating though it was a long distance relationship. During the courting period I asked her all the pertinent questions and she answered maybe to suit me. We eventually got married.

A little of my own life story: I am an orphan, the last child in the family with 3 older siblings. Growing up was tough without the love of parents so it was hell of a tussle in the streets. Recorded lots of loses financially. Also lost the first love I ever had but life has to go on.

On her part, she is the first child in a family of 5 children. Both parents alive and young. Healthy and strong. She currently works with a bank.

We go married 6months ago, I told her things I desired most during our days of dating which was a caring person capable of love. And she told me she has that quality being the first child. We went ahead and got married.

After marriage I discovered a strange thing. She really do care, she shows love too but to her family. She acts like I don't even exist. She does not see me. Sometimes I get jealous the kind of love she bequeaths on her brothers. I provide every thing in the house even to her transportation to work, but I hardly knw when her salary drops. In fact she shares her salary to her family before it drops. She would go through my wardrobe and select my clothes she deems too tight for me and send to her brothers.

I can sspend 5 hours with her in the house and she will be on the phone giggling and gisting with her family. She cannot cook well no clean the house. Totally lacks "Respect". Instead of eating poison every time she cooks, I do most of the cooking myself.

She does not need my approval for anything she simply sends money to her siblings as she pleases and even quarrels with me for not giving her to send. Recently I discovered she paid her brothers school fee. And as I write she is asking me for her transportation to work this week and I noticed she just received her salary yesterday cos I overheard her on the phone.

Please this is not the life I prayed for. I'd have remained single that be in a marriage like this. Who has a good advice please. I beg of u fam, how do I navigate these waters.

carojody:
My fellow Nlanders, Good evening to all. I will not bore you with long stories so I will get to it right away.

I got married to my wife about 6 months ago. We had a 3yrs dating though it was a long distance relationship. During the courting period I asked her all the pertinent questions and she answered maybe to suit me. We eventually got married.

A little of my own life story: I am an orphan, the last child in the family with 3 older siblings. Growing up was tough without the love of parents so it was hell of a tussle in the streets. Recorded lots of loses financially. Also lost the first love I ever had but life has to go on.

On her part, she is the first child in a family of 5 children. Both parents alive and young. Healthy and strong. She currently works with a bank.

We go married 6months ago, I told her things I desired most during our days of dating which was a caring person capable of love. And she told me she has that quality being the first child. We went ahead and got married.

After marriage I discovered a strange thing. She really do care, she shows love too but to her family. She acts like I don't even exist. She does not see me. Sometimes I get jealous the kind of love she bequeaths on her brothers. I provide every thing in the house even to her transportation to work, but I hardly knw when her salary drops. In fact she shares her salary to her family before it drops. She would go through my wardrobe and select my clothes she deems too tight for me and send to her brothers.

I can sspend 5 hours with her in the house and she will be on the phone giggling and gisting with her family. She cannot cook well no clean the house. Totally lacks "Respect". Instead of eating poison every time she cooks, I do most of the cooking myself.

She does not need my approval for anything she simply sends money to her siblings as she pleases and even quarrels with me for not giving her to send. Recently I discovered she paid her brothers school fee. And as I write she is asking me for her transportation to work this week and I noticed she just received her salary yesterday cos I overheard her on the phone.

Please this is not the life I prayed for. I'd have remained single that be in a marriage like this. Who has a good advice please. I beg of u fam, how do I navigate these waters.

Hey

I dont think you married a wrong woman. Most marriages have a hard start in the first year, reason being that you have never lived with the person as a committed mate before. Even if you dated so closely, it still happens. I dont think she has done anything too bad yet. Many working class women have some element of pride in marriage because they think they are doing you a favour. What I think is that you should first be on the positives, stop complaining and start working to get your family off to a good start.

You may read to read this article below which also helped me when I newly got married and experienced something similar
https://www.jw.org/en/library/magazines/wp20100801/survive-first-year-marriage/

Acrobatics01:


Hey

I dont think you married a wrong woman. Most marriages have a hard start in the first year, reason being that you have never lived with the person as a committed mate before. Even if you dated so closely, it still happens. I dont think she has done anything too bad yet. Many working class women have some element of pride in marriage because they think they are doing you a favour. What I think is that you should first be on the positives, stop complaining and start working to get your family off to a good start.

You may read to read this article below which also helped me when I newly got married and experienced something similar
https://www.jw.org/en/library/magazines/wp20100801/survive-first-year-marriage/

👍

I'm sorry to say brother you are in a manipulative marriage. Your wife sees you as defenseless and she's taking advantage of everything because you lack people around you. I noticed you didn't talk much about your own family; in this narrative but bou need to bring them closer to you and ensure they give you the necessary support in ensuring you take the right control of your marriage's direction. Six months is still too early to loose the guiding of your ship in the tumultuous marriage sea

This is typical of Nigeria ladies.

They will do anything to trick a man into marriage, answer mrs by all means and never actually ready to accept responsibilities of marriage.
You are in a one chance marriage.

Capernum:


Trash!!! Your response is more irritating than the wife described.

He simply married wrong.

A lady who is not submissive, who is not clean, who doesn't have respect, who lives as though she has no head she submits to, who can just take her husband dresses and dash them out.

She is really not fit for marriage especially to a gentleman. She needs to marry a tout to learn submission the hard way. Obviously, she lacks home training.

Dear bro, wake up to your leadership role, call her and confront her. After that, give her rules, I'm sure she won't be able to cope with the rules because she's not submissive. If she didn't change, get her off your life or you'll remain unhappy for life.

I also smell see finish and in her. She has seen all about you. I guess she's either older than you or your mate.

Word!

franchasofficia:
You married the wrong woman.


A woman that does not respect her husband does not love her husband.


What kind of wife is that; she cant cook, can't keep you company via good communication, cant contribute financially and only increasing your life's burden? That's wife from hell fire, run and please separate from her on time.



The only solution to me is instant separation that should lead to divorce. Separate from her now that kids haven't entered.


Seize every move to have kids, that lady isn't your wife, you are just a provider for she and her family only.



Run before it's too late.



Don't impregnate her, flee!


No amount of talk will change her. If you complain too much she will change tactics and start being more secretive with her moves.



I am happily married. Even though I don't ever ask my wife about her income, she tells me herself and whenever she gets a pay raise she cheerfully tells me without me asking or even showing interest.


My wife have a very tight work schedule but she still manages to cook despite the fact that we have helps that can do it.


Whenever she is on off duty, she finishes me with gists of things that happened at her workplace, even irrelevant ones lol. I am the one always forming busy and most times online reading news, posting comments here or doing some business related stuffs which she sometimes complains that I am always too busy.



A woman that loves you cant stay without telling you stories, in fact when a woman loves you she becomes a talkative around you

I can't but agreed more.

First sign of a good woman is respect.
When thier is love, communication is effective.

That talkative part got me .
It's all fun.

This OP made a wrong choice. It's a delicate matter as well.

carojody:
My fellow Nlanders, Good evening to all. I will not bore you with long stories so I will get to it right away.

I got married to my wife about 6 months ago. We had a 3yrs dating though it was a long distance relationship. During the courting period I asked her all the pertinent questions and she answered maybe to suit me. We eventually got married.

A little of my own life story: I am an orphan, the last child in the family with 3 older siblings. Growing up was tough without the love of parents so it was hell of a tussle in the streets. Recorded lots of loses financially. Also lost the first love I ever had but life has to go on.

On her part, she is the first child in a family of 5 children. Both parents alive and young. Healthy and strong. She currently works with a bank.

We go married 6months ago, I told her things I desired most during our days of dating which was a caring person capable of love. And she told me she has that quality being the first child. We went ahead and got married.

After marriage I discovered a strange thing. She really do care, she shows love too but to her family. She acts like I don't even exist. She does not see me. Sometimes I get jealous the kind of love she bequeaths on her brothers. I provide every thing in the house even to her transportation to work, but I hardly knw when her salary drops. In fact she shares her salary to her family before it drops. She would go through my wardrobe and select my clothes she deems too tight for me and send to her brothers.

I can sspend 5 hours with her in the house and she will be on the phone giggling and gisting with her family. She cannot cook well no clean the house. Totally lacks "Respect". Instead of eating poison every time she cooks, I do most of the cooking myself.

She does not need my approval for anything she simply sends money to her siblings as she pleases and even quarrels with me for not giving her to send. Recently I discovered she paid her brothers school fee. And as I write she is asking me for her transportation to work this week and I noticed she just received her salary yesterday cos I overheard her on the phone.

Please this is not the life I prayed for. I'd have remained single that be in a marriage like this. Who has a good advice please. I beg of u fam, how do I navigate these waters.

Your marriage is still young. It can be likened to a fresh stick. Make the necessary adjustments now before you will start procreating. You see the man of the house, so do not fail to communicate your displeasure.



All the best!

marsoden:
Sit down with her and talk about all the issues that you raised. If she insists that she won't change, then walk away from the marriage.
Your peace of mind is of utmost importance.

It's not easy to just walk away from a marriage.
Tell her you want to book a counseling session for you both.
Mind you op, your wife is inexperienced just as much as you.

HugeElephant:
■ It's not easy to just walk away from a marriage. Tell her you want to book a counseling session for you both. Mind you op, your wife is inexperienced just as much as you.

You can take a horse to the stream but you can't force it to drink. Marital counseling works only when both are willing to change. If the marriage is to work — if they are both to acquire the experience necessary to make it work — then both hands have to be on deck for that to happen. If they can't do it together, then they both should move on.

Kobojunkie:
You can take a horse to the stream but you can't force it to drink. Marital counseling works only when both are willing to change. If the marriage is to work — if they are both to acquire the experience necessary to make it work — then both hands have to be on deck for that to happen. If they can't do it together, then they both should move on.

Have they gone for the counseling yet? See, I am more of an optimist. If something is not working, it doesn't mean it will always be like that.

Most of you that advocate divorce are probably managing even a much more difficult Marital situations.
Counseling works. Be optimistic

HugeElephant:
■ Have they gone for the counseling yet? See, I am more of an optimist. If something is not working, it doesn't mean it will always be like that. Most of you that advocate divorce are probably managing even a much more difficult Marital situations. Counseling works. Be optimistic

Counseling works only if both are willing to get on the same page. OP hasn't indicated that his wife has the desire to even do so with him. Yes, offer counseling but don't sell counseling as what it is not .... a cure-all for marriage all woes. The reality is that a bulk of marriages in Nigeria still end up in divorce even after professional marriage counseling has been suggested and even considered.

OP does not need any optimism from me but real truths.

It's because of this one 33 yr old guy said he doesn't want to marry but everyone was advising him to the contrary.

Oga, carry your cross.