I am an African but not Nigerian based in Italy. I was married to an Nigerian man ( Igbo) we had 5 children 4 together. Our marriage wasn't perfect but I ied my best to make it work for the sake of our children. Although a lot of my friends have warned me that my husband doesn't love me that he will abandoned me one day and marry a woman from his country because that's what Nigerian men does to foreigners. I was so angry with them and I told them my husband is different from those men who bave abandoned their wives and children and I even distanced myself from those friends thinking that they were jealous of me. I received the biggest shock of my life in January when he lied to me that he was travelling to the UK to visit his brother and his family who just relocated there. He left the house kissing me and the kids goodbye telling us he will be back in 3 weeks which 3 weeks had turned to almost 4 months. The truth is he relocated to the UK to join his wife and children who has just relocated to the UK from Nigeria. I had no idea he married a second wife in Nigeria whom she bear 2 sons for him and I found when he left. I am heartbroken he left with a big responsibility raising 5 children alone without any single help from him. He doesn't even call to know about his children welfare I know I am lucky to be abroad I work and my children don't lack anything. They will grow up fine and become useful in the world by God's grace. I know the struggle would have been worst in Africa raising 5 children alone I wouldn't have been able to do it alone that's why I am thankful to be abroad but I am still heartbroken by his action. I am totally depressed sometime I feel like given up but I have to be strong for my children. My advice to Nigerian men abroad please please I beg you in the name of God if you are not ready to be with foreigners do not date or marry them with false hope then to abadoned them later. Remember you have sisters and daughters too.

Vincenzomum:
■ He doesn't even call to know about his children welfare I know I am lucky to be abroad I work and my children don't lack anything. They will grow up fine and become useful in the world by God's grace. I know the struggle would have been worst in Africa raising 5 children alone I wouldn't have been able to do it alone that's why I am thankful to be abroad but I am still heartbroken by his action. I am totally depressed sometime I feel like given up but I have to be strong for my children.
■ My advice to Nigerian men abroad please please I beg you in the name of God if you are not ready to be with foreigners do not date or marry them with false hope then to abadoned them later. Remember you have sisters and daughters too.

The good news is that you are not in Africa. So, thank your stars for that! The other good news is the man is still not in Africa cause that means you can still demand support for your kids. So, wake up and begin divorce proceedings or whatever else you want to ensure he pays support for the kids with you. Ensure that he does not get away with even a single payment. You had the kids with him so it is equally your responsibility to ensure those kids are taken care of by you. Get yourself therapy if you need it as you need to be very strong for your kids at this point. Remember, they too lost the one they believed was father only to them.

2. LOL...There's no point trying to advise a pig not to live as or be a pig!

you chose to have a family with this useless deceitful man, and therefore you should take part of the blame here. some of you women are so desperate to be with anybody, you gladly marry yeye worthless men who are just out to use you for one thing or another. everyone saw through his charade but you...

next time, i suggest you properly vouch for the man you let in your life and between your legs.

BTW life goes on

Omoh,our men don carry this their regular deceitful trademark enter Yankee..........Well, madam,you should be grateful to your stars you aren't in Africa.......

She even gat to advice Naija men . Well,make I no talk pass like that....

Vincenzomum:
I am an African but not Nigerian based in Italy. I was married to a Nigerian man ( Igbo) we had 5 children 4 together. Our marriage wasn't perfect but I ied my best to make it work for the sake of our children. Although a lot of my friends have warned me that my husband doesn't love me that he will abandoned me one day and marry a woman from his country because that's what Nigerian men does to foreigners. I was so angry with them and I told them my husband is different from those men who bave abandoned their wives and children and I even distanced myself from those friends thinking that they were jealous of me. I received the biggest shock of my life in January when he lied to me that he was travelling to the UK to visit his brother and his family who just relocated there. He left the house kissing me and the kids goodbye telling us he will be back in 3 weeks which 3 weeks had turned to almost 4 months. The truth is he relocated to the UK to join his wife and children who has just relocated to the UK from Nigeria. I had no idea he married a second wife in Nigeria whom she bear 2 sons for him and I found when he left. I am heartbroken he left with a big responsibility raising 5 children alone without any single help from him. He doesn't even call to know about his children welfare I know I am lucky to be abroad I work and my children don't lack anything. They will grow up fine and become useful in the world by God's grace. I know the struggle would have been worst in Africa raising 5 children alone I wouldn't have been able to do it alone that's why I am thankful to be abroad but I am still heartbroken by his action. I am totally depressed sometime I feel like given up but I have to be strong for my children. My advice to Nigerian men abroad please please I beg you in the name of God if you are not ready to be with foreigners do not date or marry them with false hope then to abadoned them later. Remember you have sisters and daughters too.

He can still pay child support, even from UK. Make sure he does that.

Report him to the authorities if he refuses to comply. The law is on your side here.

Stay Strong and do your best. You will eat the fruit of your labour by God's grace.
Tough times don't last but tough people do.

Lastlylet me say this, men are the architect of their own problems

Na wa

Klass99:
Are you the same lady who was anxious about having only girls and not giving birth to a male child yet, for your Nigerian and Igbo husband in Italy, some time last year?

I think it’s the same person.

Most Igbo men will do anything to have a male child. As a woman, you need to plan your daughter’s future and ensure they are secure. He can marry more wives to give him 20 sons, but he still needs to take care of his daughters with you.

What country if I may ask?

CandidAdmin:
What country if I may ask?

She wrote it's Italy.

@Vincenzomum, The man will still come look for you and the Children later. So, get prepared, no matter how long.

Pls. Another important thing is..

Get his pictures, his Native home in Nigeria information and all that. This information is important to the children, so , they can know how and where to trace their father in the Nearest Future. ( If the children Wish to).

Nigerian men abroad, statisitcally are known to be sweet. I am sorry you met the bitter kolanutz

Vincenzomum:
I am an African but not Nigerian based in Italy. I was married to an Nigerian man ( Igbo) we had 5 children 4 together. Our marriage wasn't perfect but I ied my best to make it work for the sake of our children. Although a lot of my friends have warned me that my husband doesn't love me that he will abandoned me one day and marry a woman from his country because that's what Nigerian men does to foreigners. I was so angry with them and I told them my husband is different from those men who bave abandoned their wives and children and I even distanced myself from those friends thinking that they were jealous of me. I received the biggest shock of my life in January when he lied to me that he was travelling to the UK to visit his brother and his family who just relocated there. He left the house kissing me and the kids goodbye telling us he will be back in 3 weeks which 3 weeks had turned to almost 4 months. The truth is he relocated to the UK to join his wife and children who has just relocated to the UK from Nigeria. I had no idea he married a second wife in Nigeria whom she bear 2 sons for him and I found when he left. I am heartbroken he left with a big responsibility raising 5 children alone without any single help from him. He doesn't even call to know about his children welfare I know I am lucky to be abroad I work and my children don't lack anything. They will grow up fine and become useful in the world by God's grace. I know the struggle would have been worst in Africa raising 5 children alone I wouldn't have been able to do it alone that's why I am thankful to be abroad but I am still heartbroken by his action. I am totally depressed sometime I feel like given up but I have to be strong for my children. My advice to Nigerian men abroad please please I beg you in the name of God if you are not ready to be with foreigners do not date or marry them with false hope then to abadoned them later. Remember you have sisters and daughters too.

This is heartbreaking to read


Dear sister, I am so sorry about this.


First, his action does not represent the behavior of all Nigerian men at home and abroad.

I am a Nigerian man and I cannot see myself daring such, that is pure inhumanity to fellow human.


But from my years of acting as a counselor in this interracial dating and marriage field between Nigerian men and foreign women, I have come to understand why most Nigerian men act this way.


Let me explain.

In Nigeria, we have a culture of always going back to our root; our hometown or village or country home where our grandparents and parents came from. This is a culture that is more common among the Igbo tribe in Nigeria, and based on past stories we heard and read and based on things that happened to our old and some dead uncles who married foreign women and ended up losing all their kids to their wife who refused to retire back to Nigeria or their hometown with them when they got tired of living abroad, as their foreign wives refused to accompany them wholeheartedly back to Nigeria to spend the rest of their life with their Nigerian husbands.


Because of this, modern Nigerian men who travel abroad and still wished to marry foreign women for several reasons ranging from getting paper via marriage to love for interracial kids we call half-caste in Nigeria to several other reasons, when they end up marrying the foreign woman, out of fear of losing all their kids at old age in case their foreign wife refused to accompany them back to Nigeria during retirement, will then secretly marry a Nigerian wife back in Nigeria as a backup plan, and most times it is older family members and friends that convince and talk them into doing this.


So the solution I think is for foreign women ready to marry Nigerian men to make it known to their Nigerian husbands from the onset that they are ready and willing to relocate back to Nigeria with the kids whenever the Nigerian man wishes. Once you keep reminding him this and always telling him that you would like him to take you and the kids to Nigeria for holiday, especially during festive seasons like Christmas, Easter, etc, believe me, the man will become relaxed and may discard any future plans to marry a secret second wife in Nigeria.


So the issue lies with how most foreign women married to Nigerian men abroad treated them in the past which made Nigerian men to start practicing the remarrying of secret second wife back in Nigeria as a backup plan in case their foreign wife decides not to return back to Nigeria with the kids.



Nigerians are family oriented people, we don't joke with our immediate family, especially our children, we see them as our image at old age and most see children as their retirement plan during old age, so the fear of losing the kids they gave birth abroad with their foreign wives pushes most Nigerian men abroad married to foreign women into marrying a second wife in Nigeria as a back up plan.



I feel your pains, I hate seeing people in pains, especially one like this. But no matter what, he ought to be reaching out to you and the kids no matter what, sighs

franchasofficia:
This is heartbreaking to read


Dear sister, I am so sorry about this.


First, his action does not represent the behavior of all Nigerian men at home and abroad.

I am a Nigerian man and I cannot see myself daring such, that is pure inhumanity to fellow human.


But from my years of acting as a counselor in this interracial dating and marriage field between Nigerian men and foreign women, I have come to understand why most Nigerian men act this way.


Let me explain

I just hope your explanation won't end up defending his actions. I'm cringing already

She's slow. Because of one Nigerian man, she proceeded to judge all Nigerian men.

Men ehn, if you no study them well before marriage and intimacy you may live the rest of your life in regrets.
Most people in relationship these days are just there for one reason or the other, no real love whatsoever, real love is not cheap and not easy to come by. Sorry ma, you married a heartless soul.

Tomorrow they'll say the mother has poisoned the kids heart against their irresponsible father as if those kids have no brains of their own. God knows I'll soooo poison the children's heart against such man if I were in your shoes (God forbid) without any remorse.

EreluRoz:
I just hope your explanation won't end up defending his actions. I'm cringing already

My sweetest darling, check my update

EreluRoz:
I just hope your explanation won't end up defending his actions. I'm cringing already

Oh dear..Best not read the rest of it.,lol

franchasofficia:
My sweetest darling, check my update

Well, you wrote well sha everything should be discussed before hand.

The husband's home is the final destination of every woman, no argument about this.

EreluRoz:
Men ehn, if you no study them well before marriage and intimacy you may live the rest of your life in regrets.
Most people in relationship these days are just there for one reason or the other, no real love whatsoever, real love is not cheap and not easy to come by. Sorry ma, you married a heartless soul.

Tomorrow they'll say the mother has poisoned the kids heart against their irresponsible father as if those kids have no brains of their own. God knows I'll soooo poison the children's heart against such man if I were in your shoes (God forbid) without any remorse.

What the man did is inhumane, so cruel of him.


My only advice to ladies hoping or planning to marry foreign men or men from other tribes is this; be ready to accept the man wholeheartedly, as in, be ready to retire back to his country or hometown whenever he wishes to retire back home.


This is one thing that pushes men that married women from other countries or tribe into keeping secret wife closer home; fear of losing their kids at old age should their foreign wife or wife from another tribe decides not to follow them back to their country or hometown

franchasofficia:
■ What the man did is inhumane, so cruel of him. My only advice to ladies hoping or planning to marry foreign men or men from other tribes is this; be ready to accept the man wholeheartedly, as in, be ready to retire back to his country or hometown whenever he wishes to retire back home. This is one thing that pushes men that married women from other countries or tribe into keeping secret wife closer home; fear of losing their kids at old age should their foreign wife or wife from another tribe decides not to follow them back to their country or hometown

So, UK na this man hometown, abi?

By the way, all the women wey their husbands abandon for right there inside the village, including the ones wey dey the town wey no far from their hometown, na because those women no want retire for hometown cause those ones too, abi?

ClassicEvilSpir:
She's slow. Because of one Nigerian man, she proceeded to judge all Nigerian men.

Don't worry, just like you have built a reputation of being fraudsters, you are slowly building the love rat rep too.

Very soon the whole world will start avoiding you, no more Japa or all that. Which might be a good thing, you can sit your asses down and wallow in the cesspit you have made naij to be. Maybe when the pile of sh!t piles high enough and starts to drown you, just maybe then will the realisation dawn that source of the filth has always been yous lot and your shitty ways

franchasofficia:
What the man did is inhumane, so cruel of him.


My only advice to ladies hoping or planning to marry foreign men or men from other tribes is this; be ready to accept the man wholeheartedly, as in, be ready to retire back to his country or hometown whenever he wishes to retire back home.


This is one thing that pushes men that married women from other countries or tribe into keeping secret wife closer home; fear of losing their kids at old age should their foreign wife or wife from another tribe decides not to follow them back to their country or hometown

Then he should put out his fears before marriage, I hate inhumanity.

papyjaypaul:
Nigerian men abroad, statisitcally are known to be sweet. I am sorry you met the bitter kolanutz

Unfortunately for her, but the commenters talk as if all Nigerians abroad are this way. This is hasty generation even from the OP, she married just one Nigerian but extrapolated tit to Nigerian men.

Kobojunkie:
So, UK na this man hometown, abi?

By the way, all the women wey their husbands abandon for right there inside the village, including the ones wey dey the town wey no far from their hometown, na because those women no want retire for hometown cause those ones too, abi?

I am telling you one of the major reasons most Nigerian men married to foreign women abroad keep a second wife/kids back in Nigeria, it's mostly borne out of fear of losing their kids at old age.


I don't say things to make people like me or like my comment, I say what I know and as I know it.


Me for instance, I have same fear of my kids not wanting to ever return back to Nigeria if they should live permanently abroad from young age, it's a fear most Nigerian men who love their root harbor.


But like I said earlier, what the man did is total inhumanity to fellow human, it's a cruel act that have no justification, my points are only for educational purpose for foreign ladies who want to embark on such journey with a Nigerian man abroad, not that I am supporting or giving excuses for the man's cruel act towards his own kids, ah, I cant even imagine such, sighs it's well.


God will see her through, what else can I say other than that?

EreluRoz:
Then he should put out his fears before marriage, I hate inhumanity.

Most times men won't say some things for fear of losing the woman they desire so much at that time. It's not always easy to tell someone you so much desire such things na

EreluRoz:
Well, you wrote well sha everything should be discussed before hand.

The husband's home is the final destination of every woman, no argument about this.

Most Nigerian women married to men from other tribe in this Nigeria dont even believe this, talk more of foreign women married to Nigerian men


Women must realize that most Nigerian men love going back to their root at old age or someday no matter what or who they are today, so before you accept to marry any man, be ready to accept him, his tribe, his hometown, his community, his race, and his country if need be. Make sure you can live in his country or hometown if he decides to retire back home anytime, if not, no marry him oh lol.


Only few Nigerian men don't care about their root, anywhere they make money is their home, they are Bola Tinubu's type "The City Boys" who abandon their remote hometowns to adopt the city they live as their new hometown

What country if I may ask?

franchasofficia:
■ I am telling you one of the major reasons most Nigerian men married to foreign women abroad keep a second wife/kids back in Nigeria, it's mostly borne out of fear of losing their kids at old age. I don't say things to make people like me or like my comment, I say what I know and as I know it.
■ Me for instance, I have same fear of my kids not wanting to ever return back to Nigeria if they should live permanently abroad from young age, it's a fear most Nigerian men who love their root harbor. ....

1. No matter which way I slice and dice this, I come back to the man having a problem that can be easily resolved by, no other but himself. This irrational fear of losing his kids in his old age can be simply resolved in two ways:

▶ Making certain not to even tangle with or marry any woman outside of his village
▶ Or getting himself the necessary professional mental health therapy necessary to resolve such meaningless fears

If your hometown sweet you so stay you want even imprison your wife and kids for there, then never leave it at all. Going out there to marry a foreigner, without making sure to mention from even before the beginning that what you want is a woman would move back with the kids to your village in your old age is eejiocy in my opinion. Bailing on the marriage and the kids after after finding out she does not possess mind-reading abilities is eejiocy in my opinion! Thank Goodness marriage abandonment is a crime even in Nigeria!

2. And let me guess, is it your plan to disown those kids if they ever decide to permanently move abroad or refuse to go back to Nigeria with you at your convenience or when you are old? There are kids born and raised in the same Nigeria who have not stepped back to their village since they were born and still have no plans to do so. My guess is people like you have to marry and breed right there in their hometown for your particular kind of plan to have the remotest of chances working in this global village of a world that we live in. You even suppose enslave their children for their if push comes to shove.

AcadaWriter:
What country if I may ask?

She is of African descent but based in Italy where she met the runaway husband

Some people have no conscience and no heart. It`s sad. I feel sorry for you and your children. Be strong.