Proserpina:
Are you praying to have severe injury or dementia or not being able to work?

It's funny how you can imagine the worst when the thread is about owning up to your responsibility.

Nobody prays for the worst but these things happen

I have two family friends and their wives did the rubbish you posted here.

One of them was a medical doctor who became commissioner of health in Imo State. He had dementia and spinal injury,yet his wife would rather go and do her daily hustle than accompany him to the hospital.

Learn from the mistake of others and pray not to be a victim.

pocohantas:




When people come up with those scenarios on a basic topic, I just know they have been cornered. So if a man says he wants a wife that can cook, does it mean he doesn't know she can lose her hands? Nonsense analogy.




They will learn...

It isn't about men not owning up to their responsibility

It is about marrying someone and accepting the good and the bad

If a woman should leave a man when he can no longer provide, should a man leave a woman when she can no longer have sex?

What happens when the woman is hospitalised for months for breast cancer, should he take a second wife?

Everything is not black and white.

The person who made that comment is a retired olosho and to her sex outside or inside marriage is transactional.

Is it not or is it not supposed to be? Double mouthed idiots.

pansophist:
Men just don't like when a woman reminds them of the rules.

It's more about her delivery, not necessarily what she is saying. Some egos have been bruised, hence the pandemonium.

But she is right. That's the point of marriage. A man must be able to provide and protect his family, including his wife. That's also where your pride as a man will come from.

Although men of this generation have narrowed the definition of wifey duties to financial only. So if she is not bringing money, then she is not an asset. That's very wrong.

I doubt you read what she wrote, maybe you are on the wrong thread

Iamzik:


They have stopped saying for better for worse

I attended one wedding recently and the wife refuse to say for better for worse. She said for better for better 🤣🤣

Sounds cool and woke but words are powerful because the moment things go south that lady will leave that man

I would have walked out the moment she refused to say those words. There is no way things will always be better. Life is about ups and downs. But that man is already hooked,so I wish him the best.

Proserpina:
I don't do Vawulence anymore . Nl users are not worth the stress.

I understand her plight though and I believe she does other things for her husband aside sex for her to lay emphasis on that means something to her and it shouldn't be underplayed because we believe it's just sex.

Not all women enjoy sex in marriage. The frequency of sex increases in marriage and she may not find that enjoyable. If she keeps up with that out of a sense of responsibility she's not out of line to refer to it. And it is totally unfair when she's not getting what she's compromising for.

What's this? This no even get any meaning to me.

What's it about weaponising sex in marriage by the woman that you don't understand? All the men and even the women tried to explain it to you but you sha adamantly refused to listen....
Not all women enjoy sex in marriage...so she is doing the husband a favour by fuqin him?😳😳😳. So the husband should provide money for food only when he wants to fuq abi? Jesus Christ!!! How you reason dey bother me oloun!!!!
Did you say sex frequency increases in marriage? It's almost always the opposite aunty. Where in hell did you get this from?

Sex is sacred to who? And she offers it in exchange for money to her own lawfully wedded husband and it's still sacred to you?🤣🤣🤣🤣

E don do. I wish you well.

Proserpina:
No A woman shouldn't hold her food money when she's getting married.

That's totally unheard of.

So you want to get married, and you will not be financially buoyant? Is that what you're saying? If you cannot comfortably take care of your own daily needs and feeding and all, you will get married? In today's world? Nah, if you think that's realistic in any way, godspeed to you then.

There's nothing uncommon about what I'm saying or that's outrageous- everybody should be a responsible adult. There's nothing y'all are suggesting that our mothers haven't tried and gone through. Yet we see how their marriages mostly are.

and we shouldn't project notions like this because in the long run we would end up selling ourselves short. A man is to provide while a woman is to nurture when you say everybody should hold food money then that's not marriage.

No, you saying a man should provide while a woman nurtures is you selling yourself short rather, because I noticed you're not even saying the man should also support you in nurturing? You want to share in his own 'role', while your own is solely yours? Why work at all, since it's not a woman's place to contribute? Because at what point will your job and deference to your boss outside clash with your wifely duties at home to your husband? Unless you're recommending being a supermom who can balance all these together.

Years ago I use to share your perspective but after careful analysis of the women with such mentality end I retracted. [b]You see women heavily pregnant still joggling between works to meet up with her quota of the family's finances.[/b]See men are straight being whatever you project is what they will hold on to and they will demand of you till the last straw.

My baby, this outcome is the result of "supporting him while you do yours." Don't you see the correlation? You either chip in or don't chip in at all. And if you want to chip in, make it significant so you can know that you did something. It is not the 'separation of gender roles' that'll make a man not demand provision of you 'till the last straw, it is because he is an inconsiderate person and can equally demand the last of your emotional labour until the last straw. I'm not coming from a career/independent/providing vs. homemaker/stay-at-home/non-providing place. Dropping money down can never match school runs; diaper runs; schoolkids' runs; house runs; domestic and extended family runs, and sex runs. Is it presenting yourself as a nurturer, too, that they won't exploit? If all those runs are solely for you to do, then why do you still want to chip in and support him? It's like you want to be seen as being both independent and traditional, when you can just stick to one thing you want to be. Be both homely and providing, or outsource to a nanny and enjoy your lives as a couple, or one's duties doesn't cross into the other's at all.

Men are natural provider it is in them to provide if you take that away from them, they will look for another outlet to experience that fulfillment. It's why you see them leaving their percentage sharing wives at home to "take care" of 22 years ladies.

This is another point. The 22-year-olds are not doting nurturers to these men. They leave their virtuous, 'non-equal' homemaker wives too to run after businesswomen. So, again, it is not doing or doing gender roles that'll stop men from doing or demanding whatever they want. Thinking it's only 'independent' women they leave alone at home is just a coping thought lol.

It's good to support but don't ever project yourself as a co -provider.

Again, semantics. Supporting him in providing is not co-providing?

The society you are won't even acknowledge it so why bother?

But they also ask a 'nurturing woman' what she has contributed to a man's life, if he wants to divorce her later on after years of marriage. And they also blame a nurturing woman for turning the minds of the children away from an emotionally absent father.

It IS having things in your name, having a paper trail of major financial contributions to the home that ensures that one is not kicked out and left with no properties in the end should a man decide he wants divorce, at least.

On the sex part. See the woman has the right to claim that just as the man has the right to calm money. Sex is different in marriage, it becomes more of a responsibility so if she sees it as a big deal, let her be. There's no need for anyone to sound politically correct about it.

Let's bring it to the street...

You dey fvck person, you no take care of the body you dey fvck, who does that? Even the usual sex worker gets down under a roof with fan/AC and good bed after eating and drinking. Shey na married woman supposed dey knack on empty stomach? Abegii !
If the lady takes sex off the table because her husband does not provide she's within her right same way a man can quit providing if the wife is not performing her duties. It's what they both offer.[/quote]

No wahala. As to this one, I believe the men have come and will come up with perfect arrangements for that.


Someone up there said the man should only provide when he needs sex. I mean, sex lasts for a few minutes, an hour at most. So maybe they'll come up with a measurement rooster for how much provision will get a period of sex.

And saying this is what a particular couple choose to do is quite different from saying this is what all couples ought to do as "man and woman", else their marriage is a waiting disaster.

That's my own grouse. It is not a one-size-fits-all thing.

.

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Eunoiaa:
You using entitlement to mounting is the only ish I have with.

when two people get married, they belong to one another. therefore her body belongs to him and vice versa. fukcing your husband (regardless of whether paid the's paid the bills or not) is your marital duty. the minute anyone uses sex as blackmail in the marriage then they are wrong.

But I genuinely cannot wrap my head around sex being something a woman give to a man.

it isnt! its something they give each other.

So if I was married to someone, and things started going rough for them, I'll not have sex with them even if I want it?

thats exactly what the woman in the OP's initial post is saying.... no money no honey!

This is why we urge people to seek God who knows and sees the real person behind the person to direct you to the spouse that will give you peace of mind, but people just want to choose for themselves in their limited knowledge of human understanding.

That doesn't mean there won't be disagreements in a divinely ordained marriage. What it means is that such moments will bring them closer to each other rather than apart from each other.

pocohantas:
1. A wife's role is to support not to provide.
2. She expects her husband to be a major provider.
3. She can't be sexually available for a non-provider husband.


Anyone arguing this is being unrealistic.

If men wanted women to be providers, they won't expect providing women to hide it from the public. Neither would they call women richer than their men, the HUSBAND. Tell me about "na she marry man keep for house".

We all know the truth. But let's argue...

Quote me when you are knacking your wife without providing as an able-bodied man.

✌️✌️✌️✌️

you gals attached so much unecessary importance to sex, it takes two to tango ,sex is meant to be enjoy by both partners,why would one partner commercialized it? , So you're saying sex is the only thing a woman should bring to the table ,I weak for some of this Nigerian girls

Proserpina:
As a man do not get married if you are not ready to provide.

It's as simple as that.

Normal, but a woman who can't feed herself before marriage is not worthy to be mother.

.

Proserpina:
That one is not my business...nah you go marry / impregnate her

You for leave her for her papa house to eat free food.

If I dey dat kin unpleasant situation. When pikin grow small.
I go go court collect pikin from am.

Personally I'm a supportive partner but to be the provider for the 'head'(Good book and society says so) will never be my thing ,except inevent of ailments (this also depends on how he treated me/kids when the going was good).

A man is seen and known as the head of the family and get all the accolades regardless who provides ,he should take the responsibilities alongside the accolades.
Abi how many men ever came out to say "my wife fed and housed me for years"? But it's happening everywhere!!
I was once in a situation where I was the one footing the bills and I'll hand over money to him to 'pay' as Head of the house... These things happen but the woman hardly gets recognized!!!

A man that is not a provider or ready to be one has no business getting married and that's the truth.
If the man provides shelter ,I renew Dstv subscriptions and fill the gas .
Let the man pay School fees ,I'll happily pay for school bus ,PTA levies etc
Weekly/monthly allowance, I'll add mine when I get to the market or mall.
It's a 70/30 or 60/40 thing!

Providing and protecting his family will forever be a Man's responsibilities.
You don't want to provide but you want sex,and societal plaudits?
Akuko mary!!!
No be who pay the Piper dey dictate tune again?

So many retired oloshos still want to continue their Life style even after marriage

.

Proserpina:
Your decision o.

Are you ready/willing to PARTNER with a co-providing woman?

Or you want a woman to share financial responsibility with you while she maintains her traditional roles?

Apart from traditional obligations before marriage.
Once we're married there's nothing like traditional role in my domain.
She need to be responsible and I also need to protect and guide my family.
I don't rule out getting a younger extended family from the village to help with some activities.
I also wish to sponsor people's children.

Proserpina:
As a man do not get married if you are not ready to provide.

It's as simple as that.

✅️✅️✅️✅️✅️✅️✅️✅️

Or marry your good women.

poshestmina:
Personally I'm a supportive partner but to be the provider for the 'head'(Good book and society says so) will never be my thing ,except inevent of ailments (this also depends on how he treated me/kids when the going was good).

A man is seen and known as the head of the family and get all the accolades regardless who provides ,he should take the responsibilities alongside the accolades.
Abi how many men ever came out to say "my wife fed and housed me for years"? But it's happening everywhere!!
I was once in a situation where I was the one footing the bills and I'll hand over money to him to 'pay' as Head of the house... These things happen but the woman hardly gets recognized!!!

A man that is not a provider or ready to be one has no business getting married and that's the truth.
If the man provides shelter ,I renew Dstv subscriptions and fill the gas .
Let the man pay School fees ,I'll happily pay for school bus ,PTA levies etc
Weekly/monthly allowance, I'll add mine when I get to the market or mall.
It's a 70/30 or 60/40 thing!

Providing and protecting his family will forever be a Man's responsibilities.
You don't want to provide but you want sex,and societal plaudits?
Akuko mary!!!
No be who pay the Piper dey dictate tune again?

They will even expect the wife to hide it.

You will hear things like, "I know one woman, she bought car, but you will think her husband is the owner. Very submissive woman."

You want the accolades without the work?
You are not getting it from me.

.

pocohantas:


They will even expect the wife to hide iylt.

You will hear things like, "I know one woman, she bought car, but you will think her husband is the owner. Very submissive woman."

You want the accolades without the work?
You are not getting it from me.

'Agunechemba' Generation of men!!!They want the glory without efforts.

They wanted "supportive wives that are not liabilities" ,women started leveling up to it.
Now they want "providers" that will be at the background except time to off pants.

If I buy motor for man ,he must pay Instablog and Gistlover to carry the news that his woman or wife bought it!

.

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Proserpina:
I find your response so funny... You are dancing round the question to avoid a definite answer.

You are not taking responsibility, you won't share domestic chores or as someone put it emotional/nurturing responsibilities with your woman. You don't mind to outsource on income you are still dragging your wife to assist with it or on something as indefinite as getting a family from village . I like you , you love to play safe.

Ah.... Your wife go hear am.

Walai you no serious. A woman living under my shade and you feel I'm not responsible enough?
The washing machine, tv Seth, mixer, rice cooker and other stuff I put in the house are not being responsible?
Who fix electrical fault or change switches bulb?
The electricity bills who pays it?
Other contribution is whose responsibility?
The inverter maintenance and the 24hours light she get is by who's effort?
Who will pay children school fees if not me?
Do you think I need a woman to wash my clothes with washing machine lol ?

Please tell what support is a woman meant to give her husband. Please tell me let me know.

poshestmina:


'Agunechemba' Generation of men!!!They want the glory without efforts.

They wanted "supportive wives that are not liabilities" ,women started leveling up to it.
Now they want "providers" that will be at the background except time to off pants.

If I buy motor for man ,he must pay Instablog and Gistlover to carry the news that his woman or wife bought it!

You sabi them. Who dey do that kind love with kwanu? Anything they want to talk, they should talk. I no kuku read am.

If these same guys dare know your husband is not living up to his responsibilities, they will troll you with it ehn. You go regret the day you voiced out such.

Proserpina:
As a man do not get married if you are not ready to provide.

It's as simple as that.

Why will a man get married if he is not ready to provide? From what I know, provision is the primary duty of a man while nurturing is the primary duty of a woman.

.

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Proserpina:
Very simple.

Good women dey there. They will hold their foodstuffs and money when they want to get married. Me, ehn I don't like luggage . I travel light

Buhahahhahaha.
And anyday I hear "leave my house" ,I carry my half gas and Ecolac back to my Father's house.

Proserpina:
All these are financial responsibilities and you have already stated that you want your woman to share as a co-provider.

So tell me will you be taking up some of your woman's traditional roles to balance up?

At bolded lol... You have to ask your good women o. I don tell you before say me dey very dependent I don't know.

That so simple. You're a professional house wife.
I will rather go for a petty trader than going for a professional house wife. But I know you're just joking lol.