Hello Nairalanders,

I need advice because I'm not sure if I'm being selfish or if my wife is acting unreasonable and out of line.

I've been married to my wife for about two years now, and we have a son. We're currently planning to relocate, and by God's grace, we should be out of this country in a couple of months.

My wife and I have discussed severally even before marriage about her getting cosmetic surgery after we finishe having all our children, which I’ve always felt is a nice idea. I've always mentioned that it should happen later, after she's done giving birth. Recently, she brought up the possibility of getting the surgery done sooner, and I thought she was joking. However, she kept repeating it and then I playfully said she could go ahead if she had the money, I didn't think she was serious and if even if she was , I didn’t think it was something that would be up to 3M( pardon my ignorance)

However, she brought it up again three weeks ago, and I realized she was serious. When I asked how much it would cost, she told me it was 8 million naira. I was shocked cause it was even way more than I expected. Now, My wife is a businesswoman, and while her business is doing well, I feel she can afford the surgery but it's really going to eat probably 90% of her savings.

She knows I have savings of about 25 million naira, which I've been accumulating for years for our relocation. Also, recently, I’ve spent around 5 million on processing the move, and I intend to use the remaining funds for travel expenses(flight,e.t.c) rent, food, and living costs for about 6 to 8 months in the country (it's a cheap European country) of which she is very aware cause I have informed her severally about.


I was shocked when she suggested I take some of my savings to help fund the surgery, asking for around 2 to 4 million naira. I found this request annoying and unreasonable. Although she didn't ask directly, but where does she expect me to get that kind of money if not from the savings?

To me, her body is still in good shape, although not as great as it used to be but I understand it was caused by child birth and I feel she is better than most ladies/ mother of one in terms of body shape( even though she feels the boobs aren’t firm anymore and the stomach isn’t flat anymore but I’m not complaining and it’s okay to me, she’s still very attractive to me ) , while I understand her desire for improvement, I think it should wait until we’re more financially stable. We should be focusing on investing and accumulating wealth, not spending on what I see as a luxury. Now, she's a matured lady as that was one of the reason I married her. We are both in our 30s also. So I really do not understand why this sudden frenzy about body work. Worst off, she doesn’t seem to have a sensible reason for wanting to do it now. All she says just doesn’t make sense cause the only thing I can grab from everything she’s said was she wants to look better and with the way Nigeria is going , it’s going to be way expensive in coming years.

Additionally, I feel it was unfair for her to bring this up suddenly, especially since she didn’t communicate this desire early enough. If she had, I might have been able to save up some money for her. Instead, it feels like she’s trying to make me touch the savings without saying it directly, which I feel is very disappointing.

I have told her point blank that I cant touch that savings and even if I want to give her something it won’t be substantial cause I really don’t see the necessity of the surgery at this time and it's coming very impromptu . Not wanting to sound like an unsupportive husband, I told her I can give her something but I don’t know how much yet. She asked for the range and I told her I'm not sure but it can't more than 800k and she said okay, but I know she’s unhappy with that amount.

Since our discussion, she's been trying to act like everything is fine but I know deep down she's angry cause she's been giving some kind of silent treatment which she knows I hate. Thinking about the issue just spoils my mood and makes me angry, no matter how hard I try to think about it, I feel even madder for even wanting to give her something as much as 800k cause i don’t feel happy about it and I'm sure she even feels it’s too small( which is what makes me angry cause I’m squeezing an unplanned 800k and she feels it’s way too to small or equal to me not giving her anything)

So, what do you guys think? Am I being unreasonable? Feel like I should discuss with someone but we have agreed not to discuss stuffs with third party that’s why I’m coming here to do this anonymously

I know if I try to discuss with her to ask if she’s acting this way because of how our last discussion ended, she’ll deny that it’s not it and nothing is wrong.

I apologize for the lengthy post, but I'm open to questions or clarifications.

Thank you for your advice.

This is the main problem with marrying a non-virgin, aka street food and borehole.
Any girl with more than 2 BODYCOUNT and with experience with different ex is a complete baggage and will most likely not be a loyal partner to be with...
All their so-called experience and philandering before marriage will DEFINITELY play out one way or the other negatively when they finally settle down...
They're unreasonable...
They're insatiable...
Their eyes will forever remain "outside...
You can never trust them...
AND WITH ANY SLIGHT OPPORTUNITY OR EXCUSE, THEY WILL CHEAT.

They will always seek the attention and validation of men outside even though they have a man at home...
SHE WANTS TO DO SURGERY AND LOOK GOOD FOR OTHER MEN TOO...
It's not yours, it's just your turn...
Ones a olosho is forever a olosho.

Oga I patiently took my time to read over 80% of your writeup because you may need some of my advice, especially the DNA one. The following na wetin I observe:
1. It's obvious say na you bring the idea of surgery because from the writeup, you say both of una don agree about am before getting married.
2. E be like say you dey make your wife feel insecure about her body, hence I see no reason for you talking about breast wey still standard or not.
3. Your wife dey inconsiderate for demanding such at this moment, considering say both of una dey get plan to leave the country.
4. Both of una na babies in reasoning
5. I go advise make una dey Nigeria because if una carry this kind mindset/reasoning abroad, E fit no pay una laslas.
6. You say you and your wife agree not to discuss una marital issue with third party but you bring am to nairaland. I guess we're the ninth party.
Oga see eeh, I don learn a big lesson from this nairaland and the lesson be say, I can never bring my marital issue here. Do you know why? The people wey go give you advice about your marriage here na mostly single people, mumu, divorcees, underage and DNA test merchants like me. Now you go pick from one of the numerous suggestions and use it on your marriage. What do you expect to be the outcome ? Anyways, if I no scratch my yansh for outside, people no go know say I get craw-craw for yansh.
What do I even know sef aside enlightening my fellow men nationwide with the good news

Oga if you no meet your wife as a virgin, oga go for DNA test oooooo because boreholes aka non-virgins can't be trusted atall atall

You wife is a used farm tool.
Sorry though
Una dey marry something oh!

Chai some men Shaa.

She's not fully mature, all those things are vanity for God's sake! It's not even a need or want! Deal with it!

She won't be contributing a dime to the relocation expenses but wants to spend close to 10m on body enhancement just to look good for who exactly

Guy just keep your head up ok, you don't want to be broke with this kind of wife you have got else she will show your hell.

Just give her some of ur 25 million naira for her to do da surgery for peace to reign

This is why elders say it is unwise to allow your wife know about your finances - whilst transparency is encouraged, women in general have shown a reputation of putting frivolities above the welfare of their man (and family) especially when finance is involved ...

And no, you're no being unreasonable, your wife is the one being selfish here ...

She has that much savings and yet she's not thinking of supporting the travels of the family, rather she's even suggesting that you take out of your budgeted travel funds for some unnecessary surgery ...

This may sound harsh, but then, if your wife is making a fuss outta this, then I pity what you'll face when you're out of Naija ...

But then again, don't make any assumptions, speak to her about it in the kindest of ways you can think of and try to make her understand why that surgery is unnecessary ...

I wish you good luck ...

You have a savings of 25 million and you think it's a wise thing to let her know that you've 25 million? SMH.

My wife and I have discussed severally even before marriage about her getting cosmetic surgery after we finishe having all our children, which I’ve always felt is a nice idea. I've always mentioned that it should happen later after she is done giving birth

To me, her body is still in good shape, although not as great as it used to be but I understand it was caused by child birth



Men will always be one sided.... After reading the OP tales.. then itook my time to go through the comments ..

Almost all if not all sef made no sense... At the end they still body_shame the poor woman...

Now would you blame a lady for trying to look good just to avoid all this venomous gender

Men are the major problem of this world... They don't know what they want

They want a whhhooore who can be a wife at home and they also want a wife who can be a whooooreee in bed.. confused devil's spawns

Balancing:
Hello Nairalanders,

I need advice because I'm not sure if I'm being selfish or if my wife is acting unreasonable and out of line.

I've been married to my wife for about two years now, and we have a son. We're currently planning to relocate, and by God's grace, we should be out of this country in a couple of months.

My wife and I have discussed severally even before marriage about her getting cosmetic surgery after we finishe having all our children, which I’ve always felt is a nice idea. I've always mentioned that it should happen later, after she's done giving birth. Recently, she brought up the possibility of getting the surgery done sooner, and I thought she was joking. However, she kept repeating it and then I playfully said she could go ahead if she had the money, I didn't think she was serious and if even if she was , I didn’t think it was something that would be up to 3M( pardon my ignorance)

However, she brought it up again three weeks ago, and I realized she was serious. When I asked how much it would cost, she told me it was 8 million naira. I was shocked cause it was even way more than I expected. Now, My wife is a businesswoman, and while her business is doing well, I feel she can afford the surgery but it's really going to eat probably 90% of her savings.

She knows I have savings of about 25 million naira, which I've been accumulating for years for our relocation. Also, recently, I’ve spent around 5 million on processing the move, and I intend to use the remaining funds for travel expenses(flight,e.t.c) rent, food, and living costs for about 6 to 8 months in the country (it's a cheap European country) of which she is very aware cause I have informed her severally about.


I was shocked when she suggested I take some of my savings to help fund the surgery, asking for around 2 to 4 million naira. I found this request annoying and unreasonable. Although she didn't ask directly, but where does she expect me to get that kind of money if not from the savings?

To me, her body is still in good shape, although not as great as it used to be but I understand it was caused by child birth and I feel she is better than most ladies/ mother of one in terms of body shape( even though she feels the boobs aren’t firm anymore and the stomach isn’t flat anymore but I’m not complaining and it’s okay to me, she’s still very attractive to me ) , while I understand her desire for improvement, I think it should wait until we’re more financially stable. We should be focusing on investing and accumulating wealth, not spending on what I see as a luxury. Now, she's a matured lady as that was one of the reason I married her. We are both in our 30s also. So I really do not understand why this sudden frenzy about body work. Worst off, she doesn’t seem to have a sensible reason for wanting to do it now. All she says just doesn’t make sense cause the only thing I can grab from everything she’s said was she wants to look better and with the way Nigeria is going , it’s going to be way expensive in coming years.

Additionally, I feel it was unfair for her to bring this up suddenly, especially since she didn’t communicate this desire early enough. If she had, I might have been able to save up some money for her. Instead, it feels like she’s trying to make me touch the savings without saying it directly, which I feel is very disappointing.

I have told her point blank that I cant touch that savings and even if I want to give her something it won’t be substantial cause I really don’t see the necessity of the surgery at this time and it's coming very impromptu . Not wanting to sound like an unsupportive husband, I told her I can give her something but I don’t know how much yet. She asked for the range and I told her I'm not sure but it can't more than 800k and she said okay, but I know she’s unhappy with that amount.

Since our discussion, she's been trying to act like everything is fine but I know deep down she's angry cause she's been giving some kind of silent treatment which she knows I hate. Thinking about the issue just spoils my mood and makes me angry, no matter how hard I try to think about it, I feel even madder for even wanting to give her something as much as 800k cause i don’t feel happy about it and I'm sure she even feels it’s too small( which is what makes me angry cause I’m squeezing an unplanned 800k and she feels it’s way too to small or equal to me not giving her anything)

So, what do you guys think? Am I being unreasonable? Feel like I should discuss with someone but we have agreed not to discuss stuffs with third party that’s why I’m coming here to do this anonymously

I know if I try to discuss with her to ask if she’s acting this way because of how our last discussion ended, she’ll deny that it’s not it and nothing is wrong.

I apologize for the lengthy post, but I'm open to questions or clarifications.

Thank you for your advice.

What's the cosmetic surgery for exactly? Is there a part of her body that's deformed and needs correcting?

Fahvvy:
This is why elders say it is unwise to allow your wife know about your finances - whilst transparency is encouraged, women in general have shown a reputation of putting frivolities above the welfare of their man (and family) especially when finance is involved ...

And no, you're no being unreasonable, your wife is the one being selfish here ...

She has that much savings and yet she's not thinking of supporting the travels of the family, rather she's even suggesting that you take out of your budgeted travel funds for some unnecessary surgery ...

This may sound harsh, but then, if your wife is making a fuss outta this, then I pity what you'll face when you're out of Naija ...

But then again, don't make any assumptions, speak to her about it in the kindest of ways you can think of and try to make her understand why that surgery is unnecessary ...

I wish you good luck ...

You can't blame the wife fully, maybe the cosmetic surgery is to correct a deformity or maybe the husband was the one that brought up the surgery in the first place, making the lady feel insecure.

Balancing:

Thank you for your advice.

Looks like u are running a marriage where u do it all, and ur wife's money is for whatever she likes......Cos I don't know why u can't tell ur own wife straight up that all finances including hers should be channeled into the family's current target ....
If u can't check ur own wife....u go hear am for europe

Balancing:
Hello Nairalanders,

I need advice because I'm not sure if I'm being selfish or if my wife is acting unreasonable and out of line.


Thank you for your advice.

Your wife does not care about your Japa. She only cares about what will make other men see her, woo her and run after her.

MarketDispatch:


Your wife does not care about your Japa. She only cares about what will make other men see her, woo her and run after her.

Just negudo comment
Who do una like this

franugo:


You can't blame the wife fully, maybe the cosmetic surgery is to correct a deformity or maybe the husband was the one that brought up the surgery in the first place, making the lady feel insecure.

Yeah...u are right....it's the man's fault for talking about the surgery with her...so he must pay for it now they need money for something more important....I mean why will he even talk about it and make the wife feel like that...and u know... the surgery cant be done later because shes feeling insecure right now..

Your number 1 mistake is letting your wife know that you have 25 million naira in your savings

She won't leave you alone untill that money is zero. Trust womenfolk she will be bringing up unnecessary expenses to deplete that savings to zero. then she will rest and start another set of disturbance.

Now my advice, make fake business by start to talk about investing the money in crypto and using the profit for her surgery. Let say one month after investment, break the fake news that you have been duped that your 25m is gone. You should Cry like baby very well.

This is only way to put her attention away from that 25m. Otherwise she can kpai you in order to get that money to do plastic surgery. Fear women

Tallesty1:
You have a savings of 25 million and you think it's a wise thing to let her know that you've 25 million? SMH.

One of op highest undoing by revealing how much he had saved

Nawaoo

advanceDNA:


Yeah...u are right....it's the man's fault for talking about the surgery with her...so he must pay for it now they need money for something more important....I mean why will he even talk about it and make the wife feel like that...and u know... the surgery cant be done later because shes feeling insecure right now..

Not sure if you're being sarcastic 🤔

She's not doing the surgery because of you she doing it to look more attractive for other men, tell her you can't withdraw that kind of money because you keep your money in a kind of saving acct for your relocation

Divorce her ASAP,do DNA test

The nigha is singlehandedly digging his own grave with his own hands..........

A married woman being so eager to do a cosmetic surgery? . Omoh,I'm so so surprised cuz it's gonna be so funny for you op when you get to Europe where most of their laws favors women.........

There is nothing wrong with letting your wife know how much you saved.

Just tell her you can't give her a dime and be firm about it. Don't look at her face too. I mean, what would she do?

I have to confess, married people are the most confused on earth. People in relationship have better stories than this.

Sonnobax15:

The nigha is singlehandedly digging his own grave with his own hands..........

A married woman being so eager to do a cosmetic surgery? . Omoh,I'm so so surprised cuz it's gonna be so funny for you op when you get to Europe where most of their laws favors women.........

It doesn't make sense honestly. Cosmetic surgeries are like drug addiction. She'll still get another one and another until she looks like a zombie.

Better to just register her in a gym.

I biliv this is fiction,......you agreed before marriage with your wife that he should do cosmetic surgery, and now you are wailing that she is misbehaving, did anyone need to tell you that, you are trying to domesticate public property?


If by error you guys cross to other side, dnt come here and lament how Naija wives are making their husbands see SHEGE" in abroad oo.

At OP, the agreement remains after having babies then the surgery.
Are you guys done having babies or she will be going for another surgery after the next child?

Have you been complaining in the past about her body?

Here is what to do and as a family. First, acknowledge she will get the surgery done. Let her understand the family has 2 projects which is relocation and her surgery.

Tell her you want her to do the practical expenditure plans for the surgery and trip, break down every bits of what the relocation requires (the trip fee, rent, feeding, e.t.c). Make this very practice and let her do the budgeting as if she's given the 25M + her 8M to the planning.

There's something else called post surgery, more expenses would be required.

As a man, learn to be disciplined when it comes to finances as long as the plans is for the benefit of the entire family not for any selfish reasons.

You probably haven't been firm with your decisions on financial issues in the past. Learn to make bulk expenses when it is convenient not when she impulsively demand for it.

After reading all the advice here please don't forget to do a DNA TEST

Op

You brought this upon yourself and now you want us to talk sense to you?

You agreed with her about the surgery and now you see it as impromptu.

Anyways you just have to discuss again with her and I don't want to believe that her desire for this isn't to look sexy enough to want to attract white guys to herself leading to divorcing you when you finally relocate her to her dreamworld...

Me, I think this Ur story na lie. You wan use style make people de ask you about the travel thing. Na marketing strategy. You wey wan japa de worry about cosmetic surgery. Weldone.

Oga stand your ground. You are not spending a dime from the relocation costs on cosmetic surgery. Shikena.
Don't let the silent treatment put you off. You too give her the silent treatment too and spend time away from her.
When she sees you don't give a damn about her putting up an attitude over her wants, then she may re-adjust.
Warning: Wives like that are not the best to relocate with. Many abroad are crying and wish they stayed in Nigeria and kept their family.