Hello people,
Please I need some advice.
We live in PH, and have 4 kids. The oldest is 10 while the youngest is 6. I give my wife 700k every month, and this includes general upkeep and maintenace and fuelling of our car (Lexus 330). I don't drive the car (I dey leg, while she uses it to run around, which includes school runs and her business).

I no dey chuk eye for her business. Bu I am getting frustrated as she still makes me believe that the money is not enough. I pay electricity bill (band A) and house rent (3m pa) yet every now and then she puts bills on my head. It is driving me crazy.

When I tell her to list out her expenses so I plan with her, she picks offence. I am really tired of the whole thing and don't know how else to approach the issue without causing too much problem. I know some men whose salaries are 250k-300k in PH, yet they are surviving.

Shouldn't this be discussed amongst family members or close friends?

Why bring this here ?

7milion or nothing my man

General upkeep, fueling and maintenance of car.

What is general upkeep?

List what it consists of?

NoToPile:
General upkeep, fueling and maintenance of car.

What is general upkeep?

List what it consists of?

Basically food, and any other thing she or the family needs, because school fees is not part of it.

Make una lie softly on this thread.

Yes, it is too small.

ruffhandu:


Basically food, and any other thing she or the family needs, because school fees is not part of it.

Depending on your families 'standard' considering the cost of feeding and ' every other thing your family needs apart from school fees then 700k is not too much.

Basically what I see here is a standard.

Is your family the rice krispies, peak milk only, expensive cereals type? No akamu once a while? (even akamu sef is costly)

Feeding is crazily expensive, all groceries are crazily expensive. Does she make fresh juices for your children etc etc. It all depends on the standard. Is the car taken everywhere instead of entering Keke sometimes? Every other thing needed for the house too is crazily expensive these days.
Do you guys subconsciously feel you need to meet up with a particular standard in the area you live?
Do you guys have to run Gen always once there's no light etc etc.


All These above are factors. And all these big big amount has little value these days. Full tank of 60liters plus is a lot of money now.


What I will advise you do is talk to her on how you guys can reduce cost, since you are feeling strained already reduce the standard a bit, so that some cash can be squeezed out, good thing you don't have toddlers your children are of the age they will understand small small, some extras can be Withdrawn. Most families are now joining heads together on how things can work finaincially these days.

I am more than certain that it is food that takes a large chunk of that amount. What we put in our mouth costs so much more these days.


It is well bros.

NoToPile:


Depending on your families 'standard' considering the cost of feeding and ' every other thing your family needs apart from school fees then 700k is not too much.

Basically what I see here is a standard.

Is your family the rice krispies, peak milk only, expensive cereals type? No akamu once a while? (even akamu sef is costly)

Feeding is crazily expensive, all groceries are crazily expensive. Does she make fresh juices for your children etc etc. It all depends on the standard. Is the car taken everywhere instead of entering Keke sometimes? Every other thing needed for the house too is crazily expensive these days.
Do you guys subconsciously feel you need to meet up with a particular standard in the area you live?
Do you guys have to run Gen always once there's no light etc etc.


All These above are factors. And all these big big amount has little value these days. Full tank of 60liters plus is a lot of money now.


What I will advise you do is talk to her on how you guys can reduce cost, since you are feeling strained already reduce the standard a bit, so that some cash can be squeezed out, good thing you don't have toddlers your children are of the age they will understand small small, some extras can be Withdrawn. Most families are now joining heads together on how things can work finaincially these days.

I am more than certain that it is food that takes a large chunk of that amount.

It is well bros.

Thank you my brother. If I am in charge, I go very low, I no send anybody because nobody feeds me.

Yes, she makes fresh juice every morning for their lunch in school. The kids got tired of the fresh juice that they ignore it and return with it sometimes. Now she buys other drnks like yoghurt, chocolate and milkshake. Said she will be alternating them so they still drink the fresh juice when she gives them.

She complains i am too strict, and sometimes go for cheap things at the expense of quality. Always blackmailing me with the kids' health. That was why I withdrew a bit, before I'll be blamed if my kids fall sick. But, no be naija we dey? They still fall sick once in a while. It was in that regards she stopped them from drinking any other water but Eva.

I know some of these are not neccessary, but I just look away sometimes in order not to be 'too' strict'.

For comparison of standard, it's a NO. She knows nobody dares that in my house. Na she just set the standard, which if allowed, i will definitely lower it. Once in a while we dey clash, but you know how e dey be.

Mindlog:
Yes, it is too small.

How is it too small please?

You don't have a wife. What you have is someone using you to cash out. 700k is more than what some men give their wives for a whole year and yet you do that in just a month. Something isn't right.

Your wife may be building somewhere or saving up money to move without you soon. I don't blame her. You are comfortable that's why you can be so wasteful.

Going forward, do not give her anything monthly, rather, let her write down everything she thinks the expense of the month will be. Let her list them down together with thier prices before you give her any money.
Make a visual confirmation of any purchase once it is done.

You need to put your wife on a leash else she may be your ruin. That you can afford things easily now doesn't mean that will always be the case and then you will see the true color of this woman.

ruffhandu:


Thank you my brother. If I am in charge, I go very low, I no send anybody because nobody feeds me.

Yes, she makes fresh juice every morning for their lunch in school. The kids got tired of the fresh juice that they ignore it and return with it sometimes. Now she buys other drnks like yoghurt, chocolate and milkshake. Said she will be alternating them so they still drink the fresh juice when she gives them.

She complains i am too strict, and sometimes go for cheap things at the expense of quality. Always blackmailing me with the kids' health. That was why I withdrew a bit, before I'll be blamed if my kids fall sick. But, no be naija we dey? They still fall sick once in a while. It was in that regards she stopped them from drinking any other water but Eva.

I know some of these are not neccessary, but I just look away sometimes in order not to be 'too' strict'.

For comparison of standard, it's a NO. She knows nobody dares that in my house. Na she just set the standard, which if allowed, i will definitely lower it. Once in a while we dey clash, but you know how e dey be.

you are really not saving for the future

ruffhandu:


Thank you my brother. If I am in charge, I go very low, I no send anybody because nobody feeds me.

Yes, she makes fresh juice every morning for their lunch in school. The kids got tired of the fresh juice that they ignore it and return with it sometimes. Now she buys other drnks like yoghurt, chocolate and milkshake. Said she will be alternating them so they still drink the fresh juice when she gives them.

She complains i am too strict, and sometimes go for cheap things at the expense of quality. Always blackmailing me with the kids' health. That was why I withdrew a bit, before I'll be blamed if my kids fall sick. But, no be naija we dey? They still fall sick once in a while. It was in that regards she stopped them from drinking any other water but Eva.

I know some of these are not neccessary, but I just look away sometimes in order not to be 'too' strict'.

For comparison of standard, it's a NO. She knows nobody dares that in my house. Na she just set the standard, which if allowed, i will definitely lower it. Once in a while we dey clash, but you know how e dey be.

For context I am female and I understand how it can be trying to give the children the best especially with food to make them healthy. Health is wealth. Children are always prioritized but some of your children are old enough to begin to understand some things.


If it's drinking bottled water that will make them not fall sick then you guys have no choice but to continue. Now I am assuming water supply in your axis is not clean enough to be boiled for drinking because even the costs of bottled water alone for 4 kids in a month is a whole lot of money. Some snacks can be cut off once once, the fresh juices are still okay it's healthy though expensive.


You guys just have to find a way around the costs, you sound strained already.

Talk to her.

ShogunNoName:
Shouldn't this be discussed amongst family members or close friends?

Why bring this here ?

I don't understand bro.

ruffhandu:
Hello people,
Please I need some advice.
We live in PH, and have 4 kids. The oldest is 10 while the youngest is 6. I give my wife 700k every month, and this includes general upkeep and maintenace and fuelling of our car (Lexus 330). I don't drive the car (I dey leg, while she uses it to run around, which includes school runs and her business).

I no dey chuk eye for her business. Bu I am getting frustrated as she still makes me believe that the money is not enough. I pay electricity bill (band A) and house rent (3m pa) yet every now and then she puts bills on my head. It is driving me crazy.

When I tell her to list out her expenses so I plan with her, she picks offence. I am really tired of the whole thing and don't know how else to approach the issue without causing too much problem. I know some men whose salaries are 250k-300k in PH, yet they are surviving.

delete this post and go and discuss it with your family biko. Or you want jobless people and people earning minimum wage to teach you how to scatter your family?

ruffhandu:


Thank you my brother. If I am in charge, I go very low, I no send anybody because nobody feeds me.

Yes, she makes fresh juice every morning for their lunch in school. The kids got tired of the fresh juice that they ignore it and return with it sometimes. Now she buys other drnks like yoghurt, chocolate and milkshake. Said she will be alternating them so they still drink the fresh juice when she gives them.

She complains i am too strict, and sometimes go for cheap things at the expense of quality. Always blackmailing me with the kids' health. That was why I withdrew a bit, before I'll be blamed if my kids fall sick. But, no be naija we dey? They still fall sick once in a while. It was in that regards she stopped them from drinking any other water but Eva.

I know some of these are not neccessary, but I just look away sometimes in order not to be 'too' strict'.

For comparison of standard, it's a NO. She knows nobody dares that in my house. Na she just set the standard, which if allowed, i will definitely lower it. Once in a while we dey clash, but you know how e dey be.

In marriage, all partners are equal. Repeat, all partners are equal.
Also, it's "our" house not "my" house.
You will start enjoying your marriage the moment you start using this mindset. Your wife will literally do anything to make your life easier.

Villa12:
I don't understand bro.

Don't bother then.

Shalom

Papa why are you lying

austine4real:

Papa why are you lying

I told my friend, no income is enough.

What gives you the money determined your expenditure and it will never be enough.

For instance, a school teacher will survive on 70k a month because all he needs is a simple shelter, any food, any good school and minimal transport

A Chief executive or top politician will need an opulent shelter (rented or own), good food and drinks for himself and visitors, top school with all amenities and security as well as about 5 vehicles minimum (2 for him - SUV and Hilux, 1 for madam, 1 for house utilities and spare small car for night "meetings"). 5m a month is not enough

ruffhandu:


How is it too small please?

Make it a round figure of one million naira monthly, so she would be happier.

By the way, should you become incapacitated (which is a possibility in life) and no longer able to earn.....reflect, on your wife's capacity to sustain the present lifestyle, when you can't earn.

If you can create the time, get most of the needed items at the beginning or end of the month yourself , stock the house while you only need to give her small money for other essentials.

I believe your wife has a knowledge of your financials that's why she acting that way.

You should not be renting if you are spending such an amount monthly on food.

NoToPile:



For context I am female and I understand how it can be trying to give the children the best especially with food to make them healthy. Health is wealth. Children are always prioritized but some of your children are old enough to begin to understand some things.


If it's drinking bottled water that will make them not fall sick then you guys have no choice but to continue. Now I am assuming water supply in your axis is not clean enough to be boiled for drinking because even the costs of bottled water alone for 4 kids in a month is a whole lot of money. Some snacks can be cut off once once, the fresh juices are still okay it's healthy though expensive.


You guys just have to find a way around the costs, you sound strained already.

Talk to her.

As you don speak like mumu, I don know you be that parasite gender. Is the woman not working? 700k? Make the parasite drop 300 to meet other needs na. Problematic gender from the pit of hell

ruffhandu:
Hello people,
Please I need some advice.
We live in PH, and have 4 kids. The oldest is 10 while the youngest is 6. I give my wife 700k every month, and this includes general upkeep and maintenace and fuelling of our car (Lexus 330). I don't drive the car (I dey leg, while she uses it to run around, which includes school runs and her business).

I no dey chuk eye for her business. Bu I am getting frustrated as she still makes me believe that the money is not enough. I pay electricity bill (band A) and house rent (3m pa) yet every now and then she puts bills on my head. It is driving me crazy.

When I tell her to list out her expenses so I plan with her, she picks offence. I am really tired of the whole thing and don't know how else to approach the issue without causing too much problem. I know some men whose salaries are 250k-300k in PH, yet they are surviving.

She no dey work? Na this kind woman dey ruin man life. You go work and you won't have any achievements. Better wake up. Mugu

You are living in a rented house and spending N700k a month just on food and fuel? That's too much! You'll need to lower your standard of living. What if you experience a temporary setback in your job or business over several months or a few years? I don't wish you bad o, but things happen!
Your wife is the one setting the standard and not the kids. It is her desires and fears that she's projecting onto the kids, and making them get used to getting branded quality meals all the time. It is what you give your kids that they'll become used to overtime.
Give her less, invest more (money market fund, FGN bonds, sukuk, treasury bills, stocks etc), save more, plan for your future. Your kids are still small, they'll need much more funding as they grow.

700k and she can't keep it together for a month?Your wife is going over the top really. Maybe she knows how much you earn and feels she deserves more.700k can sustain the average Nigerian family and there will be nothing lacking in regards to feeding and groceries.

If you pay sch fees then your wife is not a good manager.

You need to sit her down and get involved in the family expenditures.

churro:
You are living in a rented house and spending N700k a month just on food and fuel? That's too much! You'll need to lower your standard of living. What if you experience a temporary setback in your job or business over several months or a few years? I don't wish you bad o, but things happen!
Your wife is the one setting the standard and not the kids. It is her desires and fears that she's projecting onto the kids, and making them get used to getting branded quality meals all the time. It is what you give your kids that they'll become used to overtime.
Give her less, invest more (money market fund, FGN bonds, sukuk, treasury bills, stocks etc), save more, plan for your future. Your kids are still small, they'll need much more funding as they grow.

Leave that idiot. Until he loses his job or business and no savings to sustain am. Some people just dense anyhow

ruffhandu:
Hello people,
Please I need some advice.
We live in PH, and have 4 kids. The oldest is 10 while the youngest is 6. I give my wife 700k every month, and this includes general upkeep and maintenace and fuelling of our car (Lexus 330). I don't drive the car (I dey leg, while she uses it to run around, which includes school runs and her business).

I no dey chuk eye for her business. Bu I am getting frustrated as she still makes me believe that the money is not enough. I pay electricity bill (band A) and house rent (3m pa) yet every now and then she puts bills on my head. It is driving me crazy.

When I tell her to list out her expenses so I plan with her, she picks offence. I am really tired of the whole thing and don't know how else to approach the issue without causing too much problem. I know some men whose salaries are 250k-300k in PH, yet they are surviving.

It's you who doesn't understand what is playing out. Your wife knows you are comfortable and she is raising her kids accordingly. She claims she cannot give the children boiled water because she can afford to buy bottled water.

I have seen such scenarios play out on so many occasions. My kids cannot eat or drink this....bla...bla...bla...But when life happens and they cannot afford to buy bottled water for the kids, they will start giving them borehole water and nothing will happen.

What I'm trying to say is, people go over the top for their kids and show off because they can afford it and not because they see it as a life's necessity. Peradventure, you have a drop in income and cut down her allowance to 100K monthly, she will learn to adjust.

Permit me to say ur wife is an APC member.

A thief in disguise.

In fact,u married a destroyer because a good wife builds her home and not to defraud her home.