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For Men, Can You Marry A Lady With This Ideology? - Romance (10) - Nairaland

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Re: For Men, Can You Marry A Lady With This Ideology? by Kingson28: 8:28pm On Apr 11
Let's see it from the angle of hiring or employing a maid or house help.
To work for you, you MUST house her, feed her and pay her at least 20k monthly.
Why not do same at least for the woman you claim to love?
If you now add knacking and childbearing to the job of the maid, won't you increase her salary?
Demanding that your wife work and bring something to the table means that she will not be saddled with the responsibility of homemaking.
A maid MUST be employed to do the chores.

2 Likes

Re: For Men, Can You Marry A Lady With This Ideology? by Moniya4Real(m): 8:33pm On Apr 11
But hope say you too go give your hubby unfettered access to that thing, cook for him and above all; give him peace of mind o.


folake4u:


A bigger Amen. cheesy
Re: For Men, Can You Marry A Lady With This Ideology? by bukatyne(f): 8:37pm On Apr 11
tollyboy5:

I'm from Lagos state Epe that's not the culture I met with my grandmother. (RIP)

cheesy

Epe women are the major financers even in a polygamous marriages. So not surprised grin

1 Like

Re: For Men, Can You Marry A Lady With This Ideology? by folake4u(f): 8:38pm On Apr 11
Moniya4Real:
But hope say you too go give your hubby unfettered access to that thing, cook for him and above all; give him peace of mind o.



I'm a woman of peace. cheesy

1 Like

Re: For Men, Can You Marry A Lady With This Ideology? by Amount(m): 8:39pm On Apr 11
Proserpina:
If I come for you now, you will start screaming deal or agreement.

grin

Imagine where you dey, still dey say you go come for someone....

Fix yourself first if only you can🤤
Re: For Men, Can You Marry A Lady With This Ideology? by bukatyne(f): 8:49pm On Apr 11
Charly68:
This is a mentality of untrained woman who is not ready for marriage . Marriage is a mutual partnership ..it is not a burdensome relationship. God can bless a woman because of her husband and it can also be the other way round. God told woman to submit to her husband..it means if she is a billionaire she must submit her account too for the running of the family. Whoever can't run marriage like this should never go into it .. Though man must take care of the family as a bread winner. But the situation can change and we need understandable woman

cheesy

What did God tell men cheesy
Re: For Men, Can You Marry A Lady With This Ideology? by pocohantas(f): 9:00pm On Apr 11
Eunoiaa:


There have been successful marriages (or at least by the couples' definition) and there will continue to be successful marriages that do not run on this "a man is a man and a woman is a woman" stuff that y'all are prescribing sha. It doesn't even translate to real life where the lines of characters/personalities are blurred.

The fact that you that don't even believe a man should be an 100% provider is telling that you concede to compromises on the gender roles. They are not "fixed rules".

I don't believe a man should be a sole provider, but I believe he should be the major provider, given that we all know 80% of the time, the women handles childearing, nurturing and running the home alone! The only place I see most Nigerian men cook and clean with their wives is abroad and we all see how they complain and refuse to adapt.

Anything less, I don't recommend or practice. Goodluck on finding a man that would sometimes be a woman and allow you be the man.

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Re: For Men, Can You Marry A Lady With This Ideology? by Evolutionism: 9:00pm On Apr 11
Undiluted Vawulence Thread.

All of you go dey Alright.

Guaranteed.
Re: For Men, Can You Marry A Lady With This Ideology? by MOG6670(m): 9:02pm On Apr 11
Proserpina:
Eyah... Sorry ehn

So you want your wife to bring food stuff that she will eat from her father's house while being married to you.

May I not be unfortunate in life grin grin

Oshi len she grin
keep quit bae. What we're try to scale out here is that, ladies should not be a liability or wear the entitlement mentality, but she should be productive in her own little way. Men are to provide, but women are nt left out this time around.
Re: For Men, Can You Marry A Lady With This Ideology? by Amumaigwe: 9:03pm On Apr 11
Proserpina:
Where's the lie in her post?

As a man it is your responsibility to take care of your woman, if you can't you have no business with marriage.

Olosho mentality.

2 Likes

Re: For Men, Can You Marry A Lady With This Ideology? by tollyboy5(m): 9:07pm On Apr 11
bukatyne:


cheesy

Epe women are the major financers even in a polygamous marriages. So not surprised grin
My grandfather has two wives.
Both are well to do. Reason why my dad sisters are doing well today financially in their husband's house.
So I don't even understand what these ladies are saying, my grandparents are old fashioned too.
Re: For Men, Can You Marry A Lady With This Ideology? by Afolue(m): 9:12pm On Apr 11
True nah. What’s wrong in her ideology?. Isn’t that the main reason why reasonable men like us are still single. It’s only desperate ladies who accept the contrary of what she has just said. As a Man I concur. Breeds more responsible men in the society

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Re: For Men, Can You Marry A Lady With This Ideology? by tollyboy5(m): 9:13pm On Apr 11
bukatyne:


@bold:

Often times, most parties want to eat their cake and have it. A man wants a 'supportive, understanding' wife until it is time to pick up chores, childcare,set boundaries with his family,be faithful or involve his wife in decision making then he suddenly remembers he is a 'man'.

If you want a marriage when all resources (money, time, assets) etc are treated as one, then both parties must put in their all and be on their best behaviour; no cheating, no bullying, no making decisions to the detriment of the other, no leaving one person to do all the chores, no maltreatment of in-laws, no in-laws who lack boundaries, no one person's life on hold for the other, no one person overburdened by finances or chores, no abuse (physical, emotional, verbal, financial, sexual) etc. You get the idea.

To be honest, a number of women are insistent on a man who provides to cover up their numerous defects. The man probably doesn't give her peace or isn't useful any other way so they make do with the money.

Like my people say, one can't suffer in two ways.

Yes I understand what you meant. Agreed 100%
Re: For Men, Can You Marry A Lady With This Ideology? by YemyTemmy: 9:14pm On Apr 11
Truely man's duty is to provide for the home, there is no lie in the post, but only liabilities will always dwell on such ideology.... those who support their husband dont make noise

1 Like

Re: For Men, Can You Marry A Lady With This Ideology? by tollyboy5(m): 9:17pm On Apr 11
Firefly2017:
h
I don't have problem providing. But what I want to avoid is any lady with the slightest form of entitlement.
Re: For Men, Can You Marry A Lady With This Ideology? by Bluffly: 9:20pm On Apr 11
Proserpina:
Where's the lie in her post?

As a man it is your responsibility to take care of your woman, if you can't you have no business with marriage.
Where is it written? Dumbo

1 Like

Re: For Men, Can You Marry A Lady With This Ideology? by Bluffly: 9:23pm On Apr 11
Afolue:
True nah. What’s wrong in her ideology?. Isn’t that the main reason why reasonable men like us are still single. It’s only desperate ladies who accept the contrary of what she has just said. As a Man I concur. Breeds more responsible men in the society
Lie. I and my wife had practically have nothing when we married. Now we both spend and doing well. She spends and see herself as support and she still refers to me in doing things while I also don't Lord over her. She is submissive and loving as well. Marriage is for wise and progressive folks, male and female and not idiots
Re: For Men, Can You Marry A Lady With This Ideology? by PHIPEX(m): 9:24pm On Apr 11
Proserpina:
Read the lady's post, she's never against support or contribution but what she's against is this "the moment my feeding is no longer my husband's problem" i.e the husband is not providing or bringing anything to the family.
A woman can support if she chooses but it is not her duty to provide for the family. Let's get that straight.

In the lady's case the man doesn't nothing but wants to enjoy benefit of marriage? That's her point.

Well on another thread a guy like you said we should focus on our beauty grin grin grin. We shouldn't drag the "provider" title with you men grin
But tomorrow you talk about gender equality in marriage right?

Now a man has to feed you like a handicapped person yet tomorrow you tell same man that both of you are equal. Why must your feeding be his responsibility?
Re: For Men, Can You Marry A Lady With This Ideology? by equity1(m): 9:24pm On Apr 11
Proserpina:
Where's the lie in her post?

As a man it is your responsibility to take care of your woman, if you can't you have no business with marriage.
birds of identical prunage that parabulate in a similar corrigendum.

1 Like

Re: For Men, Can You Marry A Lady With This Ideology? by Bluffly: 9:28pm On Apr 11
Proserpina:
Eyah... Sorry ehn

So you want your wife to bring food stuff that she will eat from her father's house while being married to you.

May I not be unfortunate in life grin grin

Oshi len she grin
You are already unfortunate. It is written that God said it is not good that a man to be alone let us make for him an help meet. So it is your duty to do whatever he is doing and it is non negotiable. It means you must have been able to look after yourself before you can be a help to someone else and not looking for a poverty alleviator to alleviate the poverty in your life. Also you are fucking each other and not him fucking you. If you are not ready to Bleep your husband unconditionally then you are God forsaking already

2 Likes

Re: For Men, Can You Marry A Lady With This Ideology? by poshestmina(f): 9:34pm On Apr 11
pocohantas:


You sabi them. Who dey do that kind love with kwanu? Anything they want to talk, they should talk. I no kuku read am.

If these same guys dare know your husband is not living up to his responsibilities, they will troll you with it ehn. You go regret the day you voiced out such.

They are their own worst enemies!
Once they know ,you will hear "na woman ,ordinary woman dey feed am " .

Why should/will that"ordinary woman" provide for the extraordinaire gender of the most high?

Until the women holding the house font financially start getting the credits and recognitions ,I'll be the "ordinary woman" !
Re: For Men, Can You Marry A Lady With This Ideology? by Proserpina: 9:35pm On Apr 11
.

1 Like

Re: For Men, Can You Marry A Lady With This Ideology? by Proserpina: 9:37pm On Apr 11
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Re: For Men, Can You Marry A Lady With This Ideology? by Eunoiaa(f): 10:00pm On Apr 11
pocohantas:
I don't believe a man should be a sole provider, but I believe he should be the major provider, given that we all know 80% of the time, the women handles childearing, nurturing and running the home alone!

You agreed to "men being men, and women being women," or else, people will learn, but men being (major) providers and women bearing the bulk of non-financial labour, evidently, isn't beneficial (especially to women). It's the reality, but it's not a healthy arrangement. And there are plenty people who do not conform to that unhealthy set-up, hence my point. They are not being "men", and they are not being "women." Their marriages are working fine without "man bring money; woman bring body" and the whole shebang.

Goodluck on finding a man that would sometimes be a woman and allow you be the man.

What does this mean, I'm honestly trying to understand? You mean a man who would carry a child to term and raise them with me being a 'provider' to him?

1 Like

Re: For Men, Can You Marry A Lady With This Ideology? by Bluffly: 10:06pm On Apr 11
Proserpina:
Why are you belching all over the thread?

Feed your wife? Is that too hard for you?
Only a belcher can search for a belcher like yourself. Your bus stop is still far away. Feed yourself first and become a valued added to yourself and your husband. Is that too hard for you.

1 Like

Re: For Men, Can You Marry A Lady With This Ideology? by Proserpina: 10:07pm On Apr 11
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Re: For Men, Can You Marry A Lady With This Ideology? by sammiewrite(m): 10:07pm On Apr 11
To each their own. As someone with a background in finance, I apply risk management to everything I'm doing.
In 2024, I won't be guilt trip into that 'provider' bullshit, only to find out at a later date that the child I have spent a better part of my life providing for, is not even my child. Or, that a woman I have been feeding for donkey years is using her own money to be secretly acquiring properties in her name all over the country. I'm not benefitting more from the marriage to necessitate me doing the most. It is when the kids are little, when they require the most financial support and care, that they are his [the man's] kids. When they're grown, their mothers claim them. Fifty-fifty or nothing.
Re: For Men, Can You Marry A Lady With This Ideology? by Bluffly: 10:07pm On Apr 11
Proserpina:
It is you and your family that are unfortunate.

Werey alaso
Werey alakori
Re: For Men, Can You Marry A Lady With This Ideology? by Bluffly: 10:08pm On Apr 11
Proserpina:
Get lost!
Bye bye grin
Re: For Men, Can You Marry A Lady With This Ideology? by CMC180: 10:26pm On Apr 11
.
Re: For Men, Can You Marry A Lady With This Ideology? by daneni1(m): 10:27pm On Apr 11
Eunoiaa:


Roles can be flexed but can't be changed...so a man can become feminine when he loses his job, and a woman can become masculine when she steps in to take care of the family, in other words? Okay.

I would have thought it's never possible for these "masculine/feminine roles" to be switched before lol.

Maybe you should read what I wrote again, this time, slowly.
Re: For Men, Can You Marry A Lady With This Ideology? by pocohantas(f): 10:34pm On Apr 11
Eunoiaa:


You agreed to "men being men, and women being women," or else, people will learn, but men being (major) providers and women bearing the bulk of non-financial labour, evidently, isn't beneficial (especially to women). It's the reality, but it's not a healthy arrangement. And there are plenty people who do not conform to that unhealthy set-up, hence my point. They are not being "men", and they are not being "women." Their marriages are working fine without "man bring money; woman bring body" and the whole shebang.

In reality, one person must do more of something. I won't go pressing calculator over every family expense, but given that I don't take up the major expenses, I already know he is doing more financially. Same way he knows he wouldn't be in the kitchen most times. Except we draw a timetable of who cooks and split every bill down to the last kobo.

The issue with this setup isn't the model itself as housewives ensure enough balance in a home to allow the man function effectively at work. The issue is always when one party doesn't know when and how to ease and appreciate their spouses.

I am sure I never said man should bring money and woman bring body, but I agree a woman wouldn't willfully lay with a husband that consistently doesn't provide. It is not prostitution, it is only normal people would go out of their way for you when you please and make life easier for them. It is the same reason husbands fulfill 1984 promises after a good sex or meal from their wives.


What does this mean, I'm honestly trying to understand? You mean a man who would carry a child to term and raise them with me being a 'provider' to him?

I am hoping you are the one to explain how these "healthy" people do it in Nigeria.




I believe in gender roles and I am sure you know this by now. It creates balance and accountability. This doesn't rule out both parties ensuring the home is running smoothly and kids are being attended to. I do know that if rice is finishing, I am the one to most likely notice first and if the gen is faulty, he would also notice first. After all, he is the one that would switch it on most.

If I prepare their lunchbox, he would bathe them and whoever is going in that direction would drop off.

You see I didn't use the words "masculine" and "feminine" because I don't see it from that angle. It is more of accountability to ensure smooth running of the home. We are a team, but even in a team, the striker won't randomly leave his position and go to the goalpost. Now imagine they don't have positions. Everybody just enter field and do the one you feel like doing that day.

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