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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego (1484880 Views)
akpos funniest joke, and more. / 24/7 Nigeria Jokes Update / Real Funny Nigeria Jokes (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by kelz3264: 5:26pm On Aug 29, 2013 |
nyc one bro! Though some of them are familiar! 1 Like |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by patrkq(m): 11:34pm On Aug 29, 2013 |
njuwo: John: bby am gonna tell u a storyfinally... A joke dat made me laugh on nairaland 13 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 6:16am On Sep 02, 2013 |
The C.E.O was walking in the Factory. He noticed a Guy leaning against the Wall looking somewhere. He approached the Man and asked him," How much do you earn?" The Guy was amazed and said," N2000 sir" The CEO took out his wallet and gave the Guy N6000 and told him," I pay People here to Work and not to waste time. This is your 3 months salary and now get out of here NEVER come back." The Guy said,"Thank you sir!" 3 times then walked away in a haste. The CEO now looked at other Workers and asked," Who was that Guy?" The Workers replied," He was the Pizza delivery Guy sir!" 37 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 11:48pm On Sep 02, 2013 |
This evening, Akpos' Landlord was complaining dat Ofego had impregnanted his daughter. .As Akpos over-heard d landlord shouting, he came out of his house and asked d landlord.Akpos: Oga landlord, what have Ofego done dis time?.Landlord: Ofego got d mind to impregnant my only daughter.Akpos: Oga landlord, are u sure of wat u are saying?.Landlor d: Yes, this evening i saw mydaughter vomitting, wen i noticed dat she was pregnant, i asked her who impregnanted her& she said dat Ofego is d one who impregnanted her.Akpos: Abomination, Ofego is afool, he is a bastard. Oga landlordsince i have been sleeping with ur wife, have u got any reportthat i have impregnanted her?. 26 Likes 5 Shares |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 6:32am On Sep 03, 2013 |
A youth corper was part of the invigillators in a WAEC GCE exam holding in the school he is serving, right inside the hall when the exam was on going, one sexy gal who was wearing a very short skirt and looking gorgeous was cutting eye for the corper, giving him a seductive look, so he went straight to the gal to find out what her problem was. The corper gave the gal d solution to the mathematics question. So, after the exam, the Corper followed d gal up to arrange of how they would meet and the gal said: do u think I'm a prostitute? All those actions I was displaying for u in the hall are fake oooo, thats my boyfriend waiting for me.. Mugu!..and she laughed!.... The Corper laughed too and said: do u think I read Mathematics? I studied Yoruba in school, all those answers I gave to you are formulated and fake!.......... .. The Girl Screamed n Fainted!!!!!! =)) 44 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Yahoo1(m): 1:10pm On Sep 03, 2013 |
patrkq: finally... A joke dat made me laugh on nairalandor d only joke u get. 16 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Nobody: 7:43am On Sep 04, 2013 |
Good job man 2 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 9:00am On Sep 05, 2013 |
A woman hears someone knock at the door. She opens to see and a man asks, "Do you have a vagina??" She slams the door in disgust. The next day she hears a knock, opens up and its the same man. He asks the same question the woman slams the door again. Her husband gets home she tells him what happened for the last two days. The husband says to her, "Honey I'm taking tomorrow off to be home just in case he shows up again." The next morning they hear a knock at the door and the husband says, "I'm going to hide behind the door and listen. If it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to see where he is going with this." The man asks the same question, "Do you have a vagina?" "Yes!" Replies the woman. The man replies, "Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's own alone and start using yours?? 52 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 9:36am On Sep 05, 2013 |
I went to WARRI last week sunday, if u see d name of churches wen i see, Ha! My broda even Satan sef dey fear. Make i yarn una: i see church names like.. 1. Nak ur pako 4 Satan head Ministerial Church of Fire. 2. Satan ur own don kpafuka evangelical ministry. 3. Operation cary devil nack 4 ground Bible ministry. 5. The Atomic Bomb Bible Brigadial Barack Ministry. AKA shoot d devil make im eye clear. 6. Satan Wetin we do u Evangelical church of God Aka Satan leave us jeje. 7. Operation No luk uche Face Biblical Church of Christ. Aka Slap satan face ministry. 9. SATAN If u try us u go hear ween Prayer ministry. 10. Satan chop make i chop Bible Assembly. Aka we no dey find Satan trouble ministry. I was shocked beyond recognitn when i saw dis name, Boko Haram Evangelical Movement A.k.a Na peace we want. 17 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Benzino18(m): 9:58am On Sep 05, 2013 |
twitter acount wit 1500 felower 4 sale cöntact me 07035271659 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 2:05pm On Sep 06, 2013 |
WOMAN: My Husband is not interested in sex. DOCTOR: Ok! give these pills to him.Everyday, put 1 pill in his tea. the woman did and they had sex which they enjoyed. Next day she puts 2 pills in his tea and they enjoyed much more sex. 3rd day, she emptied the whole bottle in his tea. …Two days later Doctor called to know the progress. Son picked and replied: "Mom is in coma at de moment, Aunt is in hospital, Maid is suing Dad for rape, My own ass hurts and bleeding and Dad is still running naked in de garden, shouting Bingo! Bingo!! Bingo!!! but the dogs are no where to be found 32 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 6:42pm On Sep 06, 2013 |
Okon, was embarking on a long trip and decides his wifeshould wear steel underwear. He locks the underwear and gives the key to his bestfriend Akpos, saying "If i don't come back in 10 years, set her free." Okon was only 30 minutes into his journey when he sees a cloud of dust behind him. It was Akpos running after him. "What's wrong?" Okon asked. Akpos, still panting, says "You gave me the wrong key!" 55 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:57am On Sep 07, 2013 |
I went to a cinema with Akpos, on getting to the cinema we saw a bald guy, I showed the guy to Akpos and said "Look at fresh head, this one is good to slap, but I'm afraid of the guy's face". Akpos then said to me "Ofego, you fear a lot,I will slap that head and nothing will happen". I dared him to do it and he went to where the guy was sitting and gave him a HOT SLAP on his head. The guy was surprised, and wanted to react, then Akpos said "Bros Ofego, so you are here, and we have been looking for you at home!" The guy responded "I'm not Bros Ofego, maybe we look alike", Akpos murmured "maybe." After some minutes In the cinema, Akpos called me again and said "Ofego, I will slap that guy again and nothing will happen." I answered "ok" He went to the guy, gave him a hot slap and said "Bros Ofego stop lying, I say na u be dis..." The guy said to him angrily "I'm not Bros Ofego,please, let me be". The guy then left that seat and went to the front seat. After some minutes Akpos called me and said "Ofego, I will slap that guy again and nothing will happen." This time i told him that "if anything happens, I will pretend I don'tknow him." He stood up, went to the front seat, gave the guy a very hot slap and said"Bros Ofego, so na here you dey, I come dey slap another person for back!" 78 Likes 9 Shares |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:59am On Sep 07, 2013 |
Akpos’ elder brother, Tommy, traveled to London months ago, leaving behind Akpos, their aged mom & their pet cat, Kelly. Last week Tommy called from London to know how they’re doing… TOMMY: Hello brother how are you doing? how's mom and how is Kelly? AKPOS: Kelly is Dead! TOMMY(after a pause): Akpos, bad news is not revealed in that manner. U should have started by saying something like, "Kelly fell inside a well but neighbors are trying to rescue it". Then when I call again U tell me, "Kelly broke it's neck and is receiving treatment". Then when I call again, U tell me they did their best but couldn't save it. That's how to break a bad news in a mature way. OK? AKPOS: Ok bros, understood. TOMMY: Ok, so how is Mom? AKPOS: Bros, Mom fell inside a well, but neighbours are trying to rescue her. (Phone cuts).Tommy has been admitted in a private hospital in London after going into coma. 22 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 11:02am On Sep 07, 2013 |
Akpos: Hello Girl Chichi: Hello! Akpos: Do you have a boyfriend? Chichi: Nope. I don't want to have a boyfriend. Akpos: oh no!!!! Remember Genesis 2:18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Chichi: But I don't love you. Akpos: no, u just have to love me, remember 1 John 4:8 "Who ever does not love does not know God, because God is love." Chichi: But how can I be sure that you're loyal and honest? Akpos: Mark 13:31 says "Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away." Chichi: But I'm busy, I'm still studying. Akpos: yes dear but Ecclesiastes 3:1 said "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heaven." Chichi: But why me? There are alot of girls out there. Akpos: Proverbs 31:29 "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." Chichi: But what is in me that you like? Akpos: Song of Solomon 4:7 "You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you." Chichi: no ooo, I'm not beautiful. Akpos: Proverbs 31:30 "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Chichi: Why all dis? Akpos: 2 Corinthians 2:4 "For I wrote you outof great distress and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to grieve you but to let you know the depth of my love for you." Chichi, waoooo, i'm flattered, i think i love u, let's start with u buying me an Iphone 6. Akpos: no dear, remember 1 John 2:15...."Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world Chichi: Omg!!! That reminds me, you have no job as well... Akpos: Don't worry, Genesis 22:8 says GOD WILL PROVIDE. 30 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 11:03am On Sep 07, 2013 |
A lady wanted a house boy, she went over to Ofego who then brought his younger brother Akpos for the job. "What is so special about dis boy?" asked de lady."he is sharp" replied Ofego. Then the lady asked Akpos " how do i look?" Akpos replied " you look like a prostitute". The lady was very furious, then turned to Ofego and said " i can't take such a rude boy". Ofego pleaded with her to wait on a little, he took Akpos to de back of the house and dipped him inside a bucket of water, when he brought him out he said to him "insult that lady one more time and i will dip u inside a bucket of water again". He took Akpos back to the lady and said " please ma'am ask him another question; Lady: If i come home with a man, who is he? Akpos: Your husband. Lady: 2 men? Akpos: Your husband and his brother. Lady: 3 men? Akpos: Your husband, his brother and your brother. Lady: 4 men? Akpos: Bros Ofego get the Bleep'n bucket of water, i already told u, she is a PROSTITUTE!!!!! 5 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 1:34pm On Sep 07, 2013 |
Akpos and Ofego were having dinner when suddenly armed robber broke into their house. Akpos wanted to run away but he said to himself dat if he run away, he might be killed so he freezed himself & stood like an image. The armed robber ordered for money but they did not have money, so d armed robber looked at d image, then turned to Akpos' friend Ofego and said: Armed Robber: Take a look at such a beautiful image you have in ur house, but you don't have any money. Infact i'm going to destroy dis image. *sets his gun, points at d image(Akpos) and was about to shoot.* Akpos: (screamed out!) Please dont shoot, i am d image of God. Armed Robber: So here you are, i have been praying to you to give me job but you don't want to answer my prayer. Today, since i have d opportunity of seeing you, i will not let u escape. When you get to hell, explain to them why u did not want to give me a job. *about to shoot* Akpos: (screamed out again!) Please, please, i am d image of Akpos. I don't want to die!. 14 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 4:21pm On Sep 08, 2013 |
Husband & wife were arguing on who is the most Coward & Scared between dem. After a long argument, they decided to ask their two kids who they think was the most Coward & Scared between them. The first Kid (Junior) says: Dad is the most Coward cos, 1: "He's scared of women: Whenever he sees a Beautiful lady in town; He closes his one eye (i.e- WINKs @ d LADY)...... Wife realizing d meaning was very angry with her husband" The Second kid (faith)says: "that is nothing My Daddy is not coward as our mummy becos, Mummy is so Scared (coward) to Sleep alone When DAD works Night shift, MUMMY Sleeps with the Man next door; Sometimes She invites the GARDENER or Uncle KINGSLEY to Sleep with Her. Sometimes Uncle Mayowa the Youth Corper, after leaving your room even escort her to the bathroom & bath with her just because she's scared. HUSBAND FAINTED IMMEDIATELY!" 12 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 7:21pm On Sep 08, 2013 |
Interviewer: There are two main rules for our company to select you Applicant: What is it sir?. Interviewer: Our second rule is Cleanliness, did you wipe your feet on the mat near the door before coming in? Applicant: Yes sir! Interviewer: Our First rule is trustworthiness, and for your information there isn't any mat near the Door 22 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 11:08am On Sep 09, 2013 |
Akpos sat in church next to a lady and after a while, he whispered,"can i have your womanliness??" Lady whispered back,"arent you ashamed of asking me that in church??" Akpos whispered,"aren 't you ashamed of bringing it to church?" 5 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 12:58pm On Sep 09, 2013 |
Akpos was in front of me coming out from the church after service, and pastor was standing at the door as usual to shake hands. He grabbed Akpos by the hand and pulled him aside. Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" Akpos replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Harvest, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New year and Easter?" Akpos whispered back, "I'm an undercover agent!" 25 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 7:36am On Sep 10, 2013 |
3 drunk guys entered a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they weredrunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. He told them."We have reached ". The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said "thank you". The 3rd guy (Akpos) gave the driver a slap. The driver was shocked,thinkin g the 3rd drunk (Akpos) knew what he did. But he asked "whats that for?". The 3rd guy (Akpos) replied:" CONTROL YOUR SPEED NEXT TIME, you nearly killed us!". 29 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 2:20pm On Sep 10, 2013 |
A Japanese tourist hailed a taxi in Nigeria and asked to be taken to the Ahmadu Bello airport. On the way, a car zoomed by and the tourist responded, 'Oh! Toyota - Made in Japan! Very fast!' Not too long afterward, another car flew by the taxi. 'Oh! Nissan - Made in Japan! Very fast!' Yet another car zipped by, and the tourist said, 'Oh! Mitsubishi - Made in Japan! Very fast!' The taxi driver, who was 100% Nigerian, was starting to get a little annoyed that the Japanese made cars were passing his taxi, when yet another car passed the taxi as they were turning into the airport. 'Oh! Honda - Made in Japan! Very fast!' The taxi driver stopped the car, pointed to the meter, and said, 'That'll be 5000 naira .' '5000 naira? It was short ride! Why so much?' The Taxi driver smiled as he replied, 'Meter - Made in Nigeria. Very fast.' 22 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by vizboy(m): 6:21pm On Sep 10, 2013 |
ofego so you still dey here like me. Any way na Viz hyipking be this 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 6:06am On Sep 11, 2013 |
vizboy: ofego so you still dey here like me.Well done o. 2 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by dannydaniels(m): 8:17am On Sep 12, 2013 |
TITLE OF SONG: ASUU personally Personally.......x3 Personally........x3 Personally I once had it, I don tire to feed my body, I jx dey fear my books like sey I neva jacked it, Pple rsn dt am joking like it Aaaah.......Na wetin b dis ASUU na wetin I c Saga........dem no wan gree,dm sey FG no gree pay Chorus Personally...Professionally ds strike is nt intentionally bt d effect is physically, do they want us to go radically, Emotionally,psychologically, our girls forcefully r going biologically, sexually,dramatically n them sey them no wan gree Yeah exceptionally We need to go spiritually Them reason na financially But magically them dey groove internationally Nawa.........nawatically Waka.........na from my dictionary Saga....them no wan gree They sey them no wan gree. . . Chorus: ABEG UNA FIT COMPLETE DE REst 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 12:01pm On Sep 12, 2013 |
Police officers at a road block .... as motorists are stuck in jam he stops a trailer policeman : where is your permit driver: hands in permit policeman : do you have extinguisher. driver : yes its there .... policeman : light up your indicators driver: exactly on point indicators work .... policeman : do you have seat belt driver : yes u can check ..... policeman : hoot a bit i hear ... driver: pipipipi policeman turns to his fellow officer and says the man has everything let's leave let him go. As the motorist drives away officer shouts : is your simcard registered .... motorist: no officer : swine park there!. how can you drive without registering your number what if you get accident how will we identify you .... 8 Likes |
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