Hi nairalander,

Please i really do need help fast. The person I call my boyfriend relies so much on me for his financial needs.

I understand that he might not have a job (while I do, one i just got recently anyway) but he should sometimes wear the pants in this relationship and not me. I do most of the spending and he sees no big deal in asking me for more. His response would always be "afterall you are my wife" which I find very annoying. The way i was brought up, men do the spending while ladies lend a helping hand. How I found myself saddled with him, I swear I do not know.

Do I love him? That I do not know. But I understand that money isn't everything. I can count on one "finger" how much he's spent on me. But me,  please don't ask!

Its not like I buy the world for him, no! But when we are together, he's always broke & tells me that i should be the one with money since I work. I've tried explaining (albeit aggressively since i alwayz feel so MAD ) that i don't work in a bank's vault & I make enough money just to cater for my basic needs, he doesn't seem to care as much.

Whenever I go visiting his folks, I know how much I spend doing "big girl" or "in-law"

Yet he's never spent a DIME on my people. Never even bought "coke" or even sweet for anyone in my house. He claims he is forever broke yet encourages me to spend on his family & on him.

Maybe he does feel something for me, I wouldn't doubt that, but sometimes I think that's the only reason he's with me.

Guys always feel that we ladies are with them for the money even when they hardly spend a dime on you! I only console myself with the fact that sometime in the future, he might be man enough to actually strike gold, but what happens if he doesn't eva? Would I be indebted to a life of misery forever?

One thing i know about him is that, financially, he is not mature at all.  By the way, I'm 24 while he is 31. I should be grooming myself for the altar not 4 doom!

Please understand my plight. I'm not looking for a ready made man. I want someone I can grow wit in all aspects of our lives. But with his financial attitude, I doubt if I can stand it. Maybe I didn't mention one little detail. He is really good in bed LOL  maybe that's why I still hang around I don't know.

Ladies, you should be in the best position to help out here. Should I just ditch him until i find another replacement or hope against hope that things get better in the nearest future, or just enjoy the sex until i find another replacement?!

No yaps, snide talks or insensitive comments please. If you don't have any useful comments, kindly keep the unnecessary ones to yourself. My heart is too heavy to take any insensitivities please.

a 31yrs old depending on a 24yrs old is very worrying
pls dump his ass and move on.
My conclusion is based on the fact that he relies on you not just because he demands money for his upkeep or thereabout.

Save the money you are spending on him for your future because, when he does eventually get a job the probability of him cheating on u is somewhat high (again an assumption based on the fact that he probably likes you for the monetary things you provide) and if it does happen you Will probably curse the whole generation of men in this world and in turn find it hard for your heart to heal.

mumu thread

lol

its hard to believe 0.0001% of this kinds of post could be real.


Poster, You laid your bed, So lie in it

You dug the pit you have fallen into,

What can we do?.

Nothing.

ori omo to kpa ko

That is so sad,if you really cant take it anymore then just ditch him like you wrote,hw long are going to be able to endure.

jay bee:

a 31yrs old depending on a 24yrs old is very worrying
please dump his ass and move on.
My conclusion is based on the fact that he relies on you not just because he demands money for his upkeep or thereabout.

Save the money you are spending on him for your future because, when he does eventually get a job the probability of him cheating on u is somewhat high (again an assumption based on the fact that he probably likes you for the monetary things you provide) and if it does happen you Will probably curse the whole generation of men in this world and in turn find it hard for your heart to heal.

very worrying indeed!

@ shegirl71
rememba me

idupaul:

mumu thread

don't say that, if she is mumu, she wouldn't come out and say its bothering her,  no one is above mistake. love is blind.

@ poster

No one knows your relationship more than you.  Even if you are going to help a man, he should be the kind that is so ambitious and always feel bad attimes to ask you for things.  ( NO real man wants to be fed by a woman) On the contrary he seems to enjoy taking from you,.  its more complicated than it sounds. Use your head not your heart!

I can't imagine a lady playing my role in order to sustain a r/ship. A 31 year old man depending on a 24 year old girl,it is a shame.

@post before i say anything what does he do and r u a banker?
also what do ur folks say?

Love may be Blind.

But the Poster tends towards mumurity

tell the dude to wake up early in da morning and go to cardbury and they can use him for some daily labour and he can afford to spend.
He is a leach to be sent away.

Gamine:

Love may be Blind.

But the Poster tends towards mumurity

lol

dani1luv:

@ shegirl71
rememba me

@ dani1luv.
Dance hell

@ Gucci_Babe, thks girl
@ jay bee, thks alot. Tis r d sort of comments dat encourages pple 2 post threads on tis site. unlik IDIOTS lik,
i refuse 2 mention names. anyway, its not lik i'm dat much in luv but he fills a void & is sort of a substitute until i find som1 else (more seriously). Tink wateva u lik or call me wateva u wnt but tis is simply how i feel. Lik i said earlier, he feels absolutely nothn (as far as i'm concerned) collectn 4rm me. Datz wat drives me nuts d most. He's alwayz bin dat way even b4 i got d job, though he is supportive, tolerant & oda tins including satisfyn my sexual nids.
But in my books, luks 2 me lik he's my gigolo & i'm a sugar mummy. I do lik him (don't tink i luv him, if not i don't tink i'ld b tis distressed), but lik i said, financially, he's not mature, not ambitious, not wat i wld wnt anyway cos pple tink i'm a slave driver & tend 2 expct more 4rm pple.
Moreover, if i decide 2 dump him jst lik dat, wldn't he assume i'm jst feeln pompous cos i hv a job & he doesn't?
& no i'm not a banker but hv a gud job dat i'm proud of. Pays me enuf 2 so i can't complain. Wat i'm complaining abt is hvin 2 share it wit som1 i call "my man".

joichi:

@ Gucci_Babe, thks girl
@ jay bee, thks alot. Tis r d sort of comments that encourages people 2 post threads on tis site. unlik IDIOTS lik,
i refuse 2 mention names. anyway, its not lik i'm that much in love but he fills a void & is sort of a substitute until i find som1 else (more seriously). Tink whatever u lik or call me whatever u wnt but tis is simply how i feel. Lik i said earlier, he feels absolutely nothn (as far as i'm concerned) collectn from me. Datz what drives me nuts d most. He's alwayz bin that way even before i got d job, though he is supportive, tolerant & oda tins including satisfyn my sexual nids.
But in my books, luks 2 me lik he's my gigolo & i'm a sugar mummy. I do lik him (don't think i love him, if not i don't think i'ld b tis distressed), but lik i said, financially, he's not mature, not ambitious, not what i would wnt anyway because people think i'm a slave driver & tend 2 expct more from people.
Moreover, if i decide 2 dump him jst lik that, wldn't he assume i'm jst feeln pompous because i hv a job & he doesn't?
& no i'm not a banker but hv a good job that i'm proud of. Pays me enough 2 so i can't complain. What i'm complaining about is hvin 2 share it wit som1 i call "my man".

you welcome hun! thats why i stated its complicated then what everyone thinks. Cause i bet you thinking what if you dump him today and finds a good job tomorrow, then you lost the benefit you invested in him and so on, but always remember "you" come first, anything that takes away from your happiness you need to move away from it, regardless of circumstances!

joichi:

@ Gucci_Babe, thks girl
@ jay bee, thks alot. Tis r d sort of comments that encourages people 2 post threads on tis site. unlik IDIOTS lik,
i refuse 2 mention names. anyway, its not lik i'm that much in love but he fills a void & is sort of a substitute until i find som1 else (more seriously). Tink whatever u lik or call me whatever u wnt but tis is simply how i feel. Lik i said earlier, he feels absolutely nothn (as far as i'm concerned) collectn from me. Datz what drives me nuts d most. He's alwayz bin that way even before i got d job, though he is supportive, tolerant & oda tins including satisfyn my sexual nids.
But in my books, luks 2 me lik he's my gigolo & i'm a sugar mummy. I do lik him (don't think i love him, if not i don't think i'ld b tis distressed), but lik i said, financially, he's not mature, not ambitious, not what i would wnt anyway because people think i'm a slave driver & tend 2 expct more from people.
Moreover, if i decide 2 dump him jst lik that, wldn't he assume i'm jst feeln pompous because i hv a job & he doesn't?
& no i'm not a banker but hv a good job that i'm proud of. Pays me enough 2 so i can't complain. What i'm complaining about is hvin 2 share it wit som1 i call "my man".

Fair enough. I know this might seem a bit crazy but u might as well use him for sex alone (on the basis that you tell him about it. Not that he'd care anyway) since that's probably the only thing you currently enjoy in the relationship.
You need to make sure you train/program your mind to disable/block any lovey dovey thoughts that roams round your heart

how long have you known him?

Less than 2 yrs. but he's bin ok, jst financially dat i hv issues wit him. i'ld b willn 2 drop him anytime 4 anoda person witout so much as a backward glance. its jst dat somtimes i feel dat might mak me seem hrtless.

Gucci_Babe:

you welcome hun! thats why i stated its complicated then what everyone thinks. Cause i bet you thinking what if you dump him today and finds a good job tomorrow, then you lost the benefit you invested in him and so on, but always remember "you" come first, anything that takes away from your happiness you need to move away from it, regardless of circumstances.

$$Rhino:

tell the dude to wake up early in da morning and go to cardbury and they can use him for some daily labour and he can afford to spend.
He is a leach to be sent away.

@ Gucci_Babe
Sweet hrt, u rily seem more mature than most pple on tis thread. i'm rily enjoyn ur comments. u seem 2 undastd a bit of wer i'm coming 4rm. Actually, my fear is if he gets a job & stil acts d way he does. he may probably say since i got a job b4 him, i hv more saved up than he does. Wat do u tink? if i'm saddled wit his sort all my life, i'ld probably kill him 
Wat do u tink?



Hey, @ $$Rhino, wat do u mean? wat daily labour r u on abt? wat is goin on over @ cadbury?

Hey girl, forget that guy. You said it yourself, u shd be getting ready for marriage now and not for any cat and mouse game. He shd get a life and leave yours alone. Mind you, he's your boyfriend, not husband. What did heck is he doing taking money from a girl he's 6yrs older than. Men!! Where is their self respect?? I shudder to even imagine such shit happening to me.

I understand leaving him now might seem like you are dumping him cos you got a job and he doesn't. But here's a tactics you can use. Stop spending a dime on him. Make up projects you need money for. Hell you don't even need to make them up . .  buy a car, get a flat, furnish it expensively, tell him you need to change your status now that you are working and you need any amount of money you can get. Ask him for money occasionally, for fuelling your gen, car, whatever . . . Just make him feel uncomfortable whenever he's around you. I bet you he'll leave. Trust me, he sees you as a money machine now and not a wife to be. If he sees you as a wife to be, he'll be ashamed to ask you to spend on him, cos he'll be worried you'll loose respect for him as your husband.

So wake up girl, dump him before he dumps you  

the reason y i asked is because of the reference about a vault hwver u did not say anything about ur folks thoughts

joichi:

its not lik i'm that much in love but he fills a void & is sort of a substitute until i find som1 else (more seriously). Tink whatever u lik or call me whatever u wnt but tis is simply how i feel. Lik i said earlier, he feels absolutely nothn (as far as i'm concerned) collectn from me. Datz what drives me nuts d most. He's alwayz bin that way even before i got d job, though he is supportive, tolerant & oda tins including satisfyn my sexual nids.
But in my books, luks 2 me lik he's my gigolo & i'm a sugar mummy. I do lik him (don't think i love him, if not i don't think i'ld b tis distressed), but lik i said, financially, he's not mature, not ambitious, not what i would wnt anyway because people think i'm a slave driver & tend 2 expct more from people.

based on ur own admission i think u don't really feel much for the guy even respect which is basic for any relationship to survive so using him as a stepping stone to someone beta is shortchanging yourself.

ur feelings for him would not change whether he has a big paying job as familiarity would further breed more contempt

my thoughts

joichi:

Hi nairalander,
Please i rily do nid help fast. The person i call my BOYFRIEND relies so much on me for his financial needs. I undastd that he might not have a job (while i do, one i jst got recently anyway) but he shld somtimes wear d pants in tis rtnship and not me. I do most of the spending and he sees no big deal in asking me for more. He's response would alwayz b "afterall u r my wife" wic i find very annoyn. The way i was brought up, men do the spending while ladies lend a helping hand. How i found myself saddled with him, i swear i do not knw.
DO I LOVE HIM  that i do not knw. But i undastd that money isn't everything. I can count on one "finger" how much he's spent on me. But me,  please don't ask!
Its not lik i buy d world 4 him, no! But when we r 2geda, he's alwayz broke & tells me that i shld b d one wit money since i work. I've tried explaining (albeit aggressively since i alwayz feel so MAD ) that i don't work in a bank's vault & i mak enough money jst 2 cater 4 my basic needs, he doesn't seem 2 care as much.
Weneva i go visitn his folks, i knw hw much i spend doin "big girl" or "inlaw"
Yet he's never spent a DIME on my people. NEVA even bought "coke" or even sweet 4 anyone in my hse. He claims he is FOREVA BROKE yet encourages me 2 spend on his family & on him.
Mayb he does feel somtin 4 me,  i wldn't doubt that, but somtimes i think datz d only reason he's wit me.
Guys alwayz feel that we ladies r wit them 4 d money even when they hardly spend a dime on u! I only console myself wit d fact that somtim in d future, he might b man enough 2 actually strike gold, but what happens if he doesn't eva? Wld i b indebted 2 a life of misery FOREVA?!
One tin i knw about him is that, financially, he is not mature at all.  By d way, i'm 24 while he is 31. i shld b grooming myself for the altar not 4 doom!
Please undastd my plight. i'm not looking 4 a ready made man. i wnt somone i can grow wit in all aspects of our lifes. But wit his financial attitude, i doubt if i can stand it. Mayb i didn't mention one little detail. HE IS RILY GUD IN BED 
LOL  mayb datz y i stil hang around i don't knw.
Ladies, u shld b in d best position to help out here. Shld i jst ditch him until i find another replacement or hope against hope that tins get beta in d nearest future, or jst enjoy d sex until i find another replacement?!
No yaps, snide talks or insensitive comments PLS!!!
If u don't hv any useful comments, kindly kip d unnecessary ones 2 yourself. My hrt is 2 heavy to take any insensitivities plssssssss.

He relies on u for financial needs?? So what??
Hang in there and hope his situation gets better.
What if he gets a good job tomorrow and things take shape?? 

Ujujoan:

I understand leaving him now might seem like you are dumping him because you got a job and he doesn't. But here's a tactics you can use. Stop spending a dime on him. Make up projects you need money for. Hell you don't even need to make them up . .  buy a car, get a flat, furnish it expensively, tell him you need to change your status now that you are working and you need any amount of money you can get. Ask him for money occasionally, for fuelling your gen, car, whatever . . . Just make him feel uncomfortable whenever he's around you. I bet you he'll leave. Trust me, he sees you as a money machine now and not a wife to be. If he sees you as a wife to be, he'll be ashamed to ask you to spend on him, because he'll be worried you'll loose respect for him as your husband.

Actually, tried dat already. told him i nided a ride & intended 2 get one (though not wit d support of my family). He told me  (actually warned me) not 2 get a ride. Mayb he feels dat since i hv "so much money" as 2 consider buyn a car, y not share wit him. He doesn't mind my spendin on him at all. actually, he derives immerse pleasure 4rm it.
Also, lik u said, i've seriously lost all sense of respect 4 me. i yell at him weneva he asks 4 money 4rm me. He'ld then manipulate me by 1st calming me down & telln me not 2 bother since i was alwayz furious weneva he asks me 4 money. then gradually go bak 2 d same topic & unfortunately 4 me, i end up falln 4 d same old prank.

DARNED!!! can't blve hw foolish i can b somtimes jst cos i'm tryn 2 seem lik a nice enuf person!

joichi:

Actually, tried that already. told him i nided a ride & intended 2 get one (though not wit d support of my family). He told me  (actually warned me) not 2 get a ride. Mayb he feels that since i hv "so much money" as 2 consider buyn a car, y not share wit him. He doesn't mind my spendin on him at all. actually, he derives immerse pleasure from it.
Also, lik u said, i've seriously lost all sense of respect 4 me. i yell at him weneva he asks 4 money from me. He'ld then manipulate me by 1st calming me down & telln me not 2 bother since i was alwayz furious weneva he asks me 4 money. then gradually go bak to the same topic & unfortunately 4 me, i end up falln 4 d same old prank.

DARNED!!! can't blve hw foolish i can b somtimes jst because i'm tryn 2 seem lik a nice enough person!

Honey you are not foolish, you are just nice and it’s not a bad thing. But you have to realize that in this life, nothing should come first but you. Not even you husband, and he’s just your BF. The only responsibility you should have now is your parent, siblings and maybe friends. Not a good for nothing guy.

Take a walk girl. Be the bad girl for once. The guy’s no good. He has no respect for himself or even for you. Save yourself while you still can.

Hannibal:

He relies on u for financial needs?? So what??
Hang in there and hope his situation gets better.
What if he gets a good job tomorrow and things take shape??

He forces her to help him and his family.

He stops her from buying the things she needs cos he thinks she should spend the money on him.

He’s not making any effort to improve his condition

He relies solely on her.

I think she should walk. Even if he gets bastardly rich tomorrow, the guy’s a weakling and its not good for a hardworking sister like her.

you'll never respect this fellow. Best to leave him for someone else. A man who cant get his acts together at 31 . . .

Ujujoan:

He forces her to help him and his family.

He stops her from buying the things she needs because he thinks she should spend the money on him.

He’s not making any effort to improve his condition

He relies solely on her.

I think she should walk. Even if he gets bastardly rich tomorrow, the guy’s a weakling and its not good for a hardworking sister like her.

What about the GOOD SEX and the quality time the guy brings to the table??
Can her money buy that in the market?? How do u know the guy is not making any effort to improve his condition?
Should he go out there and steal??

Thanks alot girls!
especially Ujujoan, biolabee, Gucci_Babe. U girls r d best.
Biolabee, my mum wld probably kill me if she knws all tis.
She'ld insult my life. Also, my folks r not directly involved wit our rtnships so they don't knw anytin abt him. u'ld all agree he's not exactly d type 2 take home 2 "dad" or mama, wateva d case might be.
Thnk u all 4 ur contributns. rily 'preciate them all.
i tink my mind is made up now. Lik u said, y shortchange myself when i can hv beta in d way of affection, & all.

@ joichi,how long have you been with this guy and when was the last time he worked?

Hannibal:

What about the GOOD SEX and the quality time the guy brings to the table??
Can her money buy that in the market?? How do u know the guy is not making any effort to improve his condition?
Should he go out there and steal??

Good sex is available everywhere and the guy's too damn expensive.

He's obviously irresponsible, I dont need a prophet to tell me that. If he's making serious effort to get a job, he wont act so irresponsibly. C'mon, he's type can only be lazy. If you look properly, he'll be happy to live that way for the rest of his life. I still say she should walk

Ujujoan:

Good sex is available everywhere and the guy's too damn expensive.

Says who??
If good sex is everywhere then i will find a dinosaur in Oshodi market.
Hell, infidelity would be reduced to the barest minimum if good sex is available to all and sundry.

He's obviously irresponsible, I don't need a prophet to tell me that. If he's making serious effort to get a job, he wont act so irresponsibly. C'mon, he's type can only be lazy. If you look properly, he'll be happy to live that way for the rest of his life. I still say she should walk

Granted, he is irresponsible.
In a country like Nigeria where things go pear-shaped far too often, i wouldn't blame him.
Are u saying this dude would be satisfied to being a parasite for the rest of his life?? I doubt that.
The OP should learn to be patient and HANG IN there.

Hannibal

When I say it's everywhere, I don't mean everybody!! I mean its not that hard to fine. Beseides I still insist the guys's too expensive. And good sex's not enough reason to tie yourself down to an irresponsible guy.

So he has a reason to be irresponsible,  thats okay, but not in her life. He should look for someone else to be irresponsible to. I don't think a hard working girl should take that from any man. Men hate gold diggers, why should a lady tolerate that in a man.

you don't get it do you. The guy's not some dude who's just out of job and is deperately trying to meet up to his responsibility. This guy's someone dating a girl young enough to be his baby sister and dosent think its wrong to milk her dry. He uses the 'wife' thing on her when he knows he'll probably not marry her. He thinks his needs should come first before hers. . . He dosent have any qualms about her spending extravagently on him and his family. C'mon give me a break!! The girl's better off without him.